22. JAGGER
Chapter twenty-two
JAGGER
“No. No. No,” I repeat as Coach explains why I’m back on the team.
I’m sitting in his office just after lunch. Apparently, he called me early this morning. It’s lucky I saw the message when I got up to get a drink. I planned on sleeping the day away.
The turn of events over the last twenty-four hours has been mind-boggling. I went from the best few minutes I’ve had in the last four years—a very memorable kissing session with Jess by the lake—to being kicked off the team the next day.
I knew sneaking around with Jess was a risk, and being in that compromising position during the team-building competition was an even bigger danger.
But there’s no denying the pull she has over me. We haven’t spoken since Coach delivered the news yesterday. I called her at least five times, but she never picked up. She finally texted that she’d see me today.
Now it's clear why she was avoiding me.
Coach Bradley just filled me in on her quitting, so I’d get my place back on the team.
I instantly slump in my chair, shoulders sagging and body collapsing. I feel like a sandcastle washed away by the tide, crumbling into nothing as the strength seeps out of me.
“You don’t want to be back on the team?” he asks, a puzzled expression on his face.
“I want Jess,” I answer before I think about my words.
Coach Bradley rounds his desk, and I feel a hand on my shoulder. “This is definitely a unique situation, never seen anything quite like it in all my years of coaching. But Jagger, you’ve been given a second chance, a third chance, really. I’ve seen guys kicked out of the league entirely for less fighting than you’ve done over the last few years. You’re lucky to be here.”
I force my head to raise and look up at him out of respect and nod.
“Miami did you a favor sending you to Montana, giving you another opportunity to get your career back on track. And now Jess has done the same thing. Take it. Get back to hockey, the game you love.”
I love Jess. I want to say that out loud too, but I think better of it before it slips out.
“Jess will be fine. I have connections to help her find another job in Pennsylvania.”
I shoot to my feet. “What? She’s going to Pennsylvania?”
Regret flashes across his face. “I’m so sorry, Jagger. You didn’t know she was leaving? She texted me this morning to thank me for the time with the team and said she was heading to the airport.”
I sprint out the door without another word and head straight to the locker room where guys are milling around before practice. I see Dax with his eyes closed, singing loudly.
I shake his shoulders and yank his earbuds out. “Have you seen Jess?”
“Hey, man! Those are expensive.”
“Jess!” I huff. "Have you talked to her? Did you see her at the apartments this morning at all?”
Dax forgets about his ear buds when he sees how frantic I am. “No, buddy. Sorry. What’s going on?”
“She’s gone!” I yell. “It’s all my fault.”
I don’t wait for him to say anything else; I dart back out the door, straight into Troy. “Whoa there. Everything all right, Jagger?” he asks when I bounce off his chest. He’s like a brick wall.
“No! Nothing is ok. I gotta go.”
“But we have practice,” he calls out as I start running toward the exit.
I don’t care about practice. Maybe I can catch Jess before she leaves. I hop in my car and start dialing her number. Voice mail. I try again, over and over until I get to Mountain View Villas.
Nothing.
I don’t wait for the elevator—I burst through the stairwell door, needing the exertion of four flights of stairs to match my racing heart.
When I reach our floor, I sprint to apartment 448. I bang and bang and bang.
She’s gotta be here. The sound of my fists against the metal frame echoes in the hallway.
Finally, a door opens, but it’s not Jess’s. Gus pokes his head out. “Whatcha doing, son?”
“Looking for Jess,” I tell him, my breath raspy.
Gus steps warily in the hallway, he’s still in his robe, must be his day off. “She’s gone.”
I knew in my heart she wasn’t here, but hearing him say it out loud crushes any hope I was still holding on to. “When?”
“Early this morning. I hated to see her go. Such a sweet girl. Gave me a hug and was on her way.”
“Did she say anything else? Besides goodbye? What time was her flight?”
Gus pulls his lips in and tsks. “Hmm. No, nothing about her flight, but it was well over six hours ago. She said something about how it didn’t work out here. Never seen her look so sad. She’s such a happy girl.”
My head hangs low, the weight of his words really sinking in.
“Oh,” he adds as my eyes snap back to attention. “There was one other thing.” His face lights up. Maybe there is still hope. “She said I was a great neighbor!” He smiles brightly, like that should make me feel better.
I pat him on the back. “Thanks, Gus. She’s right. You are a great neighbor.”
I drag my body toward my apartment with heavy footsteps. I know I have practice in ten minutes, but I need a little time to digest this, figure out what to do now.
There’s an envelope taped to my door. How did I not see this when I left this morning? My name is scrawled in Jess’s handwriting. I can’t believe she “Dear Johned” me.
I take it inside. My fingers hesitate to break the seal, knowing reading her words makes it real. But I need to hear her voice, even if it’s only written on paper.
Jagger,
I never imagined I’d be writing you a letter like this, but I need to say what’s in my heart, even if it hurts both of us.
Being with you again felt like finding something precious that I thought I’d lost forever. I’ll never forget the way it felt to laugh with you, to feel your lips on mine, to steal those little moments in our own secret world.
Every memory we made, every second we stole back, was like a gift I didn’t think I’d get to have again, and I cherished them all.
But that’s what they were: stolen moments.
Ones that weren’t meant to last with the situation we’re in. And maybe it’s better this happens now instead of the middle of the season when you need to focus most.
I know what this team means to you, what hockey means to you. I see how you’ve fought to get where you are, how much you’ve changed. And I can’t be the reason you lose any of that. You deserve to continue chasing your dreams.
So, I’m leaving Echo Ridge, even though it’s tearing me apart. It’s not because I want to—it’s because I have to. I wish things could be different. I wish loving you could be simple and enough, but right now, it’s not. You’ve got something incredible ahead of you, and I can’t let you miss out on that because of me.
I’ll never forget this time we had. You’ll always have a piece of my heart, even if I can’t be there to hold yours.
Take care of yourself, Jagger. Be the man I know you can be. I’ll always be rooting for you—no matter where I am.
With all my love, Jess
I don’t think I’ve cried since I broke my arm in second grade, but tears flood my cheeks involuntarily. Not again. I can’t get over her again. I never actually got over her the first time.
But getting sent to the minors was the luckiest break I could’ve asked for.
Her letter is right, I do care about hockey and this team. But she’s also so wrong. Jess isn’t the reason I’d be missing out on my career. I made a choice when I kissed her on that bank. I chose her. I knew we might get caught, but I didn’t care.
I think deep inside I thought I’d be able to talk my way out of it if our relationship got exposed. That’s what I’ve always been able to do. I’m Jagger West, an NHL all-star. This team needs me. I never thought Coach Bradley would actually kick me off the Hawks. You can’t have Lightning without Thunder.
I call Jess’s phone over and over. It’s the definition of insanity because I’ve been here before. She’s not going to answer, just like she didn’t the last time we broke up.
My phone dings. It’s Coach. I have five minutes to get to practice.
My second chances are up. I can’t lose Jess and hockey all on the same day. I wipe my tears and put the letter on the table. I’ll be back at the center in time for practice, geared up and ready, but Tina needs to be on standby. Because I’m not sure my teammates are prepared for the intensity I’m bringing with me.