Chapter 11
CHAPTER
ELEVEN
Sawyer
She rolls her eyes again and clearly she has no clue how cute she looks when she does that. I smile to myself, enjoying the rare feeling of a woman touching me and not even caring. Of course, with Nova, it’s different. She’s different.
“If you didn’t get yourself into messes like this, it wouldn’t hurt so much,” she says, disapproval laced in her tone.
“Wait, you’re the one who went there first.”
She levels me with a glare. “Are we playing tit for tat now?”
“No, but—”
She holds up one hand. “While I appreciate you playing the hero card, it was unnecessary and stupid.”
“Not from where I was standin’. Shitheads like that have to learn there are consequences to their actions.”
“I think his broken nose the first time cemented that.”
I shake my head. “Well, best to be sure. Otherwise they go around thinkin’ they’re bigger than God. We can’t have that.”
“I appreciate what you did,” she says at last. “But please tell me you won’t do that again. You could’ve been seriously hurt.”
“It’s ok, I fight dirty.” I give her a wink.
She tuts again, it’s adorable, and I wanna change the subject before she gives me a lecture. “Somethin’ smells good.”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t feed yourself while you were out playing Superman?”
I pinch her chin and our eyes meet. “Feisty little thing tonight, aren’t you?”
“I’m not feisty, I just think you acted recklessly.”
Clearly, I’m not great at conversation starters or diversions. “It’s okay, babe, I’ve got friends in low places.”
“That I don’t doubt,” she mutters. “All you bikers do.”
“Seriously, what did you make for dinner?”
“It’s a spicy Creole casserole with chicken and mushrooms.”
“Delicious.”
“Once I’m done here, I’ll get you a bowl.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call.” I wave my fingers at her and it’s then she notices my bloodied hands.
“Sawyer!”
I glance down, my mouth pulling to one side. “Oops.”
“Oops? Your knuckles are split and bleeding!”
“It happens.”
“It happens when you act impulsively, Jesus, look at this.”
I give her a lopsided grin. “Aww, you care about me.”
Another eye roll. “Duh.”
“You said you wouldn’t get mad.”
“I don’t think I agreed to that.”
She gets some fresh water, then cleans my knuckles. It stings like a bitch, but all I can focus on is her and how lovely she is, even when she’s mad.
“So, what happened at work was a good start to the day?”
She bites down on her lip as she concentrates, freeing it to answer me. “Yep. I mean, a raise is nice, especially after all the overtime I do and the responsibilities I’m taking on. Those boys have it pretty good.”
I grin, wincing again because I keep forgetting about my lip. “They do.”
“And another thing, all this training that I’m going to be doing? Those new girls better be taking notes because me and Erica have spent a good amount of time this last year making sure customer service is our top priority.”
The guys are hiring two new people, one to replace Erica for her maternity leave, and the other for my position so I can focus more on the back office duties. The business is booming and I tend to agree I’m wasted just sitting on the reception desk. I want to do more.
“I’m sure you have it under control.” I love hearing her talk.
“We’ve worked hard, always reply to emails the same day, and follow up on quotes. In fact, that reminds me, I have to talk to Erica about putting together a schedule that they have to follow, that way, things won’t get missed,” she says. “Protocols and policies, things like that.”
“Great idea.”
“Though Brew won’t want Erica doing shit for much longer. She’s getting pretty uncomfortable. It’s an amazing thing having a kid, but I can safely say I’m just not cut out for it.”
“You don’t want kids?”
She meets my eye once more. “No. Is that wrong to say?”
“Not at all. It’s honestly refreshin’. Nothin’ wrong with knowin’ what you want and what you don’t want.”
“It isn’t that I don’t like kids, I do, well, some of them. I’ve just never really thought motherhood would be in the cards. I can barely look after myself, let alone a tiny, defenseless human.”
“I don’t know, your kids would be cute.”
She scoffs. “Cute, yes. Sassy, uh, huh. Smart, no doubt, but I just don’t have that motherly instinct, ya know? Perhaps some of us just aren’t made that way.”
I don’t know why relief floods through me.
That’s weird. I mean, I’ve nothing against kids either, I love kids, in fact, they always flock to me.
Maybe it’s because I’ve seen the cruelty and evil in this world, and I’d never subject another human being to a place like this, regardless of the good people in it.
There are good people, but I’d live in a constant state of anxiety, which is selfish, a curse almost. I feel as if sometimes this life is like living in purgatory, or something pretty damned close.
“What about you?” she asks when I don’t say anything. “Do you want kids?”
I shake my head. “Not sure I’d be a good dad. Serial bachelorhood suits me fine.”
“You never know, you might meet someone who changes your mind?”
She’s wrong about that. “I doubt it.” I tuck a lock of hair behind her ear without thinking. “I like it just bein’ me, ya know. I love kids, but I’m just not made that way either. I’m happy just as I am.”
Gooseflesh rises on her arms at my touch and my heart rate accelerates. Her breath hitches in her chest. What’s this? Am I affecting her?
She bandages my knuckles. Completely unnecessary, but I let her anyway.
I tilt her chin to look at me. “You’re not wrong in what you said, I respect that. Most people I know your age want kids, and that’s great, but not everyone does or has to feel like they should. It’s a very personal thing.”
“It’s annoying when your family puts pressure on you to settle down and have kids, like what if you don’t want that?” she says.
“Is that what your family is like?”
She sighs. “Just my mom, but we aren’t close. I’ve always been a problem child to her.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s okay that sometimes families aren’t meant to get along. I’ve made peace with it.”
I don’t know why, but I shift toward her and gently peck her on the lips. “I’m sorry you had to do that,” I mutter, knowing I shouldn’t have kissed her immediately after I do it. She’s so lovely, I can’t help myself.
