Chapter 3 #2
“What God wants?” The sympathy on his mother’s face irritated him almost as much as the disappointment written across his dad’s. “I don’t care about what God wants. I’m too busy living the reality created by my choices.”
He waited for someone to argue with him, but nobody spoke. The tension in the room was palpable.
When Jace cried, Sean rounded the table and lifted him from the highchair, thankful to have an excuse to leave.
He patted the baby’s back. “It’s all right, buddy.
I’ve got you.” He faced his family. “Right now, my reality needs a bath and a nap, so if you’ll excuse us.
” He walked out, leaving nothing but silence in his wake.
***
SEVERAL HOURS LATER, with Jace settled for the evening, Sean arranged the pillows on his bed, leaned against them, and opened a book by a favorite fantasy author.
After the lunchtime fiasco, interaction with his parents remained stiff and strained.
He was sorry about that, knew he probably could have handled it better.
But once he’d opened his mouth, his feelings had tumbled out like an avalanche.
Mom and Dad were hosting a small group tonight, and he’d tried to ease the atmosphere by promising to put in an appearance. He would, but right now, all he wanted was to escape reality for a while. If the book was as good as the back cover blurb, then this story had potential.
Books.
One more difference between Sean’s and Benjamin’s personalities. When his brother needed an escape, he preferred noisy and explosive video games. While Sean didn’t mind playing the occasional game, he enjoyed the solitary peace and quiet of a good book.
Sean opened to the first page and quickly lost himself in a world where men and dragons fought side-by-side to save their civilization from invading aliens.
It seemed he’d barely gotten started when a soft knock at this bedroom door pulled him out of the story.
He turned the corner of a page down to mark his place, surprised to see how much he’d read.
The knock came again.
“Just a second.” He flipped backwards through the pages and realized he was halfway through chapter five. He tapped his phone screen to life. It was eight fifteen. Small group ended at nine. He’d been reading for over an hour.
He laid the book aside, rolled off the bed, and went to the door. When he pulled it open he found his mother waiting on the other side. Her smile was tenuous as she met his gaze.
Sean closed his eyes as guilt punched him in the stomach again. That was not a look he’d ever intended to put on his mother’s face. Before she could say a word, he pulled her close. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too.” She pulled out of the hug and reached up to cup his face in both hands. “Your father and I are so glad to have you home. We certainly never intended to start your homecoming off with an argument.”
Mom had always been the buffer between him and Dad.
She’d been the one to attend sporting and school events, the one who helped with homework, the one to make excuses for Dad when he was too busy with his ministry to do all the things the other fathers did.
Dad was trying to make up for that, and Sean gave him credit for the effort, but Mom would always be his go-to.
Sean pulled her back into his arms. “It’s not what I wanted either, but I need you to understand my feelings.”
“I don’t have to understand them to respect them.”
Respect would have to do for now. “I love you.”
“I love you right back.” His mother used her finger to swipe at the moisture beneath her eyes. “Anyway, I came to get you because people are asking about you and they’ll be leaving in half an hour or so. That is, if you still want to join us.”
“Of course I do. I’m looking forward to catching up with some old friends.” Sean motioned to his bed and the book lying on top of the comforter. “I lost track of time. Go on back to your guests. I’ll be out in a couple of minutes.”
Sean closed the door as his mom returned to the living room.
He stepped over to the chest of drawers and looked into the mirror hanging over it.
His hair needed to be combed and...he brushed at a smear of something white and flaky on the shoulder of his shirt.
Not much telling where it came from but its origin didn’t take a lot of imagination.
Jace had been covered in mashed potatoes when he’d taken him for a pre-nap bath.
Chalking the mess up to parenthood, he tossed the soiled shirt towards the clothes basket in the corner, dragged a clean one from the middle drawer, and pulled it over his head.
The living room was filled with people, some standing around in small conversational groups, others occupying the leather furniture, while a few made themselves at home on the carpeted floor.
Almost everyone held a small plate of food.
The sight reminded Sean that he hadn’t eaten since he’d abandoned his pie more than six hours ago.
The dining room table was covered in snacks—ham and cheese sliders, a huge platter full of various finger foods, a veggie tray, a few things he couldn’t put names to, and at least three different desserts.
Food first, then conversation.
Benjamin caught his eye and motioned for him to join his group. Sean pointed to the bounty on the table, happy to have a legitimate excuse to avoid his brother for now.
Loaded plate in hand, Sean turned to find Randy Page standing right behind him with her arms held wide.
“Oh, seeing you makes my heart happy,” she said. “I’m sorry for the circumstances that brought you back to us, but I’m so glad you’re home.”
