Chapter 56
Troy
P regnant . The word whispered in my ear over and over, like a song on loop, as I rode in the elevator down to the lobby of the hospital. I knew it was wrong to leave Monica right now, after everything she had been through, but especially after she told me she was pregnant with our baby. I just didn’t know how to stay in that room as the walls felt like they were closing in on me, making it difficult to breathe or think.
I bumped into Erica on my way out, but offered no explanation as to why I was leaving. The words couldn’t be formed in my head to make their way out of my mouth, so I continued walking until I was safely in the elevator being pulled away from the life I didn’t know if I would ever figure out.
Out on the curb, I hesitated before hailing a cab, knowing full well it was the wrong choice. I saw the hurt in Monica’s eyes as I slowly backed away from her, from our baby. How much more of an asshole could I be? But the truth was, I didn’t have control over my body at that moment. It moved on its own, paralyzed by fear. I looked up at the hospital, the glass windows staring down at me like judgmental eyes. I shook my head and stuck my hand out for a cab.
A yellow car pulled up promptly and I slid inside.
“Go,” I said numbly.
“Go where?” asked the driver.
That was a great question, when I was leaving everything I loved behind here. I gave him the address for my office. I didn’t know why, but it’s the first thing I blurted out. As the cab pulled away from the curb, I leaned my head against the backseat and tried to remedy the pounding in my head. It was as if all of the adrenaline from the day had worn off and now I was left with the thoughts I needed to sort through.
Veronica. Arrested and insane.
Monica. Concussed and pregnant with my baby.
Me. Completely lost in life and about to become a dad.
That about summed it up.
I sighed heavily and closed my eyes, but all I saw in the darkness was the image of our baby. I saw the head and the arms and the legs. It was a real human, growing inside of Monica. It didn’t even seem real, and to know that it had equal parts of me and her inside it was enough to make me bite back tears. I was terrified to screw it all up.
A baby was not on my radar. It was something I had never thought about. It never came up between Veronica and me, and thank God it hadn’t, knowing how that story ended. I never saw myself as a father. Probably because I had such a poor one myself. I didn’t think I would be any good at it because I didn’t have one to look up to, so I never gave it a second thought. I figured I would lead a bachelor life forever, focusing on business and only needing a woman to fulfill the primal need when it arose.
But then Monica came along, and everything I had expected for my life went out the window. But a baby…that was big. Forever life-altering.
The cab slowed to a stop outside my office building. I paid the driver and climbed out of the car, staring up at the dark concrete building that loomed before me. There was very little light coming from the windows. Everyone had gone home for the evening. I was thankful for the solitude.
I walked through the large glass doors and past the security guard, a different one from this morning. He eyed me curiously as I passed, probably holding back the questions he so badly wanted to ask after seeing everything that played out on the news today. I loosened my tie that felt like it was suffocating me and kept walking toward the elevator.
The floor of my office was empty and the lights dim. The cleaning crew wouldn’t be here for another few hours, which meant I could sit in the quiet and think. I entered my office, not bothering to turn on the lights, and sat down at my desk. I removed my tie and slid off my jacket as exhaustion slammed into me. I should have just gone home to sleep it off.
I saw Monica’s desk just through the door and could almost picture her sitting there typing on her computer. I realized I missed her and felt like a coward for how I had reacted when she had told me about the baby. She had just found out herself. I’m sure she was just as terrified as I was.
How could I face her again after what I had just done to her? She probably hated me for leaving her when she needed me the most. I hated myself for it, but my brain needed time to process everything. It needed to catch up after all that had happened in the past several hours.
I heard footsteps approaching down the hall, coming in my direction. They were heavy on the marble floors, and I wondered who was here after hours.
“Troy!” I heard the familiar bark of my father’s voice breaking the silence. “Where the hell are you?”
I grimaced. The last thing I needed was to see my father right now. I stayed quiet in the darkness of my office, hoping he would walk past me.
“I know you’re in here. Security saw you come up.”
The light above me turned on, making me blink a few times against the harsh fluorescent cast that filled my office. Then I saw my father standing in the doorway, his face red and his eyes dancing wildly.
“What the hell are you doing?” he asked.
“Just needed to think.”
