6. JAGGER
Chapter six
JAGGER
ONE MONTH LATER
I’m not sure if my agent thought he was doing me a favor by not mentioning that the arena Missoula’s minor league team usually plays in has unexpected structural damage and is out of commission for the current season. Instead of playing in Florida in a 19,000-seat complex or in front of a 5,000-seat minor league crowd, I’ll be skating around on the same rink as the county youth league, capacity 900.
That’s actually huge for a rec center. I grew up playing on a rink with no stands at all. We were lucky to even have equipment most times. Apparently, this center is used for lots of other things besides hockey. They have large concerts and fairs and that’s great, but I didn’t envision coming back to the feeling of youth six years into my pro career.
I'm guessing my agent either figured I wouldn't show up if I knew, or he just wasn’t paying attention. I’m his only client playing in the minor leagues. Minor league contracts are not where he makes his money, so his attention is with the NHL players. I get it.
But a heads up would’ve been nice, since I book a hotel room for two weeks, until finding an apartment was necessary. I’m still hopeful I’ll get called back to Miami during the season at some point. I’ve got fingers and toes crossed at all times.
I even went to a sports psychologist a few times before I left Miami to try to get my mind right to help expedite the process. I’m hoping it makes a difference. But the time I spent in Jamaica with Jess might end up being a distraction and trump the work I’ve put in.
After our talk about being friends, I did my best not to flirt. I was sort of successful. Ok, not really, but she didn’t seem to mind. Jess even started flirting back a little, not that she’d admit it.
But I know her moves, the flick of her hair at just the right time, accidental touches as we passed each other in the room, laughing a little harder than normal at my jokes. I even caught her staring one time at dinner.
Have I mentioned Daisy Piper now has her own playlist in my car? I have no shame. I vow to buy every album she ever puts out in the future, not that she really needs me as a fan. But I will always be loyal for her assistance in helping get forgiveness from Jess.
We didn’t hang out that much outside of the hotel room, just lunch here, dinner there. Jess said it was supposed to be a solo trip for her, so that’s how she wanted to keep it. I think she knew if we spent too much time together, she’d start falling for me again. At least I kept telling myself that, hoping it into existence. No confirmation of that so far.
I did everything I could to be a model roommate. It was hard, cleanliness with the crazy schedule I’m used to isn’t one of my strongest qualities. But after a few days, I realized I like a clean place, so I’m going to keep it up. Just another way being around Jess enhances my life.
I will say, the last night in Jamaica got tricky.
For such a nice resort, the pull-out couch was terrible. By the third night my back was killing me. Since our “friendship” was going well, I asked Jess if we could share the bed. That I’d be willing to put pillows down the middle if that’s what it took to sleep in comfort for one night.
She agreed without much of a fight and said the pillows weren’t necessary. Double win.
I knew I was going to be in for temptation overload with her lying next to me. But I was willing to endure it. I heard her roll over many, many times as we lay there in the dark. She may have been struggling, too. I’m not sure if I was more relieved or disappointed when Jess’s breathing finally slowed. Her gentle snore confirmed I kept my end of the friends’ deal, but I wanted so badly to hold her.
In the middle of the night, I got my wish. Jess reached across to my side of the bed and laid her head on my chest, wrapping her arm around my waist. I’m a very heavy sleeper so I didn’t notice she did it. But when I woke to go to the bathroom and saw her body so close to mine, I thought I must be dreaming.
Holding back from reaching to her was one thing, smelling her vanilla scented skin and feeling her long hair tickling my face needed next level restraint. I tried so hard to go back to sleep, but her breath on my chest and hand curled around my body made it impossible.
I’m not sure how long we stayed that way, but it felt like hours. I just know it was long enough for my bladder to scream at me for relief. Finally, the sun started streaming in from the sliding glass doors, waking her from her peaceful slumber.
She looked up at me in confusion, her sleepy eyes squinting at the bright light. “When did this happen?"
I smiled at her. “I’m not sure. I woke up to find you like this. I knew you wouldn’t be able to stay away. I should have constructed the pillow wall to maintain my personal space. You took complete advantage of the fact that I’m a heavy sleeper.”
Jess sat up and grabbed a pillow to smack me with. I wanted to have a pillow fight in the worst way possible. They always end up with a tangle of limbs and a kiss would be inevitable. But there was no chance I could move around with my bladder in its current condition. “Don’t move!” I told her as I raced to the bathroom.
My heart sank when I saw her making the bed as I returned. “No pillow fight?” I asked with what I’m sure sounded like whimpering.
