7. JESS
Chapter seven
JESS
Thankfully, my landlord let me extend my lease a few weeks. It took a little longer to find a job than I thought it would. But now I’m cruising to my new destination, ten hours to go. It’s exciting, a fresh start.
Tobey finally answered my texts, and we had dinner before I left Chicago. My sister told me our photographer was the first to rush to Tobey when I bailed, even before friends and family. And she didn’t leave his side for the next hour as people milled around, wondering if I’d return.
I always felt like she was flirty during our pre-wedding meetings, but I ignored it. He’s a professional hockey player, people are always trying to get his attention. I checked her social media and saw a few pictures of them together. If she’s what made him decide to meet me, then I’m grateful. All I want is for him to be happy.
I now know how Jagger felt, finally having the opportunity to apologize face to face. Although my words felt pretty blasé compared to the country lyrics I got from Jagger, at least Tobey knows how sorry I am. Now I feel like I can turn the page.
So, Big Sky Country, here I come.
Montana wasn’t at the top of my list for locations. I’m kind of over the cold from living in Chicago. I was hoping for something down South or maybe in California, but I decided to go where life takes me. Apparently, that’s Echo Ridge, Montana. I don’t know much about the town, except it’s a stark contrast to life among skyscrapers.
My new position isn’t as a reporter, either. I’m the new Media Relations Manager for the Missoula Hawks. I wasn’t looking to work with a minor league hockey team, but when I saw the job post, I was intrigued. Why not change career paths as well as locations? I flew out to Missoula last week and signed the contract. Once I saw the area, I was hooked.
The old Manager decided to retire when he found out the games were going to be moved from Missoula because of the arena issues. He didn’t want to commute almost two hours to a small town. All I’ve ever known is the city, so I welcome the change. I’m all about change right now. My trip was so quick I didn’t get to see Echo Ridge in person, but I found a great apartment online and shipped my things, so they’ll arrive when I do.
Ten more hours to not think about my time in Jamaica because I definitely haven’t been doing that the last few days of endless driving. Not at all.
Ok, maybe just a little.
I might have a touch of regret that I didn’t give Jagger my phone number so we could keep in touch. I know it’s for the best but watching him walk out the back door on my last day on the island was tough.
I forced myself to get rid of the notifications from Miami, so I don’t even know where he’s at. I’ve never followed the minor league teams before. But I guess I’ll start soon.
There’s a chance I’ll see him at some point this year, depending on the Hawk’s schedule. That will be quite a surprise for him. But we should be able to handle a few minutes together to say hello.
My family thinks I’m a little crazy, moving out into what they call the “middle of nowhere.”
I understand, we’re from Pittsburgh. No one has ever been farther west than Chicago.
But I want to see new things, live in new places. My mom will be blown away when she sees the Rocky Mountains for the first time. It’s breathtaking.
My phone ringing through the speakers breaks the monotony of the drive. I see my sister’s name on the display. She’s been checking up on me weekly, but I haven’t told her anything about rooming with Jagger on vacation.
“Hey, Nat!”
“Hey. Where are you?” she asks.
“North Dakota. Getting close. My reception may get a little spotty.”
I hear her sigh. “I still can’t believe you’re moving so far away, just when you were kind of close for a change. Mom’s been a mess.”
“It’s not like she could come over for Sunday dinner in Chicago. You’re eight-hours from there.”
“I know. But you’re the only one to ever leave Pennsylvania, so it was knowing she could still get to you in a day that made it ok. That distance she could drive, even though she hasn’t so far. Ain’t no driving to Montana!” She giggles.
“Well, then you all need to get your butts on a plane!”
“True,” she concedes. “And I will. I’ve always wanted to try snowboarding. We could learn together.”
I nod, even though she can’t see me. “It’s a plan.”
“You never told me about Jamaica. How was your trip? I still can’t believe my sister is a runaway bride. Crazy.”
“Hey. Be nice.”
“You know those two kids that got stuck in your dress need counseling, right? I’m still friends with Tobey’s Aunt Renee on Facebook. She posted that they are super traumatized; thought they were going to suffocate in there.”
“What?” I screech. That’s insane. Just when I think I can finally leave that day behind me.
“I know. It’s sad. I think she said they are going to some counselor that deals specifically with wedding trauma.”
“Wedding trauma? Is that a thing?”
Nat bursts out laughing. “No, it’s not a thing! You’re so gullible!”
I love my sister, but her sense of humor is a little much sometimes. “You’re the worst sister on the planet. You know that, right?”
“Aw. You love me.”
“Only because it’s required. You’re family.”
Nat counters. “Not true. Not everyone loves their family.”
She’s right. I concede. “Ok, I love you because you’re you. Although your comedic timing leaves a little to be desired. How can you joke about my wedding already? It hasn’t even been two months.”
