Forty-Six
Song: Indecente - Aniita
I find this song hilariously pairs with the next couple of paragraphs.
I wasn't sure if I said the words in my head or out loud.
And at the moment, it didn't matter.
As soon as my eyes fell on Julian as he entered the room, I felt my cheeks flush, my heart race and my breath hitch.
I did not allow myself to think of him in the time I was with Damien. Damien overtook my thoughts like he always did, I thought of nothing else other than wanting to be there for him, to help him as much as I could.
I stood by my decision the other day.
I chose Damien. I want Damien. I love Damien.
So why couldn't I stop staring at Julian?
Why couldn't I stop looking at him as he greeted the other lords and ladies in the room? As Naida approached him with a smile, as he grabbed a glass from one of the tables...
He radiated sex appeal, his coat casually unbuttoned just at the top to reveal some of the tattoo I'd seen once. His black hair was unkempt and shaggy. The stubble on his cheeks and chin was even growing back.
Damien pulled me close again as we danced. "I haven't seen the Keeper of the Gates in years, even before I was king."
I frowned as I turned back to the crowd and noticed who he was talking about.
Vyssen.
Vy was draped over Julian. One hand was on his elbow while her other arm was placed over his shoulders.
She was breathtaking. She laughed with the group at something that Axel said, throwing her head back, her cascade of black ringlets shimmering in the light of the room.
Vy was Julian's equal in every way. She exuded confidence and sensuality in a way that made me envy everything about her- from the low plunging neckline of the black dress she wore that revealed more than I would ever be comfortable showing to the reassuring, loving hand she placed on the back of Julian's neck as the four of them spoke.
I turned away from them, hiding my sudden jealousy.
Why was I so jealous?
"Do you know her?" Damien's tone was curious. His violet eyes searched mine.
I shrugged. "You could say that. I met her once." I gave him a pointed look. "She doesn't like me."
He frowned but gave a quick smile to his lip. "I can't imagine anyone not liking you."
I laughed out loud, louder than I'd really meant to. "You say the funniest things sometimes. Have you forgotten Leah? You didn't meet half the kids from school, but it was there."
He shook his head and pulled me close, planting a small kiss on my forehead. "Everyone here loves you."
I didn't hide my snort, as unladylike or as unqueenlike as it was.
He smiled again as we turned, his eyes never leaving mine. As we did, I had a clearer view of Vy and Julian across the room. Vy was helping him with something in his hand while her other hand casually slipped inside the collar of his shirt.
Jealousy flare inside me.
Damien spun me again just as Asmo appeared.
"Damien, Lord Badu is asking for you. He wants a private audience."
I heard Damien sigh. "Not this again." He looked at me. "Will you be all right while I speak with him?"
I swallowed and tried to smile. Why was I so jealous of Vy? I was a traitor.
My heart beat fast. Traitor. Traitor. Traitor.
I nodded instead. "I'll be fine."
Damien smiled at me, touching my cheek as he turned to leave.
Asmo's dark eyes met mine. They swirled with delight. "You need fresh air. Let's go."
For once, I didn't argue.
I let him lead me to the open doors and balcony just outside of the room. As soon as we met the brisk night air, I hugged my shaking arms.
I was a terrible person. Terrible, horrible, traitorous--
Traitor. Traitor. Traitor.
I heard the doors close behind me and when I looked back at the party, Asmo stood in front of the closed doors. He was still dressed in black, his dark dress shirt tightly buttoned to his collar, his black pants billowing in the wind.
And that smile... Like a cat that caught a mouse.
"How long have you had feelings for him?"
I swallowed. "Wh-what are you talking about?"
He shook his head slowly. "Don't play coy with me. We share magic now. I felt how you responded to Julian as he entered the room. How you burned with fury at the other woman touching him."
He didn't know it was my magic responding to Julian. He didn't know it was my light magic calling to him. "Shut up, Asmo," I growled.
His smiled widened. "You acknowledge it then." He paused, tilting his head. "How long have you known?"
I crossed my arms. "I fail to see how this is any of your business."
"When it can affect my cousin or the crown, I make it my business."
I turned away from him placing my elbows on the small fence of the balcony. He was right about how I felt. It was instinctual, nothing I could do to control it.
Asmo chuckled darkly. "Imagine what will happen if Damien finds out. It will surely break his heart."
I turned sharply towards him, my voice was barely above a breath. "You wouldn't!"
