49. Jaxon
The doctors helped Ava with her mobility after her coma. I stuck by my word and didn’t leave her side for a second. I wanted to help in any way I could without being overbearing, but I knew she was grateful for my company.
I make us both some lunch in my private kitchen as she stares out the window, her eyes glazed over and expression blank. Of course I’ve been keeping a close eye on her. I can’t help but suspect that she’s hiding something. The pack doctors told me not to probe her for more answers and let her come to me when she’s ready. What she went through was extremely traumatic, and I know it’s not something she’ll be able to let go of easily.
“Do you have a session with Gemma today?” I ask.
Ava remains silent, completely on-responsive to my voice. I frown.
My throat clears. “Ava?”
“Huh?”
She snaps her attention to me, her eyes wide like she’s been caught red handed doing something bad.
“Do you have a session with Gemma today?”
“Uhh.” She pauses and runs a hand down her face. “Yeah. In thirty minutes. I moved it forward.”
“Everything okay?” I ask without trying to sound too weary.
Ava nods once and flashes me a smile that is the epitome of forced. “Yeah. I just spaced out. Sorry.”
“Thinking about anything in particular?”
She runs a finger over her lip as I plate up our lunch. “Just about that night with Julia. What I can piece together anyway.”
I hum softly. “You think of anything new?”
“No,” she exhales.
Her body language is odd, and her face is struck with emptiness. I know she’s beating herself up about what happened, and I don’t know why. “Do you remember me telling you that when we arrived, there were deceased wolves in the building? They’d been killed and ripped apart.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you know what happened to them? Did Julia do something to them? Did she demonstrate what she’d do to us?”
Ava stares at the wall. Hard. “No.” Her voice is a whisper. “I don’t remember anything apart from her words. I can’t even remember her face. I don’t remember waking up. I don’t remember her hurting me. None of it.”
I didn’t have much time to look at the monstrous scene, but afterwards, Kayden explained the dead wolves didn’t make sense. Either something went wrong and Julia slaughtered them or someone else was there when it happened. The hairs on the back of my neck stand. I’ve had the house and our territory doubled with guards. I had my wolves search the surrounding area for anything they deem suspicious.
We sit and eat our lunch together. Ava’s distracted mind pains me to watch. Even her mental walls are sky high, and there isn’t a chance of seeing in. But I know to respect her boundaries.
Ava offers me a sweet smile. “Thanks for lunch. I should go see Gemma now. I don’t want to be late.”
I hop off the chair. “I’ll walk you there.”
Our fingers lace together as I walk through the pack house and down to Gemma’s office. As we turn the corner, my eyes collide with Evan. “Ava,” he calls out with a relieved grin. “How are you?”
“Hi, Evan.” She drops my hand to give him a hug. “I’m okay. Taking it slow.”
“Good. You should be resting. I wanted to make sure you’re okay.” He gives her a once-over with his soft eyes, and now I believe that he truly cares for her. “Alpha Jaxon and I were talking. He said he’ll officially let me into the pack.”
Ava’s eyes light up with joy. “Really?” She glances at me in surprise. “Oh. That’s amazing. I’m so happy to have you here. We’re so happy to have you here.”
He glances between us and nods. “I’m very happy to be here, too.”
Once Evan dismisses himself and I slip my arm over Ava’s shoulders, she smiles up at me. “You have a soft spot for him,” she murmurs.
I snort quietly. “Soft spot is an exaggeration. He wanted to prove himself by getting you back home safely. He listened to Kayden’s orders and showed his bravery. He stuck to the rules and acted accordingly, and I trust he will work hard within this pack. He needs a lot of training and one-on-one sessions, but I’m sure he’ll get there with time.”
Ava snuggles closer into my side. “Thank you for welcoming him into your pack, Jax. It means a lot to me.”
“Our pack, baby. It’s ours.”
She peeks her pretty brown eyes up at me, and I’m relieved the bruising on her face has improved with the help of the healers. I couldn’t stomach looking at her black eye and busted nose, knowing how much violence she had endured in the past.
My girl is a fighter, a damn warrior.
We pause outside Gemma’s office, and Ava sucks in a breath, shoulders raising as she stares at the door. “You want me to come in with you?” I offer.
“No. I can do this alone. Thank you, though. I like it when you come with me, but today, I want to do it by myself,” she answers with clarity in her tone.
I press a kiss to the crown of her head. “Proud of you.”
When she steps forward to knock and Gemma opens the door, she gives me one last glance over her shoulder with slight reservation in her eyes. “I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah, baby. I’ll see you later.”
