CHAPTER 54
She pulls her hand away from mine.
I can understand if she hates me. I should have saved them sooner, but I couldn’t risk their safety. I didn’t—and I still don’t—want them to die. I’m doing everything I can to keep them safe, but I’m not God. My hands alone can’t hold back every danger in our lives.
If I could give her an easy life, far from every trafficking organisation, I would—even if it meant she’d never be mine.
If she could find happiness out there, away from all of this, with a normal husband who truly loved her, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second to step aside, even if it left me miserable.
But it’s almost impossible for her, being a Müller and the woman I love. She’s a target, a weapon to hurt me.
Now I must be more careful than ever. Declan knows about her—and not because Tara said anything. I’m sure her sister would never betray her like that. He knows about us, and everyone knows Finn is my son. Apparently, Lana is the only person who was unaware of this.
Tears spill from her eyes as she presses her hand to her chest. She’s shaking.
No… she’s not angry; she’s about to break down again.
I didn’t want to tell her for that very reason.
“Why didn’t you tell me it was you?” Her voice cracks. “Why didn’t you take us with you? You could have left a note—anything… Why didn’t you fight?”
“I did,” I say, my voice trembling. I’m about to cry, too. “I did, even when I thought you wanted him.”
“But I wanted you! When I got married, all I wanted was you!”
I move closer to her and wipe away her tears. She doesn’t resist or pull away; she just looks at me with so much pain, I feel it in my gut.
“I promise I tried, sweetheart. I wanted to bring you with me. When Finn was born, I tried so hard, but Stefan’s men took over.
They guarded the place day and night soon after I left.
They even harassed some of the nurses inside, and I couldn’t intervene.
No one could—they were all there voluntarily; they knew what could happen, yet I still hoped it wouldn’t…
I… I even bought baby clothes for Finn. I think they’re still in your room.
“Too many of my men tried to get you out of there, amore. I would have died if I hadn’t waited for the right moment. You were being controlled and followed—not only by me.
“I swear, vita mia, I did everything I could.”
She pulls my hands from her face and covers it with her own. “I just wanted to know you loved me back.”
“Lana—”
“All those months… I thought I was a toy. I thought you’d used me, and I felt so disgusting.
I hated myself because I loved you, and I couldn’t love Stefan—he was there, and there was no coming back to you.
I thought that relationship was all I deserved.
But even then, I waited for you, day and night.
“All those months, I wanted you to come through my window and rescue me—even when I was afraid and didn’t want to see you. I wanted you to save me… and when you did, it was already too late. I already believed I was worth nothing.”
“It wasn’t late.”
“It was.” She steps back, looking straight into my eyes.
Hers are already red and swollen. “I spent two years being raped almost every night. I was beaten to a pulp, even when I did everything right in the house with Finn.” She covers her mouth and sobs.
“You promised me everything was going to be fine, and it didn’t… ”
“I know, amore. I’m so sorry—”
“I thought I wasn’t enough. I thought I never deserved love.
I thought I deserved every punishment he gave me.
I thought I had to let him rape me. I thought…
I thought I was only worth a lie. I thought I was only a body, that I wasn’t supposed to feel—yet I was breaking every second I spent inside that house.
“All these months I’ve done nothing but remind myself I’m not worth it—that you want me for the same reasons they wanted me, that you’ll never be able to love me because I’m rubbish—and I can’t believe you, Dante.
” She takes another step back. “You have no idea how badly I want to believe you, but they’re in here.
” She taps her head. “And they don’t leave. Day and night. I can’t get them out!
“I spent two years wondering why you couldn’t love me as much as I loved you… and now I… I can’t believe you.”
I drop to my knees in front of her and crawl until I can wrap my arms around her legs. I kiss her, pressing my head against her ribcage. When I look up at her, she covers her face and cries with such pain, it’s killing me.
“You’re all I’ve ever wanted, sweetheart. You gave me a son I’ve adored since I knew about him. You gave me hope, you gave me love… You were enough—you are enough.
“It was all a misunderstanding. I never doubted my love for you. I woke and slept thinking about you. You’ve been everything in my head since I met you. I’ve been yours from that day; completely yours, vita mia. That has never changed.”
