Chapter 50
CHAPTER FIFTY
Leena
To say I spent the rest of my day at work fuming would be putting it mildly. I am terrible at hiding my emotions, and it only makes me more upset when I’m at work and completely distracted.
Everyone assumed it was the confrontation with Julian that had me on edge because, of course, the tale has already started making its rounds through the department.
I don’t think Joanne caught the undertones of our face-off, but worrying if people are speculating about us makes me feel like I’m walking around with my heart in my throat.
By the time I get home, I feel like I'm on a teeter totter of emotions, going from incensed about what transpired today to self-reproach from hiding something from Julian.
At the sound of a throat clearing, I look up to see Charlie studying me from the kitchen doorway.
“Hey,” I say, voice cracking. Her shoulders sag and mouth twists with a weak smile. “I guess you heard.”
“Oh, babe.” She hurries across the room and wedges herself right next to me.
Then she takes my limp hand in hers. “Yeah, I heard. But . . . you’ve been off all week.
And then Julian was super moody yesterday.
” I draw in an audible breath, and she gives my hand a squeeze.
“I wanted to give you guys space to deal with whatever’s been going on. ”
My chin falls to my chest. The guilt has been eating me up inside.
Since witnessing Jace guiltily hiding Quinn’s shirt and her abrupt departure, I’ve been agonizing over if I should have told Julian to begin with.
Is it a secret worth keeping? Something obviously transpired between his sister and his best friend, and they didn't want him to know.
Julian is so attuned to me that he instantly knew something was off.
He was so sweet, letting me be at first, but I could sense his worry increasing.
Asking what was wrong and offering me the opportunity to get it off my chest would normally have been what I needed.
However, it only had me clamming up even more around him.
I tell her all that, confessing everything that has been on my mind.
Stuttering and tripping over the words as they explode out of me.
Finally ending with, “And that’s what has me torn!
I understand the desire to keep something so personal private because that has been me with my relationship with Julian. ”
I honestly didn’t know or trust what was happening between us, but I couldn’t resist the pull to him. So I needed it to be privy to as few people as possible while I wrapped my head around it all.
All I’ve been able to do is wonder if it is the same situation with Jace and Quinn? Or is something else entirely going on between them?
“Was I wrong not to tell him? Shouldn’t my loyalty be to him?” My chin wobbles as I look at her, a painful thickness in my throat that is difficult to swallow around.
“Well . . .” Charlie lets out a long sigh as she looks across the room with a thoughtful expression.
“To me, this isn’t really about loyalty.
It’s about respecting boundaries and choices that aren’t yours to make.
I feel it’s up to them to decide if they want Julian to know about what’s going on between them. ”
“Yeah, I guess.” I let my words trail off, and now I’m the one looking thoughtful.
Then my arms clutch my rolling stomach as I think about the other source of my overwhelming anxiety. Weighing my words, I look at Charlie. “I’m going to tell you something that has to stay between us.”
She nods her head solemnly. “Of course.”
Instead of telling her, I decide to show her the email that had been forwarded to me this afternoon from my boss that had come in shortly after Julian’s alarming text—as Dr. Jacobs, a.k.a.
not my boyfriend. In it, I had been told my attendance was expected at a meeting scheduled tomorrow as I’ve been dealing with Devin’s ongoing performance issues.
Charlie’s gaze flits to mine then back down, eyes bouncing across the words again. “What do you think happened that he requested an urgent meeting with upper management?” she questions, brows drawn together.
Shaking my head, I think back on when Julian came home Sunday night. I’d chalked up his brooding mood to my continued silence. Now, however, I have no idea what to think. I just shrug my shoulders, sag back against the couch, and stare vacantly at the overhead light.
The fact that I asked Julian to stay away tonight only amps up my full-blown emotional turbulence.
Charlie tries to encourage me to eat, but I refuse. My stomach is too upset, tied up in knots. The only outlet for the chaotic tornado of emotions is to pick my cuticles and lips to shreds.
Baffled and unsure how to proceed, she sits with me in it all evening, contributing by slapping my hands away from my mouth in a bid to save me from drawing blood. She’s only partially successful.
