Forty-Five
I looked at myself in the mirror and immediately sat down on the bed. I picked up my skirts and placed my head between my knees, breathing deep. It was the only thing I could do to keep the panic from getting the best of me.
I'd been fine the entire week when it was just Damien and me.
I was fine playing the part when it came to signing documents, listening to Asmo's concerns along with Damien or even when Oren had to talk to me about some information concerning the investigation.
Damien told me that as Queen I was more of a figurehead, the Council headed by Asmo were the ones to meet and talk to the people and report back to Damien and I.
At the party, I would be in front of others. Presented before the other lords and ladies as their queen.
I breathed in deeply again. My head spinning as a dull thud began to pound my head. The headache had started without me noticing and was progressively getting worse.
While me being queen was only temporary, faeries couldn't resist a party. And when Damien became king again, there would be a party then too.
At least, that's what everyone said.
I saw the party as a celebration. A well-deserved reprieve for everyone involved with Robyn's wretched plans. A victory lap for those who helped finally destroy the monster once and for all. A celebration for finally having Damien back.
All the while, everyone's eyes would be on me. Just about every lord and lady in the Underworld would be there. Including the Grand Council.
I heaved a breath. "Gods above, help me."
At least the dress was comfortable. Not too form fitting not too lose and I was able to hide my Converse sneaker underneath the skirts as long as I didn't lift them too much.
Perri hated it but I wasn't willing to change them.
I straightened as I sat then stood in front the mirror again. I looked at myself in the full-length mirror and swallowed.
I didn't want to glamour my hair long so it only barely graced my shoulders, the front of which was pinned back so it no longer framed my face.
Perri had done a great job with my make up, not too much but enough that I did a double take in the mirror.
The dress was different shades of blue and purple, the original all black dress was instantly rejected since it brought back too many dark memories.
Robyn had always dressed me in black in my nightmares.
The dress hugged my chest and middle then billowed out at my waist slightly, the tulle cascading in different layers. It was simple with no embroidery, no shimmering fabric save for the sheer gossamer on the neckline.
Someone knocked on the door and after I tore myself from the mirror, I answered it.
I bit my lip when I found Damien standing on the other side of the door. He smiled broadly as he took me in. My cheeks heated as his eyes raked over me.
"But wait," I said quickly. I stuck my foot out from under the dress showing him my shoe.
He laughed. "I knew you'd find a way to make it your own."
He reached forward and placed a hand behind my neck, pulling me into a kiss. When he pulled away, he smiled. "You look beautiful."
I smiled as he pulled away. "Thank you." I looked at his formal attire. "You look great too."
He looked like he was molded from the night. Like shadow and night had converged creating the perfect living specimen standing in front of me. And he couldn't keep his hands off me, could never stop kissing me, couldn't get enough of me.
His eyes flitted to the small diadem on my head. "Is it pinching yet?" A joke, magic made it so the delicate diadem would be comfortable.
The joke meant to set me at ease. It was the mask he would wear during the day, the one he used to suppress his trauma.
The one he thought he was hiding from me. But I knew better, he wasn't himself and I didn't need my magic to tell me his soul was fractured, that he needed time.
He still hadn't shared anything with me. He wouldn't tell me anything about Robyn even after his nightmares every night.
I laughed anyway, I'd give him the distraction. "If it's anything like when I put the sunglasses on my head the fun part will be detangling my hair from the metal later." I beamed at him. "You're gonna have to help me with that."
He took my hand and placed it in the crook of his elbow as he led me from the room. "I'm sure I an handle that."
The pounding behind my eyes seemed to intensify as we made our way down the stairs.
I cleared my throat. "And no announcement, right? They're not going to announce I'm arriving?"
He took my hand from his arm and planted a small kiss on my knuckles. "Only if you want to."
I shook my head vehemently. "No, please." I laughed softly. "I'd rather go through my parents grilling again. All those questions ... "
He smiled. "At least they want to visit you in the Keep while you're here." He chuckled. "This may be one of the quietest entrances I've ever made."
I let out a heavy breath. "Just don't leave my side, ok?" I placed a hand on my temple, my head was pounding. "Do you have Advil or something? My head is killing me."
"Hmm," he only said. "I may be able to help."
I felt a sudden thrum of power emanate from his hand on mine and the headache dulled. The pain wasn't gone but bearable at least.
"Is that better?" He asked.
