28. Ava
As I lay in my bed, looking up at the white ceiling, I can”t stop thinking about what happened tonight. I raise my fingers to my lips and brush the delicate skin. Jax kissed me. I kissed him back.
I thought I’d be reeling in shame and discomfort, but if anything, I’m proud of my self-confidence. For claiming my right to my body and what I want.
And boy…did it make me feel things.
A childish squeal rushes through my throat, and a giant smile creeps up on my face. I’m giddy. My head is spinning with a thousand different positive emotions. God, I can’t stop thinking about him.
I close my eyes again for the hundredth time and pray I fall asleep. But deep down in my bones, I know I’m far too ecstatic to even think about it. I’m on cloud nine. Tonight was perfect in so many different ways, and I’m growing in my own skin.
I might not ever be the woman I was before, but I like who I’m turning into. It’s refreshing and relieving, all wrapped into one.
My stomach growls from hunger and pure excitement. Ugh. I toss and turn, and nothing seems to help me drift off. I release an annoyed sigh and slap my arms down on the bed.
What’s wrong? Jax’s sleepy voice echoes through my mind.
Nothing, sorry. I frown. Did I wake you?
My fingers rub against my eyes gently. They’re heavy, but my mind is working a thousand miles a second.
You feel distressed. What’s the matter?
Another sigh escapes my lips. I can’t sleep, that’s all. It’s okay. Go back to sleep. I don’t want to disturb you.
Why can’t you sleep?
Do I tell him I’ve been internally screaming over our kiss? Hell no. I’ve been trying my absolute hardest to block out my thoughts so he can’t hear them. From the two lessons he’s given me, I’m trying my hardest, but I’m yet to perfect it.
I’m a little hungry.
Meet me downstairs in the kitchen. I’ll make you something.
I don’t fight it. My heart pounds with the desire to see him. Okay.
My fingers grab the sheets to throw them off my body before I creep out of bed and analyse my appearance in the mirror. My hair is a complete mess. I quickly try to flatten it, but it’s a frizzball from dancing all night.
I focus on my eyes and swallow a breath. Why am I getting so worked up about seeing him? It was only a couple of hours ago that we arrived home.
I silently creep out of my room and make my way downstairs to Jaxon’s private kitchen. I step inside, and he’s already here—except he’s shirtless. I pause in the doorway to admire his sculpted shoulders and toned torso.
An unexpected shudder runs through me at the sight of his tan skin and muscles packed over muscles. Werewolves are always in the best shape of their life, but Jaxon is in another realm.
He doesn’t look at me, but the corner of his lip quirks. I’ve been caught red-handed. Of course, his crazy senses would pick up that I was here. I slowly walk over to him as he finally turns to me. “What do you want to eat?” he asks, his voice a little groggy.
I ponder and watch as his eyes wander down my bare legs. My face heats within seconds. “Something with cheese,” I say as confidently as possible.
His brow arches. “What about some grilled cheese?”
“Sounds good.”
After a moment, he turns around to prepare our midnight snack. I jump up onto the counter so I can observe silently. He slices the cheese against the cutting board, those impressive back muscles contracting with every movement. I gulp at the action. He looks so damn good doing something so simple.
The Greek Gods would be jealous.
My fingers twitch at the thought of running my hand across the skin on his back, how smooth it would feel beneath my palms?—
I shake my head. I need to stop.
Jax slides our food underneath the grill and turns around to face me. “You know I can still hear your thoughts?” he says playfully.
“Goddamnnit.” All colour drains from my face, which is then replaced with a deep blush. “Those lessons were useless.”
“Not useless.” He flashes me a smug grin. “Although I really don’t want your thoughts to disappear. I find them rather entertaining.”
I glance down to hide my embarrassment, but Jaxon steps in front of me. He places two fingers beneath my chin and tilts my gaze to his. He gently nudges his way between my bare thighs. Oh, gosh. I’m the temperature of the sun.
“You can stare as much as you want,” he says huskily, lowering his head so our lips almost brush. “I’m all yours, Ava.”
My lungs decide this is the perfect moment to forget how to take down air. I hesitantly look into his eyes, which are watching me with admiration. Jeez. There is no oxygen left in this room—I’m sure of it.
He glances down to my lips and smiles. “Can I kiss you again? I’ve been thinking about you non-stop.”
I manage a slight nod, words failing me. His hand clasps the side of my cheek gently and presses his lips to mine. This time, it’s different. Slower and patient as if we have all the time in the world. And we do. We’re alone with no one to interrupt us.
The kiss doesn’t turn heated. It’s a caress of a touch that makes my heart sing. I clutch onto his wrist, drawing him closer. Our chests press together, his bare skin making my body sizzle beneath the surface.
When he widens his mouth just a little, the alarm on the grill starts to beep. We both pull away at the same time. His forehead drops to mine for a couple of seconds, and I shield my eyes from him.
The moment I open them again, he leaves a simple peck on my lips before making his way over to the grill. I press a hand to my head, knowing my mind is swirling from all the new chemicals.
He plates up our food and slides it onto the counter. “Thank you,” I say politely, as I stare down at the sizzling cheese coating the golden bread. We sit and eat in silence despite feeling his eyes on me the entire time.
I eat slowly, my appetite now subsided. If anything, I’m trying to calm my breathing so Jaxon can’t hear it, but with his wolf senses, there is no doubt he can hear everything.
When I’m finished, he takes my plate from me, and I jump down from the counter. “Come on.” He takes my hand and presses a kiss on my forehead. “Let’s get you back to bed.”
