11. She Saw the Wild Mare Unleashed
She Saw the Wild Mare Unleashed
Lola
My knees ached. I’d been crouched on the laundry room floor too long.
The glass door of the washing machine hung open. The pink sheets had been stripped off my bed and stuffed inside, but one pillowcase stayed balled in my fist. I couldn’t bring myself to toss it in and snap the door shut.
Stop being so stupid . Forget him .
My heart twisted. I couldn’t. Not completely. A trace of Aiden’s cologne lingered in the pink fabric, barely more than a whisper, but it was my only proof of the night we shared. The hollow place inside me clung to that memory. I didn’t want to let it go.
Sighing, I rose to my feet, flicked the washing machine door closed, and pressed “Go.” A chirp, and the cycle started. My thoughts swirled faster than the water tumbling with the sheets inside.
Maybe Aiden wasn’t really what I struggled to let go of. Maybe it was losing the hope of him. I was fine alone, but just fine. Was it selfish to want more?
My parents had a beautiful marriage. My sister was a train wreck, but her marriage was strong, too.
I was nothing like my sister. I was cobbled together from the bits of junk left over after my parents created something wonderful the first time around.
Broken Lola only chose broken men. Aiden.
Chris. All the boyfriends before them who’d put me last, even though I’d only ever begged them to love me.
My relationships were just like all the dolls and stuffed bears I’d owned as a little girl. I’d tended to them so tenderly, healing all their imaginary booboos, but never received a kiss or a whispered thank you. I’d known my future—to love but never be loved back.
Sweet, simple, stupid Lola.
With the pillowcase still scrunched in my fist, I wandered through the back door and inside the cottage, not quite sure what to do next. I found myself in front of my wardrobe, staring at the battered suitcase on the top shelf.
I almost laughed. I’d been so naive. I’d thought my days of hiding secrets were over. Not yet. I had one more.
I dragged the suitcase down, dropped it on the bed, unzipped it, and after taking a deep breath, flipped it open.
I lifted the binder of my personal papers and pushed away old photographs and mementos.
The faded pink pillowcase was still tucked underneath.
My fingertips traced the worn fabric. No money from my escape fund was left, but the bump of the engagement ring with its teardrop diamond was still hidden inside.
Carefully, I slipped Aiden’s pillowcase on top.
What a strange pair they made. Old hopes— failures —mixed with new.
“No more,” I said out loud.
If no one was going to put me first, I needed to put myself first. The change had to start with me. Inside me.
I’d proven to myself that I could be brave. I’d risked everything for a chance to be something more than Chris’s disappointment and my parents’ other daughter when I’d moved to Richmond. I’d quietly quit my job and disappeared.
But I was done hiding.
My gaze shifted to the nightstand. A new book waited for me— The Scars That Don’t Show: Rebuilding Your Life After Domestic Violence . I’d start reading it later. More self-help books were on the way. An appointment with an online therapist was booked, too.
My phone blinked on the nightstand. I bent over. A new message from my mother.
Mum
No more of this nonsense. Come stay with us. We miss you.
My father had sent one too.
Dad
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
My lips twitched. My parents tried. Despite my bitterness, I knew they loved me in their own way, but taking the next step in my life was up to me.
I reached for my phone and tapped messages to both of them. The first were for Mum.
Lola
I’m getting stronger every day, Mum. My friend even asked me to join a dance class with her.
Love you.
The fact that I hadn’t agreed to the dance class made no difference. Mum would be stoked—dancing and a friend. Finally, I wouldn’t be the social outcast she’d always feared. But there would be no more false promises to call. My boundaries were just as important as her happiness.
The next messages were for my dad.
Lola
No eye deer, Dad.
Hope the caravan is holding up to the punishment of the outback roads. Miss you.
A quick shove sent my suitcase back to the top shelf of the wardrobe.
I peeled off my daggy jeans and T-shirt, tossed them on the bed, and ran my fingers over the clothes hangers.
So many pretty new dresses. I could buy whatever I liked and wear what I wanted now.
It was a simple pleasure most people took for granted, but one that still made my heart sing.
A gingham sundress yanked over my head, sandals slipped on, and a light sweep of makeup—I was ready. My tiny cottage was my refuge, but I couldn’t waste my new life hiding behind the safety of four walls. I knew how quickly freedom could be snatched away.
