Chapter Twenty Rage
Months Later
Today we are all at the courthouse for the adoption of Walker and Waylon.
Everything got put together fast because the boys did not have a father to remove rights from and the situation of how they were conceived was something that was shared with the courts.
So the progress moved forward. Everyone is excited and I can’t keep my eyes off the woman who is currently pregnant with my baby.
She’s standing up by Parker and Peyton in the front.
She looks beautiful. She is probably the most beautiful pregnant woman I have ever seen in my life and I can’t say that I am biased because it is my baby she is pregnant with.
“You’ve got to stop staring at her, son.” My dad whispers in my ear. “Why don’t you try to talk to her again after everything is done?”
I sigh and look at dad, “I’ve tried so many times, dad. She wants nothing to do with me. I don’t know how we are supposed to coparent and be a part of each other's lives for the rest of our lives if she won’t talk to me.”
“Well talk to her and find out. You can’t give up, that is my grandbaby she is pregnant with. Do you even know what she is having? Plus Caleb, I know that look in your eye you love her. Why are you so afraid to love her?”
I shake my head, “It doesn’t matter dad. It’s not going to happen. She has made it clear that she doesn’t want that part of our relationship. She also hasn’t told me what she is having and since I was not allowed at her baby shower, I still don’t know.”
Dad and I talked shortly after that conversation I had with Sophie and we still have shit to work out and there is still a lot about my years before I met him that I have not told him.
I think I am really too ashamed to tell him and I really don’t want anyone to know the extent of everything that happened while I was in my mother’s care.
But right now we are good. He tries to offer advice about everything that has happened and I try to follow it to be better, but I’m not always great on the follow through.
I wish I could be like Dragon and tell Rose this is how it is going to be, but she is not letting that happen.
I hate that we still haven’t had a conversation and that I am still in the dark on everything.
Her lawyer has sent custody papers that I have refused to sign because I am holding out hope I can get Rose to talk to me before the baby is born.
“Where is Mason at?” I ask dad without taking my eyes on the beautiful woman standing up by Liza.
“He’s with the McGraws. Have I told you how upset I am that you introduced him to that family before me? I mean that’s my first grandchild and he’s so fucking attached to Lash.”
“Yeah well, I don’t know what to tell you old man. I was angry with you and myself. I took most of it out on you, but I wanted Mason to have some friends and guess what, Declan is the same age as him. So naturally we got them together.”
“Yeah, if those two are anything like you and Lash together, you are all in trouble. I mean at least we never had to worry about Lash chasing around a bunch of girls. He always had his eyes set on Sophie from the moment their mama’s laid them down in a crib together.”
We both stop talking as the judge goes over why we are here and then signs off on the adoption.
We all stand around while pictures are taken of the new family and it makes me smile how the boys look so happy and Dragon has never looked happier now that he has his woman and boys.
I think the only thing that could make him happier is if she agrees to marry him before their next baby is born.
“Alright, party at the clubhouse?” Dragon asks as he walks towards us with Waylon and Walker.
“Is Terror still at the hospital with Ruby?” Hurricane asks as he comes up next to us.
“Yeah, she is still unconscious unfortunately. The doctors say that there is no reason for her to still be under, so we are hoping that she will wake up soon.” Liza says next to Dragon as she holds Jaxon.
“We have cake and a bunch of food at the clubhouse for—-”
Before Dragon can finish the sentence I hear Parker, “Rose, are you okay?”
I snap my head to Rose and she is holding her stomach and her face is scrunched up in pain. I start to walk towards her, but Peyton cuts me off.
“No.”
“Are you fucking kidding me, Peyton? She’s in pain and she’s pregnant with my baby. Move out of the way.”
Whip and Fang come up next to her and look at me.
“Watch how you talk to our ol’ lady.” Fang says.
“Fuck! Her water broke!” Parker yells.
“Alright everybody move it, we need to get her to the hospital.” Sophie says as she pushes her way to Rose.
Liza hands Jaxon over to my dad and runs towards Rose. I try to move again and am still surrounded by the fucking wall.
A half an hour later I am sitting in the waiting room with a big chunk of Devil’s Chaos, my head in my hand.
Rose wouldn’t allow me in the room with her and now I know exactly how Dragon felt when he couldn’t go into Liza’s delivery for Jaxon.
I hate every second of this. Dragon didn’t even sleep with anyone else while Liza and them were hooking up.
