Chapter 30
Chapter
Thirty
Joel
M y heart beats hard against my ribcage, my palms are sweaty and I don’t know who I’m nervous for: myself or Edith. Her unsteady hands when pouring herself a drink before she left had been noticeable; the sweet tenderness of her humming whilst in the shower had told me everything I didn’t need to know; and the journey here had been filled with silence, while she continuously bounced her knee up and down.
Now I feel like the walls are closing in on me.
As Gerald opens the door and we head into the house, the sound of ticking from the Grandfather clock penetrates my ear canal, while everything else around me slowly becomes a blur.
Since I was last here, the hall walls have been lined with more snap-shots of my wedding day. The living room is a gallery: photo frames in all shapes and sizes create a sea of Sophia that covers the ivory walls. The flicker of candlelight keeps drawing my attention to the shrine in the conservatory, and every photo of my wife stares at me, judging me.
“Oh, my darling, Joel,” Lorna says coming into the living room. “Although it’s wonderful to finally have you back home, I do wish you’d have told me you were coming. I’ve only made enough for the three of us.”
“It’s fine, Lorna. I’m not overly hungry anyway.”
“I’m sure there will be plenty to go around,” Edith adds. “I don’t mind sharing some of mine with Joel.”
Lorna darts her head towards Edith’s as she pours herself a glass of wine, glaring at her as if she’s done wrong for speaking. But it’s her words that have anger rising in my chest.
“Well, yes. You could do with cutting down on your calories: I swear you’ve gained a few more pounds since your last visit. ”
“Enough, Lorna,” Gerald scolds as he enters the living room. “We spoke about this.”
“Yes, of course,” Lorna replies, a smile now on her face as if she’s amused with this whole situation. “Forgive me, Edith.”
The apology is not sincere by any means, but Edith smiles in appreciation anyway and surprisingly agrees with her. “That’s okay, Lorna. I have actually neglected my runs these last couple weeks.”
“Is everything okay, darling?”
“Everything is great, Dad. I’ve just been too busy with work and life to be taking daily runs.”
The little smirk that tugs at her lips when she looks at me has me rubbing my hand over my jaw to hide my grin. Her feet have barely hit the road since we’ve been together, and when they have, she’s not run half as many miles as she’s done in the past.
I never wanted a secret relationship with Edith, but I can’t lie and say I’ve not enjoyed it. The conversations in bed while we eat breakfast, the whispers of need in the early hours before I slip inside her and the laughter that surrounds us when we are together. I’ve loved getting to know her on a whole new level. But now, I want to shout from the rooftops that I am in love with my best friend, and that there is no better feeling.
“How was your time in Manchester, Edith?” Gerald says, handing me a whiskey before taking a seat in his armchair.
“It was so good. Lucy is amazing. She let me teach her class so I could show them my skills when it comes to wedding makeup.” Edith beams, making her way over to sit on the sofa close to her dad, tucking her feet up under her.
“Edith, for goodness sake, child, sit properly. You are not five.” Lorna chides
Edith does as she’s told but continues to focus on her father. Meanwhile, that underlying feeling of anger is starting to irritate with each remark Lorna makes to her.
She’s in a light blue, summer’s dress that brings out the colour of her eyes, her hair braided over one shoulder.
I sit opposite them both, listening to Edith tell her dad about the trip as the images of her tied to the bed flash through my thoughts.
“That’s wonderful, sweetheart. I’m so pleased for you. I know when I spoke with her she was in awe of your work and said your talents are limitless.”
“I learned so much from her.”
“And I on the other hand learned to never agree to be a model for makeup tutorials,” I say .
“Good lord. I can only imagine, Joel.” Gerald chuckles.
“You loved it really.” Edie smiles, getting out her phone. “I’ve even got pictures.”
“It was a good weekend. One of the best I’ve had in a long time,” I say, giving Edie a wink as her cheeks flush.
“I’m sorry. I don’t understand,” Lorna interjects, walking over to stand before us all. “You both went to Manchester? Together?”
