Chapter 19 Esme
ESME
The drive to Grady's cottage took on the qualities of a dream.
A harvest moon hung low in the sky, casting a spell over Willet Cove.
On a night like this, it was easy to imagine that every good thing was coming my way.
Grady Nash loved me, and I loved him. Nothing had ever felt more right than sitting next to him under the ethereal sky.
I detached the sunflower hat and tossed it into the back seat, then ran my fingers through my hair, massaging my tender scalp where I’d attached it with pins. My lips felt almost swollen from the kisses we’d shared, yet I still ached for more.
Grady's hand was on my knee, and every few seconds his thumb moved in a small circle against my leg, as if he’d been doing it for years.
But no, I had to remind myself. We’d never crossed over from friendship to anything more.
He’d always been respectful and careful.
Everything had changed in the moments we shared on the patio. I was ready.
“You okay?” Grady asked, glancing over at me.
I smiled in the dim light, impossibly happy. “I’m good. Better than good. You?”
“I feel as if I can breathe for the first time in a long time.”
I settled back in the seat, my gaze on the moon. “It’s so pretty.”
“It is, yes.”
“Would you want to live anywhere else?” I asked. “Do you feel pulled back to L.A. and your old job?”
“The only pull I feel is toward you.”
“I’m going to have to call my parents and tell them I changed my mind.”
“Will they be angry?”
“Probably. But maybe we can mend fences, now that we’re back in contact. I have to protect myself, though. They can hurt me quicker than anyone else. You’d think I wouldn’t care about their opinion any longer, but that’s not how it is.”
“I know.”
We pulled into his driveway. The cottage sat at the end of a narrow dirt road, tucked between two dunes, fifty yards from the water.
It was a small one bedroom with a bathroom, a kitchen that was really just a counter and a stove, and a living area with a couch and windows that faced the ocean.
Since I’d known him, he’d lived here, a minute walk to his beloved waves.
His surf shop was only a few feet away. I’d thought this was who he was.
A free spirit who didn’t care for a conventional life.
I’d no idea the depth of pain he’d kept hidden from me and everyone else.
He cut the engine. The silence was almost jolting. No music, no party noise, no kids. Just the ocean, rhythmic and steady, and the tick of the cooling engine.
“You ready to go inside?” Grady asked.
“Yes. I’ve been here so many times, but this feels different.”
“It is. I’m a little nervous.”
“Yeah, me too,” I said.
He turned to me. The moonlight caught his face, illuminating his strong jaw and high cheekbones. “This is what you want, right?”
“More than anything.” I leaned across the console and kissed him. The gearshift pressed into my thigh, and two crushed sunflower petals fell into his lap. “I think it’s best if we go inside.”
He laughed, brushing my hair away from my face. “Let’s do this.”
I grabbed the basket of food Gillian had sent with us.
We held hands as we crossed the driveway to his cottage.
He used a key to let us in, holding the door for me to pass through first. The place was small, but always tidy and smelling of coffee, salt water and old wood.
His surfboard was propped against the wall by the door and a wetsuit hung in the small laundry room off the kitchen.
“It’s cold,” he said. “I’ll turn on the heat. Won’t be a minute before it warms up in here.”
I hadn’t worn a coat over my leggings and black shirt since it would have ruined my outfit. He took a blanket from the couch and wrapped it around my shoulders, then kissed me. We were lost for a moment in each other, but he pulled apart first.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to change out of this suit,” Grady said.
“I’ll put some food together for us,” I said.
“Good. You’re going to need your energy.”
He disappeared into the small bedroom. I could hear him moving around, opening and closing dresser drawers as I unpacked the food, putting it on a plate I found on a shelf.
Gillian had sent various cheeses, cured meats, part of a baguette, fruit and salted caramels.
I put the plate on the coffee table and went to the window.
The ocean was a dark expanse except for cresting waves, made silver by the moon.
He came out of the room, wearing a pair of worn jeans and a long tee. As handsome as he looked in his suit, I preferred him this way. My Grady was like those faded jeans. Comfortable, reliable, and fit just right.
“I’ll open wine,” he said.
I returned to the window, heart pounding. This whole night had been a leap of faith, and now I was here, and we were about to embark on a whole new adventure together.