His eyebrows shot up. "I wouldn't what? Tell him? Beloved, you barely know me."
I shook my head but watched him anyway with bated breath.
He closed the space between us as he approached making me aware of my breathing. He leaned towards me and spoke softly. "I won't be the one to tell him."
I frowned. Be wary of Asmo, Damien had said. I looked at him as he stood close. His hands were clenched at his sides like he was holding himself back. "You must want something then. Another bargain?"
He shook his head. "I am not your enemy."
I crossed my arms. "I want to believe that."
There was something new in his energy, he wasn't smug, or even dangerous, he was...disbelieving. Almost desperate as he spoke. "Despite everything I've done to help you? I may be the only true ally you have. I have always told you the truth. I haven't deceived you-"
I interrupted. "You haven't broken your bargain with me."
He didn't deny it. "That's right."
"Why?"
He looked at his nails. "Because should I ever be king I need a strong queen at my side. No one else will do. It's that simple."
I groaned in disgust, walking back to the party. "You're exhausting."
I heard him chuckle as I left. "And yet, I've distracted you enough that you're able to face everyone again. You're queen now, keep your composure."
I wouldn't show he was right. In the small amount of time we were talking I didn't feel the jealousy that crowded my thoughts previously. I didn't slow my stride as I walked back to the party. "You're such an ass."
I opened the doors and made my way inside.
When I didn't see Damien, I stopped at a table of refreshments near where Azazeal stood, vigilant.
Oren had accepted him to the Guard and given him armor like the others.
Oren knew he wouldn't leave, he didn't have anywhere else to go.
As the week wore on he was no longer in the same wing of the Keep that I was and eventually I only saw him once a day.
I tried to use Axel's book to see if I could find anything to help him but I hadn't been able to find anything so far. It seemed as if the only way to help Azazeal was through the Magister.
And I didn't want to see him-- let alone speak to him.
I picked up one of the mushroom skewers and handed it to him.
He looked at me questioningly but didn't move.
I grabbed a mushroom and popped it in my mouth.
When I motioned for Azazeal to do the same, he still wouldn't move. "Not a fan of mushrooms then, Azazeal?"
"Who is?"
I turned sharply towards the voice and swallowed the mushroom I was still chewing. It went down harshly, practically whole since I didn't have a chance to chew it thoroughly.
Seeing Julian and Vy together in front of me only reaffirmed the thought that they were perfect for each other. Vy's dress turned heads around her and I could see the envious look in some of the people nearby.
She was gorgeous.
Julian smiled warmly and bowed slightly. "Emylin."
Vy cleared her throat and lowered her head as she curtsied with a hand over her heart as Julian bowed. "Alteaza."
"Vyssen." How had I managed to find my voice? "Julian."
Vy smiled. Her red lips stretched into a smile. She was so beautiful, it hurt. "It seems the Underworld owes you a debt of gratitude. You defeated the monster."
I didn't move, just placed my hands behind my back, blindly reaching for the table to put the skewer down. "He is gone, yes." I looked at Julian. "But this was a group effort. I couldn't have done it alone."
Vy's large gold earrings caught the light of the room as she turned her head toward the crowd.
"You all deserve this celebration, that is to be sure.
Where is the Alteazor? How is he after everything that happened?
" Her tone was direct, unkind. She wasn't worried about him, she was fishing for information.
"Fine," I lied. The headache that somehow had been dulled returned in full. I felt it pounding behind my eyes. I gripped the skewer tightly in my hand. It snapped in half under my fingers. "Better than fine."
"Rumor has it the staff is running. Afraid of the tremors that run through the Keep at night."
My hand was shaking with fury. I didn't think rumors like that would be spreading. The worst of it was that it was true. "Is that so? Be careful who you speak to Vyssen, you may be hearing lies."
Julian dropped Vy's hand and extended it towards me. "Emylin, dance with me."
Vy's sharp green eyes looked at him in anger. "Julian."
He raised an eyebrow. "Vyssen." His tone matched hers.
"I'd love to." I didn't hesitate and took his hand. Energy pulsed through me and the headache I'd been agonizing over previously was gone.
I ignored Vy's icy stare as we passed her and made it to the center of the room where other couples were dancing. His hand was at my side, possessively, even as the others parted to make way for us.
I felt his breath on my ear. "Thank you for rescuing me."
A genuine laugh escaped me and despite my anger, I was smiling. "Rescuing you from your date? Does she know this?"
I heard him chuckle deeply. "She does now."
