28. Callum
28
CALLUM
“ S o ... you were going to tell me about how I abandoned you ?”
Darcy’s words were accusatory, and I couldn’t blame her. Hearing her talk about how she thought I picked up and left her all those years ago was bringing a whole new understanding to some of the things she had said to me. And it certainly explained her text. I had always thought she knew what I tried to do for her all those years ago. But now I wasn’t so sure.
“I never knew why you left,” I told her. But then I started again. I needed to explain things from the beginning. “I wasn’t trying to abandon you. I left because I was going onstage.”
“Onstage?” I could tell she was being cautious. She wasn’t sure what to believe anymore, and I knew I couldn’t blame her for that.
“Do you remember the band? They were a group from town who did lots of covers of the most popular classic rock songs, but they had a few originals here and there. They were only a few years older than me and they went through our high school.”
“I remember,” Darcy nodded. “I think they played at my senior prom.”
“Probably,” I laughed. “The high school was always eager to jump onto their star, even if they were only a mildly successful band playing shows at the local park.”
“I take it you’re speaking from experience?”
I smiled as Darcy picked up on my annoyance toward the school.
“They call me every year to ask me if I want to put my name on the gym or a softball field. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell them I hated that place.”
“Hated it?” Darcy looked over with a questioning look. “You were always so popular!”
“Really?” For a moment I thought Darcy might be joking. “It certainly never felt that way. I don’t think I really understood who I was until I started focusing on music in college and met my bandmates. Popular, huh?”
Darcy shrugged as she looked at me sideways.
“Don’t let it go to your head,” she mumbled.
We shared a smile, and for a moment I forgot what we were talking about. I wanted to live in the simplicity of that moment. But I forced myself to stay on track.
“Anyway, the band. I knew them a little because they graduated a few years ahead of me. And I had seen enough of their shows around town that they would recognize me and sometimes let me hang out with them.”
“So you got caught up saying hello to them? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”
“Not at all,” I assured her. “But I did leave to meet up with them.”
Darcy looked over at me with a furrowed brow, skepticism clear on her face. I took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. I was starting to realize what it meant if Darcy had left when she said she did. It was like the pieces were fitting together to solve a mystery.
“You really left before the band came back? You didn’t see them start playing again?”
“No!” Darcy said. I sensed the frustration in her voice. “I came back from the bathroom and saw you had left. And I was way too humiliated to sit on that blanket by myself with everyone staring at me! So I called Liz and walked to the parking lot and then just kept walking. She picked me up at the gas station on the corner.”
I shook my head, taking all of this in.
“All this time I thought you knew!” I spoke quietly, more to myself than to her, but Darcy was running out of patience.
“Will you tell me what’s going on?”
“I did leave the audience that night, but it wasn’t because I didn’t like you. Instead, it was because I got up onstage to play a song. I had convinced the band to let me kick off the second half.”
“You played that night?”
“Not only that ... I dedicated the song to you.”
I could barely look at her when I said this. All of my insecurities about that night were flooding back to me, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she was about to reject me again. Would she tell me she actually knew all about it? And that she chose to leave anyway?
“What are you talking about?” I looked up to see a lightness in Darcy’s eyes. She was curious to hear about this. I could tell something was warming inside of her, and she was eager to understand the full story. With these few simple words, I was regaining her trust.
“It’s true. I’ll call up my buddy Justin if you want. Hell, you can probably ask anyone under the age of thirty in the town. I think everyone heard about it eventually!”
“Except me,” Darcy said. “Tell me what happened.”
“I had arranged it with the guys that I would kick off after the break. God, I was so nervous. I had barely performed in front of my parents, let alone a crowd of a few hundred people. But I wanted to do it. Mostly because I wanted you to know how I felt. I knew you were younger than me and that I was heading off to college, but even back then I felt a connection between us. Didn’t you feel it?”
“Of course I did. That’s why I was so hurt when you disappeared.”
“God, I should have made Liz come with us. I should have forced her to sit with you so you wouldn’t have been left all alone. I didn’t think of that!”
“Keep going with the story.”
“Sorry. So, I got up there, and I said something about how I had found someone special, and I wanted to dedicate the song to her. I didn’t use your name because I thought that might embarrass you too much. But I said that I came here with someone I cared about and that I was looking forward to getting to know our future together. And then I sang. You know the song “Summertime Séance”? I sang it that night.”
“The song from your first album?” She looked over, and I wanted to take her hand. I wanted to feel the connection that had come so naturally when we sat in the auditorium watching the kids perform a show onstage. But even though she was opening up to me, I knew she wasn’t quite ready. She still needed to put all the pieces together and then decide if she believed me.
“Yeah, it ended up being the first single for the Horizon . It was sort of the song that put us on the map.” I looked over at her and caught her eye. “I wrote it for you.”
“You’re lying,” she said, and it was the last reaction I expected.
“I’m not!” I found myself laughing as I tried to defend myself. “I wrote that song the summer after high school, right around the time I started realizing how much I enjoyed seeing you around the house when you were hanging with Liz. And around the time you started coming for burgers with my friends or tagging along for the movies. That song is about you. ”
I could see Darcy thinking about this. I wondered if she was thinking through the lyrics of the song to find any clues. I knew if she listened again she would recognize all the small details of that summer when we were hanging out together.
