48. Ava
Awave of heavy discomfort flows through my body. I try to open my eyes, but they remain glued shut. All of my limbs weigh a tonne. I attempt to move my little fingers, but it’s no use. I can’t move.
Why is this so hard?
A harsh thumping in my head has me flinching, but I don’t move. It’s a mental reaction. My body doesn’t feel like my body. My mind doesn’t feel like my mind. Nothing is right.
This time, I attempt to curl my fingers as they twitch in desperation to move. I groan internally, which makes my chest burst into heated flames. My nostrils flare.
One eye cracks open, and a few seconds later, the other. It’s like I’m seeing for the first time—which is definitely made worse when I’m met by blinding bright white lights. I whimper and shut them again. The soreness makes me wince. I squeeze them tight and try not to focus on the pounding inside my head. The beeping beside me isn’t helping either.
Turn that shit off. It hurts.
My throat attempts to swallow, but my mouth is bone dry. I almost choke. Instead, I peel my eyes open again with all the strength I can muster. This time, I take a drowsy sweep across the room.
I’m in a bed. I’m…in a hospital bed.
Wires hang out of my arms, and there is something funny sitting between my nostrils. My skin becomes highly sensitive, making me twitch.
“Ava.” I hear my name and glance at the sound. Lucy leans up from her chair. Her face is flushed with empathy, but my sight is blurry, so I’m not sure if I’m seeing right. “How are you feeling?”
I lick my lips. “H-hi,” I croak.
“Here.” She passes me a cup of water with a straw. My eyes thank her because I can’t quite find the strength to talk and move at once. It’s like someone has hit me with their car repeatedly.
My mouth latches onto the straw, and I drink down the cool liquid. Pressure builds behind my eyes as it slips down my throat and hydrates my mouth. I drink until it’s empty and rest back into the bed.
Pain shoots through my abdomen, and I groan. Lucy shoves the cup down. “I’ll go get the pack doctor,” she murmurs.
“Wait–” my voice sounds like I haven’t spoken in five years.
“What?”
All I can do is shake my head and that’s a struggle.
“W–” I dampen my mouth and try again. “W-what ha-happened?”
Lucy frowns and turns back to me. “Do you not remember anything?”
I pause for a moment to think. The last memory I have is being at the market, and then being cornered by those men. Everything else is a blur that I can’t quite piece together.
“T-the market,” I whisper.
Her eyes roam my face. “That’s all you remember?”
I nod.
She presses her lips into a thin line and sits back down, taking my hand this time. “Ava,” she starts. “A lot happened after the market. Jaxon is going to be here any second, alright? We can talk you through what happened together.”
I flick my eyes frantically between Lucy’s. My arm moves, but it’s like it’s made out of paper, ready to break any given second. I tilt my head to look down at the gown covering my body. My fingertips graze the edge of my stomach, and I hiss unexpectedly.
“Don’t do that,” Lucy gasps and moves my hand away. “You’re still healing. Let me get the doctor, and Jaxon will be here any second.”
I don’t fight. I don’t have the energy to. My head rests against the pillow, and I glance up at the ceiling. My eyes continue adjusting to the harsh light. One of the pack doctors steps in to check how I’m doing, but my head is racing with blank memories.
Why is my brain not cooperating?
The door to the room flies open, and I meet Jaxon’s blue eyes. For a long moment, we stare at each other. The room turns silent, and there is only him. There is pure relief and devastation on his handsome face, yet the dark circles under his eyes tell me he’s not had a good few days.
“Ava,” he whispers and steps to my side. I can’t reach for him. His warm hand cups my face, and I close my eyes at the sensation of our touch. “Oh, Goddess. Are you okay? Are you in pain?”
When I don’t say anything, Jaxon takes the other side of my cheek and an electric force field shoots up around us in the form of our bond. My eyes ache, and I’m too dehydrated to cry, but I can feel everything—especially him. Especially our unique bond. It drapes over my tender arms in a soft kiss and wraps me up with a simple breath.
“Baby.” He presses his forehead to mine, and I finally open my eyes.
“Give her some time, Alpha,” the doctor instructs. “She’s just woken up, and it’s going to take a while to get used to talking and moving.”
Jaxon glances at him and nods, throat tensing. “Thank you. For everything you’ve done.”
