29. Ava
It’s been a few days since Lucy and Sebastian’s wedding. Whilst they are off enjoying their honeymoon, Jaxon is whipping the pack back into shape. A few days off doesn’t mean they slack for a second—only now have I realised how determined he is as an Alpha. Always striving for the best.
I’ve been building up the courage to join in with group training, and I told Jaxon I wanted a few sessions with him alone first. I asked him to take it easy because my stamina and strength will be at the other end of the spectrum.
On Monday, we start with core training with balancing and slow movements. On Tuesday, I attempt a stamina session in which I end up on the floor in a heap of dirt from how weak my legs are. On Wednesday, we start with self-defence and practising getting out of certain grips and positions—always finding a way, even if it seems impossible.
Having the Alpha to myself whilst Kayden takes on the rest of the pack has my cheeks heating. I have to admit I love it, selfishly. He’s their leader, and I’ll have to share him eventually, as I’m not the only one who needs him.
By Friday, Jaxon persuades me to join in with group training. I know most of their sessions involve being in their shifted form, but today, he”s going to cater it towards me—even though I told him I want to be as invisible as possible.
He rounds us up in the clearing outside the house. “Alright.” His loud voice booms across the trees, making the leaves quake. “Everyone, listen up. We’re going to train in our human forms today. It’s wise to keep up our natural strength as well as our wolves. It’s going to be a little different, but it’s going to benefit us all.”
I suck down a breath and clench my fists together. Jaxon’s eyes meet mine, and he gives me a supportive nod. “I’m going to split you up. Half of you will follow me, the other half will follow Kayden. We’re going to do a light trail run to get warmed up, and then we’ll move on to the good stuff.”
My eyes glance around the group and I’m relieved to find none of their attention is on me. Why would it be? They’re here to train.
Jaxon splits us up, and thankfully, I’m in his group. They lead off down two different paths. He remains at the front to keep everyone running in the right direction. I stay at the back and try my hardest not to die.
You’ve got this, beautiful, Jaxon’s voice echoes through my head.
My lungs hurt.
Warmth spreads through me as if he’s attempting to take away some of my pain. I rub my chest as I run. The ache isn’t as intense as it was a few seconds ago.
Take it easy. You don’t have anything to prove. You’re doing so well.
How did you do that?
Less talking, more running.
I roll my eyes. Bossy.
Once I make it to the end of the trail and we’re back in the clearing, I press my hands to my knees and breathe as deeply as possible. Jaxon tried to mask some of the stabbing motions in my lungs, which I am eternally grateful for—I doubt I would have finished otherwise. I definitely need more training sessions to improve my stamina before I’m puking up my guts.
You okay? he asks.
I raise my thumb in a “good” gesture whilst I fight for my life.
“Okay, good warm up,” Jaxon shouts, and everyone turns deathly silent. “We’re going to do some light sparring to start, and later, we can get into some physical contact.”
My eyes widen. Physical contact?
Don’t worry. I won’t let you do anything you’re not ready for. Light sparring will be enough for today.
I gulp back my sudden wave of anxiety. Okay. Sure.
Have more faith in yourself. This is practice, remember? The pack aren’t enemies; we all want each other to do better.
I let his words ease me. He’s right. They train for a reason, not to hurt each other.
I listen as they’re split into pairs whilst the rest of the pack facilitates the sparring. My eyes immediately float to Jaxon as he teams up with Kayden, both of them smirking at each other with their dominant personalities. I’m not entirely sure what sparring should look like, but once they start going for each other, I realise it’s less serious than I imagined.
Their laughter filters through the air, along with playful insults as they throw punches and dance around each other. It doesn’t take long until both of them are dripping in sweat. There are a few close calls, but no blood to be seen.
Jaxon strips off his T-shirt, leaving his abs on full display. Kayden does the same, but I barely notice him. My eyes travel down Jaxon’s long torso and rippling muscles. His sweat gleams off the sun, biceps bulging and his broad shoulders rolled back but ready for action.
