8. Jaxon
Iknew the weeks that came next wouldn’t be easy for Ava. Some days, she’d continue to shut herself in her room and not come out to eat or show her face. On other days, she’d only want to talk to Lucy. At least she’s found comfort in my sister. I barely had a chance to speak to her, but I know gaining her trust is something that will not happen overnight. I’m ready to persist.
She hasn’t wanted to be in the same room as me without Lucy to make her feel at ease. I don’t take it to heart. She deserves to be understood. As much as it hurts, I know she needs time and space.
Over the last two weeks, I’ve thought of Julia constantly. A part of me knows I shouldn’t be diving into this new bond with Ava because my love for Julia won’t magically disappear. She was my Luna. Now, I have been graced with another.
Some days, I grieve. But, some days, my wolf forces my attention towards Ava.
It alarms me how easily he has moved on. It’s as if she never even existed in his world, and it makes my head ache. It’s a clusterfuck of emotions I can’t seem to control. We are two separate entities with different perspectives.
I’m stuck between wanting to hold onto my non-existent bond with Julia and allowing myself to feel the new bond with Ava. I don’t want Julia to think I’ve forgotten about her because I haven’t. She was my life and soul.
Every day, I’m sick to my stomach with guilt.
In this time, I’ve been working closely with Kayden. He looked after the pack for nine gruelling months, and now, I’m ready to take the reins again. My pack deserves an Alpha that actually shows up for them, and I’m ashamed to admit I became someone I hated.
Today, I leave the house for the first time in a while. Lucy reassures me she’ll look after Ava. My Alpha duties don’t stop because of my past and present mate bonds. I still have to make an effort for my pack—I refuse to let them down after they were so patient with me.
I trust Lucy with Ava. She’s made herself known to the other members of my pack, but her shyness has her hiding away in her room when she’s overwhelmed. If she feels safe in her room, then I won’t take that away from her.
When she officially met Kayden, I’d never seen a face pale as quick as hers. I don’t know what she saw in my Beta, but whatever it was, she truly feared it. I can only imagine he reminds her of someone in the past, and until she feels comfortable around him, I won’t force their company. Not when she’s still healing.
Despite not spending much time with each other the last few weeks, the bond is growing stronger between us. I didn’t think much of it until I left the house, and the tugging on my heartstrings was begging me to go back. I have no idea if she feels half of what I feel, but my wolf’s desperation is destroying me internally.
After three long hours of meetings in the district amongst our allied packs, I gladly left with the information I came for. I’ve had my eyes set on hunting down Lucien and his wolves, but first, I needed some inside details.
The Stagborn Pack.
All men. All vile creatures.
I discovered his whereabouts, which is west of our district. I’m eager to hunt, invade, and attack until none of them are left. All we need now is to set a plan that will give us the greatest advantage.
When I finally get back to the pack house, I exhale in relief. I made it through the day without my heart ripping out of my chest—I’ve missed the warmth a bond can give you. It’s chilling and beautiful at the same time.
The weather outside takes a dark turn, as the skies are covered in grey clouds. Heavy rain pours on the pebbled floor. It echoes loudly in my ears as I walk through the front door. I make my way to the kitchen, where I find Lucy and Phia, my sister’s closest friend in the pack.
“Where’s Ava?” I ask, interrupting their conversation.
Phia offers me a small smile. “Hi, Alpha Jaxon.”
“She’s outside,” Lucy says before turning back to Phia.
I frown immediately. “What do you mean outside?”
Lucy glances up before extending her arm towards the window that overlooks a small patio. “Look for yourself.”
I’m moving towards the window faster than I can blink. My gaze flicks towards my mate standing outside in the rain, barefoot on the wet grass and drenched to the bone. “What the–” I cut myself off. “Why is she outside?”
“She wanted to go outside. She said something about seeing the rain.”
My eyes widen. Lucy must be out of her damn mind. “Are you stupid? What if she ran off? What if she got hurt?”
She rolls her eyes at me, and I clench my jaw. “And you’re the one saying she needs to trust you.”
“Lucy–” I clench the bridge of my nose and walk towards the back door.
“She promised she wouldn’t run off; she just wanted to see the rain.”
“And you believed her?”
My heart is pounding like an alarm clock in my chest. “Uhh, yeah,” she huffs as if I’m the one who’s overreacting. “She’s been out there for five minutes, and she hasn’t moved.”
I grip onto the door handle. “Five minutes?”
Before she can respond, I hop down the patio stairs and pull up the collar of my jacket as the rain pours over my head. It’s so loud I can barely hear myself think. It’s bitter and cold, and I have no idea how she’s out here with no shoes on.
“Hey,” I say over the rain but quiet enough that I don’t startle her.
Ava turns to me with an unexpected smile, one that covers half of her face. I can’t even class it as a smile because she’s beaming at me. My breath lodges in my throat, and I tell myself not to reach out and move the piece of brunette hair which has clung to her forehead. The raindrops have completely drenched her head and lashes. Her clothes cling to her rosy skin.
Her eyes light up with excitement, and I can’t help but smile back at her. I can see it in her gaze; she knows she’s free. My wolf howls at the sight because he wants nothing more than to see her happy.
“What are you doing out here?” I ask as I shrug off my jacket.
She doesn’t flinch when I move it around her body, so I lower it down onto her shoulders, attempting to keep her warm even though every part of her skin is wet.
“The rain.” She grins, holding her palms flat to the sky so the droplets touch her fingers. “It’s amazing.”
