47. Jaxon
The pack doctors spent what felt like hours trying to resuscitate Ava as she lay on the cold floor. Lucy held me back as I handed them over to the healers. I didn’t want to let her go. I didn’t want her to be alone.
My entire body turned numb.
Never have I ever felt so empty in my entire life.
No matter how hard they tried, she wasn’t taking a breath.
I watched beneath glassy eyes and through a shattered heart. Her body twitched with each compression, but she remained lifeless.
Realisation started to dawn on me.
They can’t save her. I was too late.
I failed her.
But then finally…finally she took her first breath, and I sagged in relief and agony all at once. I barely remember how we got home. All I cared about was that she was safe and receiving the best care. She deserves better than this. She deserves the brightest future with endless joy. Not this fate. Not at the hands of someone who deceived me for three years.
My fingers grip Ava’s hand gently, running my thumb across her knuckles. The machine beside her beeps at a regular pace. The doctors did all they could to stop the bleeding and make her stable, but she fell into a coma shortly after. That was five days ago. She hasn’t opened her eyes since.
There is a spark inside me where the bond is tugging, but it’s weak. I know Ava needs all her strength, so I don’t blame the mate bond for being nearly non-existent, even if it feels like my ribs have been ripped open and my heart is on full display.
I raise her fingers to my lips and kiss the delicate skin. My eyes roam her peaceful face, but it breaks me knowing what she’s endured. “I’m right here, Ava,” I whisper. “I’m right here, and I’m going to be here when you wake up. Okay?”
I’m met with silence and the machine reminding me her heart is stable. I sigh and bury my head into my hands. All I’m holding onto is the fact she’s home.
When I close my eyes, I see the disturbing, heart-breaking image of her lying on the floor, covered in her own blood. I can’t get it out of my head. It possesses me, and I despise the gut-wrenching twist inside me.
The look on Julia’s face when she pulled the knife from her abdomen.
But she didn’t win. She didn’t accomplish what she wanted.
The door behind me creaks open, but I don’t look to see who it is. A chair drags up beside me, and Kayden moves into the seat. “How you holding up?”
I shake my head. “Until she wakes up, I won’t rest.”
“I see that.” His lips pinch into a thin line. “You should sleep, eat. You’re not looking good, man.”
“Can’t,” I murmur and keep a hold of Ava’s hand. “She needs me.”
Kayden nods. “Of course, but you need to keep your strength up, too. She wouldn’t want to see you like this.”
I release a long sigh. “She died, Kayden. She died in my arms. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Alright,” he says after a few moments. “I’ve got the pack under control. Take your time. You don’t need to worry about them.”
“Yeah,” I rasp. “Thanks.”
Kayden gives my back a small slap, and I glance at him for a split second and catch the grim smile he tries to paint on. He leaves, and I’m met with an eerie silence once again. I stand from the chair, slant over my mate, and leave a kiss on her cold forehead. “You’re safe,” I whisper into her skin. “You’re safe. I should have been there sooner. I’m sorry you had to suffer. I wish it had been me. Goddess, I’d do anything to swap positions.”
There’s a knock at the door, and I huff out a breath. I can’t go five minutes without someone checking on me like I’m some liability. All I want is time alone with my mate in peace.
“Jaxon.” My sister”s voice floats into the room. “You should take an hour, even half an hour. She’s going to be here when you come back. You haven’t left this room in days.”
“Because I have to be here in case anything happens,” I say through gritted teeth.
Lucy walks around to the other side of Ava’s bed. She offers me a smile that I despise. I don’t want her pity. It’s like history is repeating itself, but this time, I know what’s real. The pain I endured when Julia died is nothing compared to the suffering I’m experiencing right now. With Julia, I felt out of control and angry, but right now…I am empty.
Without Ava, I am soulless.
“I’ll watch over her for a little while,” she says. “Take an hour. She’ll be here. I’ll make sure she’s okay. If anything happens, I’ll mindlink you, okay? Please. You need to shower and eat.”
I stare at my sister, and she stares right back. “Lucy–”
“Jaxon,” she huffs. “Please. Trust me. You need some time to yourself.”
My eyes shoot back to Ava. The machine reminds me she’s stable, but the sound of the beeping is close to sending me over the edge. I hate to admit she’s right, but leaving her alone…
No. I can’t.
“Jaxon. Go.”
I’m stuck to the ground, and I’m certain I don’t smell good either. My hand drags down my face in defeat. “Alright,” I rasp and stroke my finger down the curve of Ava’s cheek. “I’ll be back. If anything and I mean anything happens, you tell me straight away. Alright?”
“You have my word.” She smiles softly and takes a seat beside my beautiful mate. I study their hands as she entwines them and gives her palm a squeeze. “She’s safe with me, Jaxon. Do you not trust me?”
My chest aches. “I do, but I want to be here when she wakes up.”
“I understand.” She nods. “Go. The quicker you leave, the quicker you can come back.”
I leave before I change my mind.
The second I’m out of the room, my wolf is begging me to go back. But I keep my head forward, despite how difficult this is. It’s a constant mental battle with my own subconscious.