“They say laughter is the best medicine for what ails you. You know, now that I think about it, you have sounded a little lighter these last few weeks. Maybe that’s because I’m so funny. My comedy is having a healing effect on you. Or did some hot Caribbean guy make you forget all your troubles on the island?”
It’s good Nat can’t see her comment makes me gulp like I swallowed my gum. “Heh, heh. Very funny,” I respond when I regain function in my throat.
“Very funny or very true?” she continues to prod.
There’s a very telling pause that I know she’s not going to let me get away with. But I don’t want to lie. I mean, Jagger’s not Caribbean, and he certainly didn’t make me forget all my troubles. But it was cathartic having him there. Probably saved me from some therapy down the line from holding onto the past.
“Sissy?”
“Oh my gosh. Please don’t call me that. I despise that nickname. It makes me sound like a grandma.”
“Well then Granny, out with it or it’s Sissy for a whole year,” she threatens.
“You know you’re the older sister, right? You’re supposed to be more mature. And yet—”
Nat cuts me off. “I know. I go against the grain. Came out of the womb that way, what can I say? Quit stalling, Sissy.”
“Fine. But that’s the last time or I’m going to give you a nickname you won’t enjoy. Don’t make me coin a phrase from the sleepover you had for your thirteenth birthday when—"
“You wouldn’t! You swore never to speak of that night again.”
I did, but let’s revisit 2007. Nat invited her very best friends over to celebrate becoming a teenager. They talked about boys all night. She had a crush on an eighth grader named Shane. I got tired of listening to the girls go on and on about their secret crushes. I was only eight, boys were icky to me. So, I went upstairs to bed. But I remembered I left my favorite stuff animal down there and crept back to the basement.
All the lights were off except one lamp that Nat was sitting next to. The rest of the girls were sleeping, but Nat was looking at a picture. I crawled on the floor to get closer without her seeing me, which wasn’t hard because she was completely enamored with what was in her hand. I learned later it was Shane.
She was just staring at his image, then she started to whisper. “Why yes, Shane. I’d love to French kiss.” I had no idea what she was talking about, but the next thing I knew she was licking the picture. It was disgusting in my eight-year-old brain. I jumped up and screamed, “Eww, why are you licking that?” Then I ran up the stairs as I watched her friends’ heads pop up from their sleeping bags.
The next morning, she made me promise never to tell anyone about it. It was hard to say no with her sitting on top of me. She was tall for her age and breathing seemed pretty essential at that point. Apparently, she convinced her friends I was just weird and had a habit of saying random things. I didn’t learn until years later what French kissing really was. But after I found out, I held my little secret over Nat’s head all through high school. I didn’t know it would still work as an adult.
“All right, then no nicknames at all. Agreed?”
“Agreed.” I rarely win battles with her. I’d like to bask in this moment, but I might as well tell Nat about Jagger and see what she says.
My family wasn’t thrilled about the two of us being together. They are huge Pittsburgh Bears fans and keep up with all news related to professional hockey, even entertainment news. They’ve seen reports on talk shows from years past about how “popular” Jagger is with the ladies.
But Nat was a big time Jagger supporter. It all started when she came to visit in our first few months of dating, and Jagger went on and on about how a bunch of the guys on the team thought she was beautiful.
I’m sure they did. She’s got an athletic build, with long muscular legs and toned arms, crystal blue eyes and naturally wavy blonde hair. Oh, and she’s hysterical. Nat really has it all. But she’s just never been able to find “the one.” I think it’s because guys are intimidated.
It had been over a year since she had a boyfriend, so hearing from Jagger that some professional hockey players noticed her put him on her good side. But she’s also very honest, and she had no problem letting me know she kicked Jagger off her hypothetical good guy team after what happened.
“So, there was a guy in Jamaica…”
“I knew it! I mean, I really did think there was a chance I was just that funny, but men are more powerful than any force, even my wittiness.”
I laugh. “Don’t break your arm patting yourself on the back.”
“Ooh. Look at you. That was pretty good. Not quite at my level, but not bad. Continue.”
“It’s not what you think. It wasn’t someone from the island. It was Jagger.”
I jump at the way my car speakers sound like a gunshot, making me swerve as if I’m being attacked. Serpentine, serpentine, my brain screams, as I struggle to regain control of the wheel and my racing heart.
“Sorry about that,” Nat apologizes. “I dropped my phone.”
“That’s ok. I almost ran off the road, but I’m fine now.”
“What?”
“Never mind, just a little jumpy, I guess. Anyway, it’s a long story, but I’ll give you the cliff notes.”
“I don’t want the cliff notes, I want every juicy detail, little sis,” she demands.
With nine hours and thirty minutes left in my trip, I guess I have plenty of time. I relay the entire montage of Jagger memories over the next twenty minutes, from the initial offer to pee on me, to the morning I left for the airport.
