33. Lachlan
33
Lachlan
Saturday
C hest heaving, shirt ripped, legs aching. “Damn, this was easier when we were younger. You gave in so much faster back then.” I looked at Chase, who was in just as rough shape as I was. He laid sprawled out on the padded floor of the gym in his house.
“Lachlan.” Oh, shit.
“Again? I already said I would tell you everything.” I got up to my knees, facing Ethan. “I said I was sorry for not letting you visit.”
“Nope. Not why.”
I nodded. He had beef, so I had to go up against him.
We discovered, years ago, as we got older, our disagreements caused rifts in the group. Usually, Chase or I held the grudges, but Ethan had his fair share now and then too. Especially as Bailey got older and the prospect of dating dawned on us. We had to find a way to work out all those testosterone surges.
Jujitsu. My dad had put us all in a few classes one summer when we broke out into a full-on fistfight. It worked, getting all the physical energy out until, finally, we could talk and listen afterward.
I stood up, facing off against Ethan, slapping his outstretched hand in a sign of showmanship. We weren’t professionals, by any means, but this worked for us. The sun was already starting to rise. We had been doing this all night, and still, no one had started talking. Years of pent-up aggression toward one another continued swelling between us.
Chase sat up and pushed himself back until he was leaning against the wall.
Ethan moved fast, going right for the takedown. I didn’t even fight him, I had nothing left in me. “Eth.” Chase called the pin.
My head fell back against the mats.
“You’re not even trying,” Ethan snapped.
“Ethan, at this point, I won’t be able to walk. Just tell me what it is.”
Ethan collapsed, finally showing how exhausted he actually was and not trying to hide it. “You didn’t say anything,” he accused. “You knew you were going to be taken away, but you didn’t say anything. That day, we walked to the convenience store to get slushies and candy—”
The day I got picked up by police. It happened so quickly, I didn’t think it hurt him. “I’m sorry—”
“Fuck you,” he spat, his eyes boring into me. “When they came at us, lights flashing and sirens wailing, I remember shoving you down. Telling you to do as they say. I thought I was protecting you. I thought they were there for me. After they patted us down and took you, I heard shit about what was going on. No one would tell me anything. I was a nobody to them. And, apparently, a nobody to you too.”
“It wasn’t personal,” I growled, sitting up. “You think I knew they were coming? I’m sorry for the jump scare.”
“It wasn’t a jump scare, you idiot.” Ethan reached forward, grabbing me by the shirt and putting me into a kneeling choke hold. “I could’ve helped you. We would’ve hidden you.”
“From what?” My voice was strained. Though he put pressure on my throat, it wasn’t enough to do any real damage, just to convey how pissed he was. “The police would’ve taken you in for aiding a criminal.”
“So?” he said, like that was the stupidest thing I had said so far, as if it wasn’t any real concern.
“You had criminal charges, Lachy?” Chase asked. The childhood name Bailey had called me took me by surprise. He had caught his breath and was now leaning forward, watching me struggle but not doing anything to help me. Really, though, he wasn’t allowed. Ethan had challenged me, not him, not both of us.
“So?” Ethan said, again like it didn’t really matter.
“Yes. Assault causing bodily harm. I put her in the hospital.”
“Her?” Chase’s brows came down and Ethan released me, shoving me aside and staring at me like he no longer knew me. This…was what I was afraid of. No matter what Claire had done to me, I would always be the guy who’d harmed a girl. In a small town, that would never sit right.
“Explain.” Ethan had that no more bullshit look on his face, and I took a deep breath. Telling the story to Bailey was one thing…telling it to two guys I’d once seen as brothers was another.
It was my confession all over again, and even though they didn’t interrupt me or ask questions, it was my interrogation all over again. It was as if I were back up on the stand, but having to relive the events was the part that disturbed me most. I’d told Nolan my story because he’d picked up on my panic attacks and asked on more than one occasion what to do, how to help. I’d told Bailey my story to show her it was okay to tell the truth. I was a safe person to confide in. I had no reason or nothing to gain from telling the guys, but I had everything to lose.
At one point, Chase stood and began pacing. Ethan stared at the ground the entire time, the muscle in his jaw ticking. I was fully prepared to be jumped by them and my body dumped somewhere. I was a sick guy for reacting the way I had. And even though years of therapy had helped me realize I, too, was a victim, I would always feel like something was wrong with me for allowing a girl to do that to me.
I stood up when I finished telling them. I found it hard to look them in the eyes, but Ethan started walking toward me. I took one step back before planting my feet, ready to take whatever punishment he deemed fit.
Ethan grabbed my shoulder, pulled me hard enough to cause me to stumble, and just as I braced for his fist…he brought his other arm around and anchored me into a hug. A panic attack wasn’t even on my radar. Tears filled my eyes, and I tried to blink the bastards away as fast as I could, but it was useless. Too many of them.
“We should’ve been there,” was all he said.
A hand appeared on my back. “Shit, man.” Chase stepped in, moving his hand up until it rested on my shoulder, placing his forehead down on it. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
And then I broke, all over again. I wasn’t a macho guy who didn’t show his emotions; at the same time, I wasn’t the kind to go around, expressing them freely. I didn’t cry when what happened to me had happened. I didn’t cry the day I got booked, not even the day I got sentenced. I became detached. Emotionless. That’s how I deal with it. The last three years, I’d been preparing myself for the day Chase and Ethan found out the truth. I’d prepared myself for the disdain, disgust, and overall rejection. Not only for harming a girl, but for overreacting to getting laid.