“Nope. Sorry. I need to pack. My flight leaves at eleven a.m., and it’s a bit of a drive to the airport.”
“Of course. I wouldn’t want you to miss your flight,” I replied, silently dying inside at the thought of not seeing her tomorrow.
Thirty minutes later, Jess was all set to go. I definitely hid her purse while she was getting ready. “Jagger, have you seen my purse?” she asked. “I swear it was by my nightstand earlier.”
I shoved the last half of the muffin I was eating in my mouth. "Haffn't sheen it," I garbled with an innocent smile.
“Well, it couldn’t have gone too far, right? It’s just that I need to leave soon so I don’t miss the shuttle.”
I swallowed my food. “I’ll help you look.” Not really, I’d be happy to pay for her to stay an extra night. Cover the flight change fee. Anything I needed to do because I wasn't ready to be separated from Jess, especially when my next destination was a place where I knew no one.
For the next few minutes, I wandered aimlessly around the suite. But when Jess started getting upset that she was going to miss her flight and didn’t bite at my offer to cover another night, I caved.
Jess went to the bathroom to search for the fifth time, so I carried my slumpy-shouldered self to the hotel safe and put in the code I programmed the day I got here.
“Jagger!” she cried when she returned and saw me holding it. “Thank you!” She ran into my arms and squeezed me tightly. She’s so, so welcome. “Where did you find it?”
“Um, around.”
“Around? We’ve scoured this place over and over. Where was it, really?”
I felt like I just got caught cheating on a test by a teacher. “Um, the safe, I think.”
“You think?” Jess pulled back from her embrace and propped her hands on her hips.
I gave her my best pouty lip. “Well, I know… because I put it there. I don’t want you to go.”
Her face softened as she tilted her head. “Aw, come on.” She grabbed my hand and led me to the couch. Then sat down and patted her lap. Head massage. It isn’t a goodbye kiss, but I’ll take it.
“I only have a few minutes, then I need to go,” she told me as her nails started working their magic on my scalp. She should really charge for these, they’re that good.
Her fingers weaved through my hair, and I involuntarily moaned with every slow, deliberate movement. “So amazing,” I murmured. All tension melted away with each pass over my scalp. But I knew it was all coming back as soon as she was done.
And just like that, it was over. Jess looked down at me as she took her hands out of my hair. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m glad we got double booked." She was thoughtful for a moment, then continued, hesitant at first, but then finding her words.
"I- I'm in Jamaica alone because I left my fiancée Tobey at the altar."
"Wha—" I started to speak, but her finger to my lips stopped me.
"Let me just get this out, please." I nodded, but inside everything screamed against my silent promise. I had so many questions.
"Tobey didn’t deserve what I did to him in Chicago, just like I didn’t deserve what you did to me in Miami. But being here with you, seeing how sorry you are and how you’d do anything to make it right—even the little things—you gave me closet space, hung up your wet towels, and kept your flip-flops by the door... I understand now—because that’s what I’d do for him if I could."
She noticed my effort. I can't hold back a grin.
"I get that we all make big mistakes—huge ones, even—that we want to take back so badly but can't. All we can do is apologize. And you have, many times. But what's different after spending this time together is I can honestly say I forgive you."
The back of her fingers trailed gently down my cheek. She had no idea what that did to my entire body. I started to speak again, but that made her fingers stop, and I wished I’d stayed silent. I wanted to know everything, but she wasn’t giving up any more details right now, and I knew it wasn't my place to push.
“That doesn’t mean we’re getting back together. It means there’s closure. You don’t have to try making it up to me anymore. And I don’t have to hate you.”
I instantly sat up. “You hated me?” I’ve never heard her use that word… ever.
“Well, no. I hated what you did to me. But like I said, I've done things I hate, too.”
Jess looked deeply at me, the empathy in her eyes made me want to hold her even more, even though I knew I couldn't.
“So, let’s leave this place knowing there’s no hard feelings and move on with our lives, ok?” She extended a hand for another one of her “friends” handshakes. I didn’t know if she was trying to convince me or herself as she nibbled on her bottom lip.
I paused. I couldn’t make any type of agreement about feelings. Mine only intensified being with Jess again. I get I should be thankful for her forgiveness, that she opened up to me. Asking for anything more than that after four days was out of the question.
But I needed to do something. That couldn’t be it. So, I went for it. “Can I get your number to keep in touch?”
