Chapter Fifty-Five
On Sunday morning I was awoken by Alice ringing and wanting to talk about Ben, Ben, more Ben – including what they’d got up to in bed the previous night.
‘You’ve slept with him already?’ I shrieked, rubbing sleep from my eyes.
God, what time was it? I felt bombed.
‘Of course I’ve slept with him,’ Alice exhorted. Evidently, my comment had annoyed her. ‘Listen, Jen. One should sample the dessert before committing to the full course meal. Life is too short to wait for permission to enjoy it.’
‘Well, quite,’ I said, back-peddling furiously. ‘So long as Ben doesn’t think you’re a bit, you know, fast.’
‘I’m not fast,’ she tutted. ‘I’m simply efficient.’
‘Right,’ I said faintly.
‘Want to know what he’s like in the bedroom?’ she asked slyly.
‘Oh, Alice,’ I chided. ‘Surely that’s private. Bedroom talk should be between couples.’
‘Sometimes, you’re so stuffy,’ Alice sniffed. ‘If I can’t share with you, who else can I tell? Doreen Bird and her cronies?’
‘Fair point. Well, just tell me the romantic bits.’
‘Romantic?’ chortled Alice. ‘You will not believe what my pelvis has survived.’
I swung my legs out of bed. My bladder was starting to ache. I also needed a strong coffee.
‘Keep talking,’ I said, heading off to the bathroom. ‘I’m listening.’
And she was off. I nearly swallowed my toothbrush as Alice launched into every detail, from giving her signature battle cry before diving on to both the bed and Ben.
Supposedly he’d commented upon her apparent grace and asked if she’d ever been a trapeze artist – cue Alice declaring that her core strength was better than she’d realised, although her bra had been left dangling from the light fitting.
‘Anyway,’ she concluded some fifteen minutes later. ‘We finished off with a choc ice on a yoga mat. I’ll let you use your imagination for that one.’
For a moment I was speechless. Was this where I’d gone wrong with Peter? By being too tame? Would we have got along better if he’d performed the downward dog while I’d coated his testicles in Mr Whippy and stuck a Flake up his backside?
‘Sounds amazing,’ I croaked.
‘It was,’ she said smugly. ‘I’m seeing him again later. Meanwhile, tell me about you and Liam.’
I was now dressed, sitting in the snug, and armed with a strong black coffee. I took a slurp. A delaying tactic.
‘Well, obviously he took me to see Hetty-’
‘Omigod, Hetty!’ Alice squawked. ‘I completely forgot to ask – and you failed to text the promised update.’
‘Yes,’ I acknowledged. ‘Sorry about that. You’ll be pleased to know that she’s fine. And yes, we should have started this conversation with Hetty, but I guess you were distracted by Ben-’
‘And you were distracted by Liam,’ finished Alice.
‘Well, I wouldn’t put it quite like that,’ I said wryly. ‘More… absolutely knackered after the fete, and then out of sorts by how it all ended, before charging off to the hospital.’
‘With the masterful Liam acting as the cavalry,’ said Alice meaningfully. ‘How romantic.’
‘Hospitals are not romantic,’ I said firmly. ‘That said, Hetty told the bemused doctor that he should be partnering up with a comely nurse tout de suite.’
‘Good old Hetty.’ Alice gave a hoot of laughter. ‘So, what did you and the luscious Liam do after leaving the hospital?’
‘Er’ – I adopted a vague tone – ‘we went for a curry.’
‘Did you now!’ she teased. ‘A dinner date. And did he butter your naan while eyeing your bhaji?’
‘It was totally platonic,’ I insisted. ‘And it only happened because, by that point, we were both famished.’
‘Oh, come on,’ Alice persisted. ‘Surely something must have happened.’
‘Actually, you’re right,’ I confessed.
‘Attagirl!’ I could almost see Alice rubbing her hands in gossip-fuelled glee. ‘Spill the beans.’
‘Well, there was this voluptuous blonde in the restaurant – and rather the worse for wear. She was celebrating her birthday with a gaggle of girls. Just as we were finishing our meal, she staggered over and dropped a bit of paper in Liam’s lap. Her phone number.’
‘No!’ Alice inhaled sharply.
‘Yes. But there’s more. She drunkenly declared, “I can see you’re not interested in her–”’
‘Whaaat?’ Alice shrieked. ‘I hope you tipped your gulab jamun down her cleavage.’
‘No,’ I sighed. ‘I chose not to react.’