I do my best to answer every question or comment Nat has, and there are lots. “What was his inflection like when he asked that? Tell me more about his body language. On a scale of one to ten, how sorry do you think he was? And how did you feel about it? Where were you when he said that?”
She’s thorough, I’ll give her that.
Nat lets out a huge breath, again amplified by the car’s sound system. “I can’t believe it. Of all the people in the world to get double booked with, you end up with the guy that dumped you on live tv. Whew.”
“Hey, I don’t need a reminder, I was there,” I chuckle. There’s really nothing to do but laugh about it anymore, I’ve done enough crying.
“Sorry. Just recapping out loud.”
“Well, keep your recaps in your head,” I joke.
“I’ll try, but I make no promises. There’s a lot happening up there.”
Nat. She keeps my life so interesting. I wouldn’t trade her for the world. Most of my friends from childhood with sisters say they fought all the time. But not the two of us. There was a lot of teasing and banter, but we never crossed a line that hurt the other’s feelings. From what I’ve been told, it’s a unique relationship.
It’s all I know, and I’m grateful for her. I wish she would move with me someday. There’s nothing holding her back in Pennsylvania.
“Hey, I just had a thought. Why don’t you come to Montana with me? It would be great. We could snowboard, hike, mountain bike…”
“Whoa. I am a city girl, Jess. Snowboarding on vacation is one thing, but moving to the wide open and becoming one with nature is another. I like my Starbucks on the corner and my hotdogs from the street vendor down the block from my office.”
“Really? You’d stay in Pittsburgh because of hotdogs instead of considering moving with your sister to one of the most beautiful states in the country?”
“It’s the bun, really, the perfect amount of warmth with just a touch of toastiness. Hmm.”
“Now bread means more to you than family. You’re ridiculous, you know that?”
“Yep, now back to Jagger. He really hid your purse so you couldn’t leave. That’s very romantic. I think I may have to put him back on my good guy list. Everyone deserves a second chance. I mean, you stood up Tobey, and you’re a good person.”
“Nat,” I growl.
“Sorry. So, did you give him your phone number? Have you two been talking again? Do I have to break it to mom that he’s back in the picture?”
Her questions stir up more emotions, more confusion. It’s not as easy as saying I forgive you Jagger, and let’s be a couple again. He didn’t even bring that up, which I appreciated. It’s impossible to get over years of feelings in a matter of four days. It’s not that simple.
What was simple was realizing I’m still attracted to him, though. I did my best to hide it, but the flutters, the shivers, the goosebumps were instant in our close proximity. So, I did my best not to get too close, too often.
Except for the night we slept in the same bed, when clearly my body had a mind of its own. Waking up in his arms felt natural, and it took me a moment to remember it wasn’t real.
But as I packed, I knew the time on the island was all fantasy, life would get real as soon as I got on a plane. There was no reason to keep in touch because there was no place for Jagger in my life moving forward. Our lives just weren’t going to intertwine.
“Nope,” I tell Nat. “I decided we shouldn’t keep in touch.”
“Ok. But he could find you on social media, it’s not hard nowadays.”
“I still don’t have any. I got rid of all of it years ago.”
“Jess. People don’t get second chances at love. I can’t believe you’re not even considering it. You never looked at Tobey the way you did at Jagger.”
I can’t wrap my head around the fact she's just telling me this now. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“How could I? I wasn’t going to endorse the guy who broke your heart. Tobey was still good for you, just not next-level chemistry like you had with Jagger.”
Next-level chemistry. She’s right, there’s no denying the sparks that fly when we’re together. Ugh.
“So, what happens now?” Nat asks.
“Nothing. I’m moving to Montana for a fresh start. Jagger is going to the minors somewhere. We’re on different paths. Plus, I don’t know if I want another chance with him despite our chemistry. Just because he was sorry doesn’t mean he wouldn’t do it again. He’s still a professional hockey player, their lives aren’t like the rest of us. There’s temptation everywhere. What if he has another moment of weakness? Or a reporter in his new city is beautiful? There’s too much unknown. I’m swearing off athletes, give me a local bookstore owner or an accountant. Safe. I want safe.”
Nat scoffs. “You do not. You’ll be bored in a second. Plus, you skipped over some important information there. Why is Miami’s best player going to the minors?”
“The owner said he got into one too many fights. He needs to work on controlling his emotions.”
“Hmm, sounds like a man willing to make some changes,” she points out.
“He’s being forced to make changes, that’s different.” Nat’s made it clear she’s all for a Jagger reboot, but I’m not so sure. Plus, I want to go into this new job with a clear head, not thinking about what could have been with him.
“You’ve made your feelings known. I’ll think about it.” I’m lying for my own good because I’m trying to get Jagger out of my head, not into it. “I’ll think about giving Jagger a second chance if you consider making your relationship with your sister more important than a cup of coffee and mystery meat. Deal?”
“Deal.”