Chapter 21
Sawyer
Holding Anastasia in my arms beneath a blanket of stars is the only thing I want to do for the rest of my life. In fact, when we get back, I’m buying a boat. So that, when all of this is over, I can take her out again.
The wind picks up, sending strands of her blonde hair dancing around us. It tickles the side of my face, and I close my eyes, imagining that this night never has to end. That I can stand here with the woman I am head over heels in love with, surrounded by silence.
Out here on the water, it feels like we’re the only two people in the world.
“Thank you for this, Sawyer,” she says softly. “I cannot tell you how much it means to me.”
“You’re welcome, baby. There’s not a single thing I won’t do for you.”
She pulls away and looks up at me. “I have no idea what I did to deserve a man like you, Sawyer Maddox.”
“You have that backward,” I reply. How can she not see how I’m the lucky one?
I know that I’ve been washed clean of my sin.
But there are moments when I struggle with the knowledge of all that I’ve done.
Moments where, holding this woman, I worry that I’ll get some of the darkness I once carried onto her light.
I brush the pad of my thumb over her cheek, tracing the scar from a bullet meant to take her life. She’d been pulled into a battle that wasn’t hers and used as a shield by someone whose betrayal we all should have seen coming from a mile away.
“When I heard you scream that day, a million thoughts went through my head. And when I saw the gun pointed at your head—” I swallow hard, the image will haunt me forever. “Anastasia, I was terrified.”
“You came through that door like it was your job.”
“Protecting you is my job. It’s my purpose,” I reply quickly as I look down at her. “You are my purpose.” I stop just short of those three words, just short of the tight leash on my control.
I’m playing with that lit fuse right now, but I can’t seem to stop.
Can’t seem to stop taking that next step.
How can I possibly be friends with this woman when she’s the very air that I breathe?
“I was pretty scared too,” she admits. “Until I saw you. It was the strangest thing. It was like, when I knew you were there, I knew that I was going to survive. I don’t fear death, Sawyer, but I do fear what happens to the people I love when I’m gone.”
“Losing you isn’t an option for me. You know that, right? This? You and me, baby? It’s everything to me.”
She smiles. “It’s everything to me, too. But you should know, you’re making it really hard to stick to our agreement. Because I am definitely not looking at you like a friend right now.”
I laugh, and the song changes to a more upbeat one. I use it as an ice breaker, pushing her away just enough to pull her back in and spin her in a circle.
Anastasia’s laugh is melodious. A wonderful tune I could listen to for the rest of my life.
And with each spin, each dip, I make a vow to myself.
Once this is over, I’m done wasting time.
I will prove to her, over and over again, that she is it for me. That I will be hers until the day I draw my last breath.
“Tell me something else about you that I don’t know,” Anastasia says. “Something happy.”
We’re lying on a blanket spread out on the deck of the boat, the stars above us our only light since I turned off everything else. The pizzas Anastasia made are long gone, our bellies full and hearts fuller.
Her hand is held in mine, our fingers threaded together as we lie shoulder to shoulder.
“Most of my happy memories are ones I share with you. I’m not sure I have anything new to offer,” I reply honestly.
Anastasia turns her head toward me, so I do the same, facing her. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah.” I can see the pity on her face, and it makes me smile. “Why is that a bad thing?”
“Because we didn’t meet until our late twenties, Sawyer. That means you spent most of your life unhappy.”
“But ever since I met you, my life has been on the uptick, and that’s good, right?”
“You deserved better.” She turns her face back up to the sky.
“I’ve got everything I need.” I squeeze her hand gently as I consider her question. “Okay, there is one that you weren’t there for.”
“Yeah?” She turns toward me again.
“Yeah. It was the summer after I moved to Stormwatch Landing. I’d just bought the auto shop, and I was going through inventory, when this woman walked in. She had a beautiful smile but a nasty temper when I refused a dinner invitation.”
“This does not sound happy.”
“Just hang on, you’ll see.” I laugh. “She insisted that I come to dinner, but I wasn’t used to any kind of familial group setting, so I kept refusing.”
Anastasia, catching on, smiles. “Then what happened?”
“Well, she told me that I was coming whether I liked it or not. That I was family now, and I needed to just suck it up and deal with it.” I laugh. “And that was the first night Momma Knox extended a personal invitation to me.”
“She was not taking no for an answer.”
I laugh. “No, she wasn’t.”
“Why didn’t you want to come? Just out of curiosity.”
“Like I said, family gatherings in my history were not great. I didn’t want to subject myself to it again.
But that first night—it meant more to me than I could ever put into words.
And what was even more was the fact that, when I walked in the door, she immediately put me to work peeling potatoes.
None of my foster families let me anywhere near the kitchen, so it was nice to be trusted. ”
“I’m so glad you went.”
“Me, too. The next week, when you showed up?” I laugh. “I was a goner. I knew nothing was going to keep me from that dinner table if I could help it.”
She laughs softly. “I remember being so nervous around you at first. You were just this handsome, strong, goofy guy who made my heart dance whenever I saw you. And then, over time, you became someone I genuinely couldn’t live without.
Anytime you were gone on a mission, I’d stand on my balcony, waiting to see the lights come on in your apartment, just so I knew you’d gotten home safely. ”
Having someone wait for me to come home is another new one for me. “I’m sorry I took so long to ask.”
She looks over at me through thick lashes. “I’m sorry it took so long for me to see.”