I grabbed my bag off the hook by the door, marched outside, and headed for town.
It was time to be brave again.
The crowd at the village markets swarmed around me. I weaved through the people, smiling and nodding, saying hello, pretending I was fine.
Totally fine.
I stopped at a stall to sniff the handmade candles, and at another, I sifted through the piles of second-hand books. My bag filled up quickly. A patient I’d seen once or twice sidled up to me as I thumbed through some knitting patterns. Her white powder puff dog yapped at my feet.
“How are you, dear?” she asked, patting my arm.
Brooke had warned me that word travelled fast in a small town, but I wasn’t prepared for this . Interest. Sympathy. I’d never missed the anonymity of the city more.
“I’m good.” I forced a cheerful bubble in my voice with sheer willpower. “The weather’s nice today.”
She tutted me gently. “Talking about the weather.” Her lips stretched in a pitying smile. “Brave girl.”
I slipped my arm free from her grip, offered a weak goodbye, and disappeared back into a crowd. But not for long. Other women stopped to say hello. More gentle nudges of encouragement.
Then came the tip of a wide-brimmed leather hat and a smile creasing a bronze, weathered face. Ryan Hollyoak.
“Morning, Dr. Hughes,” he said.
“Hello.” I owed Ryan more than a simple hello for stepping in, but overwhelming the poor man by throwing my arms around him would be too much.
“Thank you…for…” A rush of nerves made me break out with a smile before I could finish thanking him properly.
I wasn’t used to talking to men outside of work. “Well, thank you…for…that.”
Ryan’s smile widened as he dipped his chin. “An honour, ma’am.”
“I…” An honour?
“I s’pose everyone’s trying to bend your ear today?”
“I do seem to have found myself the topic of conversation.” I looked helplessly around the crowded hall. “I really wish I weren’t.”
“Small towns.” He chuckled. “Living here’s a bit like the rain. You can’t fight it. You’ve just gotta make it through the downpour, and then you’re all good. Everyone will move on to the next thing soon enough.”
“I hope so.”
“Just don’t let a small-minded fool like Evan Barnes get under your skin. He doesn’t speak for all of us. It’d be a sorry day if we lost a good doctor because of the likes of him.”
The mention of Evan’s name made my heart thud faster, but I tightened my grip on my bag, determined to stay strong. “I’m not going anywhere,” I reassured Ryan. “You’re all stuck with me.”
“Glad to hear it.” Smiling, he tipped his hat to say goodbye.
My steps slowed to a shuffle between the next stalls. When I heard Rose’s shrill voice call out my name, I wanted to lift the red tablecloth skirting the cake stall, crawl underneath, and never be seen again.
“Yoohoo!” Rose wasn’t giving up. “Dr. Hughes!” Gnarled hands shot out, clutching around my arm to snatch me from the crowd.
The church ladies fenced me in so I couldn’t escape. Rose in her prim navy-blue suit. Enid, beside her, flustered, fingers fussing with her white hair. Yolanda, silent and still, hovered behind the wall of cakes and biscuits, her steely eyes fixed on me.
I straightened my spine, ready. Inquisition incoming . I could feel it.
Rose kept a tight hold of my arm. “You seemed to be having a very friendly conversation with the young Hollyoak.”
“A nice boy,” Edith added.
Rose snorted. “Boy.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Oh, honey, he’s all man now.”
Edith squealed a laugh. “Oh, you wicked thing!”
Rose turned to me. “Ryan is a respectable man. His family owns the cattle station outside town. Did you know?” I had no idea, but she didn’t wait for me to answer. “Five generations in these parts.” She smiled sweetly. “He’d make a wonderful husband.”
My cheeks heated. Rose was about as subtle as a sledgehammer in a room full of delicate porcelain plates. I shot down any talk of dating by saying, “I’m really not looking—”
“Ryan’s always talked about wanting a family of his own,” Edith interrupted.
Rose nodded in agreement. “And you can hardly blame him. Stuck out there in the valley with only his father and a bunch of hairy cows for company! That homestead has been too long without a woman’s touch. He was only a boy when he lost his sweet mother.”
Edith angled herself closer and whispered, “Ovarian cancer.”