His chest heaves as he catches his breath, droplets rolling down his tanned skin. His hair is tousled and messy. They’re both covered in dirt as they continue to joke around light-heartedly. Goddamn. My body begins to tighten.
There is a sharpness in my crotch, and I shift to relieve the pressure building unexpectedly. The feeling is so alien that my forehead aches from how hard I’m forcing my brows together. I close my eyes to gather these erratic thoughts.
My mouth parts as I attempt to calm down. I can’t believe this is happening to me right now of all places. I whimper when my thighs roll together, and I finally look back to Jaxon, who is wrestling with Kayden against the dirt.
A part of me wants to be disgusted for having such thoughts, but then I remember back to a session with Gemma when I asked about female pleasure. She reassured me that having any sexual thoughts shouldn’t be seen as shameful—despite what I might have been told in the past.
Every woman has a right to pleasure, whether that be sexual or not.
I tell myself to ignore this sudden rush of fire. I can speak to Gemma once this training session is over—she will help me dive deeper into the cause.
A girl beside me begins to fan herself as she watches Jaxon and Kayden fight. I narrow my eyes as she bites down on her lip and releases a whimper. My face twitches at the sight of her gaze on Jaxon—she’s no better than me, but it triggers a wildfire in my heart.
An unsettling feeling ripples through my stomach, and I hate that it tastes like jealousy. Her eyes flare with excitement every time Jaxon throws Kayden down onto his back. I tighten my fists at my sides and find my entire body vibrating.
Time is called for the first groups of sparrers, and Kayden calls out the next pairs. I stand back as they weave in and out of the clearing. “Ava,” he shouts. “You’re up.”
My eyes widen, not expecting to be next. Jaxon appears at my side. “It’ll be okay,” he says, and I glance at his sweaty stomach. “It’s sparring, not actual fighting.”
“Right,” I whisper with a nod.
“Hey, Alpha Jaxon,” the girl calls over to him. “Nice fight.”
Jaxon releases a long breath. “Thanks, Rachel.”
Rachel. Rachel?
He turns his attention back to me and gives me a quick wink. “You got this.”
Suddenly, a wave of anxiety rolls through me. I’m no Luna. I can’t even believe I’m meant to be their future Luna. My mind instantly switches to the thought of Julia. I wonder what she was like beside Jaxon.
Did she train regularly with the pack?
Was she a strong Luna?
Are the pack going to compare us?
I’ll never be able to live up to someone like her.
“Rachel,” Kayden calls and beckons her over.
I glance across the clearing as she steps forward. My fists clench when I study her face. I’m boiling over the edge, and I can’t seem to control it. It’s like there’s a ticking time bomb inside my head.
Rachel’s black hair is scraped back into a high ponytail. She has the most haunting green eyes. They are so pale they almost look white. My lips curl into a forced smile, and she greets me with one, too—she seems kind, but I’m not feeling kind.
Jaxon’s hand presses to the small of my back encouragingly. “Come on. You’ve got this,” he whispers in my ear and then his attention is turned towards another pair. “Hey! None of that. If you want to fight, do it outside of my damn territory.”
I watch him leave before I focus back on Rachel. “Light sparring,” Kayden clarifies again before moving on to the next group.
We step towards each other, and I take up my fighting stance. I inhale some air and shake out my limbs.
She flashes me a genuine smile. “Come on. Show me what you’ve got.”
The thought of Rachel dragging her hand down Jaxon’s sweaty abs crosses my mind, and it makes me flinch. I grit my teeth and shake my head. No. No. I’m making up fake scenarios. Heat explodes in my sternum.
Breathe, Ava. Breathe.
I hear Rachel’s whimper in my mind, but this time, she’s on top of him, running her fingers through his hair with desire in her eyes. She dips her head lower and lower until I’m ready to explode.