Once he leads me out of the kitchen and up the stairs, we pause outside my bedroom, and I hesitate for a moment. A new wave of self-assurance washes over me.
“Goodnight, baby,” he whispers. “Sleep well.”
My fingers raise to his mouth, and he leaves a peck on my knuckles. I stare at the action, and my heart flutters like a butterfly. He drops my hand and turns to walk down the hall towards his own bedroom.
I stand there fumbling with my fingers, the words on my tongue. After everything I experienced today, the last thing I want to be is alone. It’s a part of the reason why I think I couldn’t sleep.
“Jax,” I call.
He stops and turns around. “What’s the matter?”
“Can I–” I swallow the lump in my throat.
I hear footsteps until he’s directly in front of me again. “Tell me, Ava.”
“The bed you sleep in,” I roll back my shoulders, “is it one you shared with Julia?”
Jaxon blinks at my question, and suddenly, I want the ground to swallow me whole. “No.” He shakes his head. “I had it replaced around six months ago. I had to do it for my own sanity.”
“Oh.”
Why does that flood me with relief?
“What did you want to ask, Ava?”
I flick my eyes between his and decide to grab this moment with both hands. “Can I sleep in your bed tonight?” I ask quickly. “As a one-off only.”
Jaxon’s smile is instant. “You can sleep in my bed whenever you want.”
“W-with you?”
His soft laughter wraps around my sternum. “Yes, with me.”
He takes my hand and leads me down the hall to his bedroom. For a moment, I become apprehensive of my decision. He squeezes my hand, and I know he feels my nerves. “If you want to go back to your room,” he says before pushing his door open. “You can. I’m not going to hold you hostage in my bed. Although, it’s very comfortable.”
I merely nod as we enter his bedroom. It’s huge with black and grey interior. and very well organised. The best part is that it smells like him, the scent so strong it almost knocks me off my feet. It’s deep and musky and earthy.
When I inhale, I close my eyes, the feeling of safety clinging to my chest. Jaxon tugs on my fingers, and I walk towards his large bed. He pulls back the covers for me, and I slip beneath the silky sheets.
A sigh escapes my lips when he joins me from the other side. I rest my head on his pillow and stare back at him—he does the exact same. I chew on my lip gently before I reach out my hand and brush my fingertips across his bare chest. Oh, he’s so warm and velvety.
Jax’s eyes close in satisfaction when I touch him, his arm slipping around my waist to pull me closer. I lean my face into his neck and smile against his skin. My lips graze his collarbone, and I allow myself to be in this moment.
There’s not an ounce of fear in my head or in my body. I am truly at peace.
I’m safe in his arms, yet he’s practically a killing machine.
“Can I ask you a question?” I whisper into the darkness.
Jaxon hums softly. “Anything.”
“Have you killed people?”
“Wolves,” he states. “I’ve killed wolves before.”
I shift my head as he drags his hand across my shoulder blades. “Who deserved it?”
“I’ve killed wolves that have become a threat to my family and pack. I will never hesitate to kill someone if they’re going to try and take anyone special away from me. I’d never kill innocent people. I’m not a monster. I care about everyone here, and I’d do anything for them—like an Alpha should,” he says firmly.
“Are packs under threat a lot?”
He clears his throat gently. “It depends. But yes. You never know what’s going to happen in our world. Some wolves are power hungry, others are seeking revenge, and others are determined to make people’s lives miserable.”
“Would I be in danger?”
Jaxon holds me tighter. “No. I’ll protect you with my life. But please, never leave the house alone. Even on our territory, you never know who might be out there, and I’m not running the risk of you getting hurt. If you want to leave the house, tell someone first, then a guard or I will escort you safely.”
“I want to train,” I blurt. “I know I’m not like you, but I’d like to get stronger. I’d like to learn some self defence, some fighting skills. I want to trust my body and my mind.”
He nuzzles his head against mine. “Then we’ll train together.” He pecks my clothed shoulder. “If that’s what you want, we can do it. I’ve told you before, just because you’re not a wolf doesn’t mean you’re not one of us.”
“Maybe training will make me feel like one of you.”
“Then I’ll get you to whatever level you want. I have a lot of faith in you and what you can achieve. Will that make you happy?”
I nod before he even finishes the question. “Yes. Very. I want to surprise myself. I want to prove to myself that I’m strong. That I’m able. I’m tired of being the damsel in distress. I want to save myself, and this feels like a step forward.”
Jaxon exhales a sound from the back of his throat. “I want that for you, too, baby. We’ll do whatever you want.”
“Did you have a good time today?” I ask.
“I had the best day ever.” A full grin stretches across his face. “And that’s all because of you.”
I melt into his words, our bodies moulding into one. My head rests against his chest, and I close my eyes. I’m at home in his arms, and I never thought I’d be able to experience this level of security—not with my past. I thought I would be broken to accept care. But I’m not broken; I’m healing.
That is true power.
“Goodnight, Jax.”
“Goodnight, my love.”
Love. My entire body tingles like fireworks exploding in my skin. I release a silent breath, knowing I am going to have the best night’s sleep ever.
“Oh.” Jax leans down to my ear. “And for the record, I am one hundred percent going to make you my wife.”
The bond between us heats up so intensely that I’m burning from the inside out. Tears well in my eyes, and I can’t remove my smile, no matter how hard I try. The idea of marriage is terrifying because I am so young, but his words don’t feel like a prison sentence; they feel like a lifetime of happiness.