“Yeah.” My back straightens, ready for the backlash. “I surprised Edie with a long weekend—”
“Why wasn’t I informed about this?” she says coldly, looking from me to her husband. “Gerald, why didn’t you tell me about this?”
“I didn’t know I had to, dear.” He sighs, not even looking at her.
“Excuse me? Why on Earth would I not want to know what Joel is up to? He’s my son-in-law.”
“Well, we had other matters to discuss. Besides, there’s no harm done.”
“We’ll see about that.” She glares at him as if he’s said the wrong thing and the air in the room falls silent.
For the first time, Gerald has a look in his eyes that doesn’t sit well with me. I want to say it’s uncertainty, but I’m not sure. What I do know is I can understand the feeling of humiliation and belittlement that is no doubt running through him having been chastised by his wife in front of others.
Edie had informed me that she’d spoken with him about Lorna’s behaviours towards her and that Gerald was going to talk with his wife about it. I can’t imagine that will have gone down well, so maybe it’s that that’s hanging in the air. Or maybe it’s just me and I’m the one that’s unsettled with being here. But whatever it is, something doesn’t feel right.
“Anyway, it was a great weekend,” Edith says, cutting the tension that has now formed. “I mean, look at how pretty he looks.”
“Oh, Joel.” Gerald laughs, looking at the photo on Edith’s phone. “It seems you were a little out of your depth!”
“I was. But she’s worth it.”
He agrees, still laughing. “I’m not laughing at you, Joel, I promise. But it’s the best thing I’ve seen in a while.”
“Oh for goodness sake, Gerald. Pull yourself together,” Lorna says abruptly.
“Maybe if you saw what we were laughing at you’d see the funny side,” Edie replies, showing Lorna the photo .
Her response is a harsh tut and a roll of her eyes. “What a childish thing to do.”
“It’s not childish, Lorna. It’s drag makeup people wear—”
“Whatever it is, my Sophia would have never made him look like that. She had more respect. Why on Earth would you want to behave like that, Joel?”
“It’s called having fun, Lorna,” I answer, not even looking at her because I’m finding it really fucking hard right now. I drink the rest of my alcohol, wishing I could have another but I’m driving. The thirst only becomes greater when Lorna beckons me.
“Joel, would you mind helping me set the table in the dining room? I wish to speak with you.”
My eyes dart to Edie to find hers already on mine. Being alone with Lorna is the last thing I want, but I go with it, especially as it will give Edith some time with her dad.
“Of course.”
As we enter the dining room, the array of red roses in the centre of the table catches my attention. Red roses were Sophia’s favourite, and as Lorna runs her fingers over the petals, I wonder if she planned to get me in here alone all along.
“Do you see I bought roses? Our girl always loved roses. Do you remember? ”
“Yes.”
“She wore a red rose in her hair the day she brought you home to officially meet me. She said that as an act of your love, you’d bought her a single red rose and placed it in her hair.”
I had bought her a single red rose, but I’d never placed it in her hair.
“Sophia would be so happy that you’ve found your way home. You two were so special together.” She sighs as if we’d been love’s young dream before she says coldly, “Yet now you play silly games, have weekends away wearing ridiculous makeup with her , brushing aside who is important.”
If she’s brought me in here so she can reprimand me away from others then she has another thing coming. I had enough of that at Gerald’s party.
“Lorna I didn’t come here for this—”
“Then what did you come for?” she snaps back. “If you didn’t come here to be close to our Sophia—to be reminded of what you seem to be forgetting—then why come at all?” Her eyes burn into me, harder than they’ve ever done before.
“I came here with Edith.”
“Not for Sophia? Or for me?”
“No,” I pause. “Lorna, Edith is my best friend. She always has been, and nothing is going to change that. ”
She folds her arms and stands dead straight, staring at me—she really would give Miss Trunchbull from Matilda a run for her money—while my chest grows tighter with the confrontation that is brewing.
