Chapter 58
I saton the sofa with a scotch and let my body relax and melt into the cushions. It was finally done. My dissertation had been submitted for review. I stared at the printed copy on my desk. Over half a ream of paper. I’d never worked so hard on a piece of writing in my life. Even when my father had stood over me telling me my work wasn’t good enough.
After all that, it was time to wait. Wait for it to be reviewed. Wait to find out when my defence would be. Regardless of how long it took, I’d be prepared.
I glanced at the laptop on the sofa beside me. It had been weeks since I’d spoken to the kids properly. I always made an effort, though, to at least touch base. I never wanted them to feel they weren’t important. I’d been scared of having a family. But the love Jasmine, Bailey and Rose gave me proved I was nothing like my father or my mother.
Exhausted as I was, I wanted to speak to them. It was Saturday there. They might not be home. I called anyway. It rang and rang. I held my breath. Finally, it connected.
Jasmine’s face appeared on the screen. Her long brown hair fell around her shoulders. She wore a blue hoodie zipped up to her neck and her tan seemed to have faded. She gave me a smile. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Is that Ethan?” Bailey yelled from the distance.
Jasmine started walking. I could see she was heading to his room. “Let me speak to him for a few minutes first, OK?”
“Yes.”
We were walking again. To our room, Jasmine’s room.
“How’s the dissertation going?”
“All finished. I just submitted it.”
“Congratulations.” She studied me closely. “You look exhausted.”
“It’s been a long two months. Working, writing and juggling it all.”
She nodded. “Thank you for finding the time to call us as well.”
“The best part of my day.” It was time to lay it all on the line. “I don’t like being apart from you, Bailey and Rose.”
“I don’t like it either.” She bit her lip. Her picture shook. “I haven’t spoken to the children yet, but what would you think about us moving there to be with you?”
I stared at the screen. I’d never even thought about them moving here. Jasmine giving up her peaceful life had never been an option in my mind.
“It was only a thought,” she said, her voice tense.
My eyes darted to her. “Sorry, you took me by surprise.”
She frowned. “It doesn’t sound like it was a good surprise.”
I moved myself to the edge of the chair and set the laptop on the table. “I don’t think you moving here is a good idea.” I tried to align my thoughts. They were coming too fast.
“Fine.” Her voice was terse. Her shoulders were high and stiff. She was holding back tears. “I’ll go get Bailey.”
“Stop.”
She stood and headed to the door.
“Jasmine, stop.” My voice was firm. “Look at me.”
She did. Her face contorted, then settled. “It’s not like there’s another choice. We move there or we don’t. If we don’t, then we’re not together.”
“I can move there.”
She narrowed her eyes. “And give up your career? The one you’ve worked towards for the past ten years?”
“It’s not as important to me anymore.”
Her expression didn’t change.
“Jasmine, I want to be with you and the children. That’s what’s important.”
Her chest rose and fell. She shook her head. “You’re tired, Ethan. You’re not thinking straight. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to move here, give up everything, and then resent us later.”
I needed to make her understand.
She started walking again. “There is nothing here, Ethan. Just a beach, some sea lions and us. No big city, no university, no aquariums, no research centres. How can that ever be enough for someone as driven as you?”
She was being stubborn and unreasonable, just like when we first met. I would laugh if my whole future didn’t rely on us talking this through.
“Jasmine, can we talk about this?”
She paused and glanced at the phone. “Call me when you’re rested and have thought it through.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow.”
She shook her head. “When you’ve thought it through.”
She handed the phone to Bailey and walked away.
* * *
I saton my brother’s back porch. He handed me a beer.
“Jasmine has a point. What will you do there?”
“Be a ranger. Research. Teach. Get out of this hectic life.”
“You haven’t really thought this through, have you? Where are you going to teach in the middle of nowhere?”
“The universities in Australia are progressive. A lot of courses are delivered online.”
“And how do you even know they’d be interested?”
“Because I contacted them to ask.”
Steve regarded me. “What, in your spare time?”
“I made time. Steve, this lifestyle won’t be good for Bailey and Rose. They wouldn’t have the same freedoms here.”
“Wouldn’t it be better for them to have opportunities rather than them being so isolated?”
“But at what price? It’s safer there. The crime rate is low. Guns are highly restricted. Wages are higher. They have a better work/life balance. Everyone working full-time gets four weeks paid annual leave a year and two weeks sick leave.”
“They’re just kids. They won’t be working for a while.”
“But I need to think of their future.”
“Spoken like a true dad.”
I smiled. “That’s exactly what I want to be.”
Steve gave me a sidelong look and smiled. “Never thought I’d hear those words coming from you.”
“I’m not scared of being like our father anymore.”
“Good. Because you never were.”
I took a deep breath in. I’d come to believe that in the last few months, Steve’s affirmation cemented it. Talk about being freed.
“I still think you need more of a plan,” he said.
“I have one. I just need to convince Jasmine.”