22. Lucas
Lucas
22
Idon’t leave my house as often these days. My friends notice, but I don’t tell them about Ezrah. I blame it on the stress of my first case involving law enforcement. It’s enough. For now, they’ve backed off trying to make me go out with them.
Part of me is still waiting for Ezrah to call, afraid of being too busy to answer if he tries.
But he doesn’t.
The first week I didn’t want to fly back to Denver. I couldn’t stand the idea of being that far away if he needed me. Eventually, though, I ran out of excuses for not reporting back and got on the plane. As time went by it became more obvious that he wasn’t going to reach out. I shouldn’t be surprised. We never talked about continuing when we got back. In fact, he seemed to avoid the topic at all costs.
I can hardly blame him if he wants to be done. A relationship with me would be a constant reminder of what Allen put him through, and how I failed to keep him safe.
I wake up to the sound of my phone going off and roll over to pick it up. I push down my disappointment when I see it’s Jason.
“Hello?” I force out, still groggy.
“Lucas? Were you in bed?”
“I might have overslept a bit. So what?” It isn’t like I had anywhere to be on a Saturday.
“Dude, it's almost noon. I’ve never even seen you sleep past eight. What’s going on, man?”
“Nothing, just tired,” I shrug off his concern like an itchy sweater. “What do you want?”
He huffs out a sigh. “Look, man, we’re starting to worry about you. There’s no way this is just about your job. Tell me what’s really going on.”
“Nothing’s going on.”
“No? Then there’s no reason you can’t hang out with us.”
“Jason,” I groaned.
“I don’t want to hear it. I’ll be over at six. Be ready.”
“But-”
It’s too late. He already hung up.
I stay in my self-pity cocoon for a couple hours longer before forcing myself out. Heading into the bathroom, I catch a glimpse of my reflection and wince. My hair is shaggy, face scruffy, and I desperately need a shower.
I turn on the water as hot as it can go then step under the spray. I let out a sigh, letting the water wash away the signs of my wallowing.
I shave my face, do something with my hair (but it’s clear I needed a haircut soon), then look around to find something to wear. My eyes fall on my flannels but I turn away, opting instead for a deep maroon sweater and a pair of dark-washed jeans.
There’s a knock at the door. Sure enough, there’s Jason, pushing his way inside before I even get out a hello.
“Lucas, glad to see you up and moving around,” he claps a hand on my shoulder.
“You’re here early.”
“Not really.”
“It's four-thirty.”
He has the decency to look sheepish. “I know. It's just- no one’s seen you in a while. We were starting to get worried.”
“It's been a week.”
“And we’ve never even seen you spend a day in when you weren’t sick.” He sits on the couch, eyes on me. “So, are you going to tell me what’s going on or are we just going to keep pretending everything’s sunshine and rainbows?”
I huff, crossing my arms. All of my arguments die on my tongue when my phone rings. My heart nearly explodes when I see the name. I answer so fast I nearly dropped my phone.
“Hello?” my breath catches in my throat.
“Lucas, it's Ezrah.”
I smiled, “Yeah I know.”
I turned my back to Jason’s prying eyes.
“So uh, Dil took her first steps today.”
“Really?! That’s amazing!” I push down the misplaced pang in my heart. I don’t get to be sad that I missed this. I should just be glad he called.
“She is. Anyway, she misses you and I just- would you want to see her?”
I hesitate, was he really asking me?
“Forget it. I shouldn’t have bothered you-”
“I’d love to.”
“Really?”
“When can I come over?”
“Anytime?” it comes out small, almost hesitant.
“I’ll be there tomorrow.'' I wince, hoping that didn’t come out as desperate as it felt.
“Great.- I mean, that’s fine. I’ll be- I’ll make sure she’s ready”
We hung on the line for an awkward moment then hung up.
Jason is standing right there when I turn around. “Just work huh?”
I flush. “I mean it technically was work. Anyway, I’ve got to go do something. I’m not going to be able to make drinks.”
“Is this Ezrah what’s had you locked in your room this whole time?”
