Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
Tori
I’ve learned a few things as we get ready for Gabby and Brad’s wedding.
Gabby rambles a lot when she’s nervous. Her mother does the same, but in Spanish.
And, I will be going commando for the second day running due to impractical dress choices, and finally, I think I may be hopelessly obsessed with Noah Jones. Again.
I have replayed last night over in my mind.
I don’t know what came over me. The more time I spend around him, the harder it is to stay away.
I’ve never forgotten our night together, or the way he saved me, or how I never let him finish his sentence that day.
I know we’d never work out. We live different lives, and for the first time in a really long time, I’m happy.
Maybe I can let myself have some fun and not worry about the what ifs.
I need to live in the moment and not in the future.
Something Noah ironically has always said to me.
I fasten the strap on my heel and stand in front of the full-length mirror to inspect myself.
My hair is up in a French twist, the black silk dress feels as if it’s glued to me, so going to the bathroom, thanks to the corset at the back, is going to be fun, and the split on the leg shows off the Louboutin heels Gabby gifted us for being her bridesmaids.
I feel pretty, and that’s not something I think about myself often.
“Oh, Tor, you look beautiful,” Ria gushes as she comes up behind me. Her hair and dress match mine, and she has the same brunette hair color and ocean blue eyes as Noah.
Ali appears in the doorway, hands on her hips as she pants, “Is anyone able to breathe in these damn dresses?”
At the same time, Ria and I shake our heads. “No.”
“Good. Just checking. I wanted to mention it to Catherine and see if we could loosen the corset, but even I know when to shut my mouth and not piss her off. That woman is stressed.” Ali reaches for the Hotel room service menu and begins fanning herself with it.
“How’s Gabby doing?” I ask.
“As stressed as her mother,” Ali jokes.
“Girls, are you ready?” Gabby calls from the other room.
The three of us walk across the hall and stop when Gabby comes into view.
Looking like a Spanish princess that could grace the cover of Vogue, she is a vision of grace and elegance in her white lace wedding gown.
Full sleeves, a high neck, and a train that looks to be three feet long.
“Oh, Gabby, you look stunning,” Ali gushes.
“I’m going to cry. Our baby G is getting married.” Ria sniffs.
“Gabby, you look beautiful,” I say as we all hold hands. These girls are special; they are strong and resilient and have welcomed me into their lives as if there was always meant to be a spot for me.
“Tori, thank you for being here. It means the world to us, to me, that you’re here,” Gabby says through tear-filled eyes.
“I’m glad I’m here too. Now stop, because you’ll ruin your make up and then I’ll cry, and I won’t stop.” I sniffle, and we all laugh.
“Come on, Miss Monroe. Let’s make you a Russo.”
The wedding ceremony was perfect. I’ve never seen Brad so emotional.
They had a traditional catholic service, honoring their family’s wishes.
It couldn’t have gone more smoothly. I don’t know if I’ll ever get my happily ever after, but the way love lingers around me, it feels like a promise from the universe that it’s out there.
Noah and I sat together at the table, and during Brad’s speech, when he talked about Trent and how he was here in spirit, my go to reaction was to flee, but Noah slid his hand into mine under the table and stroked it with his thumb, letting me know he was there.
I know Trent would have loved to have been there beside the guys, but if he hadn’t died, would any of us be here?
Would the guys have left the Marines? Would Jack and Ria have ever gotten their chance?
If not, then Harry would never have met Ali and Brad with Gabby, and maybe Noah and I wouldn’t have gotten as close.
They say everything happens for a reason, and maybe this was the reason.
Maybe Trent’s life being cut short was so these people could be brought together and find their soulmates.
As much as I love that thought, and it eases the pain of losing him, I’m still trying to make sense of where that leaves me and the reason for my heartache and losing our baby.
The voice of the lead singer from the band distracts me from my thoughts. “Ladies and gentlemen, please make your way to the edge of the dancefloor, so we can welcome the new Mr. and Mrs. Russo onto the floor for their first dance.
We do as he asks and clap as Brad and Gabby take their position.
Gabby has changed into a shorter, strapless version of her wedding dress and tied her hair up in a high ponytail.
