50. Ava
My recovery over the last three weeks has been going better than expected. Every now and then, I have a minor blip, but then I remind myself where I am and all of the support I’m surrounded with.
Jaxon’s eyes watch me when I’m silent, and he holds me at night when I cry. But these last few days have felt a lot better than when I first woke up. My mind is a little clearer, and I’m slowly accepting what happened to me—Gemma said it’s my first step to putting it behind me and looking forward.
And that’s exactly what I want to do. Look forward.
Today, Jaxon decided to take me out of the pack house in hope of a change of scenery. I adore the place I can finally call my home, but sometimes, comfort spaces can become overbearing when it’s all I rely on.
“Will the pack be okay if we leave? I know you have a lot of work to do,” I say softly.
Jaxon spares me a glance. “You told me to take it easy, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Kayden said I shouldn’t burn myself out, and spending time with you helps me recharge. He’s taking order while I’m gone.”
“You seem a lot calmer recently,” I comment.
“Because I know you’re home and safe.”
I shake my head. “I mean with the pack. Things are starting to fall into place.”
“You think?”
“Yeah.” I smile. “I saw you guys training, and I see how the pack looks at you. It’s like the bond between you all has intensified. I think you’re finally finding your purpose as an Alpha. You’re all connecting.”
Jaxon’s head tilts. “I like that.” He nods. “You’re right. I used to be uptight and focused on only one thing. But now, I’ve learnt that listening to their needs goes a long way. Before I ignored that, and it wasn’t a good trait to have.”
“What made you change?”
“You.”
“Huh?”
“You did. Being with you. It put into perspective that I can help them blossom into the best versions of themselves if I give them the attention and care they need. I think about you and how I always paid attention to what you needed the most, and eventually, I earnt your trust. Now, I’m doing it with the pack but with their doubts, fears, and weaknesses. It’s a conversation that never ends, and they feel comfortable enough to discuss it with me so we can all improve. They see me as a helping hand, not someone to fear.”
My expression lights up. “That sounds incredible. You all help each other.”
“Exactly. It’s still a work in progress, but I don’t plan on changing. I’ve seen improvements already, and I want it to stay that way. This is the Alpha I’ve always wanted to be, the pack I’ve always wanted to have. Now, I’m going to continue working hard and give them the best version of me in return.”
“I love that, Jax.”
He flashes me a grin. “I deserve a day off now, and we both deserve to go on our first date.”
My chest warms at the idea of our first date.
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” I ask as we drive.
I adjust the hem of my yellow sundress covered in white flowers. We’ve been driving for at least twenty minutes, and I have no idea where we are. “Stop trying to ruin the surprise.” He leans over the centre console to take my hand. “You’ll see when we get there.”
A wave of excitement and anticipation splashes over my chest. “A surprise?”
“Yep,” he says, winking. “Trust me, you’ll love it.”
“Just us?”
“Yeah, baby. Just us.”
Eventually, we slow down as we enter a small dirt track. I glance out the window at the large trees swaying in the wind and the sun gleaming down on us. It’s a beautiful day for a surprise that makes me want to burst out of my skin.
We both climb out of the car, and Jax moves around to the boot and pops it open. He pulls out a cooling box and a blanket, which he throws over his shoulder.
“Are we going for a picnic?”
Jaxon’s lips curl as we walk, and he threads his fingers through mine. “What gave it away…the blanket or the box?”
I bump his hip playfully, and we both release a laugh. “I haven’t been for a picnic in a long time, okay? It’s a nice surprise. I love it.”
“Good.” He presses a kiss to my temple. “You look beautiful, Ava. You do every day, but I love this dress. It suits you.”
My cheeks bleed as usual. “Thank you. Lucy took me shopping.”
Jaxon guides us through the trees until we reach the top of a hill that overlooks the entire district. “Wow,” I exhale at the breathtaking view. “It’s pretty up here.”
His eyes gleam when he looks at me. “Yeah. It’s peaceful. Away from all the chaos. But my view will be prettier.”
I smile as he lays out the blanket on a fresh patch of grass in direct line of the sunshine. He holds out his hand, which I take and perch on one end of the blanket. “Are you trying to be romantic?” I ask, crossing my legs.
Jaxon sits opposite me and begins to open the box. “Is it working?”
“Completely.”
To some people, a picnic might seem like a small gesture, but to me, it’s everything. He wanted to take me out of the house to be together, but it wasn’t about money or anything materialistic. It’s about our quality time.
“I love when you smile,” he says as he watches me.
“I love that you’ve done this. I”m grateful for you. Thank you.”
He spreads out the food across the blanket and pours us two cups of something pink and fizzy. “I know the pack house is a lot right now, and I thought this would help clear your mind. It’s also an excuse to get you to myself.”
“Yeah.” I blow out a breath and run a hand through my hair. “I’ve been getting a lot of attention from your pack members.”
Jaxon smiles. “Because they want to know their future Luna. They look up to you and your strength and bravery.”
My face heats with a blush at his confession. They look up to…me?
“Not sure there is a lot to look up to.”
Jaxon pauses and pins me with a stare. “Don’t do that. Don’t dismiss the amazing qualities we all see in you, including how strong and determined you are.”
I swallow once and nod. “It’s still taking time to get used to.”
“I know.” He smooths a hand over my knee. “But soon, you’ll realise how remarkable you are, Ava.”