I saw her mind spinning. She bit her bottom lip some more, then twisted both lips to one side, lost in thought. My gaze was drawn to them. They looked lonely. Ok, I made that up, her lips didn’t look lonely. That’s not a thing. But my lips felt lonely. And the only thing that could make that better was a reunion with hers.
Yea. Sort of like a high school reunion but with the electricity of skin-on-skin contact.
“Jagger?”
“Yes?”
“Do I have something on my face?”
“No, why?”
She didn’t say anything else, just lifted my chin, not in a “we’re about to kiss” moment, but more like a “quit gawking” moment. Which I definitely was, trying to figure out how to invite her to my lip reunion. I’ve done it the entire trip; I can’t help it.
My intensity on her mouth was a poor choice because I think it influenced her answer. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. We don’t need the temptation of falling back to the way we were.”
I fake scoffed. “Temptation? Speak for yourself. Just because you don’t have enough willpower to keep your hands off me in the middle of the night doesn’t mean I have the same issue.”
Every part of my body screamed in protest at the words I just delivered.
Jess shook her head. “You can never be serious, can you? I think that will always be part of the issue. We just aren’t a good fit, Jagger.”
Oh man. Why did I have to joke at that moment? I wanted to take it back. Where was Daisy Piper when I needed her? This is why I don’t write my own apologies. My choice of words stunk.
Before I got a chance to Google “Daisy Piper lyrics when you say something stupid and want to take it back,” Jess stood and grabbed her bags.
“Let me walk you to the front?” I managed to ask.
She looked at me, her lips pressed together again, like maybe this was hard for her too. I couldn’t tell. Yes, she forgave me, but she’s so guarded now, not the carefree girl I remembered. And that’s my fault.
Maybe I had no right to ask to stay in touch. As much as I’d like to believe I’d do things differently if I had another chance, I couldn't risk hurting her again. It's possible I’ll never be husband material.
Before she answered, I walked over to her, my steps were steady, but my heart raced. I knew what I needed to do. “Never mind. We’ll just say goodbye here.” Gently, I took her hands in mine and pressed a soft kiss to her fingers. As I pulled away, I watched her closely. Her eyes fluttered slightly, and a soft blush crept across her cheeks.
That’s not helping me do this. But you know what they say… I’m still not ready for the ‘L’ word, but I do care enough to let her go.
“You’ll always be the one that got away,” I professed and let her hands drop out of mine. I turned to leave out the back door because I couldn’t bear to look in her eyes.
That was a month ago yesterday, and that whole “time heals all wounds” thing hasn’t kicked in yet. But I am thankful for the time we had, and for finally being able to apologize in person.
Now I’ve gotta move on. There’s no other choice. I have to refocus.
I’m in town a week early to relax, and when I come to check out the arena, I see a sign that says, “All Missoula Hawks hockey games will be played at the Echo Ridge Recreation Center this season.”
Echo Ridge? Where in the world is that?
I’ve never been to Montana before. The mountains are a panoramic view of rugged beauty. Their peaks rise sharply against the sky, craggy ridges and summits piercing through the clouds. The stunning mix of vibrant greens and subtle golds from early-turning Aspen trees are a brilliant contrast to the peaks, some of which still have snow. Someone at the airport said they have one summit close to 13,000 feet. I can’t even imagine. Guess I’m going to need to take up hiking.
No, I don’t plan on staying here. This is just a stopover, then it’s back to year-round sunshine and the sound of ocean waves crashing against the shore. For now, though, it’s time to find Echo Ridge.
Google directs me on a beautiful drive about a hundred miles away to a charming resort town whose sign declares, “Echo Ridge: Where Adventure Begins.” That’s pretty spot on for my life right now. Who knew six months ago I’d be playing on a minor league team less than an hour from the Canadian border?
The streets are filled with tourists checking out the local shopping scene as I roll through downtown. I like the vibe here as I watch the people. It’s totally different from Miami, no one seems like they are in a hurry.
On the outskirts of Echo Ridge, which doesn’t take long to get to, the recreation center comes into view. I’m impressed. It’s a substantial building with a metal roof. The design has the perfect blend of modern and rustic elements.
There are large windows that maximize natural light and provide views to the surrounding beauty, along with a covered entrance and picture-perfect landscaping. How in the world is this place in a town so small? Maybe it’s the revenue from these tourists, which there seems to be an abundance of. I can’t even imagine what it’s like here in the winter with the ski resorts they have.
Whatever it is, I’m grateful it’s nice since I’ll be spending so much time here. Here’s to the next chapter of my life, whatever small-town Montana has in store for me.