Chapter 31
Chapter
Thirty-One
Edith
“ E die, come and eat something?” Joel says, but I continue to stare out of his office window and watch the world of Skipton go by. I came here on my lunch break but have since lost my appetite.
“I’m not hungry,” I murmur, watching the man on the corner with his daughter and wondering if he too will break her heart in years to come when he’s promised he’ll do nothing but protect her.
I’ve not spoken to my dad in four days. He’s not answering any of my calls, and his radio silence has left an ice cold feeling in the pit of my stomach ever since. The way he’d looked at me has haunted me since that night. It had been full of hurt, disappointment and betrayal—like I’d stuck a jagged knife in the heart of our family and torn it apart.
I understand he’s angry but I am, too, now. I’m angry that he has broken his promise. I’m angry that he’s sided with her and has not once looked in my direction. I’m hurt because the first man I’ve ever loved has given up on me so quickly without giving me a chance to explain. Or at least that’s what it feels like. Joel keeps telling me to give it time, but how much? I’d wanted the same response from Dad as we got from Daisy and Daniel when we told them—the one that was full of love, encouragement and excitement. Not the one that has left me feeling more alone than ever and is slowly starting to tear me apart.
Neither of us have heard from Lorna, and as much as that is a blessing, it also unnerves me. She is not one to remain silent, and her absence is confusing. Warmth spreads across my body when Joel comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder.
I lean into him as he murmurs, “You need to eat, baby. ”
“You should know by now that I can’t eat when I’m stressed.”
“I know. But that will never stop me worrying about you.” He kisses the side of my neck and holds me tighter. “I hate seeing you beat yourself up over stuff.”
I turn in his arms, wrapping my own around his neck. “I’ll be fine. I promise.”
I don’t know who I’m trying to convince because I’m far from fine, and I don’t think I will be until I talk to Dad. I need to make him understand that my heart has always belonged to Joel.
“What are you thinking?” he whispers, gently rubbing the tip of his nose with mine.
“I’m thinking I need to go and see Dad after work.”
“Is that a good idea?”
I shrug. “I’ll soon find out. But I can’t stand this not knowing. I feel like I’m dangling on the edge waiting to find out which way fate will tip me. I just hope he will see me.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
My stomach tightens at the thought. “I don’t know. But I need to at least try. Maybe this distance is what he’s needed.”
“Do you want me to come with you? ”
I shake my head. “I need to do this on my own.”
“What if Lorna is there?”
I sigh, dreading the thought. “Then I guess I will deal with it.”
Concern fills his eyes, but he doesn’t comment. He just tucks my hair behind my ear and holds my gaze. “I love you. You know that, right?”
“Not as much as I love you.” I pull him closer and whisper. “Tell me everything is going to be alright?”
“I don’t have to because you know it will. Just give it time.”
I nod, hoping he’s right because I feel anything but confident. I know I have Joel in my life, but I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have Dad. He may not be the perfect father, but other than the man holding me, he’s the only family I have, and I can’t bear the thought of losing him.
“ G ood night, Alice.” I yawn, waving her off as she heads down the stairs before I make my way along the hall with a roll of bin liners.
After a busy day at the salon and with my last client cancelling, I’ve decided to stay behind and sort out the store cupboard. It’s a job I dislike doing, but it will help when I eventually move premises. I’m still waiting to hear back from my estate agent, but everything is running smoothly at the moment, which gives me positivity and something to focus on while my mind is running wild.
“Ok, let’s do this,” I say to no one but myself as I look at the overcrowded shelves before wading through them, chucking things I don’t need into a bin liner.
I’ve almost filled one bag when my phone beeps with a text and I retrieve it from my back pocket.
Fitz: I want you home and naked.
I grin, shaking my head as I text him back.
Me: You are like a dog on heat.
Fitz: I still want you home and naked.
I decide to ring him instead so I can finish clearing out.
“Why are you ringing me? Are we doing phone sex instead now?”
I laugh. “You are crazy. And no. We are not.”
“Then come home. I’m already naked and wet. ”
I raise a brow. “Just had a shower?”
“You know me too well. And yes. But I thought of you every time I touched myself.”
I laugh. “So you don’t need me to come home at all then.”
“Oh, no. I still need you to do that. I want to do dirty things to you.”
“You will have to wait, Mr Nymphomaniac. I told you, I’m going to Dad’s after work.”
His playful side turns serious.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” His voice is full of concern, and I know he would be right beside me in a flash if I said yes, but I need to do this on my own. Seeing Dad without Joel I feel will give us a better chance to talk things through.
“No, I’ll be fine.” I sigh, wanting nothing more to be curled up with Joel right now. “Just be ready for cuddles when I get home.”
“I can do more than cuddles.” I can hear the amusement in his tone.
“Why doesn’t this surprise me?”
I throw a half-used bottle of moisturiser into the rubbish bin.
“Because you know me too well.”
“Damn, right.”
“When are you heading over there? ”
I place my phone under my chin so I can tie the bag up before I head back out to the reception area, carrying it down the stairs and out the back door to the skip. “Not just yet. My last client cancelled on me, so I’ve sent Alice home and I’m going to stay here a little longer to finish clearing out the stock room. I should be out of here by six.”
