Chapter 20
Chapter
Twenty
Edith
Leon: Edith, can we talk?
“ N o, we fucking can’t.” I press delete and get into bed. Leon’s texts started this morning, and the last thing I want is him invading my thoughts when I have a busy day ahead.
It’s just after midnight, and my mind is on overdrive with so many things.
Today has fluctuated between appointments and viewing premises for the new salon. Expanding to a bigger place is a huge step but one that is needed, and after talking to Lucy Knighton at Dad’s party, I’m excited about what myself and Alice can offer.
Then there’s Joel.
Giving myself time to think things through has only meant not seeing him at all, and I’m going out of my mind. Arranging a little gathering at the Craven for him had been the least I could do. I won’t just abandon our friendship because of the night we shared, but seeing him at the Craven had been torture because I’d wanted to sit with him, talk with him, hold him, and although we did converse for a little while, it had felt wrong of me to do so because I’ve still not explained why I freaked out so spectacularly.
I’d used Teddy as my excuse to keep the distance. The void between us, though, hadn’t stop the glances across the bar, or the flutters in my stomach when I’d known his eyes were on me.
When he went home from the party early, the space he left in its wake was unbearable.
With sleep not looking like it’s going to happen anytime soon, I decide to upload a photo on Instagram of me and Teddy yesterday. We’d been playing dinosaurs and I’m pulling a horrified face in the picture as Teddy aims an angry T-Rex at my cheek as if it’s going to eat me, looking into the camera with a wicked, mischievous grin.
With the hashtags #thiskidislife and #dontgetonthewrongsideofTeddy, I load the image. Almost instantly, I get a notification that Joel has commented.
Fitz.21: Ted is clearly amused you’re getting eaten lol x
I smile at his comment because it’s a comical photo and I adore it so much. I tap back a reply.
Don’t I know it. I was then finished off by a pterodactyl taking my eyes out. Lol Xx
Fitz.21: They must have changed their diets then. It was ears last week. Why are you awake anyway?
Because I’m not asleep. Ha! x
Within seconds, my phone rings, and my stomach cartwheels with the thought of hearing his voice.
"Hey," he says softly.
"Hey."
“How are you? ”
“Good. It’s been a long day at work with site viewings and treatments. I was glad to come home.”
“You started viewing already?”
“Yeah.”
“You know I will come with you if you ever need a second opinion.”
“I know.” And I could have really done with him at my side today because my head is spinning. “How was your day?”
“Okay. Just the usual.”
I close my eyes. The sound of my bedroom clock is the only noise between us, and I want to scream with the silence. It had been the same in the Craven yesterday. But before I can say anything else, he cuts in
“I miss you, Edie.”
I let his words hang in the air, my heart now feeling like it’s in my throat as I whisper, “I haven’t gone anywhere.”
“You may feel as though you haven’t, but I know my girl sure as hell has.”
His girl.
I had hoped that this time apart was something we both needed, only his words clarify that in asking for time to think, I’ve built a barrier between us that I never wanted .
“I’m sorry for shouting at you. But I’m not sorry for wanting you.”
My breath catches. “Joel.”
“This is killing me. Tell me what I need to do.”
The desperation in his voice causes my throat to close as I try and keep the tears at bay. He doesn’t need to do anything because I’m the one who overreacted—with good reason, but still. It comes with years of battling against powerful personalities that try and kick you down little by little.
I’m a strong woman, but even the strongest people fall. Joel is my band-aid. He’s the one who always helps me keep my shit together, yet I’ve taken him down with me when I never wanted to.
“You don’t need to do anything,” I murmur. “I’m the one who needs to explain, but I can’t tell you over the phone. I need to tell you in person. It’s the least you deserve."
I hold my breath, waiting for his reply, but what I get surprises me.
"Do you wanna go for a drive?"
"Now?"
"Why not? We need to talk, and you can’t sleep. I'll grab some coffees and we can just hit the road."
I look at the time on my phone screen. "It’s after midnight. "
“It's never stopped you before.”
He’s not wrong there. Years back, we often had late-night coffee and midnight drives.
"Okay, fine. But I'm wearing my pjs."
He gasps, dramatically, and for the first time in days, I laugh. Because Jesus, I’ve missed him.
"You wear jammies? Are they pink with little fairies on?"
"No. They have dinosaurs that glow in the dark on them. Teddy told me that dinosaur pyjamas were the best and advised I'd get some."
“Somehow I don't believe you."
"You'll see. Right, see you in five. And bring me a blanket. It's cold."
I hear him chuckle as I disconnect the phone, and pushing back the covers, I get out of bed and slip my feet into my Ugg boots, grab a cardigan and head downstairs. The butterflies in my stomach with the thought of seeing him are mixed with anxiety because I know I’m going to have to explain myself.
As I hear Joel pull up outside, I lock up and head out.
When I open the car door, he bursts out laughing. "Oh my god, you totally have dinosaur jammies."