I nodded. "Yes, a bit, thank you." I looked at him. "You're gonna have to teach me that."
He smiled kindly. "Whatever you'd like, I'm at your disposal."
As we descended one of the largest staircases I'd ever seen, I could start hearing the small crowd and music. The instrumental music was soft and did not play over the conversation.
Damien gave my hand a small squeeze. "Ready?"
I took a deep breath and nodded. "Ready."
The doors to the room were open so at least we could sneak in without anybody noticing.
At least I thought we would.
As soon as we appeared through the doors and took two steps into the room, a female voice broke through the room. "Long live the queen!"
I froze in place.
Damien mumbled curses under his breath as the music stopped.
And the sea of beautiful, impeccably dresses strangers in the room bowed.
"Oh, balls," I whispered to myself.
Temporary. This is only temporary. Temporary. Temporary. Temporary.
The room was beautiful. It was bathed in the warm amber light of the sconces and delicate chandeliers throughout the room. There was a large table full of refreshments, and beyond that floor to ceiling windows and doors. The Ylee and Kingstown glistened in the night beyond them. It was gorgeous.
And I felt incredibly out of place in it.
I tried to retrace my steps back to the hall but Damien's firm hand on the small of my back held me in place.
I cleared my throat as I watched the crowd. I wasn't sure how my voice didn't shake. "Please continue."
Immediately, the music began from the small quartet in the corner of the room again and I let out a long breath, turning to Damien. "Gods, I hate being the center of attention."
I heard him chuckle as he pressed a kiss to my temple. "I told Perri not to." He sighed. "But at least it's something we can work on." He handed me the tall glass that appeared in his hand. "Drink?"
I laughed as I took the red wine. "It's like you know me."
A familiar woman approached us in the middle of the room. As she reached us, she bowed deeply. The man at her side did the same. I knew who she was, I recognized her delicate features from the day I was made queen.
I had a part to play. I couldn't look weak in front of them.
And what happened that day still irked me.
I smiled as she bowed deeply. "Lady Sayri."
She straightened slowly after I addressed her. It was custom to continue to bow until addressed, apparently.
I didn't let my smile falter. "Such a pleasure to see you again. Have you come to apologize on behalf of someone else?"
Damien chuckled into his glass as he drank it and I resisted the urge to laugh.
Sayri said nothing else. "I would like to introduce you to my husband," she let her arm drop from the man's arm. "Lord Gide."
I ran through Damien's lessons earlier in the day. When being introduced, he said, hold out your hand but not too far. I placed my hand in front of me palm down with my elbow relaxed.
I felt Damien's reassuring hand on the middle of my back.
The man took my hand and bowed deeply. "Your Majesty."
I swallowed. It was all pretend. Just pretend.
"Lord Gide, thank you for coming."
He straightened and smiled. The handsome man had a genuine smile. "I wouldn't miss this, not for anything." His smile didn't falter as he spoke. "It's been many years since we've had a Queen I am honored to be in your presence." He looked at Damien. "When is the wedding?"
I raised an eyebrow as I placed the glass to my lips.
"Lord Gide," he said firmly. "Perhaps you're getting ahead of yourself."
He looked at us confused. "Surely you'll begin to have children soon."
I almost choked on my drink. The sound of me spitting up echoed in the glass, attracting more attention than I wanted from those around us. Damien and I barely made out in the week we'd been together.
"Good night, Lord Gide," Damien gently pulled me away from him.
I looked at Damien as we walked away. "Marriage proposals, parties, and babies? Is that all you faeries think about?"
Damien shrugged. "It's important for the royal line to continue, important to have powerful heirs protecting the Underworld." He looked at me. "The Council is very much aware of it given the latest circumstances."
I frowned. "What am I? An incubator?"
Damien laughed and was about to speak when someone called me from across the room.
Naida bounded towards us in a shimmering black dress. Axel trailed behind her one hand in his pocket, the other gripped Naida's as she pulled him along. He didn't seem at all bothered by it. The smile on his face was contagious.
His dark blue hair was brushed back away from his face. His black suit was immaculate, the white shirt under the black jacket a sharp contrast against his ebony skin.
They both bowed deeply as they met us and before I could say her name, Naida captured me in a large hug. I could feel the new life within her growing. The energy was intoxicating, so new. "You look stunning."
I laughed. "You look beautiful, too."
