Chapter 3 #2
When we return to the table with Dr. Akuna Matata, she says, “Oh, there you all are. I thought I’d have to come looking for y’all.”
“Oh, no,” I say, sitting. “I’m fine. I just got a little emotional there.”
“But everything is good now?”
“Yes,” Henny and I blurt out together as he takes his seat.
I look up at him, watching as he gets right back into his meal, cutting the steak.
The doctor goes quiet. I suppose she’s back to pretending she’s not here with us, so I look at Henny and ask, “When you’re at your meetings or out of town attending conferences, do you think about me, or is it all about work for you? ”
He lowers his fork and says, “Of course I think about you, Nai.”
“In what sense?”
“I don’t think I understand your question,” he says, securing the white cloth napkin to wipe the corners of his mouth.
“What I mean is, do you think of me in the sense that you know what you’re doing is for us, or do you think of me in the sense that you miss me and you can’t wait to get back home to me—well, when we lived together?”
He frowns briefly. “I think of you in the sense that I work extra hard so that all the times I can’t be present now, I can be one hundred percent available in the future.”
“But life is happening now, Henny.”
“I’m aware.”
“And I have a job, too, so it’s not like you have to work so hard to take care of us.”
“Your job is your job, and the money you make is your money. You’re my wife.
I said vows, which, to me, means that I take care of you.
One thing my father told me when I told him I was going to propose to you was—I’ll never forget it—he said, ‘son, if you’re going to marry that woman, then you need to be in a position to take care of her.
If you’re expecting her to give birth to your children, and raise them in love while she’s cooking for you, keeping your house clean, and carrying the emotional burdens of everyone in her household, then you better make sure you ain’t asking her to pay half of nothing.
She’s paid with her body. Her mind. Her soul.
’ So, that’s what I’m doing. I’m providing for us because that’s my job.
And, I do it willingly, but I can’t be in two places at one time, Nai. ”
“But you could dial it back a little.”
“I could.”
“Then why don’t you?”
“That will require me changing jobs, and I’ve been at this one for so long that I’ve worked my way up to management now. I’m making six figures. Starting over right now is not in my plans.”
“Let me ask you, Dr. Makalua,” I say. “What should a couple do when a job is taking too much time?”
“Simple. You fix the job, or you make time for each other in other ways.”
I resume eating my now cold fish and rice, and surprisingly, it’s still the bomb.
I glance up intermittently to find Hendrick’s eyes heavily focused on me.
On my mouth. On my thoughts. Heat travels through my limbs, remembering how he picked me up and placed me on the counter in the bathroom.
His desire for me runs deep still, but I can’t help shake the feeling that there’s someone else keeping him occupied.
My mama always said, if he ain’t getting it from you, you better believe he’s getting it from somebody else.
Men ain’t wired to control themselves like women are.
We’ve been separated for four months. I haven’t thought of being with anyone else, but by the way these women out here giving it out, I know he’s had plenty of offers.
I take a long sip of water like it’s going to give me the courage I need for this next question, and ask, “Was there anyone else?”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard my question, Henny.”
“Yeah, I did, but I won’t justify it with an answer.”
“Why not? If you have nothing to hide…”
He wipes his mouth, and just when I think he’s going to implode, he says, “There has never been anyone else. I break my back night and day making sure we have a comfortable life, and this is what you think of me?”
“You’re hardly around. What else am I supposed to think?”
I hold his angry gaze, but in his eyes I see pain. I think I may have actually hurt the man who hides his emotions behind expensive suits, banter, and board meetings.
His eyes fall to his plate. He looks defeated. He says, “I’ve never cheated on you, Nai. It never even crossed my mind. Is that why you were so quick to leave? You conjured up this story in your head, thinking I’m out here cheating on you.”
“All I know is, you weren’t giving it to me.”
He stands, drops his napkin on his plate of half-eaten food, and walks away from the table.
My breath hitches.
Dr. Makalua says, “You need to unpack that.”
“Doc, speak to me in real terms here. I’m already stressed.”
“It sounded to me like he was being truthful, and if that’s the case, you need to dig deep and figure out why you’re having these trust issues.”
She’s right. Gosh. I could see the hurt in his eyes.
She says, “Apologize and make it right. That’s what marriage is, really.
Fixing little issues as they come along.
When things go unresolved for so long, that’s when they compound and become bigger than what they should be.
I’m not asking you to sail off into the sunset—we are still working through your therapy here—but you can at least apologize for something you got wrong. ”
“You’re right, and I will. As a matter of fact,” I say, then wipe my mouth. “Let me go ahead and do that before it gets too late. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Have a good night, Lanai.”
“You as well.”
I walk to the elevators and take one up to the suite. I’m not sure what I’m going to walk in on, but I feel I owe it to him to apologize.
I use the resort’s app on my phone to unlock the door, and when I step inside, I see Hendrick standing outside on the balcony. His back is to me while he stares out into a darkened paradise.
I say, “Hendrick—”
He turns around. His unbuttoned shirt falls open, showing buttery brown abs that I can’t seem to tear my eyes away from, but I do. I look up at him, holding his vision while seeing the hurt in his eyes at the same time.
“So, all the while I’m out there working,” he says, “Trying my best to do what I need to do as a man for you, you’re thinking I’m stepping out on you? Is that what this separation is really all about?”
“No. It’s about all the things I said—”
“No. You think I’m cheating on you.”
I stand frozen in place because he’s right. That was a big part of my reason for wanting this separation. But should it have been?