Chapter Eighteen Rage #2
I know I have no reason to be upset and to act like a dick to my father, but it’s like looking in a fucking mirror and I hate it.
I hate that I am in this mess, I am angry with myself.
I am angry with Rose, I am angry with fucking Scarlett, I am angry at the fucking world we are apart of for making women think it is okay to keep their kids away from their fathers.
Why is that even something that is being made okay.
I mean for all the issues I have with Liz, at least she fucking told dad when she was pregnant.
Same for Rose. They have shown to be different from the other bitches around this family.
“Okay, this is not going to happen. You are not going to act like this Caleb. If you are going to act like this you can leave. I need to talk to your brothers and sisters. If you don’t want to be a part of that conversation then fucking go. If you think you have all the answers, head on out.”
I glare at my dad and clench my fists. Fuck that. I will be here for my siblings even if everything is fucked up. They need their big brother. So I am going to keep my fucking mouth shut.
“Alright, so the reason we are here and why we were the immediate family of Cooper is because this morning we found out that he is my son. His mother was a club girl over twenty-nine years ago and disappeared, apparently pregnant with Cooper.
Cooper was lied to about who his father was and obviously his mother never told me about him. So I want you guys to know that Cooper is your big brother. I hope that you will ALL welcome him to our family. No matter what, we are family.
I want to get to know Cooper as my son and I am sure he wants to get to know me as his father and all of you as his brothers and sisters.”
The more dad talks the angerier I get. I just have been seeing red for days.
Honestly, I’m fucking stressed. It’s not even just rage anymore, it's fear.
It’s all these things running around in my head and the secrets I am keeping to try and not being able to solve the problems myself.
Before I can control myself, I let my frustration and bitterness come out.
“So are there going to be any other siblings popping out of the woodwork here?” I snark at my dad.
Within seconds he is looking at Liz, “Take the kids out of here, please.”
Liz gathers the kids up and heads out of the room so fast, I’m sure she knows that my dad is about to lose his shit and she doesn’t want the little ones within range. The second they are out the door my dad is spinning on me.
“What in the hell is your problem? If anyone should be understanding about years without an actual father it should be you! You also know all the shit Cooper has been through!”
I stand up on my chair and put my hands on the table in front of me.
Everything is boiling over. Every single fucking thing.
Every secret, every word that Rose has thrown at me since that night at the clubhouse.
Well deserved I know, but I just can’t fucking seem to care if I deserve it.
I’m angry at the life I had to live as a child because my mother hid me from this man in front of me, I’m angry at the stupid bitch that kept Cooper away and all the fucked up shit that family did to him.
I’m pissed at Trevor’s mother for walking away because she found out she wasn’t going to get my dad’s patch so she didn’t want the responsibility and the kid that came with it.
“It has nothing to do with Cooper and everything to do with you! Do you know what a fucking condom is? You just had to keep fucking women bare or something? Knocking up bitches left and right not giving a shit if you got them pregnant or not. Leaving all these kids without their father!
Do you even care or think about what you are doing?”
My dad looks at me like he is seeing someone he doesn’t know. Like the man in front of him is someone that he has never seen before. Which may be true. I have never been like this with my dad. Everything has started to pile up in ways I can’t even explain to him.
“Let me be real clear, I never went without a condom until Liz.
In case you didn’t know, I’ll give you some fucking sex education because your fucking ass is twenty-seven years old and should fucking know that condoms are not 100%.
Now, I didn’t ask for all this to happen to me.
I didn’t ask for Whip’s fucking mom to keep him from me for twenty-nine fucking years.
I didn’t know that my own fucking kid was in the club.
That he was right in front of my fucking face for years!
He slams his hand down hard on the table.
My breathing is growing rapid and it is taking everything in me to not storm out of this fucking room.
I do not want to have it out with my dad.
“Your mom didn’t fucking tell me she was pregant with you and I didn’t know you existed until she died. You think that is fair to me? You think I woke up one day and said I’m going to fukcing knock up every bitch I come across and see what one sticks? I was young! I did a lot of shit,
kind of like what your fucking ass is doing right now!”
He has no idea how that statement lands because I see the irony in why I am angry with him.
I see that we both have made the same mistakes and I’m currently reliving history with my son.
“You think no one sees the fucking shit you pull. I’ve been at those parties, boy. I know what the fuck you do! I also know about the games you are fucking playing with that sweet girl that Peyton and Parker are friends with. You want to fuck around, you go ahead and fucking do it.
I can’t sit here and tell you not to because my ass stuck my dick in a bunch of bitches before I met Liz. I tried to find a woman to be like a mother to you after yours passed. I tried to settle down and I’m sorry Trevor’s mom wasn’t the one that was going to be there for either of you.”
I know he had always hoped that that bitch would come back.
I mean it was two sides of a double edge sword.
He wanted Trevor to have his mother and maybe I could find one in her too, but he also knew she wouldn’t be good for either of us.
“I can’t regret the shit I did when I was younger because it gave me you and your brothers. Do I wish some things could have been different? Hell yeah I do! So you either get your shit together and stop blaming me for shit I cannot control or you don’t. I don’t give a fuck right now.
I will love you no matter what you do or what you say because I am your dad. I just don’t understand where this anger and frustration is coming from. You won’t fucking talk to me! You’ve never fucking talked to me!”
I look away at my dad and try to calm down before looking back at him.
“I got that girl Rose pregnant. The sweet one that is friends with Peyton and Parker. I fucked up really bad. I said some shit I didn’t mean, I did some shit I didn’t intend to do when I was drunk. I think I love her. I think I have always loved her. She won’t talk to me.
She found out I was not exclusive with her while we were sleeping together even though I made no commitments. Well at least that is what I made her believe. Truthfully I am too afraid of whatever that means. Too afraid of the things she was making me feel.
The safety she was providing me made me want to run. Turns out the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree because another bitch I fucked years ago, back in high school had my kid. She died and I got a call from her family. They came looking for me because they wanted fucking money for my kid. So yeah,
apparently my ass is just like my old man. Now my kid has come into this world the same way I did. Losing one parent, that hid you from your father. Then being thrown into a life you're not familiar with.”
I get up and storm out of the room before any one can reply. I need to get away from here.