Cayden
TWENTY-SEVEN
I fist my grip tighter around the sweatshirt until my knuckles turn white. It feels like everything is slowly slipping through my fingers, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
What was I thinking, inviting Luna for a casual ice cream date with Scar and me? When I’m around her, all my control starts to slip, and I do and say things that I swore I would never do.
Seeing her wearing another man’s number shook me to the core, and I’m still reeling from the aftermath. Not liking it is an understatement.
I fucking hated it.
I couldn’t get it off of her fast enough. My entire being was screaming inside that it should be me.
That my number belonged there—no one else’s.
And now…
Now, my daughter is holding Luna’s hand and acting like it’s the most natural thing in the world for the three of us to stroll down the sidewalk…like she belongs here.
I glance at the two of them interacting, and Scar’s excitement is obvious in her bright blue eyes. Luna has us both under her spell, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it except pray like hell it doesn’t destroy me in the end.
Loosening the grip on the sweatshirt, I think of tossing it in the garbage can we just passed by, but if it belongs to Savi, it’s not her fault Luna found it and decided to wear it. Besides, if it had never happened, she wouldn’t be wearing my team right now, covering her perfect little body.
It’s oversized like the other one and almost hits her knees, but it’s also the sexiest thing to see her wearing my clothes. If a hoodie can be this sexy, I can’t even imagine what seeing her naked in one of my t-shirts would do to me, let alone my jersey.
I have a feeling seeing her wear my number might be the one thing I couldn’t recover from.
“Ice cweam!” Scar lets go of my hand to point at the smoothie and ice cream sign as we arrive at the building.
It’s even cuter at night with the lights strung out under the awning and a couple of tall heaters on either side putting out a warm ambiance for anyone who wants to enjoy the tables outside.
“My mom’s best friend works here,” Luna tells Scarlett. “I bet I can get you extra gummy bears on your ice cream.”
“Yes,” she squeals, running inside with Luna while I hold the door.
The place is adorable inside, with wooden floors and a few tables scattered about, each with wooden games of some sort laid out for families to play while they enjoy their treats. I recognize some of the local handmade items on the shelves that her dance studio and yoga place have.
Something catches my eye, and I touch the dainty bracelet with the crescent moon.
“Is that sea glass?” I touch the smooth green glass and look closer.
“It is,” Luna grins. “My Mimi makes those. She loves to comb the beaches up and down the coast looking for the perfect pieces. She’s been making little moons for me since I was about Scarlett’s age.”
“Little moon,” I murmur, remembering the exact words that came to mind when I gave her a nickname.
I scan the other various pieces, and see another bracelet that’s made with a pink braided rope with a little moon sitting in the center. On either side of the moon are two small gold stars completing the night sky.
“Scarlett would love that,” Luna whispers. “Stars are her favorite, and it’s pink,” she smiles before taking my daughter’s hand and leading her to the counter.
I hold the bracelet and run my thumb over the smooth little moon.
Stars and a moon.
Emotions rise as my throat gets thick and heavy.
Two completely different signs, both beautiful and unique in their own way.
Both are a part of Scarlett’s life in one way or another.
Is this a sign?
Do I even believe in signs?
I rub the ache in my chest and wonder what it could mean.
Feeling pulled to buy it, but not sure why, I take it with me to the counter, where Scarlett and Luna are busy trying samples. I watch them giggle and talk about which ones they like, and it’s easy to let their infectious energy seep in as my lips twitch at the corner in their direction.
“You must be Cayden.” I turn my attention to an attractive older woman with beautiful green eyes, who smiles at me. “I’m Maya. Maverick and Sophia’s mom.”
“It’s nice to finally meet you,” I smile. “Mav and Sophia are good people. You must be so proud.”
“I can’t take all the credit,” she laughs, “my husband, Matt, deserves half, but thank you. I am really proud,” she beams.
“So what can I get you? I think Luna and your beautiful little girl here decided on brownie fudge with extra gummy bears.”
“I’ll just take a scoop of vanilla, please,” I chuckle.
“Can you get any more boring?” Luna laughs before pointing at the toppings. “He’ll also take some cookie dough toppings and throw in a couple of gummy bears too…the red ones.”
“You got it,” Maya says, smiling wider when she looks between Luna and me before getting busy with our order.
“Vanilla is not boring,” I argue to Luna. “It’s the staple of ice cream. I’m pretty sure ice cream started with vanilla, so it’s like the king of all ice creams.”
“And then the queen came along and made a variety of non-boring flavors,” she laughs. “It wouldn’t hurt you to step out of your comfort zone once in a while. There’s a whole world out there to explore.”
“I’m pretty sure you blew my comfort zone to shreds from the moment I met you,” I snort under my breath.
“I didn’t hear you complaining this afternoon,” she leans over and whispers with a cheeky smile on her lips.
“And now who’s trying to rile up who?” I ask, watching her eyes gleam with a playful naughtiness that has me wanting to bend her over my knee for several reasons…wearing Knox’s number earlier to start.
“It’s the most fun I’ve had in years,” she grins, throwing my words back at me.
Maya hands us our ice cream, and I pay for the bracelet, leaving a generous tip because she insisted the ice cream was on the house before following the girls outside.
They are eating at a small table, and Scarlett is already busy putting the Connect 4 circles down in the slots to try to fill up all the spaces as if that’s the whole point of the game.
Taking a bite of my ice cream, the cookie dough hits my tongue, and I have to admit it tastes damn good mixed with the vanilla.
“So? Tell me that isn’t better with the dough pieces,” Luna smiles, taking a bite of her chocolate ice cream.
“It isn’t better with the dough pieces,” I repeat.
