Chapter 27
Chapter
Twenty-Seven
Joel
“ A re you joining me again?” Edith asks as I enter the bathroom for a second time. She’s in the large tub you can fit three people in, surrounded by a mountain of bubbles, tucking into a slice of pizza. I only got out to collect the room service and refill our tumblers with whiskey on the rocks.
“I sure am. There’s no point having a long soak if you don’t come out looking like a shrivelled prune.” I step into the other end of the square tub to face her and lower myself into the warm water.
When I’d booked the room and saw the size of the bath and the fact there was a four-poster bed, I known we weren’t going to spend our time walking around the city longer than we had to.
“God this is so nice,” she says, wrapping the string of cheese around her tongue before taking another bite.
“It’s also a massive turn on watching you eat it. Your tongue action is leaving little to the imagination.”
She licks her lips seductively before a soft chuckle leaves her. I take a slice of pepperoni pizza from the takeout box that is resting on the stool I brought in from the bedroom and lean back to get comfortable.
“I’ve not done this for a long time.” She sighs.
“Had a bath with me?” I quip. “Because I’m sorry to disappoint here but I can’t recall ever doing this with you before.”
She smiles. “I meant since I’ve had a bath with pizza, just lying back and relaxing. It’s all very well pampering people but I forget to do it myself.”
“Want me to massage your feet?” I tease, knowing that no one can go near them because she’s ticklish.
“Touch my feet and you’ll never have sex again,” she warns .
I laugh. “Noted.”
She rests back, closing her eyes, and I continue to look at her, thinking about all the things I’d like to do for her as well as with her. If she wants a spa day just for her, I’d give her that. If she wanted us to spend every night in the bath together, I’d do that, too. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do for her.
"Tell me something you’ve always wanted but have never had the chance to grab it."
“Have a holiday in the Maldives.” Her response is quick but it has guilt resting heavily in my chest. I’ve always known she’s wanted to go, and I couldn’t bear the idea of having my honeymoon there. It had been one of Sophia’s demands, and I hadn’t been sure if she’d actually wanted to go for herself or simply because she’d known how much Edith did. But the look on my best friend’s face when her sister had announced we were going stayed with me for a long time after.
I can’t lie and say it’s not a stunning place because it is, but on my return home, I’d played it down and said it wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be. There had been some truth in my lie because the majority of my time there had been spent arguing with my wife.
“A holiday there can be arranged.”
“I’d have to win the lotto first because there’s no way I’m going for just a week.” She sighs. “What about you?”
"Chickens. I want to get chickens."
She looks up, grinning. "Really?"
"Yes. I've always wanted chickens."
"That’s amazing. Can I call you Mr Fitzcluck?"
I chuckle. "You can call me anything you like."
“Excellent. Tell me something else. Go deep.”
There’s only one other thing I’m longing for, and she already knows of it. It’s also something I’m so uncertain of when it comes to my future with her. Only I can’t not speak of my wishes either.
“I want children, Edie. I want to be a dad.”
She finds my hand under the water and links her fingers with mine, smiling compassionately with a look in her eyes that eases the anxiety I feel inside.
“I know you do. And I also know that you will be the best dad there ever is.” Lifting our hands, she kisses the back of mine before resting herself back against the bathtub, looking like a goddess with her hair gathered up in a messy bun and flush cheeks from the water and whiskey.
Her bright eyes glisten like stars that line the sky, and it blows my mind how being with her—as a lover—has brought back the light in my life that has been shadowed for so long. She’s the piece of the puzzle that has been missing when it comes to love. Never have I felt like this with anyone before. The power she has over me has me falling deeper, and I don’t know where I end and she begins.
“What are you looking at?” she whispers.
“How beautiful you are.”
“Stop it.”
“Never. I’m taking a mental picture and locking it away in here along with all the others I have of you.” I tap my temple.
“And you have many of those?”
“I do. Some physical ones, too.”
“Jesus, now I’m worried.” She smiles, finishing her drink and placing the glass on the side of the tub. “Are they all goofy ones?”
“No. Well, the one I have in my office is, but I love that one.”
Her eyes flash to mine. “You have a photo of me in your office?”
I nod.
