14. Joshua
Chapter 14
Joshua
A head of brown hair pokes through the door to my bedroom. “Joshua?”
I sit up. “Maddie? What’s wrong?”
She pads over to the side of my bed. “I can’t sleep.”
“Yeah, me neither.”
“Are you having dreams about sea monsters too?”
Uh, no kid. Unless you call a siren named Cassidy a sea monster . She might be. Pulling me close one minute, pushing me away the next.
I shake my head.
“Can I sleep with you?”
“Uh…”
“Cole used to let me sleep with him. But now, he just tells me to go back to sleep,” she says softly.
I scoot over in the bed and make space for her. “Sure, brat. Come on.”
“Yay!” She jumps onto the empty side, along with her weird frog stuffy she always takes to bed.
“What’s his name?” I ask her.
“Norbert.”
“Norbert?” I scrunch my nose. “You couldn’t come up with a cuter name? Poor frog. He’ll never live it down.”
“Daddy named him,” she whispers. “He won him for me at the fair. Mommy didn’t like that name either.” She looks at Norbert with so much love and my heart aches.
Ugh… I wasn’t ready for all this tonight.
“You should get some rest, Maddie.”
She nods and flips over pulling the blanket up to her chest.
I watch her until her breathing gets shallow, telling me she’s passed out. I try my best to slip out from under my side without waking her.
I grab my phone. It’s 3:33 am. Of course, it is. The universe continues to taunt me.
I tip toe to the door and grab my shoes before slipping out. The beach house is quiet. Everyone long since finding sleep. I try not to trip in the darkness and wake anyone.
But then a door opens, and I still, pressing myself against a wall.
Keelan’s head pokes out from the room and he turns, shutting the door softly before tip-toeing down the hall.
That… that was Rina’s room he just left.
“Psst,” I call out to him. But he keeps sneaking down the hall. “Lando!”
The door opens from the room next door and Cassidy’s there. Shit.
“What are you doing?” she whispers.
I straighten and motion to the room next to hers. But considering what I just saw… I decide to keep it to myself.
“Maddie took over my bed.”
“Is she okay?” she opens the door wider and I take note that she’s not wearing any shorts. She’s in a tank top and panties.
My stupid cock immediately jumps and I try to look away. “Uh… she’s fine.”
She looks down at the evidence of my arousal.
“And you? Are you okay?”
“Yep,” I step back and start down the hall.
“Where are you going?” she whispers. “Why are you wearing shoes?”
“Beach… I can’t sleep.”
“Wait,” she closes the door and pops out a few seconds later wearing shorts and sandals. “I’m coming, too.”
I groan. “I don’t think–”
“Somebody next door wouldn’t let me sleep with all their ruckus.”
Oh my god… Keelan.
“Fine, come on.”
We make our way through the quiet house and to the back patio. Stepping out into the sand.
I grab two towels that are hanging off the railing from earlier and motion for her to come with me. We walk in silence. Just like we did on our way home from the bar. And when we find a spot that looks good, I set out both towels and kick off my shoes.
She sits on the towel next to me and does the same, abandoning her sandals.
“So,” I say, turning to her.
She brings her knees up and looks at me, cheek pressed against them.
“I’ve taught you how to dress. How to dance and how to kiss. What else do you want to know?”
She swallows hard and looks out onto the ocean.
“Why did you sleep with her?”
Not the answer I was hoping for.
“By her do you mean…”
“The other nanny. Why did you sleep with her?”
Because I’m an asshole that doesn’t think of consequences.
I shrug.“I don’t know. She wanted to. So I did.”
She leans back on her hands. Her chest open and throws her head back.
“Is that just what you do? A girl wants it so you give it to her?”
“I mean… no. I’m not a gigolo. I like to sleep with women I’m attracted to.”
“And you just so happened to be attracted to many women.”
“Cassidy,” I sigh. “What are you getting at here? Are slut-shaming me?” I cock my head at her.
“No,” she shakes her head. “I guess I'm wondering… what makes me any different? From the others?”
“Because you want to sleep with me?” I ask.
She covers her face with her hands. “And I hate myself for it.”
And I hate myself for making her feel like she’s anything like the others.
She’s not.
And I have no way of letting her know that. Unless… “I won’t sleep with you, Cassidy.”
She looks over at me. “What?”
“I don’t ever want you to think that all I want from you is sex. I’d rather we never touch each other again, than to live knowing that you think you’re just another number.”
She’s watching the waves softly slosh against the shore.
“That’s the messed up part, isn’t it?” she says, eyes still on the waves. She turns her neck so that she meets my gaze. “I want you. And you won’t have me.”
“Because I really like you,” I admit. “And you deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who sees you, only you, and doesn’t need anything else.”
“And that’s not you,” she says like a statement.
“I’m damaged goods, Princess. You deserve someone whole.” I look away from her.
“You don’t make any sense. You punch a guy in the face for kissing me earlier–”
“And for him dogging on, Keelan,” I add.
“And you obviously have feelings for me, but refuse to act on them because I deserve better? Is that what I’m hearing?”
I’m such an idiot.
“Yes,” I say.
“You’re an asshole, Joshua Hicks.” She pushes herself up and grabs her sandals. Leaving the towel empty next to me.
I should go after her. I should grab her by the waist. Lay her down on this towel and have my way with her.
I should give her what she wants.
She’ll hate herself for it.
I bury my face into my knees and let out a frustrated growl. Because I’m damned if I do… and damned if I don’t.
Either way, this ends with Cassidy pissed at me or herself. Especially when she finds out what’s going to happen with the kids and I leave everything behind to join the Georgia Thunderhawks.
This is why I don’t do relationships.
So why the fuck does it feel like one?