Chapter 3
I’m supposed to try according to the doc, so when Hendrick invited me to dinner at one of the resort’s restaurants, I accepted.
I wasn’t dressed on time, typical for me, so he went ahead to get our table while I put the finishing touches on my makeup.
I don’t do too much—a little powder foundation, a dusting of blush on the cheeks, and my favorite red lipstick – yeah, that’s enough. I’m not going full diva for him.
I put on a black lace dress – one of the ones that gives the illusion of being see-through, though my goodies are safely tucked away.
And after sliding into black sandals, I ride the elevator to the ground floor and take my sweet lil’ time walking to the restaurant, because I don’t want to go – I really don’t – but I’m trying.
“You look beautiful.”
“Oh. You thought this was for you?” I ask as I sit down, thinking about how good he looks.
He’s wearing black too, like we planned this.
That fitted button-down almost shows his pecs, and I already know it’s hiding abs of steel.
The sleeves are rolled to his forearms, exposing tattoos that remind me he still got a lil’ rah rah in him though he rolls with the higher-ups in corporate.
I remember those muscular arms being around me when we laid on the sofa watching movies together.
Movie-watching usually turned into love-making sessions because it was one of the rare occasions when he wasn’t focused on his phone or work.
His hands were free to roam my body, and so were his eyes.
Don’t know why we fooled ourselves into thinking we were actually going to watch something.
I blink out of my thoughts and look at him again, trying not to let the sight of his handsome face deter me from the reality of us.
We’re broken.
But tonight, we’re having dinner at this swanky restaurant at our boujee hotel in paradise.
I pick up the drink menu because I imagine that’s the only way I’ll get through this dinner without snarky remarks and a headache. As I hold the laminated cardboard in front of my face, I hear Dr. Makalua say, “You won’t be needing this,” as she takes the menu from my hand.
“Dr. Makalua—what are you doing here?”
“I thought it may be beneficial if we had a joint session today. What better time during dinner?”
“Why wasn’t I notified about this?”
Hendrick says, “If it makes you feel any better, I wasn’t notified either.”
“No, that doesn’t make me feel better.”
“It’s all a part of the program,” Dr. Makalua says. “Let’s just try to have a good dinner and a good session. Yes?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Hendrick answers eagerly.
“Fine,” I say, rolling my eyes, but the doc fenna have me looking at her sideways, popping up for dinner like this.
I pick up the food menu and look at the available entrees.
When the waitress comes back, I order the grilled fish with lime rice.
Hendrick gets a steak and lobster dinner.
The doc chooses sea bass with coconut rice and spinach.
“So,” she says as soon as the waitress walks away. “I want you both to act natural. Talk to each other. As a matter of fact, pretend I’m not here for a moment and carry on with what would be a normal discussion.”
“But you’re sitting right there,” I say.
“I know, but just give it a shot.”
You can’t be for real…
“I’ll go first,” Hendrick says. I guess he’s a team player today, trying to impress the doctor. “How was your day today? You didn’t come back to the room after your therapy session this morning.”
I glance across the table, thinking how lucky I should feel that I have a man like him. He’s handsome, smart, and charming. Why can’t that be enough?
Instead of responding with bitterness and sarcasm – the trademarks of how I talk to him as of late – I decide to fall into my feelings for once and say, “I didn’t come back right away because I needed some time to myself to think. I took a walk on the beach. It wasn’t an easy day for me. It was…”
I drift off, thinking about our marriage and how happy we used to be. I’m saddened by our current state. That’s the truth.
“It was what?” Hendrick asks, his dark eyes beaming attentively across the table.
“It was…painful.”
He grimaces, takes a sip of water, never taking his eyes off me. I don’t take mine off him either.
“What made it painful?”
I folded my arms. “Do you really care to know?”
“Yes, that’s why I’m asking you, Nai.”
I blow a long, even breath and pick up my glass. I want to talk to him, but I don’t want to be vulnerable. Been there, done that.
I glance over at Dr. Makalua. I know I’m supposed to be pretending she’s not here, but I need some kind of moral support – or at least a nudge to actually talk to him. I get that when she offers me a single nod and a slight smile.
I clear my throat and focus my attention on Hendrick when I say, “I hate this for us. I didn’t want to come here, Henny, but I did, and talking to Dr. Makalua this morning made me realize once again that I still love you.