“Why, Joel? You’re always too keen to fight her corner. Why is she so damn important?”
“Because she is the only one who is true,” I bite back, a little too harshly.
“Oh please. She‘s a leech. She sucks all the good out of you. Can’t you see that? The only one who was true in your life was my Sophia. Your Sophia.”
If anyone is the leech here then I’m looking right at her. The longer she stands there kicking Edith down the more the fury in my chest grows.
“I can’t listen to this.”
Every ounce of anger, guilt and God knows what else runs through me now, the evening falling apart before it’s even truly started.
As I turn to leave, her words have me spinning back around.
“Because the words I speak are true, Joel?”
“Because you have no fucking idea what you’re talking about. Sophia was not the woman I thought she was. She was deceitful, hurtful, and cared about nothing more than herself. She never loved me. She loved the idea of being married but wasn’t prepared to make it work.”
Before I have a chance to register, her hand makes contact with my face, leaving a sting in it’s wake. I’m taken back yet not surprised as the vicious streak in my wife is reflected in her mother.
“How dare you!” she yells, her face like stone. “How dare you speak of my daughter like that in my house!”
“Why, because I’ve kicked her off the pedestal you created for her?”
“Because what you say is nothing but lies!”
“What an earth is going on?” Gerald asks, a little bewildered, as he comes into the dining room, followed by Edith who stands beside me.
“Oh, Gerald. He’s saying some awful things about my Sophia.” Her tone has changed, now dramatic, weak and vulnerable, and if anyone deserves an Oscar, it’s her.
I can’t believe it. I’d known she was callous but, Jesus.
“She’s failed to mention that I’ve just got a slap for it.”
“What?”
“Good grief, Lorna,” Edith’s dad growls .
I rub both my hands over my face in disbelief at how this evening has turned out.
The shocked gasp that leaves Lorna turns my body ice cold when I realise what she’s observed.
“Your ring.” Her face pales. “Why aren’t you wearing your wedding ring?”
Shit.
I’m surprised it’s taken her this long to notice.
There are two ways that I can reply: with dignity and grace or the complete opposite. Either way, neither response will be right, so I reply with the only thing that’s on the tip of my tongue.
“Because I didn’t see the point in wearing it anymore.”
“Excuse me?” she shouts. “Why would you think such a thing?”
Gerald’s calm voice tries to ease the heated situation, but she bats his hand out of the way.
“My dear. Just because Joel is no longer wearing his ring doesn’t mean his love for Sophia has been forgotten. When Edith’s mother died, I too felt—”
“Oh, spare me the details, Gerald. No one cares about her. That misery has been dead for years.”
“Don’t you dare speak about my mother like that!” Edith hollers, taking a step towards Lorna as if she’s ready for round one. I hold her back, but Lorna being on true form comes to stand directly in front of her, pointing her finger at Edie’s chest.
“This is all down to you . Isn’t it?” she spits, the vein at her temple now prominent with her fury. “You’ve wanted to get your claws into him all along. You’ve brainwashed him into looking the other way—into forgetting his wife!”
“I haven’t done anything.”
“Liar! All of this is because of you . You just couldn’t let it go could you!”
“Lorna. Calm down,” Gerald states, trying to defuse the situation but failing rapidly.
She points at him, gritting through her teeth. “Don’t tell me to be calm. I warned you the other day.” To my surprise, he takes a step back as if somehow he’s afraid. “Can’t you see what she has done?”
“I’ve done nothing but be myself.”
Lorna spins back around. “Oh, of course. You’re just precious fucking Edie aren’t you!”
My breath catches at her words—the same words Sophia had used when she was alive—and everything comes back to hit me like a freight train, clear as day: my wife and mother-in-law had been having conversations about Edith behind everyone’s back all along.
This stops now .
I can’t take anymore, and there’s no way in hell I’m going to let Edith face it either.
“Lorna, if you want someone to blame then look to me,” I answer, pulling Edith back so she’s not in Lorna’s line of attack.
