Chapter 41
FORTY-ONE
‘I’m not going to spend the next two years studying in America.’ Harriet says it matter-of-factly when I walk in the door. ‘I’m staying here to finish my degree as planned.’
I park myself on the edge of the sofa.
‘What happened?’
I knew she and Aiden had FaceTimed this morning, but they FaceTime every morning. I’m thinking she’s about to tell me it’s over, and I suddenly feel so horrible. All that disapproval, all that determination to split them up… Is it the only thing I’ve succeeded in, out of all this? I projected my fears onto two kids who shouldn’t have had me trying to tell them that their feelings weren’t true.
She beams. ‘We’re going to do the long-distance thing, Mum! We think it’s incredibly romantic!’
She is watching my face, but she really isn’t seeing me. She’s seeing the path of her life meandering exactly the way she wants it to. ‘We’ll commute between terms. Maybe Christmas he’ll come here, maybe next year I’ll go there… We’re going to do something really fun next summer, like, a proper trip somewhere! Maybe Australia and New Zealand.’ Her excitement is palpable. ‘He’s going to come here this summer, Mum. While I do my placement at Heatherwick. We even thought that we might rent a place for a few weeks in central London. If we can find somewhere we can afford.’ She puts it out there carefully but unequivocally. ‘I’ll be closer to work. And he gets to hang out and maybe do some research for a film idea he has.’ She beams again, some tears filling her eyes. ‘We’re going to make it work, Mum! He said the very thing you once said. That if we’re meant to be together then we will survive being apart for two years. And he thinks we will. He thinks we are.’ And then she adds, ‘And it goes without saying that I do, too.’
‘So you’ve fully forgiven him, then?’ I tease. ‘You don’t worry that he might meet someone else? That you might, too? Two years is a long time.’
She coughs, reminding me that she’s still fragile. ‘Mum, I’m not threatened by other girls. And as far as him having to worry about me, well, yes, I wanted to kill him not so long ago, but I’ve never met a guy I’ve felt this way about before, so there’s absolutely no reason for him to think he’s got competition lurking around the corner.’
She sounds so beautifully practical and like a modern fairy-tale princess, all at the same time.
‘Well, that’s wonderful, then,’ I say.
Later in the evening, while Rupert is in the toilet with the newspaper, I type a text to Frank.
I miss our conversations.
I wait two minutes. Two hours. Two crushing days.
No reply.