Sean stepped in to hug one of his mother’s oldest friends. Before he had a chance to speak, he felt a tap on his shoulder.
Jesse and her mother-in-law, Syd, stood to the side. Jesse pushed up her glasses and smirked at Randy.
“Don’t hog the boy.” Jesse held her arms open. “Come give me some of that.”
He did, and Jesse whispered in his ear. “I’m glad you’re home. But I’m sorry for your loss.”
Syd echoed the sentiment.
Sean hated to be rude, but these ladies were going to have him in tears if he didn’t make an escape.
The painful truth was that all the old friends he’d looked forward to re-connecting with were likely to offer similar statements.
He appreciated their good intentions, but Brittany’s death was still too raw to talk about. Especially in a group setting.
“Thank you. I’m glad to be home.” His gaze traveled the group. If he wasn’t going to join his brother, and old friends were too painful, where did that leave him?
Across the room, he spotted the redheaded woman from the nursery that morning, sitting alone on the loveseat. She’d seemed friendly enough, and he didn’t remember her from his years at Grace Community. Maybe she was a safe place to land and chat, she was certainly the lesser of three evils.
Sean smiled at the women standing around him. “Excuse me, will you?” As they nodded, he crossed the room, plate in hand, encouraged by the woman’s welcoming smile as he approached.
“Hi. Monica, right?”
“That’s right, and you’re Sean.”
“Got it in one.” He motioned to the empty seat beside her. “Mind if I join you?”
“Not at all.”
Sean sat and popped a cracker topped with cheese into his mouth. It was a stall tactic because now that he was here, he had no clue what to say. His gaze circled the room, hoping for some inspiration, and landed on Benjamin.
His brother’s gaze bordered on a leer and he gave Sean a quick thumbs up.
Heat bubbled up from underneath Sean’s collar and he returned his attention to his plate.
His dufus brother was incorrigible. Surely no one else would get the wrong idea about a less than private conversation in a room crowded with people.
“Your parents have such a lovely home.”
He looked up, trying to process what she’d said.
Monica swept her arm in a gesture that took in the space. “They’re so gracious to open their house to us every Sunday night.”
“Oh, yeah. They love to entertain their church family. Do you come over every Sunday evening?”
Monica pointed to the assortment of olives on his plate before she answered. “Oh, someone brought olives. Hold that thought while I go—”
Sean held up his plate. “Help yourself.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.”
She plucked up the one she wanted, popped it in her mouth, and chewed.
Once she swallowed, she said, “Pretty much. I moved to Garfield in February and fell in love with Grace Community. Your mom invited me to attend the small group they host and the rest is history. I’m glad you joined us, even if you did miss the best part. ”
“I beg to differ.” Sean held up his plate. “Still plenty of goodies.”
Monica laughed and Sean couldn’t help but appreciate the musical sound.
“Not the food, you goof. The discussion about the sermon. It’s a great way to dig out some deeper truths.”
Not where he wanted this conversation to go. When the phone in his pocket buzzed, he slipped it out. “Sorry,” he told Monica before looking at the screen. It was a text from his brother.
Way to go, bro.
Sean rolled his eyes, tucked the phone away, and leaned back into the cushions. “Tell me about yourself.”
She finished the last cracker on her plate. “Not a lot to tell, really. I’ve lived my whole life in Oklahoma. I’m a proud graduate of the Claremore school system.
“Then you’re a zebra,” Sean said, naming the school’s mascot.
Her laughter at his comment reflected in her blue eyes, turning them into brilliant sapphires. Sean’s mouth went so dry that he struggled to swallow the piece of cheese in his mouth and nearly choked.
“Are you OK?”
“Yes.” He took a drink. “Sorry, I must have swallowed wrong.”
“College?”
“Business degree from Tulsa University.”
“What’s somebody like you doing in a little place like Garfield?”
“I’ve always liked small-town charm. Garfield has plenty if you take the time to look.”
Sean didn’t know if he agreed with her assessment but he was enjoying their conversation. “So, what do you do?”
Monica shook her head. “Nope, it’s your turn. Tell me about your ministry. That must be a very fulfilling life.”
“How do you know I’m a minister?” Used to be, Sean added silently.
“Your parents have been singing your praises. They’re very proud of you.”
The fresh stab of guilt killed any enjoyment of the moment. Monica scrambled to her feet before he could formulate an answer.
“Sorry, it looks like they’re starting to clean up. I should go help.” She held out her hand for his empty plate. “I enjoyed our talk.”
Sean watched her as she circled the room collecting discarded plates and cups. What would she say if she knew his time in the ministry was over?