A spark lights up inside me, and without grasping my complete self-control, I lunge forward and push her to the floor. Never in my life have I felt this level of rage and envy—it makes my skin itch. All the adrenaline in my body is about to burst from the top of my head. I didn’t know I could possess this sort of strength.
Rachel squirms against me as she knees me in the ribs. I gasp in a breath from being winded, but I twist and pull back my fist and punch her. Immediately, my hand begins to burn from the sensation of hitting someone. It’s an alien feeling. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a fight in my life. This doesn’t feel natural.
It doesn’t take her long to flip us over. She uses her impressive muscles to hit me twice as hard. Blood dribbles down my nose and over my lips, the coppery taste invading my tongue.
Then, everything starts to move in slow motion. I somehow reach up to grip her ponytail and throw her onto her back with all the blood and anger pumping through my veins. I grit my teeth. All I can hear is ringing.
Our hands fly in all sorts of directions, especially when she lands a punch to my already bruising ribs which causes me to groan.
“I said that is enough!” Jaxon’s voice bellows across the clearing, and two people pull us apart before we end up killing each other.
Everything is on fire. Never have I felt this…territorial.
Over Jaxon.
My eyes find Rachel’s as she scowls at me. I ball my fists together at my side.
“She fucking attacked me!” Rachel snarls, and I stupidly lunge forward, but I’m pulled back. “I didn’t do anything.”
“Hey,” Jaxon’s voice snaps. “I said enough.”
I attempt to catch my breath and finally rip my gaze from Rachel. My body shakes away the person”s grip, who turns out to be Kayden. I raise my hand to wipe my bloody nose. I wince at the way it twinges when I touch it.
“Inside. Now,” Jaxon says as he steps to my side. “And Rachel. Go to my office, and don’t move until I get there.”
Rachel huffs and storms back to the pack house. I keep my head low despite everyone’s eyes on me. I move towards the back door once she’s out of sight.
I know Jaxon is right behind me because the hairs on my neck are standing up. “What the hell was that all about?”
I brace my hands on the counter for a second before turning to look at him. His nostrils are flared, and his brows are dipped, but once his eyes roam my face, concern washes over his features. “Fuck, Ava.” He steps towards me. “You’re bleeding.”
“It’s just blood,” I say dryly before rinsing my hands in the sink. “I’ve had much worse.”
Jax’s fingers are underneath my chin, forcing my eyes to his. “I don”t care if it’s just blood, Ava. You’re hurt.”
I roll my eyes. “It’s fine.”
“Don’t ever roll your eyes at me.” He pinches my chin, making me gasp quietly. “Not when it’s about your wellbeing. Now, let me clean you up.”
My mouth parts as I stare up at him. “Jax, honestly. It–”
“Sit.”
I don’t object. I perch on the edge of the stool and watch him pull out antiseptic wipes and tissues. He peels the box open and starts cleaning the wound. “I think you’re okay. No broken bones. The skin has just split. One of the pack doctors can heal you.”
He throws the bloody supplies away, and I remain silent.
“So, are you going to tell me what happened?” he asks, leaning onto the kitchen island.
I peek my eyes up at him. “I-I don’t know what came over me.”
“So, you hit her first?”
My hands cover my face, and I wince. I’m still shaking from excess adrenaline, but I’m finally managing to take a few calm breaths. “I felt this way towards her.”
“What did you feel?”
“She was looking at you, and I-I didn’t like it.”
Jaxon pulls back in confusion. “You attacked her because she was looking at me?”
“Oh my God.” I laugh sadly to myself. “I sound insane.”
“Ava, I know you’re adjusting to new emotions, new surroundings, and our bond. But we don’t do things like that here. Not to pack members.” His voice isn’t as gentle as I expected it to be. “We treat each other with respect.”
I bite on my lip and nod. “I know. I’m not proud of it. In that moment, I was fuelled with these emotions I couldn’t control. They literally took over. I know I attacked first, but trust me, she got in more punches than I did.”