Striking a pose, I place my hand on my hip and extend my leg out, showing off all the bright coloured dinosaurs on my navy bottoms. My mint colour T-shirt has the head of an orange T-Rex roaring out the words ‘I may bite’. "I never break a promise."
"You'll do anything for that kid."
"Of course. I love him as if he were my own."
“Don’t I know it. You wait until he’s a teenager and comes to his Aunt Edie for handouts.”
“I’ll just tell him Uncle Fitz is the one with the cash.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me.”
These few minutes feel like nothing has changed between us, yet as I get in the car and his chocolate eyes hold mine, that apprehension covers us again.
“Hey, you,” he whispers. Leaning forward, he takes my seat belt and clips it in then presses his warm lips on my forehead, his fragrance—all musk and Joel—colliding with my senses and making me giddy. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Coming for a drive with me.”
“You’ve not taken me anyway yet.”
He raises a brow. “Still bossy then.”
“You wouldn’t want me any other way.”
As the interior light goes out in the car, he turns back towards the wheel, the streetlight highlighting his wicked grin .
He drives us through the village, stopping for coffee at a cabin just outside of Skipton. Our conversation is simply small talk, and I watch him as he drives, waiting for a car to pass for it to highlight his eyes and the chain around his neck.
When the silence does fall between us this time, it’s comfortable—just like it always used to be.
He turns off, and we head down a little road before coming to a stop. I’ve no idea where we are. It’s pitch-black outside, only the moon giving the perfect amount of light. Ahead of us, away in the distance, is the warm, orange glow of Skipton town, but around us is nothing but the night.
I feel a little confused about our surroundings.
“Where are we?” I ask, placing my coffee cup back into the cup holder of the car.
“If I tell you, you’ll freak out and overthink it.”
“So, we are somewhere where serial killers hang out.”
He turns off the engine but keeps the car headlights on. “They’ll soon run once you start screaming at them.”
“I do not scream.”
“That’s debatable.” He opens the car door and looks at me with curiosity. “You getting out? ”
My eyes widen. “Are you kidding me? Anyone could be out there.”
“So you are scared?”
“I never said that.”
He grins. “Then what are you waiting for?”
“I thought we were going to talk.”
“We can. Under the stars. Do you trust me?”
“You know I do.”
“Then get out.”
I look back out of the windscreen and into the black of the night, knowing I’m not going to be able to back out of this. I unbuckle my seatbelt. “Fine. But if I hear anything, I’m right back in here.”
I hear him chuckle as I get out of the car. He’s resting on the bonnet, looking up at the sky when I join him. My eyes follow the direction his are looking, and I understand why he wanted to stop here and get out. Like spotlights in the sky, thousands of bright stars fill the black canvas above—some big, some so small you can barely see them. glistening while a wispy band of white shines through the middle. It’s stunning, absolutely breath-taking and the silence that comes with it somehow makes it more magical.
“Wow,” I whisper.
“We haven’t done stargazing in years. ”
“Why did we stop?”
“Because it often caused an argument with Sophia. So I stopped it to save the fallout.”
That knot is back in my stomach.
When I look at him and find his eyes already on mine, he whispers. “I stopped a lot of things when it came to you.” His eyes drift to my lips, and as much as I want to kiss him, I thank the shiver that runs through my body.
“You cold?”
“A little.”
“I’ll grab you that blanket.”
He heads to the back of the car, and I look back at the stars, thinking about what he said and wonder just how much I still don’t know about his marriage.
Sophia had showed her vindictive ways and, over time, I’d begun to see her mother’s characteristics. I’d never understood why she changed as quickly as she did.
“Where have you gone to get the blanket, Leeds?” I shout, and when I get no response, I look over my shoulder. “Joel?”
Still, no answer.
I turn to see where he’s gone, just as his loud roar comes from behind me .
Jumping out my skin, I scream as if I’m about to be murdered, my blood running cold and my heart beating so fast it vibrates through my entire body. My hand is on my chest still with the fear of God in me while Joel holds his stomach, laughing deeply as if it’s the best thing he’s done all year.
“You fucking arsehole!” I punch him on the shoulder right before he cocoons me in the blanket and his grip, pulling me closer to him, his hysteria now causing me to laugh, too, after finally recovering from my fright.
“I’m sorry,” he laughs. “I couldn’t resist.”
“You are such a twat.” I push at his chest, but he keeps me in place. “I hate you.”
“No, you don’t,” he says. His laugh softens but his grip on me is stronger than ever.
“Yes. I do. My heart is going frantic here.”
“Mine is always like that when you’re this close,” he admits.
My laughter instantly stops at his words. The warmth of our bodies blend and deep, dark eyes hold my gaze, the light from the moon highlighting his features. My heart races now for a completely different reason and every nerve ending in my body tingles.
I want him to kiss me. I need him to kiss me.
No matter how hard I fight it, he is the centre of my world. He is the calm to my storm, the peacemaker to my heart of war and my goddamn kryptonite.
“I still hate you for it,” I whisper.
“You don’t,” he whispers back, his lips a breath apart from mine. “You could never hate me.”