Chapter 29
Sawyer
Watching Ryan marched out of here in chains should have perked my mood up, but there’s a heaviness on my shoulders. A twisting in my gut that says we’re missing something.
I’m sure it’s just the lack of sleep that has me feeling this way, but I know I won’t feel completely at ease until things start going back to normal. It’ll be a long journey, but I hope that, with this closure, Anastasia and Weston can heal.
“You doing okay, Cowboy?”
“Better now that I got to see your handiwork.” He grins over at me, so I look down at my bruised knuckles.
“I’m just sorry they pulled me off first.”
He chuckles softly. “Killing him would have felt good in the moment, but long term, it would have weighed on the both of us,” he says. “This way, he’ll be rotting away in some cell, thinking about how he failed.”
Reaching into my pocket, I withdraw my cell phone to text Anastasia.
Me: Just leaving the station. I’ll pick up lunch for us and Momma Knox, then be by. Don’t make plans for tonight. We’re going on that date.
After shoving the phone back into my pocket, I withdraw my key fob and unlock my truck.
“Sawyer! Weston!”
We both turn as Leopold and half a dozen officers come pouring from the station. My stomach plummets as adrenaline kicks into overdrive.
“What is it?”
“Shots fired outside of Linda’s place. Officer Shultz is down,” he replies. “Witnesses say they saw Jack chasing Anastasia down the street.”
“Jack?” Every single bit of unease I ever felt around the man slams into me in full force. No. It can’t be. I couldn’t have been that wrong…right?
Leopold’s expression darkens even further. “They say he shot her.”
There are no words to describe the way those words hit me. But the closest I can get is the feeling I imagine would follow the sun falling from the sky.
That dark realization that the entire world is over.
That everything you ever knew is gone.
“Is she alive?” Weston demands.
“I don’t know. Witnesses are all over the place. Dispatch was having trouble keeping up.”
“Captain Leopold. EMS is on scene. Officer down. One civilian inside the house.”
One civilian. “Linda. Is she okay? Did he hurt her?” Fresh rage surges through me.
I’m going to kill him.
I am going to destroy Jack Weathers until there is nothing left.
“You’re learning it as I am. We’re headed over there now.
Ride with me.” He rushes down toward his patrol car, and Weston and I follow.
By the time we’ve climbed into Leopold’s car, Weston has already put the entire team on high alert and let Zane know his mother is injured and his sister has been shot.
How could this have happened? Jack? Why would he have shot her? Why would he— “It was him the whole time. Call the transport that took Ryan. We need him back here.” If they were working together, then we need to know.
If Ryan was just an easy plant, then we need to know.
Either way, we need that monster back here as badly as we need Jack in chains.
As Leopold guides his car, sirens blaring, toward Linda’s house, I torture myself with every single moment leading up to this one. How did I not see it coming? How did any of us miss it?
“There were no signs,” Weston says. “The guy was a snake, but we couldn’t have known. How did we miss it?”
“We shouldn’t have,” I snap, barely controlling the fear pulling me under. Even Zane, who is a master at reading people, missed it.
How?
God, please keep her safe. Please let Linda be okay. Please, Lord. Please save them both.
Blood splatters the pavement where Anastasia was shot.
It’s smeared where she fell.
Droplets of it leave a crimson trail toward where his car was parked.
Linda and Officer Shultz were both taken to the hospital an hour ago. She’ll survive, thank the Lord, but Shultz is in critical condition. Even as they loaded him up, the guy apologized constantly.
But why should he? We all trusted Jack.
We all let ourselves be fooled.
And now Anastasia may pay for that with her life.
My heart begins to race as images of her lying in the dirt, her body twisted and broken just as Violet’s was, assault me. I can’t get them out of my head. Can’t forget.
“Sawyer, we’re headed to the hospital to meet with Zane and make a plan,” Garrison says.
“I’ll meet you there later.”
“Sawyer—”
“I said later,” I snap. Then, I take a deep breath to calm myself. “Sorry. I’ll meet you there.”
“Do you want a ride somewhere?” he asks.
“No. I need to walk. Call me with any news.”
“You’ve got it. Brother, we’ll find her.”
I clench my jaw because, for the first time, I’m not sure this is a mission we’ll win. If Jack was this far ahead of us this entire time, why should I have any confidence we’ll find him now? What if I lose her?