“So, I dedicated the song to you, and I stood onstage with my guitar and sang that song. I don’t think anyone had even heard it yet, because I had only just written it. I was shaking like a leaf the entire time I sang that song!”
“That’s why you left,” she said, and we both nodded as we realized what a huge misunderstanding that night had been. A misunderstand we had been carrying with us for years. “And then when you came offstage, I wasn’t there!”
“Exactly,” I said, glad that Darcy understood this next part of the story. “I came offstage beaming, filled with pride that I had done that. And I was so excited to come find you. But also very nervous, because I didn’t know how you would react. It was still so early in our relationship. Plus you were younger than me, and I was about to head off to college. I was definitely a ball of nerves heading back into that crowd.”
“And I was nowhere to be found.”
Darcy’s voice sounded sad or perhaps disappointed that things had turned out this way. I didn’t want to rub salt in the wound, but I did want her to understand what I felt.
“I was devastated. I could only imagine that you had heard me say all those things and you left because you didn’t feel the same. It felt like a clear indication that you weren’t interested in any type of relationship.”
We sat quietly for a moment, both taking in the enormity of the assumptions we had both made that night.
“That’s why you said I abandoned you,” Darcy said. “You thought I just up and left.”
“Exactly. I was mortified. And the last thing I was going to do was call you on the phone or try to talk to you again after you so clearly rejected me. So, I spent the rest of the summer avoiding you. I think I even applied to work in the dining hall just so I could go to school early!”
“And I spent the summer avoiding you because I was sure you had ditched me at the concert. And then the next time we saw each other I remember you literally walked in the other direction!”
I laughed at this, but I didn’t discount her memory.
“I’m not surprised,” I chuckled. “I didn’t have very practiced social skills at that time. I probably wasn’t subtle.”
“You weren’t! I guess we ended up just reinforcing each other’s fears. I thought you didn’t like me, and you thought I had rejected you. And we both avoided any conversations about it.”
“We were teenagers!” I offered. “What do you expect?”
“I don’t know that it’s only a teenager problem,” Darcy said. She shifted on the blanket so she could turn her body to face me. “I’m still having trouble telling you what I’m feeling.”
“Wait. Before you say anything, I want to talk first.”
I thought for a moment Darcy would protest, but then she folded her hands in her lap and raised her eyebrows at me, showing a picture-perfect image of waiting for me to speak. But the second she did this, I felt nerves overtake me. I took a deep breath and pressed forward.
“I’m sorry you overheard my conversation with Brady. I didn’t know you were there. But it’s no excuse. I should never had said that to him. I should never had told him I would go on the tour.”
“You don’t owe me anything …” she started, but I pushed forward, wanting her to understand something. And, in fact, I needed myself to understand it as well.
“I’m not going on tour. I don’t want to go on tour. I want to stay here.”
“But you told him you’re going.”
“I know. It was a dumb thing to do. But he was standing there telling me that he was going to replace me. In my own band where I write all of the music! He’s going to move Liam up front and have him be lead singer.”
“Well, that will never work,” Darcy said, letting out a little scoff. Her immediate response to this plan made me feel vindicated just as my conversation with Liz had done.
“That’s what I tried to say,” I agreed. “But he wouldn’t listen. And I just wanted some time to think without Brady berating me and telling me I’m not dedicated to the band. It seemed like the easiest thing to say to get him off my back. I just needed time to think.”
“So, you want to stay?” Her tone was tentative and I hated the vulnerability I heard there. I grabbed her hand.
“Darcy, I’ve never stopped thinking about you. Ever since I was seventeen years old, I’ve wanted to be with you. So I’m not going anywhere. Even if it means getting kicked out of the very band I created.”
I leaned in and kissed her, and I felt Darcy open up to me. She relaxed against me, and after our kiss I felt her arms wrap around me. We hugged each other close, finally seeming to understand each other.
“You can’t give up your band,” she said into my ear. “I wouldn’t ask you to do that.”
“You might not, but Liz certainly will. I promised her a full summer and she’s going to hold me to that!” We laughed about Liz and I leaned back from the hug. I took both her hands in mine so I could look at her.
“I’ll figure things out with Brady and the band. I’ve been ready for something to change for a long time. And I’m excited to figure out what that looks like.”
“Good,” Darcy smiled. “Because we have a solo album to record at your new recording studio.”
“You’re still up for it?” I hadn’t dared to hope she was still interested.
“As long as you promise me you won’t leave before it’s done, I’m open to it.”
“Hmmm ... leaving before something’s over? I think you’re the one we might have to worry about.”
Darcy playfully pushed me, and I allowed myself to fall backward as we both laughed. She leaned over and laid her body on top of mine before dropping down to kiss me again.
“I won’t leave,” I told her, staring up into her eyes. “I want to stay here and get to know you better. And I have a feeling that truly knowing Darcy Stevens will take much longer than one summer.”