Behind me, I heard him tug a cork from the bottle of wine, then the splash of liquid into glasses.
He came to stand beside me, handing me a glass. I took a grateful sip. I’d been too focused on Grady to have anything but a few sips of champagne at the party. As if to remind me, my stomach growled, which made him chuckle
“Come sit on the couch with me,” Grady said. “We’ll have a little something to eat. There’s no rush.”
“Not after waiting three years.”
“I guess not.” He took my hand and led me over to his worn, comfortable couch. We’d sat together in this very location many times before, but usually the kids had been with us. We were in new territory. It was a little scary, but not enough that I wasn’t glad to be here.
“What do we do now?” I asked.
He chuckled. “Have some food before we begin the next portion of the evening. I have plans for you, and you’re going to need your energy.”
We ate for a few minutes, talking, between bites, like we always did. “Tell me the first time you thought we could be more than just friends,” I said.
“I had a crush on you from the first, but it wasn’t until that one night at The Pelican that I knew I was in deep trouble. Do you remember the one I’m talking about?”
“We’ve had a lot of nights at The Pelican.”
“It was after one of Seraphina’s signings. We all went up to celebrate. You were wearing this yellow sundress. They had live music, and we were all feeling loose.”
“Did we dance?”
He smiled before giving me another kiss. “You danced. All by yourself. Just joyful. Alive. I remember thinking your smile, your joyful energy, could light up the whole world. I wanted your light in my life, but I didn’t think it was possible.”
“And yet, here we are.”
“More than a thousand days after we met.”
“Wait. Do you know the exact number?” I asked.
“Not to sound like Robbie, but yes. It’s been twelve hundred and thirteen days since you walked into my surf shop.”
“You do sound like Robbie.”
“When a woman like you comes into a man’s life, he notices.
To me, there’s the time before Esme and the after.
It’s always felt like something borrowed.
Every day—every moment I’ve known you—has felt like a gift I didn’t deserve.
I thought at some point it would end. You’d meet some stable, responsible guy and live happily ever after. ”
“Why have you dated so many women between now and then?” I had to ask.
“Just trying to keep my mind off you. It’s as simple as that.”
“It might have been simpler just to tell me how you felt.”
“Yeah, in hindsight, that might have been better,” Grady said. “What about you? When did it change from friendship to wanting something more?”
“The first time you defended Robbie in public. All four of us were at the ice cream shop. Do you remember that rude girl who worked there? She made fun of how he talked—imitating him to her coworkers. Loud enough that everyone could hear her.”
“Making him sound like a robot. Yeah, I remember that little brat.”
“Robbie pretended like he hadn’t heard, but I could see it in his eyes.
Crushed. And we’d been having such a fun day.
But you were having none of it. You went right up to the counter and said loudly that you felt sorry for whoever had raised her, given her terrible manners. Then you asked for the manager.”
I nodded, remembering how the look in Robbie’s eyes had made my stomach clench in anger.
“She came out, and you told her what you’d witnessed. By then, everyone was watching and listening. The girl did at least act ashamed. I never saw her there again, so I think she got fired.”
“As she should’ve been,” I said.
“Regardless, I was absolutely astounded. His own father had never defended him, you know. He’d ridiculed him.
Made him feel like a freak. Not once did he come to Robbie’s defense.
I thought, now this is a man a woman could build a life with.
Someone who would always be there. Loyal.
Supportive. It touched my heart deeply. After that, everything shifted, even though I didn’t think you could ever feel the same way. ”
“We’ve wasted a lot of time.”
I shook my head. “No, we can’t think of it that way. Like Robbie said, friendship is a wonderful foundation to a relationship.”
“Are you ready for me to take you to bed?” Grady asked, leaning closer to brush a crumb from my chin. “Or should we stay on the couch?”
“Here? In the light of the flattering moon? Might be best, given that I’ve had two children.”
He laughed. “I’ve seen you on many a sunny afternoon on the beach. There’s no need for soft lighting. I know what you look like. Trust me. I’ve thought about what it would be like to have you in my bed only about a thousand times.”
“Only a thousand?” I asked, teasing.