54. CHAPTER 54 #3
“Pumpkin, my sweet girl!” Kira ripped open the carrier door. “Oh, Pumpkin. I'm sorry I haven't seen you.” She hugged Pumpkin close, while the cat purred and rubbed against her chin. “Look at you. You're here.”
In the north, he became accustomed to the level of pain that defied the senses and consumed every thought until he couldn't even remember language. He hurt that badly again, wanting his mom to kneel down with Kira and the cat and laugh with them.
But Kira giggled even though she was broken too. And even though Zayne couldn't remember language anymore, couldn't comprehend this level of pain, a smile worked over his face, the kind that felt like a lifesaving breath of air in the middle of drowning.
Green eyes caught his, misted with the tears of both joy and suffering. “You have to give her one good pet.” Kira brought the cat to him. “She loves you.”
Zayne scratched his finger beneath Pumpkin's chin where he knew she loved it. The cat squirmed, and Kira's knuckles brushed his hand. The touch tingled along his skin.
“Kira will take good care of you,” Zayne said.
“Wait, you don't mean she's staying, do you?”
“She is. Pumpkin needs you.” Kira didn't know how true it was. The cat grieved too, alone and missing the most important person in the world to her.
“Oh, Adelle. She's too considerate.” Kira hugged the cat close. “What have I done? I got her friends killed.”
“No.” What did Zayne need to do to take her guilt from her and make it his own? He'd do it. Whatever it was. “You fought for them.”
When Kira's eyes found his, fear overcame her once again, and she stilled. “Something's wrong.”
Leaving her afraid helped no one, so Zayne would distract her.
“We should get the cat's things set up,” he said. Then he carried in the food and supplies. Kira began to unpack everything right away, always fast to help, even now when she couldn't brush her own hair. While they both bent down to the box, he took his opportunity to whisper.
“I'm trusting you with this.” Zayne squeezed a bag of treats in his hand before passing it to her. Inside, he left the last thing he ever wanted to give Kira, but he chose to trust her. To trust she'd never use it. “Please trust me too. One more time. This plan won't fail.”
Brows pinched, Kira remained turned away from the camera while she organized the supplies, eyes straying to the treats.
Zayne ran out of excuses to kneel down at the box now that he had placed the last item on the ground. “I need you to never use it.”
Understanding dawned in her eyes, loosening the tightness in her expression.
When Kira first told Zayne to take her life, she didn't want to risk any Followers dying for her.
Now so many were slaughtered, and she spent three days covered in their blood.
He forced her to stay alive, only for all her fears to come true.
So even though Zayne wanted to beg her to stay alive and never give her the pill hidden inside those bags of treats, he did it anyway.
It terrified him, and his thoughts raced with images of finding her cold and dead like Mom. But Zayne chose to trust Kira.
She deserved that trust. She wouldn't give up her life easily. And maybe it was wrong to give her the choice, but it felt wrong to leave her trapped in this prison with no way to protect herself against the worst torture the Phaedra could dream up.
If Kira used that pill, Zayne didn't know how to go on. Now that they ran out of opportunities to whisper to one another, he just looked up and met her eyes.
Stay alive.
His heart screamed it while he held her stare.
Kira picked the cat up again and nestled her close. “Thank you for all this. I'll take good care of her.” Serious eyes on his. “Don't worry.”
Okay.
His chest throbbed. Okay, he'd silence those fears, just like he silenced so much else inside himself.
Leaving her with the cat was the only comfort this week offered, but that horrible pill refused to leave his mind entirely as he walked out of her prison cell.
At least with Kira no longer alone, Zayne might sleep tonight.
And Mellie would avoid him for days, maybe a week, leaving his bed empty when he could never sleep beside her again.
She hated hurting their image in public, especially in front of the Phaedra.
She'd nurse her wounds in private, pretending she was with Zayne when she wasn't. She'd do the job for him this week.
Zayne was done with Mellie. He should never have been with her, but their relationship was over. Not being able to tell her right now felt unfair and wrong, but he refused to jeopardize Kira's safety by setting off any alarm bells.
The last thing he did before leaving his tree was to write letters to everyone he was leaving behind.
After his betrayal, they'd search every place he had access to.
Someone would find the tree. So, he left a letter for Mellie, apologizing for hurting her, but also saying he could never make a life with someone who built hers on the suffering of others.
Zayne wanted nothing to do with Mellie anymore.