The AIC finds me blinking rapidly to distribute eye drops the next morning.
“Hey-o, Lee-na,” Benny sing-songs, startling me.
I grunt as I work the drops into my other scratchy eye. Tears and lack of sleep are punishing me this morning.
“Whoa there, Miss Congeniality.”
Pulling up my staffing sheet for the day, I tap my pen on the desk, and stare at him with a bland look.
“Sorry. Let’s talk about the board. I don’t wanna walk away with any scratches.”
I roll my eyes but otherwise ignore his comment. We do the usual song and dance of going over the day’s schedule and possible alternatives if needed.
“Sooo,” he drawls. “What really happen—”
“No,” I say firmly, shutting him down. “We’ve discussed the board. There is nothing else we need to talk about.”
“Rrrrow. I like a feisty kitty.”
“Benny!” I hiss loudly.
With hands raised, he thankfully leaves.
I don’t need him lingering around while I’m stressing over seeing Julian later for the meeting he requested.
When my manager asked me what was going on, I told her I had suspicions Devin has hung herself out to dry for the last time, but I didn’t have any details.
It’s an endeavor to make it through the morning. I’m able to focus on each task, but in between I struggle to stay on track. Fortunately, we aren’t short-staffed today and I’m able to hand over charge duties to Joanne.
When she told me about Julian’s apology, I wasn’t really surprised.
He is one of the most considerate and respectful people I know.
His emotional astuteness is one of the things I love about him.
It was his outburst that shocked me. And this morning, I’m even more concerned by it—that really isn’t who he is.
He is calm and patience personified. The way he treats me is proof of that.
Being apart last night was needed for me to process everything, but I still missed him like crazy.
Besides being upset, I know I didn’t sleep well because he wasn’t next to me.
The space has given me clarity, but I also wish the next time I see him would be in private so we could talk. Alas, luck is not on my side.
Pausing outside of my manager’s office, I take a moment to compose myself. This will be a big test about maintaining the boundary between personal and professional. With a deep breath, I knock and enter.
This has been the worst twenty minutes I have ever had to endure.
Someone from Human Resources being present should have been the first thing that startled me when I entered the office. But no, it was seeing Julian seated at the small table in the corner that was painful because he looked as haggard as I feel.
Then, to have to listen to him explain why he requested the meeting made me absolutely nauseous. It is so much more difficult to remain professional than I’d anticipated.
Disgust and outrage at what happened this weekend warred with guilt.
Had I not been preoccupied and withdrawn, this kind and beautiful man would have confided in me immediately.
I’ve never been closer to bursting into tears than when he flatly described the harassment he experienced Sunday, all while avoiding eye contact with me.
His shoulders were tight and high, and with each twitching movement of his hands, I couldn’t help but wonder how he was able to remain so stoic.
I desperately wished I could throw my arms around him, giving him the strength he always gives me.
Blinking rapidly, I cut my gaze to the blank notepad in front of me, my brain unable to send a message to my fingers to take notes.
When the HR associate assured Julian this matter would be taken seriously and handled promptly, I had to physically lock my muscles to keep from following as he exited the conference room. Hating the fact it was necessary I stay as HR combed through Devin’s employee file.
South Carolina is an at-will state, but the hospital policy dictates we follow certain steps.
With feet bouncing under the table, we review the remediation strategy that had been implemented and the documented failure to meet the requirements set forth.
The HR associate applauded our due diligence to remedy her work performance, saying along with Julian’s formal grievance, there were sufficient reasons to terminate Devin.
I’m pretty sure I stumbled from the room, thankful Ivy and Mary, along with HR, would handle the next steps.
Hurrying down the hall and slipping into the nearest bathroom, my body falls against the door as I fumble to turn the lock.
My chest is heaving as I try to contain the flurry of emotions whipping through me.
A short while later, with my shoulders pulled back, I go in search of Chelsea.
Knowing there is absolutely no way I can be anywhere within her vicinity, not without confronting her or worse, I request the afternoon clinical supervisor escort Devin to the conference room where she will be terminated effective immediately.