54. CHAPTER 54 #2
When Zayne left her, he fled to the shooting range and rehearsed the plan to break Kira out from start to finish for hours. He stayed until darkness fell and the center closed for the night.
And when he returned home, he expected the solace of an empty bed, only to find Mellie lying in wait, wearing lingerie he'd never seen before. Silk and lace and not very much of it.
“I've been waiting for you,” she said.
She looked perfect. That was the problem.
She always looked so perfect and sweet. Zayne couldn't touch her.
Couldn't even look at her. Hours ago, she supported killing a woman and didn't blink at a child's blood spilled across the ground.
No, instead, she guzzled Zayne's authority, drunk on the Riven name.
“I'm going for a run,” he said.
Mellie sat up. “What?”
He stripped off his jacket and shirt, throwing them onto the ground. She stared at the clothing in shock. Zayne always put things where they belonged, not on the floor. But he didn't care. He wanted to make a mess.
“You're running right now?” She slid off the bed and fell against him, her hands smoothing over his bare shoulders and chest. “Don't you want to spend time together first?”
“I need to run. Now.”
Hurt filled her eyes. “Did I do something wrong?”
Yes. How did she not feel guilty? Zayne pulled his shirt on despite her hands being on him. “Mel, I run sometimes. You know that.”
“Not while I'm dressed like this.” She clambered for the robe she kept in his closet. “I'm mortified.”
“My mom is dead. This isn't about you.”
"It's been a long time even before that."
"I've been busy." While Zayne refused to ever touch her again, she was right. Before today, he'd still avoided her, unable to bring himself to be in this life he didn't want. To be with her when he didn't want her. When Kira consumed his mind.
Without waiting to fight with her, he left the house and took off running down the sidewalk faster than he should in a residential area. Too fast for a wound that was still healing and bruises that complained. The distraction of pain softened the sound of the boy's skull hitting the ground.
Even so, the teen and his mom haunted his every step.
Time faded from him, and eventually the feeling in his legs.
And still he ran. Ran once his body demanded he slow.
Ran beyond his district. Ran until he fell against the iron gate of his parents' estate and stared at the dark, empty house.
The stab wound hurt more than it had in a week when his father kicked him.
Once inside the gate, Zayne ran again, too exhausted to continue, but too frantic to stop. Finally, he reached his tree and ducked inside, turning on the lights to see the names of the dead.
His heavy breath echoed off the smooth walls.
Zayne twisted in a circle until the engravings blurred and the desperation banged around the drum of his chest. The Phaedra rendered Mom impotent, and still she devoted her life to scratching away at him with only her fingernails, refusing to surrender.
In her last act of love and defiance, she ran to the most dangerous place in the capital and almost certainly died trying to save Kira's life.
The mother and son today may have been a part of whatever Mom set into motion.
And Zayne wasn't sure he'd ever find out.
He needed to know.
He needed to know why the enemy massacred his division in Bluehaven and whether the Phaedra knew.
He needed to know if his father tried to fight for change anymore.
He needed to know why Mom died.
For all the unknown, but this much was certain. If his father couldn't stand against the Phaedra, he should have taken them all and ran, not beat them into whatever shape the emperor demanded.
Zayne jerked his tools off the shelf and carved a new name into his memorial, this one written beside the one who started it all. The girl.
With each strike, he repented for fighting the wrong war and for failing Kira so badly that his mom sacrificed her life. This was the only name that could have saved the others written here. At least most of them. It was the person he most needed to lay to rest.
Zayne Riven
He'd leave him behind. Put an end to all this blood.
Zayne wasn't sure who he'd be in the territories, only that who he'd once been was dead. He wasn't sure of the moment it happened, whether it was touching Mom's cold body, or smelling the blood in Kira's cell, or looking into her eyes and knowing he'd give up all other wars for her.
But he had to become a new man.
And now, with his entire body aching, Zayne set to work on the most important name.
Mom
Mom
Mom
He wrote her in every column. In the margins between. Sprawled across the rest of the names and in a never-ending scream that circled and circled the memorial.
Zayne carved her into the heart of the tree in letters so large that he threw all his strength into each strike.
It still wasn't enough. He'd never write her name enough.
His hands traced the grief that was cut into the walls, because he didn't know the words for this. There were no words.
Knees buckling, he sank to the ground, his muscles exhausted from the battle he waged against the solid wood. Horror and rage and vengeance consumed him and erupted from his chest in a scream.
He screamed it all out.
Roared here with the dead.
Roared with the vow to never etch Kira's name into this wall.
Then he collapsed to the ground beside his mom's name and fell asleep with his fingers resting against her engraving.
Zayne knocked on the cell to Kira's door late in the night. A nervous, groggy voice called out to him to come in.
“It's late.” Her voice hitched with panic, stare searching the area behind him for a threat. “What happened?”
“I brought you a surprise. I didn't mean to scare you.” How thoughtless of him to come at this hour, believing he did her a favor. He wasn't thinking right. “Nothing's wrong.”
Her chest pumped with each breath, and she nodded. “Really?”
“Really.”
Zayne hadn't been able to let another day end without giving Kira a taste of the joy she struggled so badly to preserve after the massacre.
When he opened the door and picked up the cat carrier, he hadn't fully turned when her shocked gasp rang out. Scrambling off the bed, she ran across the room and dropped to her knees, grabbing the door of Pumpkin's carrier.