Then I will hunt him down to the ends of the earth.
“Yeah. Thanks.” Without waiting for a response, I head down the street, walking past houses I’ve driven by countless times on my way here for dinner.
Will I ever get the chance to attend one of those with Anastasia? Will I get to propose to her? Marry her? Start a family? Will she get to hold our child in her arms? Will I? Panic shoves through, trying to drown everything else out.
Be still and know.
Those words echo through my mind, and I stop as every other sound fades away.
Be still and know.
“Sawyer.”
Glancing up, I’m surprised to see myself standing just outside the church doors currently being held open by Pastor Reeves.
When did I get here?
“Come on in,” he says and steps aside.
And since I have nowhere else to go right now, I follow him inside. The church is small, but every time I walk into this place, this calmness settles over me. As if some of my weights are being lifted.
Ahead, on the altar, is a cross with broken chains just beneath it. Pastor Reeves told me they signify the breaking of our chains when we turn to Jesus. Our sin falling away as we are washed clean by Him.
He takes a seat on a back pew, so I sit beside him.
“Sorry, Pastor, I don’t even know how I got here. I just started walking, and—what time is it?”
He checks his watch. “Six forty-five.”
So I walked for just over half an hour. How did that happen?
Outside, thunder booms. When did the storm start?
“I heard what happened. I’m so glad that Linda is going to be fine, but I have been praying constantly for both Officer Shultz and Anastasia’s safe return.”
“I should have seen it.” I clench both hands into fists and lean down, disgusted and furious at myself. I let him close to her. Eight months they were together.
Did he kill Violet, too? Or was that just a plant to throw us off the trail? What about those other women? How much of what he said was true?
Was he confessing to murders he committed? Or just trying to throw us off?
Or is Ryan the true murderer, and Jack simply wanted to get back at Anastasia?
“What happened is not your fault, Sawyer.”
“How is it not? Jack Weathers took her, Pastor. He waltzed right into our lives and stole her. We never even saw the blow coming. It’s my job to see things coming.
It’s my job to know who—” I trail off, choking on the words.
Intelligence gathering is my job. But I’d been so blinded by my own jealousy of him that I failed to look at things objectively.
“None of this is your fault, Sawyer,” he says again.
“I wanted to kill that man last night. I would have if they hadn’t pulled me off of him. And the whole time, Jack was the one I should have put down. He was right there beside me, talking me down.”
“Then you would have been killing a man for no reason other than you didn’t trust him.”
“Look at what he’s done!”
“Yes. I see what he has done now, Sawyer. But saying you should have put him down before edges into a dangerous way of thinking. Killing in cold blood is not the same as putting a stop to violence to save innocent lives.”
“Anastasia is out there somewhere. All alone.”
“She’s not alone,” he says softly.
“Then why hasn’t God saved her? Why hasn’t He delivered her from this? Why did He let her get shot?”
Pastor Reeves pats me on the shoulder. “‘Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart because I have overcome the world.’ John 16:33. We cannot even begin to understand why bad things happen. But we can take heart in knowing that we are not going through them alone. Anastasia is in danger, but God is there with her. And should the worst happen, He will open His arms and embrace her into the peace that comes after this life.”
Tears threaten, and my throat constricts. “And that’s supposed to bring me comfort?”
“Yes,” he says. “Having faith isn’t just turning to God in the good times. It’s trusting in Him to ride out the storm with you. It’s trusting He will tell the waters to be still.”
Be still and know. “What did you say?”
“Be still,” he replies.
“I heard something when I was walking.”
“What?”
I swallow hard. “‘Be still and know.’”
“Psalm 46:10,” he replies with a smile. “‘Be still and know that I am God.’”
I’m silent for a moment. There aren’t many times in my life when I’ve felt truly helpless. I do now. Yet there’s something else, too. A strength that I never felt before. “I have to save her.”
“Then put your faith in Him, and know that He is with her even in the fire. He walks with you, too, Sawyer. When you go after her, let that knowledge be part of your armor. Because with it, you’ll know that, no matter how this turns out, there will be a day that God will turn our sorrows into celebration.
You are on a path, Sawyer. Don’t let the darkness distract you from it. ”