While Ava wasin her session with Gemma it gave me some time to sit down with Kayden and complete Alpha duties that have been pushed to the side for far too long. He’s kept this pack going while my attention has been on Ava, and he always does an amazing job. I trust him with my life, even if he makes me question our friendship on a daily basis.
After a group training session and an early dinner, I find myself upstairs with Ava when it approaches seven o’clock. She still needs a good night”s sleep to help her body fully recover with her pain medication.
I lay back on our bed with my hands behind my head. Ava’s been in the bathroom for the last twenty minutes, but I haven’t heard the shower turn on. I stare at the half-closed door and narrow my eyes.
“Ava?” I call out to her. “Everything okay?”
She doesn’t respond, which alarms me immediately. I hop off the bed and walk towards the en-suite. I rap my knuckles on the door and step inside to find her facing the mirror.
“Ava?”
It’s like I’m not here. She can’t hear me. She can’t sense me.
I lean on the doorframe and watch her for a moment. Her eyes are staring straight through her soul, her expression void of any emotion, and for a moment, it terrifies me. I’ve never seen her like this.
My wolf runs circles inside me and drags his claws through my insides. I slide a hand through my hair at the invasive feelings. He howls as if he’s desperate to tell me something, but I know we’re both concerned. Ava’s mind has been elsewhere.
Eventually, she dips her head and raises her arms, scanning them as if she’s looking for something embedded on her skin. I watch silently as she swipes her fingers over her wrists and across her forearms before reaching her elbows. She does it again and again.
She stops, freezes.
I shift on my feet but stay back.
Then, she starts pinching and pulling her skin before releasing them. At first, it’s slow and gentle, then it’s harder and aggressive, as if she’s trying to tear off her skin.
“Hey, hey,” I raise my voice and move closer. “Stop. What are you doing? Stop.”
Ava doesn’t acknowledge me whatsoever. I grip at her hands to stop her from hurting herself as red patches rise on her skin from where she’s been pinching too hard. But she attempts to bat my hands away and continue.
“Ava,” I rasp her name. “Stop it. You’re hurting yourself.”
Her head shakes, and she snaps herself out of whatever trance she was trapped in. “Jaxon–”
I stare at her for a long moment, and it’s clear as day that she doesn’t remember what happened. But her subconscious does. What was that about?
“Baby.” I drop her wrist and press my palm to her cheek. “Are you okay? Did something happen today with your session with Gemma?”
Ava furrows her brows. “I-I–” She licks her lips and pauses. “I’m okay.”
“Do you feel like you need to hurt yourself?”
“What?” she recoils. “No.”
I take a quiet breath. “Okay.”
She stares at me through her dark lashes until her face is a scowl, but she’s not angry at me; she’s confused by the situation. “What just happened?”
“You were tugging at your skin, pinching it. I don’t know. You weren’t responding to me,” I answer honestly. “Ava, if something is wrong, you can tell me.”
I study her throat as she attempts to swallow. “This won’t make sense to you.”
“Try me.”
Ava turns away, and I drop my hand from her face but slide my fingers down her wrist instead. “My body doesn’t feel like my body. It hasn’t felt like my body since I woke up in the infirmary.”
“How so?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugs, her frustration getting the better of her. “Something doesn’t feel right, and I don’t understand why. As soon as I woke up I felt this way. Like someone has swapped my body, and I’m in another person”s shell.”
I notice her trembling legs so I back her up onto the edge of the bathtub and kneel down, collecting her hands in her lap. “You stopped breathing, Ava. You died, and the doctors brought you back. It might be something to do with the resuscitation. They said it might take a while to come to terms with what happened because parts of your memory aren’t there. Do you think it could be that or is it something else?”
She chews her lip subtly. “I-I don’t know.”
“It’s okay,” I reassure her.
“I don’t want to feel like this.”
I raise her knuckles to leave a kiss. “I know you’re struggling, and I wish I could do more. What can I do, Ava?”
“Nothing,” her voice cracks. “I’m so confused.”
My expression crumbles. “Come here.” I open my arms as she slides into my embrace. I tug her up and cradle the back of her head before walking us towards our bed. “I’ve got you, baby. I’ve always got you.”
I move us onto the bed and keep her close to my chest. “I know you do,” she whispers. “You’re the only thing keeping me sane right now.”
“I promise whatever this is, we’re going to get through it. There is no pressure for your recovery or your therapy. Everything is at your pace.”
Ava nods. “Yeah.” Her breath tickles my neck.
“I’m going to stay right here and hold you like this all night.”
“Thank you.” She drops her head onto my shoulder, and I listen until she’s firmly asleep in my arms.