That I don’t want this separation or divorce, but what am I supposed to do when I’m backed into a corner? When I feel like—”
The waiter comes over and unknowingly interrupts my confession by bringing our food.
Bad timing.
I get up and walk to the bathroom, and once I’m in the safety of the women’s restroom, I breathe deeply, pacing the floor, fighting back tears and willing myself not to become the emotional wreck that I am behind all of this outward display of strength.
Bent over at the sink, I hear the door open.
I don’t pay it any attention, thinking it’s just someone coming in to use the restroom, but something in my body, in my psyche, tells me it’s someone else.
It’s him.
It’s the man I have soul ties with. The only man I’ve ever loved.
“Lanai?”
“Hendrick, what are you doing? You can’t be in here.”
“I locked the door.”
There are three stalls in here, and he’s talking about he locked the door. We’re going to get banned from this restaurant and possibly the entire resort.
He walks up to me, puts his hands on my face to move my head up toward him. He says, “Why can’t we do this without the therapists, the doctors, this retreat? Why can’t we just fix this?”
“We’ve tried, Henny.”
“Then we keep trying until we get it right. I’m not perfect, Nai, but I love you. You do know that, don’t you?”
A tear falls from my eye because I know that’s true. There’s no doubt in my mind concerning his love for me. I love him, too. It’s just the other things I don’t like, and maybe they shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Am I messing this marriage up with unrealistic expectations?
Hendrick wipes the wetness from my face and pulls me closer to him – to his lips – and kisses me for the first time in months.
I almost forgot how good he was at it – at emptying my mind of all worries with that hot tongue of his.
My thoughts fail me when he’s exploring my mouth, and for this short, blissful time, I forget that we’re at odds and remember all the times when we were good.
When everything between us made sense. His arms around me, his thick tongue filling my mouth, the moans emitting from my throat, the throbbing between my legs – it all makes sense, but only with him.
My husband.
How is it that we can be this way – in a state of distress – yet still yearn for each other the way we do? It baffles me because as easily as we can be this, we can drift right back to the opposite end of the spectrum and be people who can’t take the same first-class flight to Hawaii.
At the moment, I feel like my body has taken flight because Hendrick lifts me from the floor and places me on the counter where he stands between my legs and dives deep into my mouth again.
His tongue searches every crevice, every tastebud.
He rolls his tongue, pulls back, licks my lips, and kisses me again with deep strokes. Then he tatters kisses down my neck.
A knock at the door nearly paralyzes me.
“Henny,” I say desperately. “We gotta get out of here.”
“I don’t want to,” he utters against my lips, looking like he’s drunk in love.
“We don’t have a choice. We’re holding up the whole restroom, and somebody’s at the door,” I say desperately while he continuously feasts on my neck. “Henny—”
“Stop interrupting me.”
I laugh a little and say, “Hendrick Vaillant—if you don’t get your mouth off my neck.”
“This my neck,” he says and drags his tongue down to my collarbone, causing my body to jerk. I’m trying to keep moans at bay while at the same time fighting to succumb to his seduction.
“Dr. Makalua is probably wondering…wondering where…where we are,” I tell him.
“I don’t care. Dr. Akuna Matata can wait.”
I laugh at his new name for our doctor. I’m so tickled, tears come to my eyes. He stops kissing me and just looks at me instead.
“What?” I ask, still smiling and wiping my eyes.
“I haven’t seen that in a long time. Your smile. The way you laugh until you cry. I miss it.”
I slide off the counter, smooth out my dress, and peer into the mirror to fix my hair and make sure my smudge-proof lipstick held up to its name. It did. I take Hendrick’s hand and say, “Come on. We gotta go.”
Luckily, whoever was at the door has since left, so there’s no one here to witness us exiting together.
I say, “We’ll walk back to the table together, but we still need to go through this process. Nothing changes.”
“Meaning what, exactly?”
“Meaning that whatever happens here between us won’t change anything when we’re back home.”
“Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Put rules on things. Why can’t we just be?”
“Because this is an illusion, Hendrick. We’re in paradise. It’s all a setup by Dr. Hubert. Of course we were bound to have fun sooner or later, so I’m telling you now—we can have our fun, but places like this are not a good indicator of how life will be back in the real world.”
He frowns. I’m not sure if he’s not understanding what I’m saying or if he just doesn’t like it. At any rate, I clear my throat and say, “Alright. Let’s go.”