CHAPTER 49
She had never used that word before.
How is it possible for her to faint with only this? I let her go as soon as I felt something was wrong. I even turned her around so I could look into her eyes.
I tuck her in after getting her legs up, on top of a pile of pillows. I count a minute in my head while I look for a bathrobe so I can get out of the room.
I find Mom walking through the hallway with Finn in her arms. She looks at me, and she turns visibly relaxed, her face beaming. She’s about to say hello when I interrupt her.
“I need something sweet, please.”
“Coming.”
Mom has always been the kind of person who acts first and asks later. If she sees me with blood and I ask for a shovel, she’ll bring it to me—but she’ll stay by my side while I dig a grave, demanding I explain what’s happening.
She runs downstairs. I wanted to say hello, but when Javier told me Lana was acting like a zombie, I had to run to her and assure her I’m okay. That we are okay.
When I go back in, Lana is already trying to get up, clumsy and pale, but I press her gently against the pillows.
“Don’t move. You just fainted, amore.”
She frowns, closing her eyes. Dizzy, no doubt.
I tuck her in again, and just as I’m done, Mom comes in with a chocolate bar. I hand it to Lana, and she exhales softly before nibbling on it.
“What happened?” Mom squeals.
Lana blushes, and I can’t help but laugh. I switch to Italian, so she won’t understand.
“How has she been eating these past few days?”
“Terribly,” Mom says with a shake of her head. “Javier and I tried everything with her. Why didn’t you call her, cucciolo? We were worried!”
“I never thought she would react like this… I’m sorry.”
She waves her hand, but her eyes soften.
“It’s not me who you should apologise to. The poor girl hasn’t stopped crying.”
I sigh, looking at Lana. She only shrugs, cheeks flushed. I hate hiding things from her, but I also don’t know if it’s wise for her to know Italian. Knowing my mother, she could say something out of—
“Daddy!”
I freeze.
Finn said it. Finally!
But Lana…
How am I supposed to react? How should I feel? I don’t want to overstep, but I can’t ignore him either, not when he’s calling me.
Mom looks at Lana, eyes wide. She doesn’t want to hear a rejection. We still need time. Lana doesn’t fully accept us yet …
“Daaddy!” he repeats.
Lana sits up straight, looking between Finn and me, fear flickering in her eyes.
Why?
“I didn’t teach him that,” she says, shaking her head.
Well, that’s not the reaction I was expecting.
“Amore…”
“You don’t have to… H-he’s not your…”
He’s not your son.
“Da-a-a-addy!”
Finn wriggles down, moving on Mom’s arm. She sets him on the floor, and he runs straight to me.
“It’s not your responsibility,” Lana cries. “He’s not your son. You don’t have to—”
“Sweetheart, I—” Finn stumbles against my leg and wraps his little arms around it. I lift him into my arms and hold him tight. His baby scent clings to his skin. I never thought I’d feel this kind of relief holding anyone other than Lana.
I thought I’d never see him again.
“Mom, can you leave us for a few minutes?”
She nods and slips out quietly. As soon as the door clicks shut, I look back at Lana. She’s trembling, her face streaked with tears, her gaze distant and unfocused. Her breathing comes fast, almost panicked. I don’t even understand why she’s reacting like this.
“Vita mia—”
“I wish he was yours,” she sobs. “You don’t have to… just don’t mistreat him, please.”
I sit beside her. Finn wriggles down and crawls into her lap. She squeezes him against her chest as if someone might tear him away.
As if she were afraid I would hurt him.
“Amore, look at me.”
She does. Her exhausted eyes meet mine, and fresh tears spill over. Her chin trembles as she tries to pull back from me.
“Finn is my son.”
She closes her eyes and shakes her head, crying even harder.
“W-we weren’t married.” Her voice cracks. “He can’t be yours… he’s not—”
“Wait, back up. What?” She has to be kidding me. “What are you talking about?”
“They t-told me I could only have kids if I got married. W-we never got married, so…”
All these months…
She wasn’t trying to keep him from me because she didn’t want me as his father. She didn’t know.
My heart aches, but at the same time, it’s a relief. I have a chance to get her to accept me.
“No, sweetheart, it doesn’t work like that.”
“It doesn’t?”
I sigh, rubbing my face. I’m about to have the talk with my future wife, the mother of my son. What the hell am I supposed to tell her?
“When… when you come—”
“I know how babies are made!” she squeals. “How do you think—we…”
A nervous laugh escapes me.
“Well, you are fertile, and I am too. That’s all we need and—”
“Not being married?”
“No, amore. Your marital status has nothing to do with it.”
I’m not surprised she doesn’t know. Her whole circle knows nothing about reproduction. That’s the same reason they blame women for having girls instead of boys.
Now I understand why she has never cared about birth control. It wasn’t because she wanted children. Whenever we talked about it, she never gave me the slightest hint of her lack of sex education.
She stays silent for a few beats, as if trying to remember something, then looks at me again.
“Finn is yours? Are you sure? He can’t be his?”
I smile sadly.
“I took a DNA test when he was born. I know I shouldn’t have done it without your consent, and I’m sorry, but I couldn’t stay with the uncertainty.”
“You… you saw him? You were there?”
I sigh and kiss her forehead.
“I promise I’ll explain everything later. Now you must dress so you can come down to eat.”
“If you knew he was yours, why did you never come closer to us? Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“I thought you knew and wanted him away from me for that same reason.”
Tears gather in her eyes again. “I… I don’t know how to feel.”
I sigh and stand. “I promise I’ll explain everything tonight. All of it.”
She nods.
Finn jumps into my arms again. Lana squeezes the sheets, then looks at us before covering her face with them.
“I’ll wait downstairs.”
She nods again.
As soon as I leave the room, she cries harder, and my heart breaks for her.
Today is going to be a long day.