“The one at home or in Skipton?”
“Both. It’s the one of us pulling faces when we were out a few weeks back.”
“Why do you love that one so much?”
“Because not only are you gorgeous, it’s the first time in a long time that I looked happy. And not only did I look it, now I feel it.” With her fingers still locked around mine, I lift my other hand out of the water to look at my wedding ring.
I’ve been terrified of making the same mistakes—even when I’ve sometimes not even realised what those mistakes have been—but I’ve realised that when I’m with Edith, all those doubts and uncertainties aren’t there. When she’s standing next to me, I feel nothing but strength and love.
“Sophia filled me with so much doubt. She made me feel like I was nothing with just a look—made me question who I am. and because of that, I was terrified of making those mistakes again.” I look at her, speaking with conviction. “But with you… You take away all those fears. I know I can say anything to you and no matter how bad it may be, I know you would never judge me. Not only do you make me happy, you’ve made me believe in myself again.”
The water whirls between us as she moves close, taking my jaw in her hand and smoothing her thumb over my cheek. Her eyes are filled with gratitude as she searches mine and murmurs. “I’ve not made you believe in yourself because it’s all your own doing. You have nothing to doubt when it comes to being a man, Joel, because who you are is the reason, I’m right beside you and always have been. Every woman wants a man she can rely on, cherish and fight a war with. Sophia was blind not to see she had that in you. But I’m wholeheartedly grateful that you allow me to be the one standing with you.”
“I wouldn’t want it to be anyone else,” I whisper.
Looking down at my wedding band, I know it’s time to close the door on that part of my life because there’s another one waiting with open arms and happiness. I need to make that step forward—to move on. It had never felt right before, and where I’ve worn it as a reminder to not fuck up again, my time with Edith has proved that my insecurities haven’t been the problem: it had been the woman who put them there.
Letting go of Edie’s fingers, I pull the gold band off my ring finger and place it on the side of the tub. The last bit of tension I’ve carried in my chest, finally allowing me to breathe.
Looking back at Edith, I tuck the loose bits of her hair behind her ear, keeping my voice low.
“Being with you is everything I’ve been longing for but never thought I’d have.” I kiss her wrinkled fingertips and rest my forehead against hers. “I’d move heaven and earth for you if I had to, Edie. You are so much more than my best friend. I don’t think you realise how special you are to me.”
“Ditto,” she whispers .
“I love you, Edith Kennedy. I always have.”
She hesitates for a second, holding my gaze as tears fill her eyes. “I know.” Her words surprise me.
“You do?”
She nods and my heart pounds hard.
“Sophia told me. She said she knew you loved me, but that she would do everything in her power to stop you from having me and that you would never be mine.”
I frown. I kept my feelings for Edith hidden away for so many years that I’d convinced myself they weren’t there anymore—that what I’d felt was platonic because I’d married another. Had I been lying to myself?
I’d known Sophia never liked my friendship with her sister. I guess now I understand why. Clearly the love I had—still have—for my best friend had been transparent when it came to my wife.
“When did she tell you?”
Her lip quivers and from the look in her eyes, I know exactly when this conversation took place. “That was what the phone call was about that morning?”
“Yes. Which was why I freaked out so bad after we slept together.”
Everything about her actions after we’d had sex make sense now. She’s been dealing with more guilt than she let on. Not only that, but she’s also known how I feel and stayed silent.
Running my thumb along her chin, I murmur. “All this time you’ve known I love you but have never said anything. Why?”
“Because when you have so much fear and doubt put in you from a young age, you never know what to believe.” Her eyes fall from me again. “My heart was never truly Leon’s. Deep down I’d known there was always something missing, and I knew it was you. Now, even though you’ve said the words I’ve wanted to hear so badly, a part of me fears this is all too soon.”
I lift her chin. “Why?”
“Because we’ve only been together a couple of weeks.”
“But we’ve known each other a lifetime. It’s not as if we’ve had to get to know each other.”
“I know, but it’s not just that.”
I want to know everything, but I also know her mind is starting to roll.
“Tell me,” I murmur.
“You’re not the only one who’s had to fight insecurities. He cheated on me, Joel. For reasons that I don’t even know. Those wounds are still there, and so is the uncertainty.”