‘I would have,’ said Alice mutinously. ‘So, what happened next?’
‘She stooped over Liam – boobs nearly falling out of her bra – and pointed to the birthday badge pinned to her top. She huskily confided, “My badge says forty and naughty, but it should really say forty and filthy – know what I mean? And if you don’t, give me a call to find out.” And then one of her mates came over, apologised profusely, and dragged the amorous blonde away. ’
‘Bloody cheek,’ Alice fumed. ‘And what did Liam do with her number?’
‘I don’t know,’ I admitted. ‘But I didn’t see him throw it away. I rather wondered if he’s a bit of a womaniser on the quiet. Did you know, he’s kind of seeing someone called Victoria. And this is in tandem with another woman he’s got on the backburner.’
‘Really?’ said Alice, sounding astonished. ‘Ben seems to think Liam is currently single. He also said that Liam is a genuinely nice guy.’
‘He is a nice guy,’ I agreed. ‘I mean, he was very obliging taking me to see Hetty, and he was great company in the restaurant. But just because he’s a nice guy, that doesn’t mean he’s not also a smooth operator.’
‘You surprise me,’ Alice admitted. ‘Because, apart from anything else, I honestly thought he was interested in you.’
‘Me?’ I snorted. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘And you’re not interested in him?’ she asked, too casually.
‘Don’t be daft,’ I scoffed, although my face reddened at her question. I was glad Alice couldn’t see me. ‘Anyway, I think you’re rather forgetting that I’ve only just said goodbye to Peter. Even if I was interested in dating again, I think there should be a decent interval, don’t you?’
‘Says who?’ said Alice indignantly.
‘Says me!’ I exclaimed. ‘People would talk.’
‘So let them,’ she cried. ‘It’s nobody else’s business. It’s a deeply personal situation. The right answer isn’t universal. It depends on the individual and their emotional readiness. Grief isn’t a schedule, Jen,’ she said earnestly. ‘Nor does it mean you love Peter any less.’
‘I didn’t love Peter at the end,’ I said quietly.
‘Well, there you go then,’ she insisted. ‘If nothing else, you should think about dating again from a place of healing.’
‘I suppose,’ I said uncertainly.
‘There’s no suppose about it,’ she said stoutly.
‘If someone comes along who makes you feel genuinely joyful, or who you feel a connection with, then that’s valid – even if it seems too soon to others.
Jen, you’re always going to get those who judge.
But no one outside of the relationship between you and Peter truly knows what you’ve been carrying. And anyway, if you move away-’
‘That’s a definite,’ I interrupted.
‘In which case, a fresh start elsewhere means new beginnings in all areas. You have a lot of life left to live, Jen. Don’t grow old before your time.’
The mental replay of me in that seaside cottage started up again.
There I was. Old and grey with my cat and crochet hook.
I noted that my children weren’t in this mind movie.
Seemingly they’d gone backpacking after graduation.
Even worse, the scenario showed them falling in love with people from other parts of the world.
There was Joy looking happy and radiant – in Canada.
And James? Oh no, he’d fallen in love with a lass from Down Under and emigrated.
I couldn’t rely on my kids for future companionship.
A chill ran down my spine. The buck stopped with me.
‘As it happens’ – I began tentatively – ‘Liam has invited me to see Abba Voyage in London.’
‘I thought you said he wasn’t single?’
‘Well, there’s definitely someone called Victoria on the scene – and he’s also mentioned this other woman who he’s treating with kid gloves.’ I chewed my lip thoughtfully. ‘Perhaps Victoria is, you know, a bonk buddy. Whereas this other woman’ – I sighed – ‘is just a mystery.’
‘Well, whoever they both are, a date is a date,’ said Alice firmly. ‘So, get your flared trousers on, transform yourself into Agnetha, and dazzle your man.’
‘He’s not my man,’ I protested.
‘Yet!’ said Alice. I sensed her grinning at the other end of the line.
‘Honestly, if there was any chemistry between us, I’d tell you.
’ No need to mention that there’d been sparks aplenty on my side – especially when Liam had pulled up outside my house and casually dropped a kiss on my cheek.
After he’d driven off, my skin had tingled for the best part of an hour.
I cleared my throat. ‘Our date is nothing more than a platonic outing by two people who enjoy Abba.’
‘Well, think on,’ Alice urged. ‘If Liam is your type, don’t miss out on an opportunity to wow him. In the words of Abba, The Winner Takes It All.’