He took my hand and we turned to each other. His right hand reached for my left as his other hand rested on my wait with my free hand on my shoulder. He kept a sensible distance away from me, giving more than ample room to dance.
As we began to sway to the music in the crowd of the finely dressed fae, he chuckled. "Here we are again."
I smiled as I watched him. "And this time, I rescued you."
He gave a broad smile. "You don't know how true those words are. You've been rescuing me since I met you, Emylin."
I felt myself being drawn into that smile. "I guess we're even then." I cleared my throat. "Since you've made it to the party, I will forgive you for lying to me, like I said." I frowned. "I'm still conflicted about you not stopping your fight with Robyn when I asked."
He shook his head. "I didn't want the bastard to hurt anyone I love."
I looked at his grey eyes as we danced. He tilted his head. "How have you been sleeping?"
I frowned. "That's an odd question to ask."
He gave a small smile. "You look exhausted, Emylin. When was the last time you had a good night's sleep?"
I shrugged. "I had a headache earlier, maybe that was it."
"Hmm," he only said. "It intensified as more lords and ladies arrived, didn't it?"
I shook my head. "I didn't notice."
He leaned closer. "The same happens to me when I'm in court for too long. Not everyone is the Underworld is as kind as those in the Keep. The others, when together, their dark energy drains me, clouds my mind."
I looked at him as he pulled back. "It was gone as soon as our hands touched. Light magic?"
Slowly, as if thinking about it, he nodded. "You're not sleeping either, Emylin." He smiled but it was pained. "Have the throes of passion kept you up this entire week?"
I exhaled sharply in disbelief. I shook my head. "It's nothing like that. Damien has nightmares every night," I whispered. "I wake up to the Keep shaking down to its foundations. I'm the only one that can wake him."
He raised an eyebrow. "Just Damien?"
I looked at him again, his knowing grey eyes burning through me. I shook my head. "I dream of Robyn every night."
Julian cursed under his breath. "I knew it. I knew this would happen."
I shook my head. "It's not like before. I have glimpses of his life. I can sense his emotion." I shook my head. "I can't describe it."
He looked at something behind me. "Does Damien know?"
I bit my lip, shaking my head. "I can't tell him. He feels guilty enough for everything else, I can't tell him, not yet."
He shook his head. "He should know."
I nodded. "Yes, I agree. Just not now."
A small smile played on his lips. "Skryen isn't the same without you, you know."
I frowned. "What do you mean?"
He shrugged. "The sprites, they don't come around like they used to. The house is empty, I can't start my mornings without smelling burned toast."
I laughed loudly, hiding my face in his shoulder as everyone around us turned to my sudden outburst.
"The oven is promptly turned off as soon as we're done with it. It hasn't been left on for hours unused."
I rolled my eyes. "It happened once. Just once. You have a complicated appliance."
We both laughed quietly as the music grew and the dancing around us intensified. And yet, I couldn't will my feet to move, couldn't match their tempo. I didn't want to break up the conversation between Julian and me.
My heart tugged. I missed him. I missed Skryen.
I missed the chaos of the mornings, the days spent sparring, the exhaustion at the end of the day.
I missed the smell of the nearby forest, the way the rain would linger on the trees and flowers throughout the grounds, the sun rising over the mountains -
And I knew why.
Skryen was the first place in the Underworld I felt safe. Truly safe.
The Keep had awful memories. I'd been kept against my will, hidden in a room with barely any contact, attacked, unbound, battled with the Guard, stayed with Robyn...
As hard as I tried, I didn't feel safe in the Keep.
It didn't feel like home.
Skryen did.
And Julian knew it. He could see it in my eyes, read it on my face as I came to the conclusion myself. He smiled sadly. "I miss you, too, Light Fae."
I didn't need to say it. He said it for me.
I felt a knot in my throat and I cleared my throat to be rid of it. "I'll still be back. Once a month, remember?"
He laughed. His hand reached for a stray silver hair. "I remember you saying twice a month."
I laughed just as someone approached. Julian stepped away.
"Oren." I almost breathed his name as I looked at him. "I don't think I've ever seen you in anything other than armor. You look handsome!"
He smiled as he bowed. "Thank you, Alteaza."
I narrowed my eyes. "Emmy."
He shook his head. "His Majesty asked me to escort you and Lord Julian to the Throne Room. He needs to speak to both of you, privately."
I frowned. "He does?"
"Come with me, please." He extended a hand towards the open double doors.