Chapter Twelve
Jana
My heart pounds out of my chest, confessing out loud that I love him. It was impossible for me not to fall in love with him, regardless of how hard he tried pushing me away. I’m sure I just scared the shit out of him, but I believe he loves me too, he’s just too scared to admit it.
“Jana, you don’t love him. You’re confused, sweetheart,” my mom say, wiping her eyes.
“I’m not confused, Mom. I’ve never felt this way before.”
I wish Shawn would say something, anything at this point. He’s just standing there with his arms crossed, staring at Jim.
“He’s your stepbrother, it’s wrong,” my mom cries out.
“He’s using you, to get to me, Jana,” Jim hisses.
“You’re both wrong,” I say, shaking my head.
Fuck, why isn’t he saying anything?
“Shawn, why don’t you tell Jana, the real reason you’re here,” Jim says, lifting his graying eyebrow. Shawn doesn’t say a word, just stands there and my stomach swims with nerves. “Tell her you son of a bitch, tell her what a fucking coward you are.”
“I bought Jim’s company out from under him,” Shawn says through gritted teeth.
Before I even have a second to let it sink in, Jim is yelling. “You’ve destroyed me. You came back here just to steal my company and leave me bankrupt. We had to leave our vacation early when Stu finally got ahold of me. Imagine my surprise when my best friend tells me, my son just bought me out.”
“I guess I’m lucky I don’t take after you and your shitty business sense,” Shawn comments.
“Get the fuck out of my house.”
Shawn, goes to his room, as I watch my mom and Jim hold onto one another. I’m shocked, hurt, and pissed. How could he not tell me? Rushing down the hall, I push open the door and find Shawn throwing his clothes into his suitcase.
“Is it true?” I whisper.
Spinning around, he pins me with that cold stare I haven’t seen since he first got here. “I was going to give him a chance, but he left and my money is more important. So, yeah it’s true.”
“So, you used me? You saw an opportunity to screw him over twice and you took it?” I ask, my heart feeling like it may fall out of my chest.
“You had nothing to do with this. It’s business, and he doesn’t know how to run a company. If I didn’t buy him out, he would have lost it all in a few months anyway,” he says, crossing his arms.
“What’s he supposed to do now?” I ask, worried for Jim and my mom.
“That’s not my problem.”
I feel like I might be sick. He came here, and took everything, including my heart. Tears roll down my face, as I search his eyes. “I said I love you.”
“Christ, Jana. Didn’t you just hear what I did? I don’t want or deserve your love. Do yourself a favor and never utter those words to another person,” he says, turning away from me to finish packing.
Reaching forward, I grab onto his arm and he glances back at me. “I love you. What you did was fucked up, but you can fix it. You can help Jim, show him the guy I know you are, the guy I love.”
Spinning around, he grabs onto my shoulders. “What the fuck did I just tell you? Love destroys you Jana, no one is worth that.”
“What happened to you?” I ask, letting out a sob.
Letting go of me, he shakes his head. “Nothing, get out.”
“No fucking way. I’m not going to accept that as an answer. You fucking owe me more than that,” I whisper around my tears.
With his back to me, he scrubs his face, cursing under his breath.
Slowly he turns, running his hand through his hair.
“My mother was totally, completely in love with my father. Everything she did was for him, she gave up her life to make sure he was happy. She cooked, cleaned, took care of me and waited on my father hand and foot.”
I nod, smiling. “So you saw how much she loved him, what’s wrong with that?”
Letting out a sarcastic laugh, he crosses his arms, muscles flexing under his shirt.
“I saw plenty. I watched her crying on the floor nearly every night my father didn’t come home.
I watched her force a smile to try to hide her pain.
I watched her begging him to stop cheating on her, as she promised to be the woman he wanted.
” His eyes are full of sadness as he continues.
“I sat on the bathroom floor with her, watching her bleed out.”
Holy shit. My eyes widen as I cover my mouth. “Shawn, I’m so sorry.” I move to wrap him in a hug, but he backs away.
“You want to know her last words to me, before she lost too much blood that she died? She told me, don’t ever fall in love because when it ends, it will destroy you.
I was twelve years old, Jana. So, don’t tell me I owe anything to Jim, because he’s the reason she’s dead.
His wandering dick is the reason she slit her wrists.
He’s the reason, I never have and never will believe in love,” he says, letting out a sigh.
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. That doesn’t sound like the Jim I know, he’s been the perfect man for my mom. How could he have done that to them? The pain I see on Shawn’s face, will haunt me forever. He was never hurt by a woman, it was his father.
“Shawn, you know that’s not true. I’ve had my heart broken, everyone I know has. It hurts like hell, but you learn from it, you move on from it. Is that the real reason you bought out your father’s company, to screw him over?” I ask.
Searching my eyes, he shakes his head. “I’m a lot of things Jana, but I’m not a man who seeks revenge.
It wasn’t my idea to buy that company, it was brought to me by my old boss.
I told you, my business has nothing to do with feelings.
Nothing I’ve said to you was a lie. I may be a cold-hearted bastard, but I’m no fucking liar. ”
Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I once again go to him. This time, he allows me to wrap my arounds around him and he does the same to me. “I’m sorry you’ve been through so much, please don’t push me away.”
Kissing the top of my head, he rests his chin there. “I’m not pushing you away, Jana, we both know it’s time I leave.”
