Chapter Nineteen Rage #2
I took off and I don’t know how I ended up at Rose’s.
That night something shifted with us. I felt it, I know she did too.
When I was lying there after she fell asleep I realized that for the first time I felt safe with a woman.
So safe that I could be vulnerable and let my guard down. It freaked me the fuck out.”
I look up at all of them and Sophie is looking at me with I don’t know, understanding on her face and she moves over to sit next to me. She puts her hand on my arm.
“What happened after, Caleb?”
“I left that night before she woke up. I took some time and put space between us. I pulled away. Any time we were together again after that I made sure to lock my feelings down. I made sure that she couldn’t see how much she was affecting me.
Then on some of the nights I refused to go over there I got so fucking drunk. There were a couple of times that I got so drunk that I woke up with no memory of the night before and some of the club bitches in my bed. Condom wrappers thrown around the room. I, fuck,
I feel like a complete and total bastard. I was sleeping with Rose without protection and then I, shit.”
I rub my hand down my face again and take a deep breath.
“I fucked those bitches and yes I did obviously wear protection there was proof of that, but I never told Rose that I was fucking other women.
She thought that since I was fucking her bare and had been with her for so long that she was the only one I was with.
Her and her friend overheard me say some fucked up shit about her to Cane, making it seem like she was nothing more than an easy lay.
She bolted and ran back to Texas. Her friend read me the riot act and it turns out she is pregnant.
I mean damn, look at me, I’m another Devil.
She went dark. I have really only spoken to her once or twice, I don’t even fucking know.
She told me she’s due in April and that basically all communication has to go through her fucking lawyer.
I found out about Mason around the same time.
Everything has been a real fucking whirlwind.”
“Wow. When you guys fuck up, you really fuck up don’t you?”
Sophie says as she stands up and walks over grabbing Leon from the floor mat.
“I’m going to make sure you and your brothers know that you don’t treat women like these idiots do. You’re going to be smarter than them. All of my boys are. We won’t have another generation of brothers that mess up like this.”
She then kisses him on the cheek and hands him over to Lash.
She doesn’t say any more as she grabs Lucas and gives him to Lash as well.
“Can you put the boys down? I would help you, but I obviously have to give these men some hard truths.”
“Sure, but can we not put all of us in this category of MC brother fuck ups. I don’t think I apply here.”
“Sure, baby. You are not like that. You have been nothing, but good to me especially when I was at my craziest. I love you.”
“Can you please stop with the mushy shit? We are all falling apart here while you guys practically eye fuck each other and I am currently unable to eye fuck the woman I want.” Dragon says from the chair he is sitting on.
“Um, excuse me brother, but not all of us are falling apart. I have not fucked up with my man or my woman. So thank you very much. I told you that your plan was stupid and you shouldn’t do it, but you don’t listen to me. You always had to think you knew better.” Twister says.
“Why are you even here? Just to make us all feel worse?” Dragon throws back at Twister.
“Can you two please stop arguing in my home? Twister is here to give you emotional support, dipshit. You know since he is like your better half. He is usually the only one that can get through your thick fucking skull and my amazingly smart wife thought it would be nice for you to have him here
while she tells you how stupid you are.”
Lash says before he leans down and kisses Sophie before taking the twins down the hall to their room.
“Okay, so now boys we are going to talk.
I really want you to hear me. I love you both very much and Caleb, you are like a brother to me.
Always have been. So you know I’m not going to bullshit either of you and make what you both did, okay.
So Cane, you need to get off your ass and go over there and talk to Liza.
If she is just some other bitch you’ve fucked around with then great, but she’s still the mother of your child and you need to take responsibility for that.
So instead of whining about not knowing what to do, go over there and talk to her.
If you want to have her as more than your baby mama, you still need to go over there and talk to her, but you fight.
You fight for her. You show her that you fucked up and you know you fucked up.
You explain everything to her, you tell her where your head was at.
You need to let her know you were scared.
You need to be fucking vulnerable. There is no more of this hiding bullshit.