“You’re stable, Ava. But keep resting and take it easy. I’ll check on you later. Okay?”
My head attempts to move, but it’s stuck. Jaxon offers him a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll be with her,” he rasps. “Thank you again.”
When the doctor leaves, Jaxon perches on my bed and looks at me. He takes my hand and rubs his thumb into my skin. Lucy clears her throat. “Ava wanted to know what happened,” she starts. “She doesn’t remember anything past the market where I lost her.”
Jaxon’s jaw tightens. “Okay,” he whispers. Do you want us to tell you now?
Yes, I plead. I want this fuzziness inside my head to leave.
“Do you remember seeing Julia?” My brows pinch together slightly. I open my mouth, but Jaxon squeezes my hand. “Use our mindlink if it’s easier. Don’t strain yourself, baby. Take it easy like the doctor said.”
Julia? I thought I was confused before, but now I’m dazed. What do you mean Julia?
Jaxon looks to Lucy with hesitation in his eyes, which makes my heart rate spike. The machine beside me starts to beep aggressively.
“Okay, okay,” Lucy holds up her hands in defence. “Take a breath.”
I do, but my blood feels thick in my veins. I glance down at my arms. They seem different. This doesn’t feel right. It’s like I’m in someone else’s body, and I’ve done a life swap.
Once my heart rate calms down, Jaxon carries on. “Julia faked her death,” he states slowly. “And she kidnapped you at the market. We found you later in a building where she had you captured. She wanted to hurt you, hurt me, hurt us. She stabbed you, Ava. You broke a couple of ribs, too.”
My vision blurs. His words slam into me like a concrete wall.
“Y-you–” Lucy stops to find her words. “You weren’t breathing for like ten minutes, Ava. The doctors had to resuscitate you.”
I part my cracked lips and attempt to shake my head. I died?
The urge to itch my head is intense, but I can’t even lift my arms to do so.
How long have I been asleep?
“A few days.” Jaxon offers me a comforting smile, but I can see the pain behind his eyes. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up. I promised I’d stay by your side. I’m so sorry, Ava.”
He raises my hand to kiss my knuckles, a cannula hanging out the back of it. “But I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere. Okay? Anything you need, I’m right here.”
I drag my tongue across my lips and part them. “J-Julia,” I croak. “S-she–”
“Mindlink,” he whispers. “Save your strength for your recovery.”
My throat swallows around the words as I hold his gaze. Julia, she faked her death?
Jaxon nods slowly. “She was never my mate, Ava. She cast a spell to make me believe we were mates for revenge. She faked her death to make me suffer.”
I close my eyes trying to digest all this information. Why?
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll explain another day. I want to focus on you and your recovery. Nothing else.”
Where is she?
“She’s been taken care of. She’s not coming back to hurt us ever again.” His voice is rough around the edges. “I know you have a lot of questions, but I don’t want to overwork your brain.”
I manage a nod. My entire face is melting from exhaustion, but I’ve been in the deepest sleep for days. I sit back while Jaxon and Lucy help me with eating and getting into a comfortable position. Yet, there’s a tapping in the back of my mind, telling me that something isn’t right.
When I wakeup the second time, I’m not as stiff as before. I reach for a cup of water beside my bed and take a long sip. I glance across the room to find Jaxon asleep in the chair beside me.
I don’t know what time it is, but from the position he’s sleeping in, I know this is probably the first time he’s actively closed his eyes. It doesn’t look comfortable, but he’s out like a light.
For a moment, I don’t wish to wake him. I let my gaze slowly drag over his face. I take in every little detail. My mouth curls, and I release a quiet sigh as I get a better look at him.
My eyes float down to his lips. Beautiful lips.
He loves the way I taste.
I flinch from the sudden voice inside my head. But then I realise it’s not a voice. It’s something I’ve heard before. My heart pounds against my ribcage, and I twist off the clip on my finger to stop the machine from going crazy.
My eyes ping to his, and this time, they’re open and looking straight at me.
He told me I am the most beautiful girl he’s ever laid his eyes on.
“Ava?”
My eyes cloud with tears within seconds. A hand presses to my chest, and I can’t catch my breath. All of the air has been sucked out of my lungs.
“Baby.” He moves forward instantly. “What’s the matter?”
I love you.