I duck my head. “It’s not like that.”
“No? Then what’s it like?”
I let out a sigh. “I don’t think he feels that way about me. He didn't even call me until just now.”
“Maybe he was waiting for you to call.”
“What? Why would he do that?”
Jason just shakes his head, at me. “Why don’t you just tell me a little about Ezrah? We can reschedule the drinks. I think you need this.”
“It's probably nothing.”
“Maybe, but it might be what you hope it is, and if you’re wrong give me a call and we can drink to your broken heart. At least you’ll know.”
I nod thoughtfully, sitting down beside him.
“Just do yourself a favor, make sure you tell him how you feel.”
“I’ll try.”
“Good, now tell me about the lucky guy.”
I smile wistfully before launching into the tale of everything Ezrah and I had been through. Jason just sits there smiling at me until I get to now.
“So what are you going to do?” He asks me. “Ezrah’s in LA right? That’s a heck of a long-distance relationship.”
“I don’t even think Ezrah knows where I live,” I tell Jason. “I never mentioned Denver. He might think I live in LA. There’s nothing here for me but you and my job, and I can get another job. I’ll make sure that I keep in touch, but after the last two weeks, I know where I need to be. I’m going to book a flight then go to the office to talk to John.”
Jason offers to help throw my things into a bag while I go online and get a late-night flight from Denver to LA. It gives me three hours to talk to John and get through security. I’m a little nervous that John will be disappointed in me, but I need to be near Ezrah and Dil.
I text Ezrah to ask if ten in the morning is OK, then I text John that I need to speak with him, and Jason and I load my car. I give Jason a long hug and promise to keep him updated. Then I head for the office.
The public entrance is shut down, so I pull into the underground parking. The guard checks my ID, I park and I swipe my ID to get to the main floor. There’s no one at the reception desk this time of day, but John and his husband David are waiting for me in the conference room off the lobby.
“What’s up Lucas?” John asks. “Does this have anything to do with the assignment in LA?”
My courage is failing me a little bit now that I’m here. These two have been great to me, and I don’t want to disappoint them. But I want to be there for Ezrah even more. “I have to go back,” I tell him. “I love Ezrah, and I have to be close to him to give our relationship a chance. I’m sorry that-“
My speech is interrupted by a hoot of laughter from David. I watch with confusion as John takes out his wallet and hands his husband a $20 bill. “I knew it!” David crows. “John the matchmaker strikes again!”
“Good luck kid,” David grins at me and dances out of the room, still chucking under his breath.
John watches him go fondly, then makes an obvious attempt to put on his business face as he turns back to me. He mostly fails, because the smile won’t go away.
“So you want to relocate to LA, and you think you need to leave the job to do it?” He asks me. “Does that about sum it up?”
“Yes, that’s pretty much it.” I decide to just keep my mouth shut since I’m not sure what’s going on.
“We’ve been getting a lot of requests for protection from Southern California,” John says. “We’re running the numbers right now for opening a satellite office in Los Angeles. You’re good at your job, and if you’re happy with everything except the location, I don’t want to lose you. How about two weeks of paid leave, and then we check in and reassess? Even if we decide not to open another office, it might be handy to have someone who’s gone through our training based in LA.”
I feel a rush of relief as I listen to John’s proposal. At the very least I don’t have to beg Ezrah to give me a chance with no job and no prospects. If everything works out, I can keep doing a job I enjoy, and be with the family I love. I leave Alden Security for the airport on a cloud of hope. I land in LA at 11 and check into a hotel to wait impatiently for the morning.
For once in my life, I’m early. I hesitate in the car for a moment before approaching the door. It’s a relief to see it free of notes or signs of Allen. I know he’s gone, but I still worry.
I only get one knock in before the door swings open, like he’s been waiting for me.
“Ezrah,” my breath catches in my throat. He looks like a dream, hair a mess, still a little sleepy around the eyes. He’s here, in front of me. So close I can reach out and touch him
All I can think is, he’s wearing my flannel.