She still looks incredible. The band plays Aerosmith’s "I don’t want to miss a thing”, and my heart flutters.
“I love this song,” I say so softly I’m not sure how anyone could have heard.
“Me too,” Noah whispers into my ear, startling me. It’s not long before Gabby is gesturing for everyone to join them. I watch as everyone takes to the dancefloor with their partners, and I turn to go back to my seat, but Noah blocks my path.
“Dance with me.” It’s not a question. I take his waiting hand, and he leads us out onto the floor near Harry and Ali.
“Hands where I can see them, Jones,” Harry teases, and I roll my eyes. He makes a point of placing one hand on my hip and one in my hand. Harry nods in approval and then whisks Ali away.
Noah and I sway to the music, and my heart is beating so fast I’m sure he can feel it through his jacket.
“Are you doing okay?” he asks. I tighten my grip on his shoulder, suddenly feeling a little dizzy.
“Yes, it’s been a beautiful day.”
“Are you sure?”
“It’s always hard being the single one at these things, right?”
“I get it,” Noah agrees.
“Do you think you would want this one day?” I glance over to Jack and Ria, who are dancing together with their girls.
“What marriage and kids?” he asks.
I nod.
“Yeah, well, I used to. Now my job keeps me busy, and for now, that’s enough. What about you?”
I shake my head. “Maybe marriage, one day, but the family thing, no.” Admitting that out loud hurts more than I care to acknowledge. When I had my miscarriage, I couldn’t bear the idea of going through it again. No, that time in my life is a memory I never care to unlock or repeat.
Noah stays silent, and we continue to sway to the music. “I don’t think I’ve told you how incredible you look today.” I’m thankful for the subject change. His hand drifts to the small of my back, sending tingles up my spine.
“Thank you, a tux looks good on you. Is there anything you can’t wear well?” I ask, smirking.
“Hmmm, I don’t think so, I think you either have it, or you don’t.” I tap his chest playfully and laugh.
“I love watching you laugh,” he says softly, his eyes focusing on my lips. I clear my throat as the song ends, and I wait for him to release me, but he doesn’t. ”Purple rain” begins, and Noah pulls me into him.
“When do you leave again?” I ask, not really wanting to know the answer but needing to on some level.
“I have been called up earlier than expected, so I leave early tomorrow.”
“For how long?”
“Six months.” My stomach tightens, a wave of nausea hitting me at the thought of not seeing him for six months, maybe even longer.
We have spent so much time together the past few weeks while I’ve been in the States; it’s felt like the old days.
Easy conversations, finishing each other's sentences, and the way he knows exactly what I need without having to say.
“I’m going to miss you,” I admit.
“I’m going to miss you more, darlin’.” He rests his head on mine, and I melt into his body as we move with the music, getting lost in the moment. It feels like only he and I exist right now.
I can feel my heart breaking before it’s even had a chance to love.
I want him, but I don’t want that life. I can’t do it again, so I’ll have to settle for quietly longing for him and wishing things could be different.
But I am desperate to be his for a final time.
Once is an accident, twice is a choice, and three times…
that was a habit, and falling into Noah’s arms was a habit I needed to break because it wasn’t fair, and Noah deserves better than what I can give him.
I need to let my head lead the way instead of my heart.
But we do have tonight. I think we will always be a little more than friends, but it can’t be much more than that.
“I can’t stop thinking about last night,” I murmur against his chest, shocking myself at my bravery.
“Me either. Looking at you today in this dress has been killing me slowly.”
“I don’t want to ruin our friendship, Noah. Not speaking to you for all those years was hard,” I admit.
“It was one of the hardest times in my life, Tor. I never want that to happen again.” “Promise me, we’ll always be friends,” I plead.
“Always.” He holds me a little tighter, as if he were scared I was going to run. “I want you though. I think a part of me always will,” he says honestly.
I want to tell him how I feel, but I’m too scared. It’s better this way. There’s no danger of us getting attached or hurt. We are better as friends, but selfishly, I want him. Just one last time.
Like he can hear my thoughts, he says, “Spend the night with me, Tor,” adding, “one last time.”