CHAPTER 15
Present.
“Y-you’re lying.”
“No.” He comes closer to me. “That night, when you fainted, they attacked us. I did everything to keep you safe; I almost lost an eye, and I ended up…”
“Spread her legs. I want to break her.”
No...
“She’s delicious; look at those tits.”
No!
Finn. I must get Finn.
“All the way down, gorgeous. Make it worth the money.”
“No!”
“Yes. And you would have gone back to that place if I hadn’t brought you here. So please do as I say.” He holds my hands. “You don’t know how much I hate that you don’t want to be here, but there’s no safer place...”
“You will do this for the rest of your life.” He takes my hands and guides them to—
I shove him away. It’s not Dante. It’s them. They’re looking at me —five sets of eyes.
They’re all around me.
“Show me what I paid for.”
I’m in that hotel with the man who bought me.
“It’s a boy, Alba, a—” They take him from my arms and break his neck.
In that house where everything was pain and hopelessness.
I blink, tears filling my eyes and a lump in my throat. Dante is in front of me. It’s him again—standing far away, yet hands are touching me, pulling me back.
Hitting me, abusing me.
All those times I had nightmares about them. Every night I woke up screaming and crying.
All the things I went through...
Alone.
All alone for three years.
“It’s a pleasure, ragnetta,” he whispers.
Until Dante arrived.
“Stay with me, ragnetta, and I’ll take you out of this hell. I promise.”
But then he betrayed me. He raised his cup with a smile and smashed it on the floor, just like he did with my heart.
He crashed into my life just to feed my heart with illusions and tear it apart. He knew everything I went through, yet he manipulated me into willingly giving him my body so that he could use me without feeling guilty.
“He fucked you right.” Stefan moans, “And now you’re all mine.”
He’s the same as everyone. He paid my father to be with me. Not even to marry me, but to fuck me and use me the same way everyone did, until someone else came around.
And they knew it.
They all knew it.
I can’t stay here.
“Greta told me about another place.” My voice cracks.
“Yes, there is another place, but I can’t take you there.”
“Why?”
“Just because!”
I shake my head. I don’t want to be trapped. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to feel him, smell him, or hear him.
“I’m sick of this!”
I run to find Finn. I apologise to a confused Greta, take my son in my arms, and rush upstairs.
Once inside the room, I put Finn in the cot and lock myself in the bathroom.
I managed to hide most of my memories—all so that the person who claims to love me can send me back to the past.
“You look so much like your mother, püppchen. Let’s get you to bed.”
Their hands squeeze me as if they want to take pieces out of my body. As if I were a plate of food.
“Keep your eyes wide open, girl.”
My hands are full. My mouth. All of me. I can’t even beg them to let me go.
I’m disgusting.
Finn cries in the room. I need to calm down so I can take care of him. I need… I…
“Who will do the honours?”
Please, please, please, stop.
“That mouth is exquisite. No wonder why your daddy kept you hidden away.”
I don’t want them anymore.
I puke on one of them.
“Fucking bitch, clean it up!”
And when I do, everyone around me laughs.
I didn’t want to...
They spread my legs. They don’t care if I scream; they only care about hurting me. What did I do to make them hate me so much?
Disgusting.
The knocking on the door brings me back to the present for a second until the five men come back in and hold me by my hands and my legs.
Because of them, I couldn’t go out alone. I always had to be escorted by my mother, or my father locked me in my room. He thought it was a punishment, but for me, it was a relief. I didn’t trust anyone, not even my mum.
Dante was the one who helped me get out. He took care of me. I felt so safe with him…
I was frightened at the thought of them doing something to me again. For years, I thought it was my fault. But how could it be? That day I stepped out of the house, and they put me in a van. I didn’t ask for it.
I had managed to erase that part of my life.
Fucking Dante. It’s all his fault.
No… is it?
I don’t need this. I don’t want this.
I need to get out of here. I need to forget it all again. I can’t remember them. They weren’t supposed to win. They’re nothing, and I’m...
I’m nothing.
I’m disgusting.
Even my own father used me as he pleased. Why did I ever think I was worthy of love? Why was I so na?ve to think someone like Dante would want to marry me? And what makes me think that now he’s going to be the Prince Charming I fell in love with?
“Swallow it all.”
I should have never come out of there. I never should’ve trusted Dante. My father’s torture was enough. I could handle it. I was used to it. I was—
“Look,” he laughs and slaps my face, “she’s not moving anymore.”
He shouldn’t have rescued me. I should’ve died. I died in there.
“Fuck, she loves this. Look how she’s dripping.
No amount of effort would be enough to make me forget.
Dante’s help was only part of his plan to use me.
I hate him. I hate him so much. He’s just like everyone else. Exactly the same. He didn’t buy me at auction, but he bought me. He’s a liar. A disgusting jerk. And I fell for him without realising I was being so stupid.
I wanted to trust him. He was all I had. He was all I wanted…
He was everything to me.
“I respect you, and I care about your well-being.”
“Why would I lie to you when I’m going to get what you think I want anyway?”
“I want my wife to be as crazy about me as I am about her.”
Fucking liar.
Like a puppy, I was loyal to him. I adored him. I loved him. And he only saw me as a possession. A toy he played with until he got bored.
Until I was useless. Worthless.
Three months. Three months where he lied to me. Three months where I unlocked the gates to my heart, and once inside, he stole and shattered everything he could find.
