16. Bailey
16
Bailey
Friday
I could see the teacher’s lips moving, I could hear the chatter of students around me, but all of it was muffled, distant. My stomach churned and my skin felt tight and cold.
Creeeak, bang! My nails dug into leather.
Creeeak, bang! My face was pushed down into a hard surface.
Wait… Did the bell ring? I was in class, I had to get up. I grabbed my belongings as chattering continued. I was lost in the sea of students, pushed this way and that like tidal waves.
Creeeak, bang! I was breathing…right? Yeah, I was breathing, I had to be. My steps were muffled. I was walking, right? Yeah, I was walking, my body moving while, inside, I curled into the corner of the recesses of my mind.
Creeeak, bang! “No,” I whimpered.
A pencil was in my hand. I was drawing, scribbling. When had this happened? Flashes of the day cut in and out, time passing, without me really being a part of it. What the hell was going on?
Creeeak, bang! No. Creeeeak, bang! Stop. Creeeak, bang! Please.
Creeeak—
“Bailey. Bailey.” I blinked a few times and shook my head. Nolan was holding my hand, squeezing it tight. “You okay?”
I cleared my throat. Art. I was in art class. “Yeah, I’m good,” I croaked.
Nolan looked over at Lachlan briefly, concern in his eyes. I had to get a hold of myself. I was overreacting, and it was ridiculous. I tried to focus on the now. I leaned over my drawing, trying to make sense of what I had been doing with my sketch. Creeeak . “Do you hear that?” I asked.
“Hear…what…” Lachlan asked, turning his head to the side, as if listening.
I shook my head again. “Nothing. I just, I didn’t get enough sleep last night.”
“Bailey, you’re shaking,” Nolan whispered. I forced my body to still.
Pulling my hand away, I took a deep breath. “Sorry. What were we talking about?” I asked, trying to divert their attention.
They both looked at me suspiciously. “Me, moving this weekend. Lach was offering to help with the move,” Nolan said. His eyes were too sharp. When he watched me, he really watched me, but I noticed it wasn’t just me—he really watched Lachlan too. Like he was checking in on both of us.
“Moving?” Had he said he was moving? I knew he lived outside of school boundaries. “Where to?”
“I’ll no longer be an out-of-district transfer, which is good because if we hadn’t moved within school bounds, I could’ve been kicked off the team before our first game. We are moving to a small town not far from here…maybe you’ve heard of it.” He grinned, and just like that, he pulled me out of the darkness and back to the present.
He had mentioned they were looking at places in Cloverton. I started doodling on my drawing while talking to him. “Where abouts? I know the Donnel place was for sale, but I didn’t think it sold yet.” I tapped the pencil to my lips, thinking, forcing my mind to switch gears.
“Is that how ‘small town’ it is? The houses have names?”
Lachlan chuckled, putting his arm around the back of my chair. I wanted to lean into him, but I wasn’t sure if he would appreciate it. This was okay, though. Even just being this close, I could feel my nerves calming. “Not only do the houses have names, but they have history. You know, like the Montray house that used to be the bank before it was the old butcher shop.”
“Ah.” I added, “The old butcher shop before the good water tower burned down, or the old butcher shop after it burned down?”
Lachlan leaned in. “Before, of course. The old one after wasn’t really a butcher but the son of the guy that owned the art museum by the creek. He sold his chickens and ducks for meat out the back of his van.”
Nolan laughed, cutting us off before we could continue. “Okay, I get it…it's a small town. We aren’t buying, just renting. Our house is going up for rent in case we end up moving back.”
I wrinkled my nose at him. “You’re one of those people. The newbies.” Nolan smiled at me in the most adorable way as he gazed at me, like he was really seeing me. I could feel it in my heart, my toes tingling.
“Ew, we hate newbies,” Lachlan mocked. Our eyes met, and we burst out laughing.
Nolan shook his head, crumpled a piece of paper, and tossed it at us. “You two are idiots.”
The bell rang, and my laugh was cut short as I jumped. I hated being on edge, but I was grateful for the distraction the guys gave me. I gathered my stuff, and then we began walking to the cafeteria together.
Lachlan put his arm around my shoulders. “Is this okay?”
I smiled and nodded, happy he’d asked and made the move. Having Lachlan’s arm around me helped ground me a little more, bringing me into the here and now.