I hadn’t gotten laid—I’d gotten raped—but at times, it felt as if my therapist and I were the only two who saw it that way.
So, when my two brothers, the two guys I felt were my only family, stepped up onto my side of things, I broke. I hadn’t anticipated it going this way.
The tears were silent as they flowed freely, and when I began shaking with them, Chase grabbed my shoulder and held tighter, grounding me. Once the shaking stopped, Ethan patted my back a couple of times before he and Chase stepped away. I quickly used my shirt to wipe my face and eyes.
“Shit, I need a smoke.” I let out a shaky breath.
“Did you bring your stuff?” Ethan asked.
Of course, I did. “Yeah.”
“Let’s go get your shit.” He moved to the door.
“What?” No drugs are bad and you’re scum for taking them lecture?
“Lach, if I went through that shit, you bet your ass I’m taking up smoking some weed. I’m just glad that’s your only coping mechanism.”
Chase smacked my shoulder a couple of times to get me moving. “Come on, I think we’re done here.”
Out on the porch, Chase and I passed the doobie back and forth a few times. Ethan declined, and I respected him for it. “Your turn.” I nodded to the two of them. “What the fuck happened?”
Chase was the first to fold. “I didn’t take the deal,” he told Ethan immediately. “I swear on the blood pact, I didn’t.”
The blood pact. It had been the summer when we were eleven, and we had watched the Steven King movie It . The ending, when all the kids cut their hands and shook, we had the stupid idea to do the same. It was a manly brotherhood thing. It took us forever to even muster the courage, though, and the cuts were more like paper cuts. Still, we thought we were so badass.
Even Ethan smirked at the mention of it. “You turned down your inheritance of probably millions just for me?”
Chase shook his head. “It’s probably a few hundred thousand. My dad is getting the bulk of it, and the deeds to the business. I think I was just getting a college fund and some start-up money.”
I frowned at them. “Fill me in.”
Ethan nodded to Chase, who sighed. “You know those dinners I used to make you go to with me? The ones my dad would put on in an attempt to get me to agree to prep school and hanging out with his friends’ kids and shit?”
I shuddered. I’d hated those. Donning a suit, smiling and flirting with everyone, being put on display. I’d done it so Chase didn’t have to go in alone, but it was all politics. Politics and power plays among the adults, using their children as pawns. Even at a young age, I was able to see it for what it was.
“Well, not long after you were gone…I had an event come up. Bailey was busy, plus she hated wearing dresses. Eth was all I had.”
“Oh, shit.” I ran a hand down my face.
“Yeah, understatement.”
“What? I can be fancy and shit,” he grumbled.
Chase shrugged. “He cleaned up good, but he the moment Trenton started going off, it was like Eth hit his breaking point.”
“You said not to use excessive force. I used what force was necessary.” Ethan crossed his arms now, glaring.
“I didn’t say anything of the sort! I said don’t let them push you around, but don’t cause a scene .”
Ethan shrugged. “Same thing.”
I took a drag and leaned back in the patio chair, smiling. “So, you two haven’t spoken in three years because Ethan put Trenton in his place?”
“No.” Chase looked down. “Trenton put Ethan in his place. He called him out in front of the whole group, including a few parents. The adults did nothing.”
“You did nothing.” Ethan’s glare shifted to Chase. “I’m used to being called names, but I didn’t expect it from you.”
“I froze,” Chase snapped. “It was a mistake.”
Ethan shook his head. “I’ve always known it was never the real deal with you two.”
“What?” I sat forward. “Explain.”
“Bailey brought me into the group, out of pity. You two just did whatever she wanted.”
“Bullshit,” Chase said, just as I spat out, “Fuck you.”
“I just want to lay this all out right now,” Chase said. “I screwed up. I should’ve said something, I should’ve stopped Trenten. When my father pulled us into the office and told me I had to choose—the inheritance or you—I should’ve immediately told him off. I’m sorry, that’s on me. I hesitated. But this shit with you not being the ‘real deal’ with us? That’s on you. I know your dad is so fucked up that he can’t see you clearly, but we made a blood pact, Eth.”
“Yeah.” I held up my doobie. “A paper cut blood pact. But it’s the thought that runs deeper.”
Chase opened his mouth to continue but stopped, turned, and looked at me with the utmost confusion, and then burst out with a full-on belly laugh.
“You’re an idiot,” Ethan said, rolling his eyes. “Give that to me.” He snatched the doobie from my hand and took a hit.
“Holy shit!”
“Yeah, it’s the one and only time. And you better not get too high. We will see Coach in a few hours.”
Chase sat back, wiping the tears out of his eyes. “True. We should crash before we head to Bailey’s for breakfast.”
Ethan handed the doobie back to me, and I stubbed it out before tucking it away. “Does this mean we’re good?” I asked the two of them.
Ethan shook his head, looking at Chase. “Hundreds of thousands of dollars. Am I really worth it? Losing out on all that?” He stood up, walking next to Chase as they went back into the house.
Chase patted Ethan’s back. “I sure hope so. I lose all of it on my birthday.”
“Welcome to the club,” Ethan said back.
I stood up and stretched, turning to look at the sunrise. My heart was heavy when I thought about all that had happened to us. To our group. When we’d been apart, we’d suffered, so deeply. And all for what? Maybe this was a step in the direction of getting back together, of being family again, but I didn’t settle in the thought. The more we gained with one another, the more we had to lose when the outside world found us.