Jaxon analyses my expression for a long moment, and I feel all that jealousy flood out of me. Why am I even jealous? I know deep down that Jaxon wants me and no one else. He’s made that very clear. His reassurance is one thing I don’t need to ask for.
“I feel so bad,” I confess. “I don’t want everyone thinking I’m a bitch.”
Jaxon runs his tongue across his bottom lip. “Look, none of us are perfect, and sometimes we let our emotions cloud our judgement of what’s right and wrong. I trust you won’t do anything like that again, and if you feel like that, then you take five minutes for yourself.”
“All my emotions have been incredibly heightened lately.”
“That’s being around werewolves for you.”
I want to laugh at my pathetic actions, but my ribs ache. I can’t believe I did that. My fists throb, and I know I need to work on my technique. I definitely could have broken my wrists. I’m surprised they didn’t snap in two.
As if on command, he reaches for my hand and raises my bruised knuckles to his lips, leaving delicate kisses along my fragile skin. “You put up a good fight,” he confesses.
My heart beats out of time at the intensity in his gaze. “I bet she hasn’t got one scratch on her.”
“Hey.” He angles my face towards him. “She is a wolf who has been training for years; you’ve only just started your training journey. You can’t compare the two of you. For how little we’ve trained together, that was incredibly impressive.”
“I’m sorry,” I murmur.
His thumb grazes my chin. “Why are you sorry?”
“I don’t want to embarrass you.”
“You could never embarrass me, baby. Never.”
Those sapphire eyes hold mine hostage for a few moments. My entire body seizes up, and I will never grasp how nervous he makes me. His smile grows, and he leans in to leave a delicate kiss on my lips.
“I should apologise to her, too,” I confess. “Now that I can actually think with a clear mind, I feel so guilty.”
Jaxon nods. “I think that’s a good idea, baby. But first, please go and see the infirmary and ask the healers to help. I can’t bear to look at the bruises forming on your face.”
I chuckle gently. “Does it not make me look cool?”
Jaxon’s jaw tightens. “No, it turns my stomach.”
“I’m fine,” I reassure him again for what feels like the hundredth time.
“You’re not fine. Let me take you there,” he says. “I won’t rest until you’re healed. And I’m not letting you fight me on this.”
This time, I don’t protest.
As I layin bed thinking about today”s events, my brain is more than scrambled. It’s like I’ve latched onto a livewire, and I’m still feeling the aftereffects. I’m over what went down with Rachel. I’ve been thinking non-stop about my reaction to seeing Jaxon sweaty, shirtless, and fighting instead.
But that pressure inside my core continued through his care and attention towards me. The way he speaks to me, touches me, and reassures me. It’s incredibly intense but in the best way.
Another image of his perfect body flashes in my mind. His muscles flexing, those big strong arms wrapping around me…wait, what?
My entire body erupts into endless flames. It’s not just him. It’s thinking about us. What is happening to my body right now? I’ve been turned on before, but I’m on literal fire.
I clamp down on my bottom lip and twist in the sheets. My hand slips over my stomach, under the fabric covering my skin, I slowly dip my fingers into my pyjama shorts and inside my underwear. I lightly brush the tips over my core, and I gasp at the connection.
I don’t even remember the last time I touched myself and allowed myself to have this private and intimate moment alone. Wow. It was a long time ago.
I close my eyes as I gently rub my fingers across my sensitive clit. More images of Jaxon’s half naked body show clearly in my head. The last thing I want to do is objectify him, but he’s beautiful—in every sense of the word.
The way he makes me feel safe. The way he positions his hands with respect. The way he cares about my wellbeing more than his own.
It’s not just his appearance. It’s everything else.
My lips begin to tremble as I rub harder, arching my back into the bed. I slap a hand over my mouth to stop the whimpers that fall from my deepest pleasures. But I don’t stop because it feels blissful and freeing all at once.
This is my body, and I get to do whatever I want to it.
It doesn’t belong to anyone else. It belongs to me.