Chapter Thirteen
Shawn
Three months later…
Finishing off the rest of my Johnnie Walker, I straighten my tie, taking in my house. I’ve been here two months already, but I can’t get over the feeling something is missing. It’s time for me to amend that.
Grabbing everything I need, I head out the door. This could possibly be the riskiest thing I’ve ever done, and considering the shit I’ve done, that’s saying a lot. The drive that should only take ten minutes, seems to last a lifetime, as my pulse races.
Parking my car, I take a calming breath and get out.
I’m not a nervous guy, you can’t be when you do what I do.
I put people out of work, I live out my sexual fantasies and I do it with a smile on my face.
Nothing rattles me, nothing until now. I knock on the old wooden door, shoving my hand in my pocket.
The door opens and my heart nearly beats out of my chest. “Shawn?” Jana says, looking more beautiful than I remembered.
Gripping tightly to the white roses in my hand, I try to calm my pounding heart. “Jana, we need to talk.”
She opens the door wider and I step in, handing her the flowers. “Thank you, they’re beautiful. Make yourself at home while I put these in some water,” she says, walking into the kitchen.
This apartment is small, and old. The wallpaper is peeling off the wall, the hardwood floors are so scratched there is no longer a finish on them.
Walking toward the couch, or what is supposed to be a couch, it’s a fucking futon, I start to understand why she felt staying at that house was a vacation.
She doesn’t belong here, she deserves so much more.
Afraid to sit on the futon, in case I break it, I remain standing. Jana stands in front of me, placing the roses on the coffee table. Seeing her after all this time, I feel like I can breathe again.
“Jana,” she stands and crosses her arms. “I know you weren’t expecting me,” I begin.
“No, you’re right I wasn’t. You walked away three months ago without so much as a glance back in my direction. Imagine my surprise when you show up at my door,” she says, lifting an eyebrow.
I hold back the laugh I feel watching her try to be tough.
“You’re right and I apologize for that.” Moving a step closer, I lock onto her mesmerizing green eyes.
“When I first saw you, you took my breath away. I didn’t care who you were, I knew I wanted you.
It may not have been the way you wanted me, but when you agreed to play my game, it did something to me.
I didn’t know what it was, I didn’t care, I just wanted you.
” I clear my throat, and squeeze the back of my neck as I continue, “The longer we were together sexually, the more I found myself doing things I’ve never done before.
I took you out, I wanted, no needed you in my bed.
I laughed, I had fun, I confided in you.
I didn’t understand what was happening, but I was letting you in.
Letting you into the ugly that I’ve hidden my whole life, letting you into my heart. ”
A tear runs down her cheek and I brush it away with my thumb.
“What are you saying, Shawn,” she asks.
Wrapping my hand around the back of her neck, I pull her to me, staring down at her.
“I’m saying, you made me believe that love does exist, Jana.
” She slips out her tongue, wetting her lips.
Fuck, I want to taste her, but I can’t until I finish this.
“I’m saying, I’ve been more miserable without you than I’ve ever been.
My mom was right about that, losing the person you love, destroys you.
I’m nothing without you Jana, I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I can’t breathe. I love you, I fucking love you.”
She gasps and I take advantage pressing my lips to hers. The moment our lips touch, the pain I’ve felt in my chest, disappears. She lets out a soft moan when our tongues collide and I sink my fingers into her hair, familiarizing myself with her mouth and taste.
When I break the kiss, we are both panting.
She rubs the back of my neck, smiling up at me.
“I love you too, Shawn.” I lean down to capture her lips again, but she turns away.
“Hold on. You can’t just expect me to take you back like that.
You hurt me, crushed me. I’ve been miserable without you and what about our parents.
You hate them. What happens if you decide this isn’t what you want, what if you decide fantasies with strangers are more fun. What if you get bored?”
I chuckle and press my lips to hers to shut her up. “You are all of my fantasies, sweetheart.” I kiss her again and rest my forehead on hers. “It’s going to take some time, but I’m working on forgiving my father. I have a therapist that is helping. So stop worrying, let me do that.”
That huge smile I love, breaks out on her face. “I’m all of your fantasies?”
“Yes, you are everything I’ve ever fantasized about and so much more,” I admit.
Her eyes bounce between mine as she sinks her fingers into my hair. “I’ve missed you, what took you so long.”
“I know, I’ve missed you too. I couldn’t come back until I knew I wouldn’t hurt you again.
You deserve dates, cuddling and a relationship, and I’m ready to give you that.
” Looking over her shoulder at the apartment I take a deep breath.
“Move in with me, Jana. I want to fall asleep and wake up with you in my arms.”
“What about Zoey?”
I grin, kissing her forehead. “I just want you Jana, but if you want another threesome,” I joke.
She laughs, shaking her head. “I can’t just leave her, she needs another roommate.”
“Taken care of,” I say. I’ve got a check in my pocket that will keep Zoey living comfortably until she finds a new roommate. “Now show me your room, unless you don’t care if Zoey sees my cock buried in you.” Grabbing my hand, she leads me to her room, closing the door behind us.
Jana, came crashing in my life and turned it upside down, but fuck I wouldn’t ask for anything different. She saved me in so many ways. I will spend the rest of my life, making sure she knows how fucking grateful I am.
The End