Chapter 3 #2
I lean forward and kiss her on the nose. “Go to sleep.”
“That wasn’t a good kiss.”
“Friends don’t go around kissing one another,” I remind her.
“Well, we do because we have boundaries. Ones that nobody else can cross.”
My eyes open. I love how she just gets me. I don’t have to explain. “And for that I’m grateful, but I feel like you’re leadin’ this conversation somewhere?”
“You let me into your bed, and now I feel like I kinda invited myself.”
I yawn. “You didn’t, babe. You know I wouldn’t have offered if I felt weird about it, I would’ve taken the couch.”
“Why don’t you let women stay in your bed?”
“Because I don’t like that. This is my space and mine only.”
“But I’m here,” she presses.
“That’s because I like you.”
“That’s cute.”
“Cute?” I scoff.
“I like you too, by the way. Especially when you’re all macho.”
“I don’t know about macho,” I say. “But when you’re with me, there is nothin’ I won’t do to keep you safe. Even if you did eat the last two Pop Tarts.”
She smiles softly.
A few moments pass.
“Do you have sex with the sweet butts at the club?” she asks out of nowhere.
I balk. “What the fuck?”
She shrugs. “It’s just a question.”
The sweet butts are the women of the club who hang around for booze, sex and grub. Most of the men are either married now, or with an ol’ lady, so the sweet butt thing is really only for the younger, single guys. Guys like me, I guess.
“Why are you askin’?”
“Because I never see you with any of them.”
“That’s because I’m busy.”
“So, do you find any of them attractive?”
I hadn’t really thought about it, to be honest, but I’m not gonna dance around it.
“Truthfully? Not really. There’s somethin’ wrong with me, I know.
Half-naked women paradin’ around lookin’ for sex, and I’m in the back playin’ pool with the guys.
And before you ask, yeah, it’s only chicks.
You know I’m not interested in guys. We’re not all Manny and Bandit.
” The club’s Chef is in a relationship with Bandit, one of the MC brothers, and also Lace, Riot’s little sister.
They make it work, and I respect that. They’re all consenting adults. Consenting being the word.
Most of my abusers were men. I’m not gay. I don’t like men in that way, but that didn’t matter to them. None of it matters when they take away your choices, liberties, and dignity. Some pains are just there forever, no matter what you do or how much therapy you have.
I clear my throat. “Any more questions?” I ask when she doesn’t say anything.
“No.”
“Good. Now go to sleep.” I lean toward her and brush my lips against hers. We kiss softly, so, so softly, and it’s like heaven. Thank fuck she isn’t pressed against me because she’d no doubt feel my wood. That would be crossing the boundaries we set.
I sweep my hand over her shoulder, cupping her face. “You’re so pretty,” I whisper, though I have no idea why those words escape.
“Mm hmm, so are you.”
We’ve only ever gotten hot and heavy once when we watched a movie together a year ago. The memory of it resurfaces now, and it was the first kiss I’ve ever enjoyed. My body tenses with desire. I could deepen the kiss, but that wouldn’t be right. She’s under my protection in my bed.
I didn’t bring her here to try to fuck her. Nova is too used to guys getting their own way and using her for sex, money, and anything in between. I’m determined to not be a man like that in her life. I won’t be like that. She’s too damn precious.
I pull back, but she murmurs, wanting more. “That felt nice.”
“Shhh. Sleep.”
Her lips brush mine again, and I let her.
She doesn’t deepen the kiss, and that’s a good thing, because I’m about to explode.
It’s hot as fuck. Knowing she’s naked under my favorite t-shirt, and I could just slide my hand right up her body and cup one of those perky, perfect tits has me seeing stars.
I can’t even imagine what it would be like to touch her pussy or be inside her. Goddamn it.
Thought’s like that are exactly why I should be couch cuddling a pillow right now, not her.
I can’t have her. I can’t give her what she needs. I’m not that man. But I also selfishly don’t want any other man to have her, either. I break away, knowing if we keep this up, things are gonna get more intense. She pouts, but I kiss her on the top of her head.
“Cuddles?” she whispers.
I wrap my arms around her. “Always.”
She never questions why touching is a no-go, in fact, tonight was the most she’s ever asked about my sex life. We joke a lot, and I know she’s slept with a few dickheads when she first got here, but I never ask about any of them. I don’t care to know.
I wonder what she really knows about me. I know people talk. It’s not a secret what happened to me. It’s also not a secret how fucking good she smells with the scent of my shampoo in her hair and my soap on her skin. She’s fucking perfect.
When I hear the lull of her breathing, I know she’s asleep. “I love you, too.” I kiss her hair. “Never think I don’t.”
We lie in each other’s arms, and I’ve never felt such peace in my entire existence.