And what hurts the most is that I would give anything to get that lie back. Even knowing what I know, I’d fall in love with him all over again because those were the happiest three months of my life.
How lame can I be?
“… Lana, look at me.”
Cold water pours over my head. I gasp.
Dante is in front of me, holding the showerhead above my head. He turns off the water and cups my face with both hands.
I don’t want to see those eyes that once soothed me. That voice that sang me to sleep only brings back bad memories—painful memories, false memories.
I hate him so much.
“I didn’t mean to—”
“Leave me alone!”
I don’t want him. Not him. I want the man I’m in love with, but he doesn’t exist. The only good thing in my life was a lie.
I have Finn, but what was the cost? I love him with all my heart.
He’s my whole world, but if I could turn back time, I would still try to have an abortion because he doesn’t deserve to live like this—with a mother like me.
I did my best to protect him from Stefan’s violence, but even then, he would rape me on the floor while my baby slept in the cot.
He would beat me while Finn cried helplessly.
I love him, but having him was torture for both of us.
And now, if I don’t pay enough attention to him, Dante could take him away from me. He could die. He could go through the same things I went through. I don’t want anyone to touch my baby.
I don’t want to keep going.
I can’t live knowing my baby might experience the same suffering that I did.
They will come back for us. They will use us.
“Lana, listen to me. They’re dead.” He holds one of my hands. “They won’t hurt you again.”
“All of them?”
“All of them. I looked them up. All dead.”
I shake my head. Roger wasn’t there that day. The people who bought the other girls weren’t there either. The people who came and went weren’t there.
They used me.
I was their whore.
We all were.
They are still out there somewhere.
They could hurt my baby.
“Th-they were m-m-more.” I close my eyes and turn away from his touch. “There were m-more of them than the ones t-that day.”
“I know. I looked them up. Then I looked for your father, and—”
And he found me. And he used me. And he broke my heart.
“You’re j-just like them.” I shake my head. “You’re just… like them!”
He didn’t ask my father for my hand in marriage.
He paid my father to have sex with me.
He bought me.
I didn’t want to see that. I wanted to see the handsome, mysterious man I was introduced to. I wanted to believe there was more for me—that he would take me away from my father and his sickening touch. But he was right. My only role in this life is to satisfy scumbags and remain a pretty face.
My only purpose in life is to be an object they own.
I was told a thousand times. I should never have expected anything else.
“No, Lana. Te lo giuro.”14
”Then let me go!”
“I can’t do that. I told you; I hate that you hate it here, but I have nowhere else to take you. I need to keep you safe.”
I pull at my hair.
“I’m going to s-sleep, and you’re going to t-take Finn.
” I can’t breathe, oh God. “You’re going to get s-s-sick of me and use me again, just like they did.
You’ll do the same crap. You’ve got a room to do that.
Shit, I’ll—I really don’t want this. I need my mum.
I-I... Please take me to them. I’m begging you. I need my mum. Please—”
My sobs cut through my chest.
I want my mum. I want out of here.
“If I take you to your mother, your father will… he’ll marry you off again.”
Not just that. He’ll touch me. This time I’m certain he’ll fuck me too. I know he won’t know any limits if I go back, but it’s the only choice I have. I can’t stay here. Finn isn’t safe here.
“I don’t care. I just… I just want to be safe. I want Finn safe. I want to get away from you.”
“Look at me, Lana.” He cups my face with both hands when I don’t obey. He forces my eyes to his. “You are safe here!”
“Liar!”
“I won’t touch you. I won’t lay a fucking finger on you.
I won’t suggest the things I want to do to you.
I won’t cheat. I’ll do whatever you ask, but don’t tell me to take you away from this house because, then, you’ll die, or they’ll kidnap you again.
I won’t risk that.” He wipes my tears with his thumbs.
“They’ll take Finn, and I don’t want either of you hurt.
So please, trust me again. If I brought you here, it’s for you, not for me. I want you safe.”
Dante’s right. Finn would be safer here than anywhere else—
No. He’s a trafficker. A liar.
But I have no choice.
I’ve never had a choice.
I can’t believe I was fool enough to think he was different. That he loved me. How could he love someone like me?
But why did he have to break my heart?
“Y-you won’t touch me,” I whisper.
“No. Not unless you ask me to. And if you never do, it’s okay. We’ll be fine.”
His touch lingers on my face. His eyes are as soft as I remember. I must be hallucinating… and I don’t want it to stop.
I missed his tender touch, his dark and lovely gaze, and his soft voice.
I missed him.
I need his embrace. I need his scent, anything to feel I’m not alone.
But I am. I have no one but my son.
Dante doesn’t want me. He only pities me. If he wanted me, he would say “fuck it” and hold me in his arms, carrying me to his room. No matter how hard I fought him when we lived together, he never let me go. Now, he releases me and stands.
My gaze drops to the floor. Pain throbs through my body and head. My heart is breaking all over again.
My mother begged me to trust him. Again and again, she asked me to. He deceived her as well.
How was I so stupid to think my father would let me be happy? He married my sister to a man she didn’t know—and she was his favourite.
My own family shamed me for something that wasn’t my fault. My own father did. How did I ever believe that Dante cared about me? How could anyone?
“Get dry, and pull yourself together,” he says harshly. “You’ll regret not being there for his first birthday.”
Bloody hell—Finn!
Notes:
14. I swear.