“And you think I will cheat on you? ”
“That’s not what I’m saying, but Leon declared his love for me so soon into our relationship and those words meant nothing. He broke my heart, Joel. And no matter who I’m with, I believe that worry is always going to be at the back of my mind. We both know I’m a massive over-thinker.”
“I’d never cheat on you, Edie. Nor would I ever hurt you.”
“I never thought Leon would either. Just like you had your doubts with Sophia, I have them, too.”
I get it—I really do—but she has been my best friend for years, and this is completely different. Everything about us is so different to what we’ve both had with others.
“Listen to me.” My hands cup her cheeks, making her focus on me in the hope she will know that the words I speak next are nothing but the truth. “Have I ever done anything that has made you doubt my trust?”
“Never.”
“Have I ever made you doubt yourself when I’m with you?”
“No,” she whispers, tears in her eyes.
“Have I protected you whenever you’ve needed me to?”
“Always. ”
“Have I ever lied to you?”
A tear falls. “Not once.”
“Then hear me when I say that I love you.” I murmur. “I never thought I’d find love after Sophia—never thought I’d love waking up on a morning, excited about the day; never thought I’d be able to breathe without feeling pain—but you’ve changed that for me. And the truth is, you always have. You’re not just my best friend, Edith. You are, and always will be, my soul mate. And I love you more than life itself.”
I wipe away her tears as her eyes dance from side to side across my face, looking deep into my eyes as if she is searching my soul.
My heart feels like it’s stopped beating as I wait.
Thankfully, a nervous little smile tugs her lips and kick starts my heart as she whispers, “I love you more.”
I press my lips to hers with a tender, most truthful kiss, kissing her slow and needing her to know in every way possible that she has every part of me. Heart, mind, body and soul. She is it for me, and no matter what is thrown at us, I will not give up without a fight.
“Take me to bed,” she whispers in a plea.
I step out of the tub, not bothering with a towel. Her liquid eyes travel down my body, that sensual look of hunger in them. Leaning over, I grip her chin in my hand to tilt her head back before I drive my tongue into her mouth this time.
Once she links her arms around my neck, I lift her out of the water and carry her to the bedroom. I place her on her back at the bottom of the bed, positioning her diagonally across the mattress. I know exactly what I want to do to her: I want her hot, wet and out of control with desire.
“Hold onto the bedpost.”
She does as I order and raises her arms above her head. Taking the thin drapes on either side of the bed post, I loop them around her wrists and tie a knot around the wood.
“Comfortable?”
“Yes,” she breathes, her chest now rising and falling. “Although not being able to touch you is going to be torture.”
I lean down and tease my mouth with hers before I continue with my set-up. “Good.” Heading back to the bathroom, I collect my glass and drink the remaining liquid before walking out to the minibar.
“What are you doing?”
I don’t answer her. I just fill my glass with ice cubes and return to the bed, placing the glass on the bedside table.
Her naked frame is a dusky silhouette against the low light of the room, making her look sexier than ever.
I grab my dick to stroke myself, trying to relieve the ache as I look down at her. There are so many limits I want to push her to, and I know she would succumb to every one if I asked. She is fearless with many things yet so sensitive with others, but when it comes to sex, she is everything a man could wish for.
“Joel, please do something. I’m going crazy here.”
She’ll have no idea what crazy is until she’s been in my head.
Crazy is wanting something that you can’t touch.
Crazy is needing to feel something that can never be yours.
Crazy is what she’s made me feel every fucking day since our first kiss and now that I finally can call her mine, she’s driving me so fucking wild that I can’t think straight.
I lean down and place my hands on either side of her body to run my nose along her cheek as I whisper in her ear.
“You don’t know crazy until you’re driven to the point of hysteria. When the ache between your legs is so strong it’s painful and your mind, body and soul are in such a frenzy you don’t know what to do with yourself.” I move to her other ear, avoiding her mouth as she rises for mine. “I’m going to make you feel like that. I’m going to give you a glimpse of what I feel every time I look at this sexy fucking body of yours. How I want to touch you so badly but can only do so behind closed doors. But most of all, I’m going to have you fall apart beneath me because you can’t take anymore.”
