6. Jaxon
It was a relief to watch Ava eat. Although it took her a while to get through half of the meal, I’m glad she managed to digest something. I know she probably doesn’t have much of an appetite, so starting off small so she doesn’t make herself sick is key.
After her meal, Lucy took her upstairs to one of the spare rooms. She showed her how to use the shower and let her borrow some clean clothes. We said we’d wait downstairs in the living room to give her some breathing space.
“She should see the doctor again,” I say to Lucy as I pace the cream rug in front of the grand fireplace. “To double-check that everything is okay.”
“I agree.”
“I don’t want to push her too far,” I comment, running a hand along the stubble on my jaw. “But at the same time, I want to make sure she’s okay.”
My sister nods. “I don’t think you should be pushing yourself too far either.”
“What does that mean?”
She sighs and chews her bottom lip. “I know you’re not over Julia. You will never be over Julia. She was your first love. But Ava has been through horrific trauma, and she needs care and patience. I don’t think you’re in any frame of mind to give her that right now.”
I flinch at her words. “What are you talking about?”
“You might end up hurting her further.”
“How could you possibly think I’d hurt my own mate?” I shake my head in disbelief.
“Not physically, Jaxon; I mean emotionally. You are not ready for a new relationship. You were in love with Julia. You still love her, but Ava, she nee–”
My fists tighten beside me as I bark over her, “Stop.”
The living room falls to silence.
“I know I’m not entirely ready to move on, Luce. But that doesn’t mean I can’t try and get to know Ava and build trust between us. I will never forget Julia. Do you not think this is hard for me?” I exhale as waves of shame hit my sternum. “The last thing I want is to jump into a relationship with her, but something is telling me to hold on. When we’re both ready, we can have that conversation together—if at all. Right now, it’s about protecting her and nothing else.”
Lucy tilts her head back slowly. “Just–” she cuts herself off. “Be careful. I get she’s your mate, and you’re feeling one hundred and one new emotions, but there is no rush. I want you to be okay. I want her to be okay.”
I nod as her words sink in. “How are you feeling now?” I ask, changing the subject.
“Better,” she admits. “What I saw still haunts me, but I need to remember Ava is the one who experienced it. We need to focus on her now.”
I wrap an arm around her and tug her into my chest. “Thank you, Luce. For all of this.”
“We’ve missed you,” she murmurs into my T-shirt. “So much.”
My chest tightens at the thought of not seeing my family because of how badly I’ve been grieving. Yet, they will still drop everything to help me, even if I don’t deserve it.
Guilt floods my heart intensely. I’ve barely thought about Julia since I left the house yesterday, and it makes me feel rotten.
I scratch my head as I pull away. Lucy must be able to sense what’s on my mind. “It’s okay to feel confused, Jaxon.” She offers me a small smile. “This would be difficult for anyone. Julia will always be special to you.”
“She’d hate this.” I release a morbid laugh. “If she knew I had another mate.”
Lucy’s mouth twists into a sad smile. “Yeah, well, life goes on, Jaxon. I know you love her. And I know you miss her, but she’s not here anymore. You still deserve to be happy. All I say is handle Ava with care, in all aspects.”
“I will,” I hum. “Always.”
I become cautious of how long Ava is taking upstairs. Lucy agrees to check on her and make sure everything is okay. I wait as patiently as I can without my wolf eating my insides. The hairs on my arm begin to stand, and I immediately turn my attention to the glowing sensation tickling the back of my brain.
My gaze collides with Ava’s dark brown eyes. Her hair is damp and drapes over her shoulders, and Lucy’s jumper hangs off her small frame.
From the way she carries herself, I can tell she’s ready to run if she needs to. Her legs are twitchy, and her head is low, but her eyes are bouncing around.
“Hey,” I greet as her fingers entwine in front of her. “The doctor is ready to see you again if you would like. She won’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable. It’s all for your wellbeing. The ball is in your court.”
Her dark brows crease in my direction. “Y-you said they healed me.”
“Only the wound on your stomach,” I say. “It’s your choice. I’m not going to force you. If you need more time then I completely understand.”
Ava blinks at me, droplets of water falling from the ends of her long hair. “I-I–” her voice trembles before pausing. “Okay.”
I take her back to the infirmary wing, where Gemma greets us. Ava hangs back behind Lucy. Her fingers pick at the skin around her nails, and her eyes flick around her surroundings once again.
“Hi, Ava,” Gemma says warmly. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine,” she says hesitantly.
“How do you feel about letting me check you over? I am the senior doctor. But if anything makes you uncomfortable, let me know, and we can stop.”
A warm sensation spreads throughout my chest, tapping at my ribcage. My pulse races at the unexpected wave of what was once far too familiar. But through our growing mate bond, I understand how apprehensive she is from the dread lacing through her.