“I’m used to disappointing people.”
I don’t like how sad she sounds when she says that.“You don’t disappoint me,” I say.
“You’re biased.”
“A little.”
She presses her lips against mine, and I don’t even care about the sting anymore. “I’ve missed you,” she whispers.
I chuckle. “We see each other every day.”
“I know, but you’ve been busy.”
“Always have time for my girl.”
“Just don’t get into any more fights, okay?”
“Why?” I tease. “Are you worried about me?”
She blinks, and something shifts in her eyes. Not just concern, something else I can’t place. Her eyes almost… cloud over, or something. “You know the answer to that. Let me get you some food—”
“Nuh, uh, what’s goin’ on in that pretty head of yours?”
“Nothing.”
“You know how I can tell you’re lyin’, Princess?”
She shakes her head.
“You can’t look at me.”
Blue eyes meet mine. “I am looking at you.”
“Okay, but now you’ve got that sassy attitude you use when you’re tryin’ to avoid the subject.”
She moves from my embrace, taking the bloodied swabs of cotton with her. “I’m not avoiding anything.”
“Fine, feed me if you must, but then I wanna hear what’s on your mind. Good or bad.”
I shouldn’t have kissed her. Then again, she kissed me back, so what does that mean exactly? And it wasn’t even a kiss, more a tiny, quick peck… Am I confusing things? Blurring the lines?
Maybe.
I open my mouth to ask, but my phone beeps. It’s my mom. I don’t click open the message, choosing to reply later. Instead, I watch my girl plate up a bowl of the casserole she made just for me, and a few minutes later I’m scoffing it down like it’s my last meal. “So good,” I murmur.
She laughs. “You’re just saying that because you’re hungry.”
“I swear I’m not. You know, they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?”
“I think I’ll have to practice a few more recipes before I can lay claim to that.”
I laugh and almost slip and tell her she already has a piece of my heart. Well, a good chunk of it. The good parts, anyway.
After I’m done, she clears away my bowl and fork and washes it up in the sink, dries it and puts it away.
“So, I guess you’ll be goin’ to bed soon?” I ask.
She shrugs. “I usually stay up late. You should probably get some rest.”
“Are you kickin’ me out?”
“No, of course not. We can watch some TV for a while if you want?”
I don’t want to go right now, so I nod and we move to the couch. It’s plush and comfortable, and I’m glad when I lay down, Nova sits close to me. I don’t want it to be awkward with us, but I’m sensing something has shifted, call it a vibe. Still, I pat my chest. “Wanna snuggle?”
She smiles, “Yes.” And slides over to lie in front of me as I drape the blanket over us.
We’ve laid like this a few times, but for some reason tonight it feels different. We’ve both said some hard truths, and it’s the first time she’s ever talked about her mom.
She channel surfs while I try my best not to notice the scent of her shampoo. It smells like bubblegum, or something sweet. “Wanna watch something scary, or lighthearted?”
“You pick.” Personally, I’m not a fan of scary movies or those real life murder documentaries. There’s already enough shit going on in the world to relive that, but I know people find it fascinating. I don’t care because I could fall asleep blissfully right now. I’m that content.
She settles on a Netflix comedy and we settle in. “Shoot, I should’ve got the Tiramisu,” she says, annoyance in her tone.
“We can have some in a while,” I say.
She shifts, snuggling farther under the blanket, and her ass brushes against my cock. Holy fuck.
Well, if I’m honest, I’ve been hard since she started cleaning my cuts earlier.
“Don’t think you’re gonna get out of talkin’ to me about what you didn’t say before,” I remind her.
“Urgh, why are you so annoying? You’re just like my cousins. Maybe their influence is rubbing off on you?”
“Hey, I’m not as bad as those heathens!”
Her body shakes from her laughter. “Right, you’re worse.”
I bump her with my hips without thinking, wrong move, but there’s enough material between us for her hopefully not to notice. “Very funny.”
“I was thinking how sweet it was of you to do what you did, as much as it annoyed me, you put yourself in harm’s way.”
“See, you won’t let it go.”
“I am letting it go, you’re the one who said to tell you what’s on my mind.”
“Sorry, I did say that.”
“And…” I wait through the pause. “I think we can both safely say that we’re getting close, Saw. Do you feel it too? The kisses… I mean, friends don’t do that.’
I take a second to answer, then, “Yes, of course I feel it.”
“So what should we do?”
“You mean should we act on it, or?”
She turns in my arms and her face is a little exasperated. “It’s no wonder you’re single.”
“Nice,” I laugh. “A little slow on the uptake, sorry. It’s been a while since I dated anyone.”
“A while?”
“Spit it out, buttercup.”
“You said you didn’t have sex at the clubhouse because you’re too busy?”
“Nosy little thing, aren’t you?”
She bites her lip a little and my eyes follow the movement. Jesus Christ, has she no idea what she does to me? “You should know me by now, and then you made a joke about it and brushed it off.”
I ignore the pounding of my beating heart because I rarely talk about this to anyone, not even the guys.
“Fine, but you’re gonna laugh.”
“I’d never laugh at you when you’re telling me something important.”
“I’ll remember you said that.” I smirk, trying to hide the fact I’m shitting my pants talking about this subject. “I told you I didn’t mind being touched by you, and you’ve probably noticed that you’re the only one that gets to touch me like that—”
“I guess, I mean, I haven’t seen you with any girls before, so I can’t really determine—”
“That’s because I haven’t been with any girls.”
The words hang silently between us until she frowns, then asks, “Ever?”
It takes another second for me to gather myself before I shake my ever. “Ever.”