“Well, Milo and I will be waiting for you.”
“Okay. Well, I’ll let you know when I’m leaving Dad’s and come straight to yours.” Shutting the fire door behind me, I head back up to the salon.
“Looking forward to it. I’ve missed you.”
I roll my eyes. “You saw me at lunch.”
“But you weren’t in the right headspace.”
My chest squeezes. I’ve not been in the right headspace since the weekend, and I don’t think I will be until I’ve spoken with him. I’m not expecting him to be all open arms and forgiveness, but a chance to talk things through—hopefully away from Lorna—is all I’m wanting.
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop that. You don’t have to be sorry for anything. We can get through this, Edie. I promise.”
“I hope so,” I whisper, not feeling as optimistic as Joel right now .
“Well go do your thing because the quicker you are out of there, the quicker I get you to myself.”
“Okay,” I smile. “Oh, Fitz.”
“Yeah?”
“Be naked when I get home.”
His low, dirty laugh rumbles down the earpiece as I reach the reception desk. “Already am, baby. I love you.”
“Love you more.”
I hang up and place my phone in my back pocket, but my smile is soon gone when I hear my words repeated sarcastically from behind me.
My blood runs cold as I turn to find Lorna standing at the entrance to one of my treatment rooms.
“Lorna. What are you doing here?” I ask, wondering how long she’s been standing there listening to my conversation.
“That’s no way to greet your mother, Edith.”
Her words instantly get my back up. “You are no mother of mine. Now answer the question.”
She smirks. “You always seem to be the root of everyone’s problems, Edith, don’t you? I mean, Nancy would still be here if it weren’t for having you.”
Anger rises in my chest at her vile words. “If all you’ve done is come here to throw insults at me then please leave.”
She picks up a bottle of lotion from the display stand and sniffs it, pulling a face when she inhales. The longer she stands there avoiding my question, the more rattled I become. I’m in two minds to text Joel to let him know of my unwanted visitor, but I don’t. I’ve had many disagreements and arguments with Lorna over the years and got through them and will get through this one, too—even if my confidence is nothing compared to what it was a week ago.
The way she is looking at me tells me everything she’s yet to say.
“I hope you’re pleased with yourself. This ridiculous statement you came out with the other night has done more damage than I think you realise.”
“Meaning?”
She goes over to the window, wiping her finger along the ledge and rubbing her fingers together, making out that it’s dusty. “Did it not occur to you what it would do to us as a family?”
“We’re not—”
“To your father?”
My stomach drops and panic grips my chest. “I was going to see him after—”
“He’s broken, Edith. What makes you think he would want to see you? He’s been betrayed by his daughter. He’s barely said a word, and that damage you have caused…”
“Lorna, I—”
“You should be ashamed of yourself. The stress is not good for a man his age. You could have given him a heart attack.”
All the air leaves my lungs, as I release a shaky breath and sit down on the desk chair. I’d never wanted it to be like this. To hurt Dad is the last thing I want, and having endless calls to him going straight to voicemail, I believe every word she’s saying.
“I need to see him. I need him to understand,” I say softly, feeling a lump form in the back of my throat.
“The best thing you can do now is leave him alone.”
“He’s my dad.”
“Well you should have thought about that before you ruined everything!” she yells, making me jump. “That’s all you ever do. You break people. Just by being around them, you cause damage and dismay.”
“That’s not true!” I yell back, now standing from my seat and rounding the reception area to gain some space because it’s quite clear she has come here for nothing other than an argument. “I just want to make this right. ”
“Then leave Joel.”
I’d known it wouldn’t take her long. She’s not come here for her. She hasn’t even come here for Dad. She’s come with one motive only and that is to see me and Joel split up. It’s like if Sophia can’t have him then no one can. I shake my head, standing my ground and speaking the truth. “No.”
“He’s better off without you.”
“I love him. I’ve always loved him.”
“Oh for goodness sake, Edith! It was one silly little kiss, a teenage crush. Everyone knows love isn’t based on that.”
“It wasn’t like that. It was spending years by his side and getting to know the man he is. The man I knew he would always be. That’s why I fell in love with him. Yet I wasn’t allowed that, and you and Sophia made damn well sure that a relationship with Joel would never happen. I spent years watching from the sidelines while you both smirked and laughed at me every chance you got.”
She steps closer, causing me to step back. “You’re delusional.”
“You both saw an opportunity that resulted in popularity and a bigger bank balance, and you pushed her towards him like my feelings never mattered.”
“Because they didn’t! And they still don’t. You are nothing— nothing —like my Sophia. Their love was noticeable from the start. Something you would never understand."
"I can assure you I know what love feels like," I spit back, stepping back from her again because the closer she gets the more trapped I feel—the more enraged I feel.
"Yes. But you don't know what it's like to have it in return. You're not the lovable kind. Look at Leon: even he ended up looking the other way. You are nothing, and Joel will see that one day."
Her words sting, but I fight back, keeping my composure when I could easily rip the voice box from her throat. “You’re wrong. Joel loves me. What we have is special. It’s real.”