I didn’t expect the bond to be this strong—let alone for it to arise this early without any physical connection. It starts to pull on my heartstrings, and I resist the urge to rub my hand over my chest.
Eventually, Ava nods.
Gemma continues to smile as she holds out her hand, but she doesn’t take her palm. Instead, she follows her further into the infirmary.
Lucy sighs from beside me. “I am exhausted, I have no idea how she feels.”
My eyes ache with heaviness and all the foreign emotions weighing down my body. “I know.”
When the minutes tick by, I’m strung with worry that Gemma has found something that puts Ava’s health in danger. Overthinking is a bastard.
The door opens, and I stand from my seat in the hall. Gemma guides Ava back to us. “Everything okay?” I ask.
“I managed to get a better look at those cracked ribs and torn ligaments. But they’re all healed now. Ava will be weak for a few weeks, so she needs a lot of rest. Hydration and nourishment are also going to be crucial in her recovery. Everything else between us is confidential.” Gemma’s brows raise towards me which means not to fight her.
“Thank you, Gemma,” I say gratefully.
Ava’s head is firmly down, and I frown at the action. “No problem, Alpha.” She nods. “Ava, if you ever need to come and talk to me about anything, I’m always here, or you can call for me. Okay?”
“Okay,” she whispers, not meeting her eyes.
Gemma flashes me a sympathetic smile before bowing to me.
We walk back to the living room. It reads past midday on the clock. I know she’s been in and out of sleep all night, but I bet she’s exhausted.
“Would you like to go back to your room so you can rest?”
“Yes, Alpha.” She bows her head like Gemma did.
My face flinches at the title. I turn towards her until those big yet tired eyes meet mine. For a moment, she looks scared of the proximity between us. “You don’t need to call me Alpha or bow to me, Ava.” I tighten my fist beside my leg to stop myself from caressing her cheek. “You and I are equal. I am not higher than you. But you can call me Jaxon, Jax, or whatever you want to call me.”
Ava’s lashes brush her skin as she takes in my voice, realising I’m being serious. “Jax,” she repeats, and the sound of my name rolling off her tongue has a shiver running down my spine.
When I climbedinto bed later that night, I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Ava was in the room down the hall from mine, and despite my wolf telling me to check in on her, I knew better than to push her boundaries. I need to respect her needs. It’s the bare minimum.
She needs time to adjust and find her own trust in us. I roll onto my back and rub my hands over my face. I refuse to look at the time because then I’ll have no hope of getting to sleep.
An unsettling feeling churns in my stomach. I clasp my abdomen and grunt at the sensations diving through me. The tightness of my chest becomes almost unbearable, and I’m tingling all over.
Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
Ava’s thoughts. I can hear them loud and clear.
Immediately, I sit up in my bed and glance at the door.
Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.
My first instinct is to jump out of bed and storm into her room, but after a moment, I realise she’s having a nightmare. I close my eyes, hating the fact I can hear every word laced with pain and suffering. Her unconscious thoughts come flooding through my head over and over.
Stop. Help me. Stop. Help me. Stop. Help me.
When they become louder, I can’t help but groan in frustration. I am helpless. Completely and utterly helpless.
I twist and shoot a mindlink to Lucy. She’s having a nightmare. A bad one. I can hear everything.
Ugh, Jaxon. What time is it? She murmurs back after a few seconds. Don’t go in there. You’ll scare her.
I bury my head in my hands. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to handle this, but I can’t just sit here and listen to it. It is killing me, Luce.
I know, Jaxon. I know it’s hard. But you need to give her the space. Otherwise, you’ll end up pushing her further away.
This is ruining me, I say weakly.
Lucy is silent for a moment. Then attempt to use the bond to calm her without actually going into her room. Use everything you have to comfort her.
I push my back into the headboard and nod. You’re right.
It’s been too long since I’ve experienced a mate bond that I forget the true power it possesses.
My eyes close, and I imagine the bond. My breathing slows, and I tell myself to push out her agony from my body and focus on pleasant thoughts instead.
Ava whimpers in my mind, and I clench my eyes tighter at the haunting sound. I continue exhaling through the bond, imagining pictures of sandy beaches and lavender fields. Places of peace. Places of tranquillity, all projected into her brain. Her thoughts slowly begin to fade away, and I push a little harder on the bond like a soft caress.
My mate”s nightmare quietens down, and after a few minutes, it stops. I keep flashing images of beautiful sunrises and picturesque mountains, representing true freedom in my eyes.
A soft sigh of relief echoes down the bond, so quiet I almost miss it. There is so much pressure inside my head, but I don’t stop. I don’t want to risk her nightmare coming back before she manages to fall into a dreamless sleep.
When Ava’s breathing aligns with mine through the bond, and I’m comfortable she’s asleep, I let the images fizzle out, and my eyes open. If I have to do it every night, I will. It’s the least I can do without crossing her boundaries.