We tried to navigate the halls together, but Nolan got pushed into me, causing me to squish into Lachlan. “Sorry,” Nolan said. He placed his hand on the small of my back, guiding me through the crowds. “That’s better. Hey”—he frowned—“you’re still shaking.”
I hadn’t realized it. I was more focused on Lachlan’s arm around me and that scent that made me want to lean into him. “I feel better,” I reassured him.
We got to the cafeteria, and his hand fell away as he got into line, though Lachlan kept his arm around me. “What was wrong?”
I shrugged, then looked up at Lach. I hoped he would read my desire to drop the subject and save me from questions.
“Don’t you know,” Lachlan said, as he raised his eyes from me to Nolan, “our Bailey girl is full of secrets.”
Nolan scoffed. “Starting to realize you’re all full of secrets.”
I suppressed a sigh. He wasn’t wrong.
We grabbed our food. Nolan went for the grilled chicken and salad, and I narrowed my eyes at him. “Speaking of secrets, I dare you to eat the mac and cheese.”
He laughed at me. “And ruin this perfect body?”
“I knew it.”
“What?” Lachlan asked. We settled at the end of the football table.
“Nolan is a total health buff. I mean, do you ever see him eating carbs or sugar?” I asked. “And the protein drinks!”
Lachlan gave a mock gasp. “You do drink protein drinks!”
Nolan laughed.
Lachlan raised his head as Ethan walked by and then whistled at him. Ethan stopped and looked back. “Seat’s not taken,” Lachlan said, pointing to the chair across from us.
Ethan stared at the seat for a moment, at war with himself. And then he brought his eyes to me. I'm not sure what he saw in me, but he sat down. Nolan kept up the conversation. I think he did it to not draw attention to Ethan, which was nice. Ethan hated when attention turned to him.
Nolan was talking about all the sugar he’d had that day alone, and Lachlan was calling bullshit on him. Nolan was insisting he wasn’t a health nut, but it was a losing battle. For one, who could recount the exact grams of sugar they had in any given day?
It was then that I noticed Ethan had no food in front of him. I wanted to give him the other half of my mac and cheese, but I wasn’t sure if he would take it from me.
It was Lachlan that shoved his secret stash of breadsticks toward Ethan, stating, “I can’t eat carbs in front of this guy,” indicating Nolan.
I laughed at him, and at his incredulous look, asked, “What? I want your breadsticks. Eth?” I gave my best puppy dog eyes.
Ethan leaned forward, his large body making the table groan slightly. His eyes were sharp, intent on me, and part of me thought I could probably ask for anything right now and he would give it to me . “What?” he asked.
I blinked the thought away. “Trade you the rest of my mac and cheese for two sticks.”
He sat back, his eyes relaxing as they went back and forth between Lach and me. He sighed, then pushed two sticks toward me. “Sure thing, B.”
A lump caught in my throat as he used his nickname for me. Tears threatened behind my lids, but I shoved them away, not wanting to scare Ethan. I pushed the rest of the mac and cheese to him and relaxed as he started eating. I nibbled on the breadsticks. “Can’t believe, one week from today, I’ll be in my first football game. Seriously, though, how screwed am I?” I asked the guys.
Lachlan shook his head. “We have four practices until then. You’ll be good.”
“We have a good line too,” Ethan said around a mouthful of food. He leaned over and tucked his food in, as if he were afraid someone would come by and steal it. He’d always eaten like that, since he was a kid. “It’s going to be a challenge for anyone to get through.”
“I agree,” Nolan said. “I’ve been on a few teams, and Ethan really holds his line well. It helps to have a good center. Sam and Jake are tight too.”
Ethan looked up at Nolan when he heard that, and something passed between the two of them. I smiled and sat back, listening to the football talk, which started with Ethan, Nolan, and Lachlan, but was now drawing in Wes and Sam as well. Everyone was getting psyched for our first game next week.
Chase walked by then. “Hey!” I called out to him. “Seat’s not taken.” I used the same line Lachlan had used with Ethan, pointing to the empty seat next to Ethan. Chase was more hesitant than Ethan had been, though, something dark passing over his face before he robotically sat next to Ethan, his back stiff as a board.
“I have to go,” Ethan grumbled out. He did everything to avoid so much as looking in Chase’s direction.