Ava tilts her head and closes her eyes, inhaling deeply. My fingers itch to touch her precious cheek, but it’s not right. “You’ve never seen rain before?”
A surprising laugh barks out of her. “Of course, I’ve seen rain. But it’s been what feels like years since I’ve seen the rain, and it just…it just–”
“It what?”
“It makes me feel alive. It reminds me I am alive.” She shudders but not with coldness, with vibrancy. “It’s like I can actually feel something that is real. I can go outside. I can feel the rain. I can breathe all this air. It’s real. It’s not a dream. I’m really living this.”
My lips spread into a bright smile. “Yeah. It’s real. All of it is real. You’re not a prisoner here, Ava. You are free to do whatever you want. Whatever makes you feel alive.”
Her eyes glitter in my direction, and I suck in a breath. The way she’s looking at me makes my chest glow with a tender warmth.
“You must be freezing,” I say as I focus on her lips, which are losing colour by the second. “Let’s get inside. You don’t want to make yourself sick.”
Ava steps around me, and we walk back towards the kitchen. I hold the door open for her as we step inside. She takes off my jacket and hands it to me.
“How was the rain?” Lucy asks.
I glance at Ava, who looks down to the floor where she’s dripping rainwater. “I loved it. Thank you for letting me go outside.”
“You don’t need permission to do anything, Ava,” Lucy states slowly. “You’re allowed to do whatever you want. Right, Jaxon?”
“Yeah,” I agree, despite feeling bad for what I said to my sister earlier. “Like I said outside. You’re not a prisoner. You’re one of us.”
The corner of her lip twitches, but it doesn’t reach capacity. “Okay.”
“Would you like to watch a movie in the lounge?” I suggest. “It’s a quiet evening.”
Ava chews on her lip. “Alone?”
“We don’t have to be alone. I won’t force you to sit with me if you don’t want to. If you want Lucy to sit with us, I’m sure she’ll join us.”
She looks to Lucy who gives her a supportive smile. “Okay.”
I nod with relief. “Why don’t you get changed into something warm and dry, and I’ll meet you in the lounge? We can agree on a movie together.”
“Okay,” she whispers once more before disappearing upstairs.
I move to the living room and light the fireplace to make the room cosy. Then, I collect as many blankets and cushions as I can find.
“You two getting along well then, huh?” I hear Lucy’s voice behind me.
“This is the first time she’s wanted to actively spend time with me. Especially something that doesn’t involve mealtime. I’m not jinxing anything, but I want her to be comfortable,” I say honestly. “Taking it one day at a time.”
Lucy nods in appreciation. “Good. I’m glad.”
Soon, Ava appears beside Lucy at the door to the living room. She’s wearing a loose T-shirt and pyjama pants, her fingers closely entwined in front of her. “Do you want me to join you?” Lucy asks Ava.
“Uh,” she hesitates and meets my eyes. “Please. I’d like that.”
“Okay, sure. I’ll be back in a second.”
When my sister leaves, Ava watches her go. I perch on the end of the sofa and beckon with my head. “Come,” I say softly. “I’ve got blankets and snacks.”
She tugs at her fingers once more before walking towards me. But she doesn’t sit next to me; instead, she keeps her distance. “What’s your favourite movie?”
Ava is silent for a long moment, her bottom lip between her teeth as she thinks. “I-I don’t know.” She exhales. “I think I liked comedies or drama pieces. Nothing sad or scary.”
I offer her a smile. “I don’t like anything scary either.”
Her eyes widen in surprise. “Really?”
“Hell, yeah.” I nod without an ounce of shame. “Demons and poltergeists are terrifying.”
Ava’s throat releases the quietest laugh. “Yeah, they are.”
“Let’s pick something together, then.” I beckon my head to the TV. “Nothing scary. Nothing sad.”
Lucy returns and sits on the other side of Ava. When Stepbrothers starts playing, I hand over some blankets, which she snuggles into, wrapping herself up like a burrito. Her delicate scent wafts towards me as time ticks by, and I take shallow breaths to keep my eyes on the screen. It’s more powerful now, intoxicating my lungs with how beautiful she smells.
Halfway through the movie, she lifts her head and looks at me. “W-where were you today?” Her voice is quiet as I shift my gaze towards her.
“Making sure no one ever hurts you again.”
A confused frown falls on her face. “What do you mean?”
“You don’t have to worry about anything right now, okay?”
She stares at me for a long moment and nods once.
“Can I ask you a question?” I whisper when she says nothing more.
She nibbles her lip in anticipation. “Yes.”
“Do you remember who your parents are?”
Suddenly, she looks away from me and focuses on the bookshelves across the room. “I-I can’t remember.”
“Do you remember where you grew up?”
“No,” she whispers heavily.
My jaw tightens at the sadness forming in her eyes. “It’s okay. We can figure it out together as time goes on. I want you to be able to reunite with your family and friends.”
Her lips begin to tremble. “Me, too. I just–” She strains. “I can’t remember.”
When her head lowers, I ache for her. I wish I could take away her pain without terrifying her through the bond. I’ve only done it when her nightmares occupy her mind at night. I take my sister”s thoughts into consideration. I’m still grieving. I shouldn”t be forcing myself into a new relationship when my head isn’t in the right place either.
“Hey,” I rasp, catching her attention. “Let’s watch the rest of the movie. We don’t have to think about it tonight.”
“Yeah,” she whispers back as her eyes return to the TV.
One day at a time.