Chapter 28 Jimmy
Jimmy
“What is with you lately? Becca barks.
“What are you talking about?” I snap back.
I look over at her sitting on the loveseat. She throws her hands up. “What am I talking about? This Jimmy! It’s like you’re not even here.”
“I am here,” I argue, “I’m just watching TV right now.”
She jumps up. “Oh my God. See. You don’t even get it. It’s not just about right this second.”
“Then what is it about? What do you want me to say?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know. Something? Anything? I don’t know what’s happened to you recently, but you are not yourself. Do you remember anything I’ve said to you since you sat down on that couch?”
Realizing I don’t, I give her the apology she’s looking for. “No, I don’t. I’m sorry. I just have a lot going on at the moment.” Not a lie.
But to my surprise, she gets angrier. “Like WHAT?! I’m assuming work? Because it’s not me. It’s not your mom. Because I’M taking care of her. I just gave you an update on her, and you didn’t hear a damn word I said.”
“Yes, with work actually. We have a manager on maternity leave at one location, renovations happening at another, and potentially firing a manager at another.” I yell as I jump up. “But never mind. Just forget it!” My stomps echo up the staircase as I storm to the office.
I hear her continuing, but I slam the door and go back to the message I got a few minutes ago.
I'm busy tomorrow.
Busy tomorrow? Tomorrow is Tuesday. We always meet on Tuesdays. I write back.
You're not busy. You're never busy on Tuesdays.
She responds quickly. But her quickness doesn’t seem to be from excitement anymore.
Yeah, well I am now.
Okay. What is your problem right now?
I roll my eyes, getting angrier. Once again, she responds right away.
I don't have a problem. I'm sure you could find something else to do. Like work.
Then she sends a separate one.
Maybe your wife wants to do something with you.
I smack the phone down on the bed and take two deep breaths in my hands, my temper rising.
The last couple of days have been different with her. I thought the night we got to spend together went great. She asked about the future, we talked about it, then had a great evening, and the next day.
But then with each day that’s passed, she’s gotten more like this.
What did she expect me to do? Just come home and announce that I am leaving the next day?
It’s not that simple. We have this house, we have our vehicles, we have our pets, and plenty of other things that are going to need to be sorted out.
I don’t understand her lack of patience with the situation, especially when I am giving her everything I can right now.
I'm coming to see you.
Immediately, I get,
No you're not.
I ignore her protest. It’s almost her break time. I get up and grab my shoes just as Becca comes around the corner.
“Where are you going? Dinner is done.”
“I have to take care of something.”
She doesn’t even respond, just rolls her eyes and storms away.
It only takes me fifteen minutes to get to the hospital, and her break is in ten. I find her car and then sit on the curb to wait. Twelve minutes after I arrive, she comes around the corner and jumps, startled to see me.
“God, you scared the crap out of me. What are you doing here?”
“Because we obviously need to talk,” I say as I stand up.
“About what? You can’t wrap your head around the idea that I may have plans that don’t revolve around you?” she says back coldly.
“No. See. This is what I’m talking about. Why are you being like this?”
“Like what?”
At this point, I know she’s just playing dumb to piss me off. I throw my hands up. “You know what, never mind. I don’t know what happened to you, but you’re being impossible all of a sudden.”
She raises her voice. “You don’t know what happened to me?” She laughs. “That’s funny because I told you EXACTLY what happened. YOU happened. YOU made me like this. I am sick of being used as a toy when you’re bored. I’m not a dumb teenager anymore!” She yells that last part.
“I am TRYING,” I respond loudly through my gritted teeth, then bring my volume down, “Would you stop yelling, please?”
She rolls her eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry, am I being too loud?
God forbid anyone find out. Wouldn’t want your wife to know, right?
Then what? She’d be screaming at you, too, right?
Yet you’re still asking me what my problem is.
” She laughs again, shaking her head as she turns back to the car, fumbling with her keys.
“Maybe she should be. Maybe if she were screaming like me, you’d actually listen to her. ”
I grab her arm to stop her from opening the car door.
“Okay. I’m SORRY.” I turn her around to face me and see that she’s crying.
“Baby, I am trying, I promise. Please hear me.” I pause, then say the three words we finally shared the other day.
I say them slowly, so she hears each one. “I. Love. You.”
She avoids my eye contact, so I lift her chin, making her look right at me.
Her eyes finally lock on mine, and we stare at each other for a few seconds.
“I don’t want to keep doing this, Jimmy.
I can’t. I’m done sneaking around. This should’ve never started in the first place, and we’re going nowhere.
I can’t do it anymore.” She wipes her cheek. “I can’t love you and not be with you.”
“I know, I know. Just please see me tomorrow.” I plead as I wipe a tear from her other cheek with my thumb.
Her eyes dart away again, looking back at the ground. Her foot is tapping anxiously. I keep talking. “This is a lot for me too, and being with you makes nothing else matter.” She continues to stare at her tapping foot until finally mumbling, “Ok."
“Yes? Thank God.” A deep exhale escapes my lungs. She looks up and tries not to smile, so I kiss her. “Sorry for taking almost your whole break,” I say as we lean our foreheads together. “See you tomorrow?"
She nods, and I grab her face with both hands for one last deep, reassuring kiss before heading back to my car.