She stepped aside and before I could look at Axel, he, too, captured me in a strong hug.
"Oh," I only said. "Okay, we're hugging."
He laughed as he stepped back. "Thank you for the excellent news." His eyes shifted towards Naida as she placed on a hand on her still flat stomach. "The mages in the Winter Kingdom confirmed it."
"Oh!" I laughed. "Of course! Congratulations!"
Axel and Naida looked towards Damien and I held my breath.
Robyn had killed Naida and Julian's parents. He'd used Damien to exact his revenge. He had murdered them in cold blood. Julian said that they weren't close to them but regardless...
I couldn't imagine what Naida was thinking.
I watched as they lowered their heads. "Your Majesty," Naida said respectfully.
Damien cleared his throat. "Actually-"
I placed a hand on his lips, knowing full well he would correct them saying he wasn't technically king anymore. "Damien, please meet Naida and Axel. They're both very kind, very dear friends." I looked at him pointedly. "Naida is Julian's sister. Axel is her husband. They helped us."
Damien's smile slowly faded and I felt a slight pain in my chest as he watched her. His guilt was instant, draping over both him and me like a shadow. He cleared his throat turning towards her. "I am so sorry for your loss."
Naida smiled sadly. "I am as well. It was a terrible tragedy."
We hadn't spoken of it. None of us had.
Did Damien know that we knew Robyn had done it? Had Damien seen what he did?
Damien recovered quickly and changed the subject. "I owe you both my gratitude for helping Emylin." He nodded towards Axel. "Despite our past strife."
Axel nodded, holding Naida close. "I barely did anything but Naida is my wife. I'd do anything for her and her brother."
Naida nudged Axel's ribs playfully. "Axel helped us all behind the scenes, don't believe him."
"Speaking of Julian," Damien said cooly. "Where is he?"
Naida looked at Axel, a secret conversation was taking place between the two. The way couples would when they knew each other for years.
I frowned as I watched them. "What?"
Naida turned back to me with a smile. "Nothing. Julian likes to do things on his own terms. He will be here soon." She cleared her throat. "In the meantime, Kymra says she's very sorry she won't be able to join us today."
Kymra. I hadn't thought of her since I had last spoken to Julian. If there was someone to thank for any of this, it was her. She deserved to be there like everyone else.
I couldn't even imagine the toll of being with Robyn was. She'd done Dust to hide her magic from him, to make it seem like I was with him the entire time. Robyn had said he'd seen the side effects in her and I wondered what that meant.
"How is she?" I asked softly.
Naida gave a small smile. "She's getting better. Still with her family as she recovers."
I shook my head. "I should help her. There has to be something I can do."
Naida shook her head. "She's a very private person. But I will be sure to let her know her queen asks what she can do for her." She winked making me smile. "She will be all right, she just needs time." She looked at Damien. "She'll be back to your Guard in no time."
Damien shook his head. "Not the Guard, the next Magister. Should she accept, of course."
Naida raised her brows with a smile. "Then I'll be sure to let her know."
I felt a slight tremor on my arm and when I looked at the source, my heart pained. Damien's hand shook slightly as he held my arm.
At once, I understood why. He couldn't stay next to Naida, it was almost as if looking at her was making him relive the nightmares that plagued him.
I smiled at Naida. "Would you excuse us?"
Naida nodded. "Of course." She turned to Axel. "I need more of those appetizers."
Axel's dark brows rose. "Again?"
I turned from them and took both of Damien's hands in mine after taking our glasses and setting them on a nearby table. I pulled him to the center of the room where I presumed the dance floor was. "Come. Dance with me."
I poured my magic -soothing, comforting- into my hands to him and I watched a small smile start to touch his lips. "This is not easy to dance to."
The beat was jovial, upbeat.
"Teach me." I took his hands and placed them on my hips as I put mine around his neck.
He chuckled, placing his forehead against mine. "As you wish, my queen." He cleared his throat. "We're already dancing this wrong."
I shook my head. "I won't let you go of you until you're all right."
He pressed a kiss against my temple. "Do you want me to lift you like in Dirty Dancing?" His nervousness was gone. His mask was back. The same mask he perfected around others to show he was unaffected by what happened to him.
I laughed out loud as he stepped back and began to spin me.
He pulled me back into his arms again but his eyes didn't look at me. Instead, they were fixed in one particular part of the room.
When I followed his gaze, I stopped too. "Oh, hell."