“Think? Ha! What a luxury to leave the retreat early to think ,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
“A lot happened today, Dad…”
“Oh? You think I don’t know?” He began pacing my office. “After you left the retreat, embarrassing me and my reputation, I got a call that my helicopter was chartered out. Next thing I knew, I saw it on the news in a goddamn police chase. What were you thinking?”
“I was—”
“I’m not finished,” my father snapped. “Now they’re saying you were romantically involved with that assistant of yours. Is that true?”
I looked up at him and only saw anger in his eyes. There was not a ripple of worry or concern about what I had gone through today. The only thing he cared about was his reputation. He was so damn selfish and self-absorbed. Something in me snapped.
“That’s all you fucking care about, isn’t it?” I asked, my voice narrow.
“Excuse me?”
“You don’t care that someone could have died today. Your own son could have died today. You don’t care that people got hurt. You don’t care about any of it, so long as your image stays pristine. Well, I’m sorry that I tarnished your image by caring about someone more than I care about myself. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you? You don’t even care about your own wife.”
“Watch it, boy,” said my father, stopping in his tracks and shooting me a look.
“You think I didn’t see you at the restaurant? At the strip club? You’re a disgusting excuse for a husband. An even worse father. If you’re so worried about your reputation, maybe you should start acting dignified yourself.”
“How dare you!” seethed my father.
“No, how dare you! ” I said, standing from my desk. “I can’t believe I used to look up to you. I can’t believe I chose the same path as you just because I thought it would make you proud, but nothing will ever please you. I see that now.”
“Oh, boo-hoo.” He put on a sarcastic pout that I wanted to slap off his face. “I’m sorry that billions of dollars doesn’t make you happy.”
“It doesn’t. None of this does,” I said, looking around my office.
“Oh, and I supposed your assistant makes you happy?” He laughed.
“She does, actually. And I almost lost her today. Not that you care.”
“If you are, in fact, involved with her, then that is the last straw. You’re fired. You’re done. I warned you, Troy.” My father pointed a finger at me, the smug look on his face now pulled into a frown.
“No need to fire me because I quit.”
“Think carefully about what you’re saying, Troy…” he warned.
“I have thought about it. I quit. I hate this job. I have no interest in making the rich richer, and I have no interest in working under you. I’m nearly forty years old, yet you treat me like a child.”
“Then don’t act like one. You think screwing your assistant is wise?”
“I don’t know. I could ask you the same thing about Kathy.”
“Watch it, boy,” he repeated
“And I’m not just screwing my assistant. I’m in love with her.”
My dad scoffed.
“In fact, we’re having a baby.”
It was the first time I had said it out loud, making it even more real. I wished the first person I told wasn’t my father, but it seemed to knock the air out of him temporarily. For a moment, I thought he would see that I really meant what I said. That I was happy with her. That it was real. That he was going to be a grandfather. I should have known it was wishful thinking.
“How stupid can you be?” he asked finally, his voice almost a whisper. “You let her trap you. She doesn’t love you. She loves the money.”
“That’s not true,” I said, taking a step toward him.
“Yes, it is. That’s exactly what whores like her do.”
His words bit into me like poison and filled me with rage. I pulled my arm back and punched him straight in the face. I watched as he fell to the floor, almost in slow motion, his eyes following me as he met the ground. I felt no remorse, just satisfaction.
“How dare you!” he spat, blood falling from his mouth.
I stood over him and pointed at him. “Don’t you ever talk about her like that again. You will not disrespect her. Or me. Ever again.”
I stepped over him and walked out the door of my office, down the dimly lit hallway, and into the elevator. I knew my father wouldn’t hesitate to call security on me. I needed to get out of here as fast as possible. Away from him and the evil man he had proven himself to be. I had known it all along, but was too scared to cut ties because, at the end of the day, he was my father. But he wasn’t a good person. I saw that clearly now.
I walked out of the building, feeling free of it and the job that tied me to it. Feeling free of my father who sat bleeding in my office. My hand throbbed from where my fist met his mouth. I shook it out as I hailed a cab.
This time, I knew exactly where I was going. I was going back to the hospital to be with Monica to beg for her forgiveness, and to prove that I was ready to be the father to our baby. She was the love of my life, and as scared as I was to be a father, I wanted to do it with her. Thanks to my own father, I knew exactly what not to do. That was enough confidence for me.
The cab could not get to her fast enough. Our life together could not start fast enough.