Once I’m upstairs, I shower and get dressed into fresh clothes. Guilt races through me like a river, and when I think about eating, my stomach flips. I head down to the kitchen and make myself a coffee—caffeine being my best friend right now.
I stare out of the window and into the back garden. The trees sway in the wind as the sun ducks behind a sky of dark clouds. I gulp down my coffee, allowing the liquid to burn my throat.
Before I can think about my next decision logically, I walk out the back door and head into the trees. When I reach the rotting building surrounded by endless guards, I shove open the door and head down to the basement.
Adrenaline pumps through my bloodstream as I walk towards the barred cell. Julia sits against the back wall with her legs stretched out and her ankles chained. She hasn’t noticed me yet. I haven’t seen her since we captured her.
I didn’t trust myself not to kill her. But now, I want answers.
My knuckles bash on the metal bars, making her jump. Her shoulders raise, and she cups her arms to her chest. She’s definitely seen better days. I haven’t laid a finger on her, but keeping basic needs from her has definitely taken its toll.
“Ava dead yet?” Julia smirks in my direction and attempts to stand on her weak legs. “Is that why you’ve decided to finally grace me with your presence?”
I growl and slam my fist down against the metal once more. “She’s a fighter. You tried Julia, but you fucking failed.”
She scoffs and wipes at her dry lips. “Time will tell, Jaxon. Time will tell.”
“Why the fuck did you do this?”
Her head tilts backwards, and she laughs. “You were always so oblivious to everything. I didn’t know magic could work so well, but when you fell head over heels for me and the fake mate bond, I decided I could do anything and you’d still love me. A spell for idiots in love. But I never loved you.”
My eye twitches at her words. “You faked our mate bond.”
“We were never mates, Jaxie.” She flashes me a feral grin with an annoying voice that makes me want to smash her face into the wall. “All I wanted was to fuck with you, and it worked better than I imagined. I had you wrapped around my little finger until the very last moment. Did you cry for me, Jaxon? Did you weep and sob and feel like you couldn’t go on?”
I tighten my jaw and remind myself not to bite. Goddess, fuck. I had no idea a spell could cause so much deception for this long. I didn’t once question how she treated me or what I felt. She tricked me. She made me believe things that weren’t even real.
My fingers itch to brush over my head, but I refuse to let her know she’s still fucking with my brain.
“Faking my death and watching you suffer was the icing on top of the cake. We cut off the spell but left you with the excruciating pain of a deceased mate. It was all a lie. Every last bit of it,” she hisses through her teeth.
Ava. Ava has and always will be my only mate.
Fuck.
Fuck.
“You tried to kill her,” I spit.
She snorts and paces with trembling knees. “She was never part of the plan. I put her in Lucien’s path for a reason. I didn’t think she would escape their pack, and I never thought she’d run into you. But when I had people keeping a close eye on you, I knew I had to finish you both off.”
“Why?”
Julia barks out a laugh through her dry lips. “Why? Are you seriously asking why I did this, Jaxon?”
“Yes,” I grumble under hooded eyes. “Tell me why.”
“Because of your father and the pain he caused so many people.”
My head shakes before she finishes speaking. “No. He didn’t do anything wrong. It was a misunderstanding. He never wanted to hurt anyone. He was trying to help the district, but those rumours got out of control.”
Julia lunges for me, but she can’t go anywhere. “How dare you,” she yells. “He killed people he thought threatened his life, his pack. In. Cold. Blood. Why do you think your parents ran away into hiding?”
“They were banished. They had to leave because people were after them. We were exiled. We had to leave our homes.”
“That sounds like something someone who is guilty would do.”
“They weren’t guilty.”
Julia growls, “I lost my little brother because of your father. I saw the state he left him in. Sick creature. My parents couldn’t live with the grief and went off the rails. I wanted him to go through what it felt like to truly lose someone. And because he decided to fuck off, you were the next best thing.”
I stare back at the woman I shared too many years of my life with. “You’re not going to believe what I say,” I snarl at her. “That’s fine. But it doesn’t matter anymore because you’re not leaving this cell. You are not getting out alive.”
Julia breathes heavily. “I still got to see you suffer.”
“Ava did nothing to you.”
“She existed, which was bad enough. I couldn’t let you get on with your life after your father destroyed mine. Eye for an eye.”
My gaze narrows at her. “Fuck you.”
“Yeah, you did that.” She flashes me a cunning smile. “You made love to me.”
“Love isn’t even close to what I felt for you. It was a deception. That’s not a true representation of my feelings for you. I never loved you because it wasn’t real. None of it was.”
Julia’s expression hardens as my words sink in. “I made you feel things.”
“By manipulating my mind,” I seethe. “None of it was true. Everything I feel with Ava is authentic because we built a bond on trust. The love I have for my mate is beyond time and measure. It could never compare. It’s not even on the same scale.”
She growls, “I should have slit her throat right there and then.”
I almost reach into the cell and tear her head from her body. “But you didn’t. You’re never going to touch her again. But unfortunately for you, your fate is going to be a lot worse. You wanted me to suffer? Well, I’m going to fucking torment you until you are begging and screaming for mercy. Even then, I’m not going to give it to you. I’m going to let you burn, Julia. Then, I’m going to spend the rest of my life happy and in love with my Luna.”