We watched as Ethan stood and left, cleaning his garbage after himself. Chase buried his face in his hands for a moment, his elbows on the table, before standing. “Sorry for breaking up the team,” he mumbled before walking away.
“What just happened?” Nolan asked quietly.
I didn’t have time to respond to him, because I quickly jumped up and went after Chase. He was already in the hall by the time I caught up with him. “Hey!” I called out. A few people looked up at us. Chase was headed for the front doors of the school. “Chase,” I said. Did he really not hear me? Or was he ignoring me? My heart hammered in my chest; I couldn’t let him leave.
He stepped through the doors just as I reached him and grabbed his shoulder, but he shrugged me off and walked through the parking lot. “Would you just talk to me?” I yelled at him.
Chase spun around so fast, I nearly ran into him. “What do you want from me, Bailey?!” Chase yelled, losing all control. His eyes were fierce. “What? I’m waiting, tell me.”
“Holy shit, what is wrong?”
He laughed out of frustration. “What isn’t wrong anymore?” He turned back around and headed toward his car.
“What do you mean?” I ran up to him. “Chase, why won’t you talk to me?” I stepped in front of him and leaned against his car door. “Stop running!”
“Stop running? Me? Stop running? Bailey, I have been here the entire time.” He was breathless, but the words kept tumbling out of him in rapid fire. “I have stood and watched each of my friends fucking fall apart and tore myself limb from limb to try and stop it, but I can’t. I can’t fucking stop it, Bails. You want to fix us? You want to bring the gang back together? Well, good fucking luck with that.” His eyes were a whirling storm, mixed with frustration, pain, and anger.
“Please talk to me—what happened? What’s wrong between you and Ethan?”
His voice grew louder again as he took a step toward me. “It’s not just what happened with Ethan and me! What happened with you? Lachlan left, Ethan ditched me, and all I had was you. I fucking tried, for years, Bailey, to talk to you. I tried to make things right, but you were a bitch. You wouldn’t even look at me. What the hell? Tell me what I did to deserve that? What did I do to you?”
Nothing. I had nothing. I was frozen with shock.
“And what, when I finally move on and ignore you, you think you can just walk in, and everything will be back to normal? Do you? I’m not Lachlan. I’m not a fucking Golden Retriever, waiting to roll over and hope to god that today is the day Bailey McCormick gives me a damn treat.”
He took another step toward me, so close, I found myself falling back against his car, my breathing rapid, my heart racing from…fear. My vision blurred, and my mind turned to mush. It took everything in me to even remember how to breathe.
“You have no right chasing me down,” he continued, and my eyes fell to the asphalt, “demanding we talk this out. Our chance to talk this out passed years ago.”
The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. “Yes, sir.” My head fell in the submissive way I was trained to do. Praying I wouldn’t be hurt. “I’m sorry.”
Silence.
I wasn’t even sure Chase was still standing there, but I couldn’t bring myself to look. Why, why was it that, in fight-or-flight situations, my body always chose to freeze? Why couldn’t I be a fighter?
“Bailey.” Chase’s voice was soft. “I- I- I would never hurt you.”
“What the fuck, man?” The sound of Lachlan’s voice had me looking up. “Why are you cornering her?” Chase’s eyes were on me, though, searching my face. Lachlan shoved him to the side.
“What the hell!” Chase shoved him back. “I wasn’t hurting her. We were just—”
“Give her some space.” Lachlan got right up into Chase’s face. “Can you not see you’re intimidating her?”
I couldn’t figure out what to do; they looked as if they were about to fight, but over what? Me? No, they couldn’t. I felt the blood rushing to my head, making me dizzy. I had to speak out, to tell them to knock it off, but all I could hear was his voice in my ears. You need to be taught some manners, princess.
I could hear a dog barking down the street, and my knees gave way. The asphalt rushed up quickly, my skin scraping even through the material of my jeans.
Fear and pain consumed me all at once, and I wished I could push past it. I wanted to scream at myself to get through this inconvenient time, but I was just…stuck.
Then hands touched either side of my cheeks, and I looked up into Nolan’s eyes. He was talking, his lips moving, and though my hearing was numb, muffled, as it had been this morning, I became lost in those dark blue eyes.
I took a deep, shuddering breath as calmness washed over me. Nolan pulled me in, wrapping his arms around me and tugging me into his lap. Everything else faded away, except the steady thump of his heartbeat.