“Liar,” she laughs, causing me to chuckle.
She scoops out some brownie fudge with a gummy bear on top and holds it out to me. “Try this. It’s mind-blowing,” she smiles, her eyes shining bright.
I watch her as I take the bite she offered and enjoy the gooey brownie mixed with the chocolate ice cream.
It’s fucking fantastic, but I decide to go another route.
“I’ve had better on my tongue. My dessert this afternoon being one,” I smile wickedly, sitting back and plopping a red gummy bear in my mouth.
Her mouth drops open, and her face heats up, giving me the reaction I wanted as I smugly sit back in my chair.
“Don’t you know by now that I’m always the one to take the last bite.
If you want to play this little game of who can rile who the most,” I add, leaning forward and catching the smear of chocolate on the corner of her lip with my thumb before sucking it off my skin, “you will lose,” I grin.
I watch her throat bob, clearly affected by my touch, and I’m enjoying every minute of it.
Something dangerous crosses those big green eyes of hers as I watch her scoop up some ice cream, and my pulse suddenly kicks up.
Her eyes close in bliss, and damn if she doesn’t let out a soft, sexy moan as she enjoys every last bit on her spoon, making sure her tongue licks every last drop.
When she’s finally done, I’m hard as a fucking rock and know I’m in way over my head with this girl.
“You’re wrong, goalie,” she smiles seductively. “This is one game you aren’t going to win.”
And that right there…is what fucking terrifies me the most.
“I believe this is yours,” I say, throwing the sweatshirt at Stone the next day in the gym as he slowly sets down his weights.
Eyeing me warily, he picks up the hoodie, and a smile plays on his lips. “I was wondering where that went. Savi was looking for it the other night. She loves this old thing,” he chuckles. “Where did you find it?”
“Luna was wearing it,” I say, keeping it short and my emotions in check as I sit at the machine next to him and load on the weights.
“Oh, I see,” he says, suppressing a smile as I continue to ignore him. “Savi must have left it in Crystal Isle when we went to see her brother. Thanks for bringing it back.”
I grunt in response as I do my first rep.
“Coach told me you’ve been going to those restorative yoga sessions and it’s been helping,” he says, casually, and I know exactly where this is going. “Imagine my surprise when he mentioned Luna Bennett was the teacher.”
“Yeah, well, it was a surprise to me, too.” I grab the towel beside me and run it over my face before doing another set.
“You're seriously going to give me nothing here? Come on, man, I saw you two at the wedding. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of her, and now you come in here and act like you’re two seconds from punching me in the face because she was wearing my number,” he chuckles, picking up his water bottle and taking a swig.
When I remain silent, his grin only gets wider in my peripheral vision. “Just answer me this one question, and then I’ll let it go.” He takes my grunt as a yes and leans over closer, his blue eyes full of mischief. “How did it make you feel when you saw my number on her back?”
Ice rolls through my veins, and I grip the machine harder as I clamp down on my molars. My eyes bore into his as my heavy breath flares my nostrils.
It shouldn’t affect me this much…I know it shouldn’t. I don’t want it to affect me this much.
But the cold, hard truth is that it does. Thousands of fans wear my number every day, and I don’t so much as bat an eye. Thousands more wear my teammates, and I couldn't care less.
But this one particular girl out of millions wears one that isn’t mine, and I fucking lose it.
“I fucking hated it,” I admit quietly. “And I fucking hate it even more that I hated it in the first place.”
Stone’s eyes turn soft, and he sighs deeply. If anyone understands what I’m going through, it would be him. He didn’t lose a wife, but he understands loss and wanting to push away anything that could make you feel again.
“I had the same reaction with Savi when she wore Hayes’s number, which you were in on if I remember correctly,” he says, with a pointed look.
“If you feel anything remotely close to what I feel right now, I’m sorry we did that,” I say with a slight chuckle, feeling a little tension drop away.
“I hated it at the time, trust me,” he laughs dryly, “but it also made me realize how much I had already considered her mine.”
“And that’s the problem. She can’t be mine,” I say, blowing out a restrained breath. “At least not all the way. How the hell can I stop selfishly taking all that she wants to give me when I can’t give her all of me in return?”
“Can’t give or won’t?” He asks quietly.
I sit with what he said and realize that it’s not the guilt or grief anymore that’s holding me back.
I’ll always carry a piece of Jules with me, and nobody can ever take that away.
Somewhere along the way, the guilt isn’t suffocating me anymore.
I found a way to let it go, and for the past few weeks, I’ve been… happy.
And Luna is the big reason why.
No, it’s not the guilt that’s holding me back…it’s fear.
Fear of loving someone again…of losing someone again.
Fear that if I give someone all of me again, I’m no longer in control of the outcome. My heart barely survived the first time.
A second time…there would be no more left of me.
“Won’t,” I say finally. “I won’t go down that road again. Scar needs me.” I load more weights onto my machine and push myself with another rep.
“Scar needs a daddy who’s happy…who’s living, not just going through the motions,” he says, grabbing his towel off the floor.
“Take it from me, who wasted years being unhappy and numb inside, it’s not worth it.
You don’t have to have all the answers right now, Blade, but don’t shut yourself off completely to loving someone again.
Luna makes you happy,” he says, patting me on the shoulder and standing up.
“We’ve all seen the change in you, and it would be a shame to see it go. ”
He walks away, leaving me more confused than ever, not knowing what the right answers are.
And maybe he’s right. I don’t have to have all the answers now. All I know is that I’m not ready to walk away from what I have with Luna now.
I do my last rep, Stone’s words refusing to let me go.
Could I ever walk away?
Because the truth is…I already feel like she’s mine.