“Why are you even hanging around her?”
“Because I love her!” I yell.
Lorna’s eyes widen in horror as she takes a step back like I’ve physically punched her, her words coming out in a whisper. “What did you say?”
This time it’s Edith who steps in as I try and calm the storm inside. Stepping closer to me, she wraps her arms around my waist, her soft voice hoping to ease the fury around us.
“An argument was not how we wanted you both to find out. But Joel and I… We are together. We’re in love.”
“Oh, sweet Jesus,” Gerald breathes, turning away from us all and rubbing his hand over his face.
But it’s Lorna’s unexpected cackle that fills the air now—laughing hysterically and mocking Edith as she repeats what she’s just said. “ We are together. We’re in love . Oh please. Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound girl?” Looking at Edith with evil in her eyes, the hysterics from her disappear as her face turns sour and her voice sharp. “He. Belongs. To. Sophia. ”
“And you both did everything within your power to make that happen, didn’t you? Other people’s feelings didn’t mean shit just as long as Sophia got her way.”
“She was my daughter.”
“And this obsession you have with her now she’s gone is not healthy.”
“Enough!” Gerald yells, slamming his hand on the table and bringing us to silence. “I will not have you tearing each other apart in my house. You should all be ashamed of yourselves!”
My chest is a ball of fire, my fists tight at my sides, yet guilt is slowly eating me up as Edith trembles in my hold, trying to keep her emotions together. This was not how tonight should have turned out. Yes, Lorna would have hit the roof regardless, but everything else has blown up because I couldn’t fucking keep it together.
“Dad.” Edith steps out of my hold and heads towards her father, but before she can reach him, Lorna takes that as her opportunity to come between them further, curling herself into him as she cries.
“Oh, Gerald. My heart is broken. What have they done to us—to our Sophia?”
Don’t get me wrong, a part of me does feel sorry for her because if she’s swallowed up in grief and can’t find a way to accept Sophia’s death then her behaviour is somewhat understandable. I’m not that much of an arsehole. But at the same time, I can’t forget all the things she’s said and done to Edith over the years because they’ve been down right cruel. And Lorna loves the attention, regardless of how she portrays herself.
Edith tries again. “Dad, please.”
“I can’t take this. Make them go, Gerald.”
"You've put me in a difficult situation, Edith,” he says. “Maybe you should go.”
"No. No, Dad, please. We… I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Let me explain. "
“What is there to explain? You’ve both already said too much and now I’m left to deal with the backlash. Just go.”
That look of uncertainty is back in his eyes, and if anything, it seems to be more prominent than earlier. Yet when he looks at Edith, I can see he is torn—uncomfortable. He wants to be with her but can’t. It’s like Lorna has control over this situation, even though she’s crying on his shoulder. He doesn’t want Edith to go but, in order to protect her, he’s having to side with Lorna. I’m sure of it.
“Dad.”
When he looks at me, it confirms everything I’ve been thinking.
Life with Lorna isn’t a bed of roses and, right now, he’s navigating uncharted waters, and the only people who need to escape this situation to help him is us.
She’s exactly like Sophia.
I step towards Edie, taking hold of her arm to encourage her to leave but her voice cracks. “Dad, don’t do this, please. We can work this out.”
“Get her out of my sight, Gerald,” Lorna cries, playing the victim once more.
“Dad, please,” she cries.
Lorna bellows again. “I said to get her out!”
“Take her, Joel.”
As I pull her back, she lets her pain spill out as she cries. “Not that many weeks ago, you told me my feelings would always matter to you! Doesn’t that mean anything now, Dad? Does my heart not matter to you anymore?”
“For goodness sake, Edith. Please just go.”
With force, I drag her away as Lorna screams at her to leave, and I feel as though I’ve had my heart ripped out all over again—this time with the agony that leaves Edith. She’s always had to battle her way through Sophia and Lorna to have a relationship with her dad. I just hope that what I believe is true and that Gerald will come around otherwise, I’ll never forgive myself.