I forced a tight smile. Those were Ryan’s secrets to share, not something to be discussed in front of a stranger. My gaze searched for Yolanda. What did she make of all this gossiping? Her eyes narrowed, watching the exchange— me —with intense interest.
“And didn’t Ryan prove himself the gallant hero last night!” Rose continued. “Standing up for you against that brute! What’s his name again?”
“Evan Barnes,” Edith added helpfully.
“Yes,” Rose said. “That’s the one. A toad of a man. Were you terribly frightened?” She patted my arm. “I heard the things he said to you. They’re not fit for repeating!”
“An absolute villain,” Edith agreed.
“But I suppose it’s hardly a surprise about Evan,” Rose continued, oblivious to anything but the sound of her own voice. “Not after he harassed the little blonde one. What’s her name again?”
“Brooke,” Edith confirmed.
“That’s the one,” Rose said. “Dreadful business last Christmas. Fancy making a sexual advance on a woman young enough to be your granddaughter!” Indignant, she stuck her pointy nose in the air. “Unlucky for him, she’s got a bite to her. A little pit bull, that one!”
Edith squealed another laugh. “Oh, you’re terrible!”
Yolanda finally spoke. “Evan’s lucky Aiden wasn’t there,” she said. “I can’t imagine what would have happened if he’d seen—”
“He was there.” My voice came out in a low, shaky whisper.
Yolanda’s lips pressed into a grim line. “Impossible.”
“He was.” Pain seared through my chest. I squeezed my eyes shut. Just for a second. Just long enough for me to gather the strength for no one to misunderstand how little Aiden cared about me. “He stood there and did nothing .”
“That doesn’t sound like Aiden, pet.”
I flinched. I’d heard that before. It was always my imagination. My fault . No one believed me. I was so tired of it. No. I was exhausted . If Yolanda wanted to fool herself into thinking Aiden couldn’t watch a pig like Evan tear me apart, then she was no friend of mine.
“If you’ll excuse me…” I said.
Lifting my glasses, I dashed the tears stinging my eyes, searching for an escape route. I wanted to be anywhere in the world other than the hall. I ignored Yolanda’s frantic apology, but before I could disappear into the crowd, the universe had one more test for my new strength.
Aiden stood behind me.
He was rooted to the ground like a proud oak, his shoulders squaring up, a box full of fruits and vegetables hooked under his arm.
But his perfect posture lied. The buttons on his shirt hadn’t been done up right.
The one in the middle was notched in the wrong hole, and his white T-shirt peeked through the gap.
His hair was mussed and untidy, and dark circles bruised under his eyes.
If someone told me he hadn’t slept, I’d believe them.
And then I’d smile.
Good.
Quiet rage burned inside me so fiercely I balled my fist.
Good!
Aiden stared down at me. I glared straight back.
Only a few feet separated us, but the space yawned wider than a canyon.
People darted through the gap. I didn’t see them.
Only him. His eyebrows furrowed, but those grey eyes stayed locked on mine, even as his lips disappeared into a scowl hidden by his beard.
Would he say something? Did I want him to? An apology? An explanation? If he fell to his knees and pleaded for my forgiveness, would my resolve weaken?
No.
This moment was bound to happen. Richmond was a small town. Leading up to the night we’d spent together, we’d bumped into each other everywhere. After that night, we would too. It was inevitable.
I pressed my fist into my chest. The emptiness inside me still echoed.
But Aiden never had my heart. We were never…
anything . I’d had a crush on a handsome man who’d opened the car door for me and left me a few thoughtful gifts.
Two lonely people could have sex, and it only be about…
sex. If he’d been honest about us only being a one-time thing, I would’ve cried, but I would’ve been okay.
No, the sting in my chest wasn’t heartbreak. It was humiliation. It was the shame of allowing myself to fall into the same tired patterns of desperately wanting to love someone and hoping that maybe, just maybe, they might love me back.
Outside the coffee shop, at the bar, Aiden had turned his back on me.
This time was different.
This time, I refused to hide. Chris had kept me locked away from the world and stolen years from me. I’d learned my lesson. I’d fought for a new life. And I’d keep fighting.
I never gave Aiden the satisfaction of seeing any more weakness. The timid mouse was gone. I squared my shoulders like him, lifted my chin, and spun on my heel with all the defiance of a wild mare.
This time, I turned my back on him.