“I want… to believe you. I do—”
“Then do it. You can trust me, amore. There’s no way I’ll leave you. No way you can push me away. None. I won’t betray your trust, and I won’t do a thing without you knowing first—unless it’s for your own sake.
“I’ll work day and night to bring you back, so you’ll know you’re safe with me.” I take her hands and press them to her chest. “All I want is to take care of you. I want to protect you and love you for the rest of my life.
“You are enough, and you have always been. I’ve never stopped fighting for you, amore, and I never will. I’ll make sure to drive them all away. “I promise.”
I wipe her face with my thumbs. She leans into my touch, and I melt right there.
They broke us, but I’m not giving up.
“I won’t fail you. Neither of you. Everything I’ve said is true. I love you. I want to be with you and build a family.”
Tears keep falling from her eyes. She drops to her knees and hides her face against my neck, sobbing. I rub her back and cry with her—though I don’t shake like she does, I just let the tears flow.
“I missed you so much,” she cries, clinging to me.
My heart clenches. I hold her tighter and kiss her wherever I can. I slide my hand to the back of her neck, and as I shift, we both fall near the door. She laughs faintly, then rearranges herself so she’s wrapped around me, her head on my chest. We sit on the floor like that, tangled together.
“I rescue people from human trafficking rings, as you might have figured out—”
“Javier told me.”
“That little bastard.” She laughs. I stroke her back.
“I’ve witnessed some awful things—filthy, inhuman.
I’ve seen how they treat everyone. Seeing my son and the woman I love in danger made me more careful.
I was reckless before, and my father was killed…
I had to be patient, or I would have lost you both, and I couldn’t allow that.
I couldn’t bear the idea. Not because of me, but because you both need to live. ”
“So, that’s what you were doing these weeks? Saving people?”
I nod. “I went to Ireland to do some research. They own one of the biggest trafficking rings. I knew about it, but I hadn’t realised how vast it was.
I found girls and boys in an awful state.
I don’t know how long they’d been there.
” Even if I want to, there are some things she doesn’t need to know.
I don’t tell her, for her own sake, that part of the story—like the fact that I was hospitalised because of my own recklessness.
“I took them somewhere safe, and now they’re looking for their families. ”
“What if they don’t have one? What happens to them?”
“They go to the shelter.”
She sighs, releases me and hugs her knees.
This is the same Lana I saw that day—the one playing with a little spider.
Please, sweetheart. Give me all your pain, and I’ll handle it.
“I was only seventeen,” she whispers. “I saw older girls, a pregnant woman, children younger than Finn…” She looks at me. “Why us? Why did they choose us?”
My heart twists. I want to tell her the truth, but I can’t. Not now. It would destroy her.
“I can’t tell you much more about them.” I rub her back. “It wouldn’t be good for your head. Don’t overthink. You’re not going back.”
She nods, sighs again, and closes her eyes. “Is Finn going to have to live through something like that?”
“I’ll do everything in my power to keep him away from it. Both of you.”
She looks at me; she’s still crying. My chest tightens, and guilt eats me.
I should have been impulsive. I should have got her out. Why can’t I stop failing the people I love?
“With Stefan… I… you have no idea,” she says, her voice cracking.
I clench my fist, and my jaw tightens. If I tell her I witnessed, almost every day, how she was raped, she’ll feel even worse. I’ll take everything they did to torture me to the grave.
A knot tightens in my throat, and tears sting my eyes.
They ruined her life. For months, I was someone else in her head—someone like them. No matter how long she’s been with me, it isn’t enough to erase what she went through.
Maybe it never will be.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t help or tell you the truth sooner, but this will never happen again. I promise. I’ll kill anyone who dares to hurt you.”
Her face twists in pain, and she hides it between her knees.
“I… This is too much, Dante. I can’t…”
“I know.” I lean down, kiss the top of her head, and stand. “I’ll go and have a shower. You should sleep. I’ll be in my room if you need anything.”
She nods. “I’ll stay here a bit longer.”
She remains in the same position until I reach the stairs. Then she looks outside—shaking, crying, desperate. I want to stay, but that would only hurt her more.
She’ll be better tomorrow, and I’ll be waiting for her with my arms wide open.
She just needs time.