Tears stream down my face at the memory of Jaxon’s voice.
He told me I am the love of his life.
No one could replace me. They’d never compare.
No matter who came after me.
My hands fly to my head, and I cry out. “Stop. Stop,” I chant to myself.
Jaxon hovers over me and reaches for my arm, but it burns. It aches. “Ava, look at me. Please.”
I shake my head.
He told me I am the love of his life.
Love of his life.
Love.
Love.
Love.
My throat releases a sob as Jaxon wraps his arms around me, attempting to calm my emotions, but it only heightens them. “Talk to me.” He tucks my head under his chin. “Ava. What’s going on?”
I grit my teeth and shove at his chest with all my strength. He barely budges, but he glances down at me with pinched brows. “Baby–”
“Please,” I whimper. “Please don’t touch me right now.”
Jaxon stands back with clear distress in his eyes. “Okay. I–”
“Do you love me?”
The room turns silent.
“You said it to me,” I whisper. “I heard you say it. Did you even mean it?”
He pulls his head back an inch, eyelashes twitching at my sudden question. “Of course I meant it, Ava. I have been in love with you for a long time.”
“More or less than you loved Julia?”
Jaxon’s forehead creases. “Ava–”
“Answer the question.”
“I didn’t love Julia. How could I love someone if the relationship was a lie?”
My lids release more tears. “Did you tell her she was the love of your life?”
He looks like he’s about to have a heart attack, dismay etched onto his face. “The things I said to her were because she used magic to manipulate my thoughts, my feelings, and emotions. Ava, what we have is not like what I was forced to experience with Julia. I might have said those things, but I did not mean them.”
I choke on a sob. My heart stings. The room spins.
“Baby, please let me hold you.”
“I didn’t want to be second best,” I whisper beneath trembling lips. “I didn’t want to be your second choice. Your rebound. I never wanted to be the other woman you settle with because you have to.”
Jaxon’s chest quivers as his head shakes with determination. “You are none of those things because you are my only mate, Ava. It’s always been you. No one but you. When I’m with you, everything feels right. You bring out the best in me. You are my anchor. You are everything I have ever wanted.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I can’t be.”
He steps forward, but doesn’t touch me. “You are. I’ve been waiting my entire life for you, Ava White. I fell in love with you. Real love. Authentically. In our own time. The mate bond might have helped, but everything I feel for you I know is because we’ve built our own special bond. It’s based on trust and safety and communication. It has nothing to do with the Moon Goddess. It has everything to do with us. It’s special because it’s ours, and I know it’s real. Every emotion is real.”
My heart glows at his words because I thought that, too. The mate bond helped, but it has nothing on my own development with my trauma and trusting again. I lower my head into my hands and release every last emotion.
“I know you probably won’t believe me right away, and that’s okay. I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you. I know in my heart the limit of my love for you does not even exist,” he whispers, and I finally glance at him through blurry eyes. “I will wake up beside you, and I’ll love you more than I did the day before. It might seem impossible, but I know it’s true. I’ve felt it over the last few weeks. I love you so much, Ava, and I’m not going to let you forget it.”
The bond grows tighter and stronger within seconds. It sends goosebumps down my arms. He wraps an invisible tender hug around my brain, calming my cries, and I accept it. I accept his love.
He slows down my panic attack before it even reaches my nervous system, and I’m eternally grateful for his abilities. Right now, I need it. I don’t know if my body can take any more trauma.
We stare at each other for a long moment. Jaxon’s eyes glimmer as wetness coats his lash line. My cheeks are stained with tears. It takes merely seconds to believe him. I let my insecurities win for a moment. I won’t let any of them win.
Julia tricked him. Julia messed with us.
It was always meant to be us.
“I’m sorry.” My lips tremble.
“No,” he heaves. “Don’t say you’re sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
My hand stretches towards him, and he slides into the space within seconds. I sob again when he touches me. This time, our connection doesn’t burn; it flourishes.
His warm arms wrap me up as he moves onto the bed. I cling onto him and bury my face into his chest, letting my last few tears dampen his T-shirt. He strokes back my hair in soothing motions and kisses my forehead.
“Julia’s gone,” he murmurs. “She’s never coming back. I made sure of it.”
I inhale a shuddering breath and relax into him completely.
I don’t belong anywhere else.
He is my home.