A warmth floods my chest, and I allow his comfort. I’ve realised the more I push him away, the worse everything is. We work together as a team. Our bond thrives off one another, and I accept all of his honesty.
We sit and eat for a moment as I stare into the distance of the district. A part of me can’t believe this is my life. That I’ve ended up in a place I didn’t know existed as a child. My entire world has turned upside down and for the better.
“What are you thinking about?” Jax snaps me out of my trance.
I quirk a brow. “Not reading my mind?”
“No. Your mental walls are a lot stronger since you woke up. I can’t hear a single thing.”
“Did you listen to my thoughts often?”
He chews on the inside of his lip for a moment. “I didn’t want to. I tried so hard not to so I could give you the privacy you deserved. But other times, I couldn’t control it. That’s why I taught you your mental defences as soon as I could. I wanted to earn your trust authentically.”
“Yeah, I think I have the hang of it now.”
Jaxon eyes me for a moment, and his expression softens.
“This past year has been very bitter-sweet,” I exhale and lower my sandwich. “It’s been high and low continuously. I still don’t feel one hundred percent right from when I woke up from my coma. But things are finally going in the right direction. I’m trusting the universe to guide me to what is meant for me.”
His hand slides over the blanket, and he takes my fingers once more, kissing over my wrist and knuckles until it tickles. “You are destined for great things.”
“Let’s hope.” I laugh hesitantly. “Your pack are lucky to have an Alpha so caring for each and every one of them and their wellbeing.”
“Well, of course. If I respect them, they’ll respect me. It’s an easy process. We need to work together as a team.” He shrugs. “I am also very lucky to have you alongside me with this pack. You’ve helped me to see the changes I needed to make.”
His words of affirmation make me feel lighter, as if he can blow all of my problems away with his caressing words. They make me feel seen and heard. They make me feel like I matter.
Because you do matter, I tell myself. You have always mattered.
A ball of emotion forms in my throat, and I press a hand to my neck. Jaxon studies the action and scoots closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.
No one has ever made me feel the way he does. No one has ever cared for me the way he does. No one will ever compare to him. It’s simple.
I stare up at him and those dark blue eyes full of adoration. His hand raises and he brushes back a few strands of hair on my cheeks and gives me a stomach-dropping smile. I blink back the tears forming in my eyes, and he immediately notices. “Hey.” He tilts my chin and inspects my face. “What’s wrong?”
“I love you, Jax.”
His mouth parts as I choke back the heaviness on my chest.
“I haven’t been able to say it because somewhere inside of me, I’m terrified if I voice it, then I’ll lose you. I’ll lose everything good in my life. But now, I realise the world isn’t against me. I’m allowed to love; I’m allowed to be loved,” I say through trembling lips.
Jaxon closes his eyes and presses his forehead to mine. “Baby,” he whispers.
“I love you more than I thought I could ever love anyone or anything. You’ve shown me that life isn’t just pain and suffering. It’s so much more than that. It’s something I have never truly experienced before. I will cherish your love forever because it is one of a kind,” I state with truthfulness. “You breathed happiness into me, and you brought me back to life. You’ve taught me how to truly live.”
He clenches his jaw, only to release it seconds later. “Ava.”
“Most people think home is a place, but to me, home is a person.”
I nuzzle my head further into his. He peppers kisses over my cheek and the curve of my jaw. “The universe led me into your path,” I whisper. “And you never gave up, no matter how difficult I’ve been.”
Jaxon’s strong arms cage around me and tug me onto his lap. I wrap my hands around his neck and hold him close. “Because we are made for each other, Ava. I couldn’t give up on the best thing in my life. Not even when things got rough. We worked together; we grew together. You are not just my mate; you are the reason I exist. You brought me back to life, too. You make me want to get up and be a better person than I was the day before.”
I glance down at his lips and kiss him. I kiss him with all the passion, desire, and love I have in my body until we both lose our breath. His large hand cups the back of my head while my legs straddle his thighs.
The kiss is slow, perfect, and everything in between. He sensually devours my mouth as his tongue slips inside ever so carefully. I whimper.
I need you, I beg through the mindlink. I need you so badly.
There’s fire inside my heart. A deep desire for us to be as close as possible.
You’ve got me, baby. He nips my bottom lip, and I moan.
The centre of my core begins to burn, and I clench my thighs together. Jaxon fists my hair and inhales deeply. My arousal floods us both. My heat is blossoming, and I want him.
My hands slide into the back of his hair, and I angle his head to kiss him harder. His hands trail heat across my skin with a brush of his fingertips.
“I’m ready,” I whisper against his mouth.
Jaxon pants and looks up at me through dark eyes. “What?”
“I want you. I need you. I want to be close to you. I trust you with my life, Jax. Please. Please.”
He pauses for a moment and swipes his thumb across my bottom lip. “Tell me exactly what you’re saying, Ava.”
“I want to be with you. Intimately. I want to feel you inside me.”
Jaxon searches my expression carefully. “Are you sure about this?”
I nod. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life.”
“The first time I make love to you isn’t going to be out in the open,” he rasps against my lips. “It’s going to be in our bed, where I can worship you and we can take our time. I don’t want a single distraction because all my focus is going to be on you.”
My legs quiver beneath me and I nod, eager for it. “Please.”
Jaxon smiles before capturing my lips between his.