I mean, yes, I never told Rose we were exclusive, but I knew she was special.
I fought it and hooked up with other girls trying to make the feelings I was having go away.
Yes, I was drunk, but the trying to fight what I was feeling led me to the excessive drinking and getting naked with a bunch of stupid bitches.
I know no one understands why I have been like this and done these things and now sitting here outside of the waiting room I regret that I didn’t go about things the way I should have.
I really should have been honest and maybe I don’t know, maybe not fucked Rose without protection instead of just taking chances with her.
She has Liza, Peyton and Parker in there and I don’t even know enough to ask her if she needs me to call any family.
I don’t even know if she has any family.
That’s how little I listened to her because I was fighting everything that was about us.
So I used her and I know that she had feelings for me before she overheard what she did and then on top of that saw what she saw.
I know that she didn’t see me fucking someone else, but she saw that bitch all over me and I did nothing to stop it.
I wasn’t sure she saw all of that until the other day when Abby laid into me about it.
I would never want to see her with anyone else.
I would never want to hear her say anything negative about me, I mean I wouldn’t have before, now that is really all I hear when I actually hear her talk about me.
I would never want to see her with another man’s hands on her.
It would tear me up inside and that is with me fighting my feelings.
I’m a possessive asshole and I would have gone fucking nuts.
“It’s gonna be okay, son.”
“Well, this will now be the second kid that I missed out on the births for. So I’m sorry you have ever felt this way.”
“Yeah, it’s not the greatest feeling in the world, but Caleb it’s going to be okay. I know you and I know that you are going to make this right. I know that your childhood wasn’t great before you came to me, but you need to get over your feelings of commitment.
These feelings you have about how every woman just wants something from you. Some women just want to love you, son. Just because I was screwed over and had women before Liz that hid kids and it was hard does not mean that every woman you come across is going to do that to you.
I never wanted the shit I had to deal with to rub off and ruin things for you. I mean look at this situation, sure you are not in there while she is giving birth, but you at least know that you are having a baby. She is not someone who is going to fuck you over because she is selfish.
From what I have seen of her and what you’ve told me, she is pretty selfless. You knew she was pregnant even though you fucked her over, that says a lot about her. She could’ve been vindictive, but she wasn’t. Stop thinking that all women are the same.
You have such a good relationship with all the ol’ ladies, I don’t understand why you continue to be so closed off when it comes to opening up your heart to someone.”
“There is a lot you don’t know about dad. Shit I never told you, hell shit I never even told the caseworker so she wouldn’t have known. But I’m trying to let go of that shit and work through it to be a better version of myself. But that shit left scars.”
“I know it did, but we have to figure out a way to move forward or you are going to be miserable for the rest of your life. Miserable and angry. Your road name might be Rage, but that does not mean that is how you have to live your life. I don’t want you to always be full of anger and rage.
You need a safe space, whether that feels right to you or not.”
I nod my head and get quiet. I feel like I pray for the first time in my life ever that everything is going to be okay and workout.
That Rose is going to be okay, that our baby is going to be okay and that everything with Mason is going to workout.
I just need to figure out a way to make everything better.
For what feels like the entire day we sit in this waiting room and everyone comes and goes depending on if they had to get home to their families.
Liza comes out and goes up to Dragon first and gives him a kiss.
The man is so fucking whipped over her that he has the dorkest smile on his face when she pulls away.
She sits on his lap and then turns to me.
“Parker and Peyton will be coming out. Um, from what Rose said you can go back when they come out, but a nurse will bring you to another room. Where you can meet the baby and have some time. For the first little bit her friend Abby will be in there,
I think the other girls are in another waiting room and her family has been called. But that’s what’s happening right now.”
I stand up and now I’m fucking pissed, “What do you mean that I have to go to another room? Is she okay? Do I at least get to know that? Do I get to know that she is safe and everything went okay or do I have to sit and wonder if the mother of my fucking child is okay?”
“Rage, buddy, I’m gonna need you to calm down and not talk to my woman that way. It is Rose’s choice. Don’t sit here and yell at my woman for it.” Dragon says and glares at me.
I feel a hand on my shoulder and then turn and see my father. He is looking at me and shakes his head before we hear footsteps walking towards us and I see Peyton and Parker followed by a nurse.
“Go meet your baby.” my dad says.
So I try to calm down and follow the nurse to the room where I meet the newest member of my family and feel like a failure that I can’t seem to get my shit together.