Chapter 51
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
Julian
After the meeting, I stuck around the hospital. I’d wanted to check in with Reid and our PA on yesterday’s tibia patient. I was also hoping to see Leena again, and see if we could talk.
Her tired and puffy eyes only made me feel worse about everything.
I betrayed her trust and hurt her with my actions, and I could tell that sharing my experience with Devin deeply hurt her by not telling her sooner and bombarding her with it in the meeting.
That just couldn’t be helped, I should have brought it up right away.
I could have told her when I was throwing my “hissy fit,” I just didn’t think it would be a good look to bring it up at that moment when I had already crossed a boundary.
Plus, I fucking miss her. Not just last night—though that was brutal—but the past week. The distance and silence and lack of emotional and physical intimacy has slowly driven me out of my mind. Because of that, I let it affect how I would normally react to certain things.
Opening my car door, the vibrating in my pocket pulls me from my musings, and I stop short when I see it’s a message from Leena.
Pretty Girl: Can we talk?
It’s not “we need to talk,” but her words still cause my nerves to escalate.
Me: Of course. When?
Pretty Girl: Are you free now?
Me: For you, always
Pretty Girl: I’m getting ready to leave. Meet me at home?
Me: I’m on my way
Parking in my usual spot, I decide not to use the key or garage access code Leena gave me over a month ago. I go around the front and sit on the porch steps.
My heart rate skyrockets as she drives past her front yard, comes up the driveway, and pulls into the garage on the side of the house.
Twisting my body to look at her as she opens the front door and makes her way to me, my eyes hungrily take her in.
I refused to do it earlier at the hospital because I was afraid my feelings for this woman would be written all over my face like a flashing neon sign.
But now, I can’t fight the need to scan her body covered in a hoodie, joggers, and sneakers.
Her usual casual and relaxed outfit is a contradiction to her curls in a messy bun and tired eyes.
Graceful as ever, she sinks down onto the top step next to me and reclines back into the rail. Turning and bending my knee, I mimic her pose. For a long moment we stare at each other. It’s a shock to see her usually expressive eyes so guarded.
Taking a deep breath, I say,“Let me start?” She jerks her head in a nod.
Leaning forward, I rest my elbow on my knee and reach my hand out to cup her ankle, needing the physical contact of her exposed, warm skin.
“Leena, I am so sorry. For so many things over the past few days. But my biggest regret is trying to take advantage of our relationship to handle a work issue.”
Needing to pause to gather my thoughts, my thumb brushes over her ankle.
“First, I shouldn’t have blown up on Joanne regarding staffing and then demand she have you come to the desk.
That was shitty of me. But assuming you would take my side was grossly inappropriate.
When you didn’t, I should've accepted it. But instead, I took it another step and tried to hold your hand and almost called you ‘pretty girl.’”
Leena opens her mouth, but I lightly squeeze her ankle. I want her to hear me out first.
“I’m truly sorry, baby. I let my frustrations over Devin build up instead of immediately reporting her, and I exploded at the thought of working with her again.
It just didn’t feel right to get into all that then.
It would have been like I was using it as justification for overstepping a boundary you had clearly set.
And there is no justification for that.”
Her hand closes over mine, but she leaves it there instead of pushing me away. “Julian, ugh. There is so much more going on in this situation than you blowing up on Joanne and using what’s between us to get what you wanted, and those things are not only your fault.”
Heaving a deep breath, her lashes sweep down, hiding her beautiful green eyes. Not that they are giving much away right now but their familiarity comforts me.
“I’ve obviously been in my head for a while.
” At my panicked look she rushes out, “Not about us! Well, not directly. It’s just .
. . I’ve been in my head and worrying over something.
It has to do with Quinn, something I’m not sure I was supposed to find out about, and I’m not sure how or if I should even tell you. ”
“That’s why you’ve been so closed off?”
Her head bobs up and down.
My head is spinning, not at all expecting where this conversation has turned. My sister? She’s the reason Leena has been withdrawn and distant? All at once, relief floods through me that it wasn’t because of us, but worry over my sister.
“First off, is Quinn okay?” I question.
“Yes, I think so.”
“She’s not in any trouble or danger?”
Leena shakes her head. “No.”
Finding it easier to breathe, I say, “Okay. Well then, let’s come back to her in a while, okay?”
“Mm-hmm,” she replies, brows furrowed.
Sighing, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest knowing she hadn’t been pulling away from us. But, as for everything else, we need to clear the air.
Now holding my hand in both of hers, she rushes out a jumble of words so quickly it takes me a moment to process them.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t just come right out and say something was bothering me.
You were being so kind and patient with me, and I know you were getting frustrated when I wouldn’t open up. ”
“No, Leena . . .” She shakes her head, and I stop speaking.
“I think we can both agree this was what was causing your frustration. Otherwise, you would have told me—not just me as your girlfriend, but me as Devin’s supervisor—what happened this weekend.
” I hate that her distress is so palpable.
But she continues on, not letting me respond.
“We would have already been handling that, and if she were still on the books come yesterday, there is no way she would have been put anywhere near your room. I’m sorry you had to deal with that, Julian. God, I’m so sorry.”
My heart constricts when her voice breaks on the last word. What she’s saying is true, but it feels a little wrong agreeing with her. Like, she is trying to take the blame for all that’s transpired, and that’s not right. I’m responsible for my own actions and how I choose to respond.
I push a curl that has come loose from her bun behind her ear.
“Leena, I still fucked up. I told you I understood your reservations about being public with our relationship. I agreed to keep it a secret. That should have never slipped my mind yesterday. I was careless. I could have jeopardized both our reputations, because we’ve talked about when we do come out, we want to do it correctly, paperwork and all. ”
Smiling ruefully, she leans into my touch. “Yeah, that’s correct, but this isn’t a black-and-white situation. It would be wrong to pinpoint any one thing as being the biggest mistake. I think we need to accept what happened and try to move on with what we’ve learned.”
“Then, you do want to stay together?” I bring both of my hands up to cup her face as I ask.
Throwing herself into my arms, she crawls into my lap and straddles her thighs around me.
She cries, “Oh, Julian! Yes! Baby, I love you. As painful as everything that happened was, I can only hope it makes us stronger. If anything, it proved how important communication is. Not just for us as a couple, but for us working together.”
Driving my fingers in her hair, I kiss her. Hard and hungry, devouring her mouth. My cock starts to thicken in my pants because of how eagerly she is kissing me back.
Groaning, my voice like gravel, I tell her, “We should probably go inside if you plan on keeping that up.”
“Take me inside, Julian,” she whispers hotly against my throat.