The same cunning laugh leaves her. "Darling, can’t you see you're just his constellation prize?"
"He loves me! Why can’t you accept that?"
“Oh, open your damn eyes, Edith,” she snaps, throwing her arms in the air. “It’s been a year. You're nothing more than a rebound. Can't you see that? You’re the first woman he’s been with since Sophia. The first woman to make him feel good. The first woman to say all the right things at a time when he’s still grieving. Why else would he tell you he loves you so soon? The man is confused. He’s still suffering."
I shake my head, not wanting to believe her words. She’s got this all wrong. Joel told me he loved me because of what we have not what we are. He feels it just like I do. He loves me for me not because of what he’s lost. She’s wrong.
"That's not true.”
“Your denial is laughable.”
She needs to go. I’m not going to win this argument because the fire in her eyes says it all. “You need to leave."
"He'll wake up soon enough and realise what a mistake you are."
“You are wrong.”
“Get your head out of the clouds. The love he and my daughter had was one of a kind. You will never have that. Never!”
I step closer, needing her to know exactly what her precious daughter was like. “The love they had was built on lies. It was toxic.”
“Your jealousy does not make you look pretty. She was everything to him as Joel was to her. They were going to start a family.”
“Well, if she loved him that much then why did she loathe the idea of birthing you a grandchild!” I roar.
“How dare you!” She walks towards me, forcing me back step-by-step. The look in her eyes is a storm of fury but one I know I’ve got hold of. I’ve hurt her, and I latch onto that with so much strength because, for the first time in my life of facing this woman, I finally have the power.
“Does the truth hurt, Lorna? Does it make your stomach churn knowing your spectacular, she-can-do-no-wrong Sophia loved her wage packet more than having a family? Joel loved her, I believe that, but your daughter was nothing more than a selfish and heartless bitch who cared about no one’s feelings but her own. And she certainly never cared about him. It’s about time you got your head around that.”
“If there’s one thing I’ve had to get my head around it’s why she had to die in that accident and not you!”
Rage, like I’ve never known it before blazes through my body, and before I can stop myself, my hand rises and makes contact with her face. Hard. My hand burns and for a second, sweet satisfaction rushes through my veins because I’ve fought back. But the look on my stepmother’s face sends a deathly chill down my spine, and I’m suddenly filled with regret.
“You little bitch.”
Everything happens fast, and before I realise quite what’s going on, I’m stepping back to get away from her when she grabs my hair like a schoolgirl in the playground waiting for a catfight—a catfight I realise I’m not going to win when I feel my feet reach the edge of the stairs.
“Lorna, stop!”
“You think you can hit me and get away with it? Huh? Did you not learn anything as a child, you stupid, little girl?”
Red-hot pain races down my back as she pulls my hair harder, tilting my head back so much that I hear my neck crack. My hands are everywhere, trying to fight her off whilst reaching out to grab hold of the banister at the same time. My heart is in my throat, my mind racing with what is happening and my body clammy from the panic. The soles of my feet are like a seesaw on the edge of the wooden step. Her harsh growl in my ear seems to make everything go in slow motion, and I see my fate flash in her eyes before it’s even happened.
“You are a disgrace. Do you hear me? No one loves you, Edith, and no one cares!”
“Lorna. Plea—”
With a hard shove from her, I lose grip and my body flies back. The lights of the salon blind my eyes as Lorna’s sick laugh echoes around me before pain rips through my shoulder from the first thud.
I tumble down the stairs, hard and fast, my body feeling like it’s snapping in every direction. I come to an abrupt stop at the bottom, my head receiving the final blow as I make contact with the corner of the wood. Everything is so still, right before the impact of my fall hits my body like a freight train and I cry out.
The sound of footsteps from above me comes to a halt and she stands above me, saying nothing.
“Lor… Please,” I whisper, the excruciating pain in my shoulder taking my breath away.
“Oh, Edith. Look at what you’ve gone and done now.” Her tone is soft but full of sarcasm and cruelty as she leans over me. “If you want to make this right, leave him. If you don’t, I will destroy you and everyone around you.” Her words ring in my ears before she rips my mother’s necklace from my neck and heads out of the door.
“No…” I cry. “Don’t go.” I try to move, but the red-hot pain between my shoulders is too much. Blood comes from somewhere on my head and it pounds so hard, nausea rolls my stomach.
But I have to keep trying. I need my phone. Putting more pressure on my front, I use my good arm to reach around to my back pocket, crying out because I don’t know where I hurt the most. When I finally get it, I breathe through the pain as best as I can, knowing I’m going to need any energy I have left to call for help. My screen is cracked, but I find the number and hit it, trying to focus on something because I can see stars.
“Hey, babe. Have you been to your da—”
“Joel…” I weep, trying to catch my breath because each one feels like razors are slicing into me. “N-need… You.”
“Edith. What’s wrong? Where are you?” The sheer panic in his voice breaks my heart.
I swallow, finding my words. “W-work. A-accident.”
My eyes are heavy.
“Hurry,” I whisper, right before everything goes black.