Chapter 20
CHAPTER 20
D’Var
W e clean up the cargo bay in silence. L’Ren is silent, her arousal still clinging to the air, but her sadness is overflowing my mind. I focus on the big pots and putting the plants back where they belong.
We remain silent, working side by side with her is comforting me. I have not realized how much I need it still, even though the bond is completed I now realize I feel like her abduction is my fault for leaving her alone. I freeze. The thought is paralyzing me. Am I truly responsible?
I feel a small touch on my arm.
“D’Var? Are you alright?” I blink, opening my eyes slowly. There is my mate, my Zarra. I pull her into my arms, hold her, I breathe in her scent, soothing the aching feeling deep inside me.
“I am now, now that you are back and safe in my arms. I just realized how much it still haunts me. I feel that it is my fault you got taken. I am have trouble coming to terms with it.” L’Ren pulls me into her arms holding me tight.
“It is not your fault D’Var. You are the opposite of responsible for it. You saved me, when I was lost in my own mind, caught up in my terrors, it was the thought of you pulling me out of it. Just thinking of you was enough to find my strength and determination, to not allow that fucking Yalix be the end of me. I know it will take time for you to realize it, but you are my savior, my rock.
We don’t know what the future will hold, bad things will come. But I know that with you by my side, I can take on everything. If we are ever separated again, I know you will come for me, that knowledge will always give me strength and keep me going.”
I swallow. My mate, my L’Ren, she only sees the best parts of me, and she makes me want to be better. I breathe her in as I hold her tight.
I feel her wiggling and I reluctantly let go. Her words and touch do make me feel better, but I cannot shake this weight on my shoulders, she suffered because of me.
“We should really continue cleaning the bay. At this rate, it will take us days,” she says.
I laugh, she is right, it will take weeks if we keep getting distracted by each other's nearness, I tug on her hair.
“Let us get back to work. Will you let me braid your hair again tonight?”
“I would love that,” she beams.
We work hard cleaning up the cargo bay, but we are nowhere near done when it is time for dinner. The plants are back in their pots, most of the soil has been swept, but the seedlings still need a lot of care. I feel L’Ren exhaustion and I decide we are done for today.
“Time to quit for the day, my mate,” I tell her, holding my hand out for her to help her get up. She bends and stretches her back with a yawning.
“There’s no point in telling you I am not tired yet, is there?” I smirk.
“No, my sweet mate. We will eat and then retire to our room.”
“Don’t you have work to do on the ship?” she asks me when we start walking towards the mess hall.
“Usually yes, but the completion of the bond is taking up all the space in my mind. It would not do anybody any good if I had to focus on the maintenance of the ship right now. T’Rak and O’Rec know how to do my work, and they will do a good job at it.”
She thinks about it for a while. “What is it you guys do, actually? Now that I think about it, you have to do something with some kind of goal, right? Earn credits?”
“We are contractors," I say. “If there is a bad guy who needs to be taken out, we will hunt him down and fulfill the contract. Sometimes we need to retrieve something or someone.” He shrugs. “And if we happen to encounter some Sternotheri, we end them.”
“So, you are mercenaries?” she asks.
“Yes, but always on the good side,” I say.
Dinner is a quick one, T’Rak and O’Rec are busy. We say goodnight when we pass them at command. It is not that late. We quickly wash up, I grab my stuff and create a pillow seat in front of the windows.
When L’Ren comes out, freshly washed she gushes over the pillow seat.
“That is so pretty!” she exclaims coming over to give me a sweet kiss. It is not like the other kisses, those were filled with desire and need. This kiss is… something else, I thoroughly enjoy it.
I help her get settled moving to sit behind her. My fingers comb through her hair first, she happily sighs when I massage her scalp.
“You are so good at this,” she praises.
“I like touching you,” I say. “Touching your hair, taking care of you like this, is like a primal instinct taking over.”
“I get that now,” she says, and then she closes her eyes and revels in my touch. I feel her pleasure dancing at the edges of my mind, it greatly pleases the bond. We talk a little bit, while I am braiding her hair, mostly about the stars. She asks me questions about my travels and I talk to her about the planets we have visited.
I pretend to braid far longer than I actually have to, because this moment feels so intimate. So right. I hope she will let me braid her hair every day. When she yawns though, I give her a little nudge and I tie off the braids. I pull her up and towards the bed.
“Time for bed, my Zarra.”
L’Ren falls asleep almost immediately. I am left with a swirl of thoughts in my mind. My mother used to tell me about the bond, how special it was. How she met my father. He instantly knew her to be his. How she fought it, because she did not want to leave her planet and that she was certain she could not fall in love with an alien. But she underestimated my father’s instant love for her and the lengths he would go to win her.
Piece by piece, bit by bit, he made her fall in love with him through nurturing the bond with little things. Acts of kindness, little presents, talking with her and actually listening to her. I smile when I think about it. She would tell me those things and my father would just smile, a small nod the only acknowledgement. He was killed in the destruction of our planet, the comb my mother gave me was the only thing she has left of him.
I sigh, I understand my father now, very much. If only I knew what to say to L’Ren to help her. To make her see how much I care. I can tease. I can be honest about what I feel, but this feeling I have for her is so big. I cannot put it into words, yet. I am afraid that despite what she said, she does blame me. Just a little bit.
My stomach clenches. I know what I have to do. I have to show her I can truly keep her safe, then I can give her the words. I shall leave her with my mother at our home. It will hurt her, but I need to do this. She will be safe there. I will ask T’Rak to stay with her. He is the fiercest of our warriors and if anyone has to look after my mate I trust it to be him. O’Rec will come with me. We know where Yalix hides, we will go there and kill him. I will return with his head.