Take responsibility for your actions and if you ever do anything like this again I will kick your ass.
Brother or not. You don’t need to be stupid.
I get apparently it is in the mind of bikers to fucking mess up with their women.
Well, except for my man. He’s perfect and honestly, we both mutually mess up.
Anyway, if Toby pulled half this shit you did, he wouldn’t have a wife and kids. So figure out what it is you want.
From what I’ve heard about her, she’s not like the other women you’ve been with. She has two kids and you were with her for a long fucking time. She let you into those boys’ lives and that is not something a mama takes lightly. You fucked up, you fucked up big. Handle your fucking shit.”
Sophie sighs and takes a deep breath before she turns and looks at me. I don’t know what passes over her face before she starts talking to me.
“I’m going to be real brutal and real honest with you, Caleb.
You fucked up and you fucked up so bad. Cane here, he fucked up, but he never went there with someone else and I would place money on the fact that Liza knows that.
She probably has issues with a lot of what he said and what he was doing.
You say you actually went there and hid the fact that you were actually going there with other women while you were not using protection with another woman.
That’s messed up. She should’ve known. I mean you haven’t even really said if you’ve been cleared of any diseases.
I mean you’re telling me you were so fucking drunk you don’t remember anything and you were in bed with the club bitches.
The club bitches you guys have these days, the new ones are horrible.
I mean look at what happened to me when one of them thought she had dibs on my husband because she thought her daddy was supposed to inherit the club.
These bitches will do some fucked up shit to get themselves the brother they want.
From what I have heard, that woman you were seeing has gotten a lot of shit from some of those girls the entire time you guys were sleeping together.
So it is safe to say it hurts worse knowing that even though those bitches treated her like that, you still went there when she thought there was something more to what you were doing.
I mean granted you two should’ve had that talk a long time ago, but you didn’t so here we are.
I’m going to say something to you and I don’t want you to hate me for it, but your past, the things that happened to you and the way you grew up doesn’t give you a free pass to treat women the way you have.
I’m angry for her. You are a twenty seven year old man, it is time to work through your shit.
I know it was horrible, I am not downplaying what you went through before you came here and then what you saw where you were made to think it was okay to treat women like they are disposable.
But it is time for you to seek some fucking help, Caleb.
You have a ten year old son who needs you to be the best you can be.
Not someone who is going to fucking disappear when shit gets hard or when you feel like shit is going ot end up hurting you if you don’t fucking push it away.
You also now have another baby on the way, with a woman who, I don’t know if you can win back.
I hope you can because you deserve to have a woman who makes you feel safe and loved.
You have never had that and I hate that for you.
My relationship with you and the relationship you have with the other ol’ ladies is not the same as actually having someone you know is going to love you despite all the horrible shit you do.
Someone who is going to be waiting for you when you come home.
Like I said to Cane, you need to figure out what you want.
You need to get your shit together and talk to her.
You need to make her hear you and you need to open up to her.
You’re going to have to be vulnerable and let her see parts of you that you haven’t let anyone else see.
I know that you don’t like sharing your past, but she might be the woman that helps put you back together.
She is not going to judge you for things that happened when you couldn’t control them.
NO one is. I am always here for you, Toby is always here for you.
You need to stop carrying everything on your shoulders by yourself.
Clearly, that doesn’t work for you because you take your rage out on the people who love you the most. Also talk to your dad.”
“I hear what you are saying and you know what you said a lot of fucking truths that I needed to hear. But please don’t tell me to let go of my rage about everything with my dad and talk to him when you won’t even talk to yours. I love you, Sophie. But what happened was not Bulldog’s fault.”
She looks at me and gives me a sad smile.
“That might be true, but what happened to you was not your dad’s fault either. The way you think about women and not trusting ones that get close to brothers is not your dad’s fault. Even though he was a bit of a whore when we were younger.”
The conversation turns less serious after that and all eventually leave and head our separate ways, but the conversation with Sophie still rings in my mind the rest of the night. It is definitely time for me to work through my shit.