“Please.”
I press my lips to the dip of her neck, kissing the little pulse between her collarbones that’s now frantic before dragging my mouth down her body, in slow, tempting kisses that already have her writhing beneath me.
Her skin is still wet from the bath and I take her nipple between my teeth with a little nip that has her moaning. My kisses and tongue paint more wet patterns over her stomach and her hip bone, and her soft, panted breath fills the heavy, sexual silence around us.
“Spread your legs for me, baby. Let me see you.”
I continue my course, kissing her silky skin: her inner thigh; her pubic bone; everywhere that has her squirming in anticipation
I meant what I said: I want her to know what it feels like for me when I want her so fucking much yet it’s like my hands are tied if we are around other people. So, I repeat everything I’ve just done but on the other side of her body.
When I reach her ankle, I push up off the bed and collect the glass of ice.
“Joel…”
“Am I driving you wild yet?”
“You know you are.”
I want her body burning with a hot and cold rush that will make her arousal more intense.
“Don’t come until I’m inside you,” I whisper before pressing my lips to hers.
I take a cube that’s beginning to melt and let the ice-cold droplets rain on her skin. Her body covers in chills as whispers of pleasure escape her. I circle the ice over her lips, letting the water slip into her mouth before I slide it down the line of her neck and sit the remaining block into the dip between her collarbones. Taking another, I hold her dark, desperate gaze as I roll it over her nipple. Her body arches off the bed and she rubs her legs together to ease the release I know she’s longing for.
“God, yes.”
“You like that?”
“My body is on fire,” she breathes as water glides down her neck.
I keep going, drawing the ice down the centre of her stomach before I drop the cube into her navel. My own body is now burning, my heart racing as the heat of our bodies feels like wildfire between us.
“So, fucking sexy,” I whisper.
As I take the third and final cube out of the glass, it’s like she knows what’s to follow. Her body bucks before I’ve even touched her, and she pleads and whimpers all at once. She’s so wet already, and I know that this new torment of undeniable pleasure is only going to make her soaked.
“Get ready, baby.”
Her legs part instantly, and I hold her gaze as I rub the frosty cube along her clit. A deep, raspy gasp leaves her throat as her body becomes a beautiful curve, her cry a string of curse words and pleas as she pulls against the drapes around her wrists.
“Oh fuck.”
I roll it over her clit again, this time trailing it down to her entrance, teasing her with it as she bucks against the cold. I do it again. And again. Her mouth is a permanent ‘O’ as I ride the ice over her clit, her own body riding along with me as she begs.
I’m unsure if she’s begging me to stop or to carry on. She’s so responsive to my every touch like she was made to be mine.
“Joel, I’m going to come. ”
“If you do, I’ll stop.”
“God, I really do not like you right now.”
I chuckle, knowing I’m pushing her to her limits. “Your body says otherwise.”
I drop the ice and push my cold finger into her wet heat to find her sensitive spot. Her head moves from side to side in desperation. I can feel the build of her orgasm, so I remove my finger and pop it into my mouth. My taste buds are electric and my body has to fight the urge to take her hard and fast.
I stroke my dick and hold her captivating gaze, falling further into her intoxication—a craving I can’t get enough of and one I’ve given up fighting because she brings me under so fast it takes all my breath. All my control.
“I want you inside me. I need you in-fucking-side me!”
Fuck. I love this woman.
Now going wild myself, I toss the glass aside and I push into her hard, driving deep, our bodies nothing but a barrier of extraordinary heat and delirium.
“Fuck, you feel incredible.”
“Untie me,” she breathes. “Please, Joel. I want to touch you.”
I pull on the knot and her hands grip hold of me like I’m a lifeline, and when she comes undone beneath me, she has me riding right along with her with a rush throughout my body that I can’t contain.
Every pulse, every uncontrolled heartbeat that plays music between us mould us together—a connection so strong I can’t comprehend; a love so compelling it takes my breath away.
She is my redemption. My refuge. My goddamn universe.
There’s no other one I want more than her.
“I love you, Edith,” I breathe, and as she replies with her love for me, I rob her words as our mouths collide.